Hello! I will tell my story briefly. After my divorce I met another man and we have been living together recently. I have three children, and he has two of our previous relationships. His children live with their mother and he sees them on weekends and holidays. He had mentioned while we were just going out that he would want a child from me, but now this idea has become a fix! He wanted us to have a twin to take care of together and not just be with us on the weekends. I am strongly against. I have a good job, a hobby that I love and that I want to turn into a job. My children are in a difficult age and I want to take full care of them, not to give myself over to a baby. He is adamant that this is his dream and wants to have what was desired and that "this issue is not subject to comment." This categoricalness in him offends me and means that he does not respect my opinion and desire. She also knows very well that I had a difficult marriage with a man who did not help me much with the children, but looked after himself more and now he does not care that a baby can destroy me mentally and physically. Please help. I don't know what to do. I don't want to again, but I sacrifice myself for the sake of another person ... but in fact I love him ... Faith
Answers 23
Look, any psychologist will tell you that one of the biggest traumas in a person's life is being an unwanted child. In short - no matter what the man next to you wants, you should not give birth to children you do not want. Once you think that such a child will ruin your life, don't just give birth to him. And yes, accept the consequences - it is possible for your husband to find another woman with whom he has the family he wants, but you should not give birth to a child you do not want. The price is too high - for you too, but mostly for the child, and there are other children and people around you involved. My opinion is that it does not in this case. I also support the man, because he is right to want a real family and a child to raise normally. You already have 3 children, he has only two and he wants another child, he wants a normal family. He is currently looking after the grown-up foreign children and they really don't have any.
Tell him you don't want a baby for now, and if he doesn't understand you and doesn't respect your opinion, you won't understand
You have a lot of children separately who want care, finances, etc. You have just recovered and as you say, you are fine. He is not childless, after all. Keep in mind that both of you are divorced, so here things may not work out and you will be left with 4 children. Births are only at your expense, so do not give up. His imperative tone does not portend a compliant person.
There is no way to help you. Obviously the question is: either together with a child or a separation, that's how he puts things. Even if I didn't have any children, under such a condition I would end the relationship immediately. And not because I will never ask, because I set it as a condition without respecting my opinion, body and the next 18 years of my life. I would not continue with such a man!
From the author: I am also annoyed by the condition and that he is obsessed with having a child. He tells me to give birth to him and not care that he would take care of him. I have no doubt in the ditch. He is super caring and for him children are everything, but still birth and care are the main job of the mother ...
From the author: To the first opinion: Actually, I got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage and they barely saved me. I had a massive hemorrhage and I was in the hospital for 3 days, and he was next to me and did not let go of my hand. If I'm pregnant, I'll want this child, but I don't want to go through all this, and I'm screwed. Doctors say it's just a bad chance and that we can try again in a few months. Then, as if he immersed himself in this idea with all his might, and I the other way around. It doesn't bother me, but it won't look after the child at all and one day I will be left alone with 4. I am worried about the risk for my physical and especially mental health. I want to take care of myself more than ever. To help my grown children, not to stay home with a roaring baby, fat and depressed, instead of watching my life, work, sports and enjoying love. This argument has been on the agenda for two months now since I swept ... He tells me that I don't love him if I don't make him happy and I give him a child from the woman he loves, and I blame him for not loving me and not wanting to take care of my health. Let's go on vacation, enjoy life and our relationship ... Everyone is right for themselves, but I'm not ready to compromise with myself again and to please a man ..
Yeah right. It's easy for him to say don't think. The main worries will fall on you. She thought about the future of her children. How will you watch them, with what money. I am a child of divorced parents and I suffer again, I imagine 4 2. And the question remains why he divorced. He may not have been the most caring husband. Manifest character.
from 1 to the Author, I'm sorry for what happened to you, but that doesn't change the fact that you DON'T WANT a child. You will not ask as it sounds and you do not need to justify yourself to the man, the people, yourself for that. However, you do not need to deceive that, for example, in the future you MAY want a child. You are aware of yourself and your desires and it is time for him to understand this and either to accept you as you are or to look for another. Yes, every decision has its consequences. You can lose it, but it will be much worse to have a child you don't want and be unhappy. And yet - it is not fair to the child such a thing A child should always be wanted. This is the most important! P.P. I do not agree with n. 7. If he wants a child, he has made his account, in addition, no one is obliged to look after children under 30 years of age, and after 18-19 years to recover, and the costs for young children are not so high. It depends. I don't think this will be your problem - it seems you are both educated and working people, and the other parents share the financial responsibility, so you are 4, not 2 for the current 5 children in total, and 1 more baby will not is who knows what a big financial difference. However, the problem is elsewhere and I do not believe that the Author will want children in the future. For her, the topic of "children" is over and she feels good now.
Finances are not a problem. We are both well paid. Only my children live with us, and his come on the weekends. We do not live non-stop with the 5 children, but of course he is good financially for them. That's not the point, I just explained to the questioners above. The point is that I love him and I fell in love with his love for children. He and his wife have separated on various family issues with parents involved. Even now, children want to live with their father, but are too young to take into account their opinion in court. Anyway. He's a great father and he deserves someone to give birth to his dream child. I even want to be me, if only it was 10 years earlier ...
I personally would not have more children if one day I hypothetically divorced and reunited with another man, if it were the Prince of Wales. I just wouldn't go through everything again with pregnancy, baby, insomnia, roaring, etc., so I completely understand you. the bad thing is that the man is also right for himself to want another child, you just have different views on this important issue and there are no culprits and innocents here. the only problem is that he is trying to force his opinion. the exits are either one to compromise (more likely I think it's you), or to split up. in any case, however, be honest with the person and understand clearly what you want G46
If you don't want a child, tell him emphatically. As a temporary solution, I can suggest that you go to a gynecologist and prescribe contraceptives, but this unfortunately does not solve the problem. I hope he gives up anyway.
If he really loves you, he will accept your wish and stay. If not - his way. Men - pain. Even being alone is not a tragedy. Three children huge angaminet of time, nerves, money. Yes, now you are fine with finances, and then - everything happens. At the moment, he cares more or less for five children. Or he thinks he cares. There is also an option with this character - an intolerant objection to leave you with the 4th child. And then? !! You are more valuable than any man. Two people are suitable if there is not only love but also understanding between them. Your case is far from that. That is, I also want a cheap jeep, for example, but I can't afford it - period.
Tell him you have gynecological problems and can't give birth. Or another health problem. Don't argue with him. If you don't want to, don't. Tomorrow he can grab his hat and leave, and you will have to raise him.
What is the guarantee that if you give birth to a child from him, everything will be great? !! What if you break up after you give birth? Will there be another relationship or will he want a child again? And so a father of many children who wants children and does not take care of them. If you were a serious and responsible father, he would not force you, but would enjoy what he has. Because some don't have that either, but they haven't started to complain. It is easy to make children, but in the end the mother robs the masrafa. If I were you, I wouldn't stand it. In words, everyone is strong, few do what they promised.
Notice: 1. You love him. 2. He wants a child. He told you he wanted a child, but you refused. 1. You have 3 children that you look after yourself. 2. He has 2 children with whom he can only see on the weekends. He wants to be a involved parent. Engaged with his children. Or at least with one child. He misses just that. While you do not miss it, because you have 3 children on your head that you take care of. He may just want to have a child by his side to watch, to live with and to pay full attention to. It is not known, if you give birth to a child, whether this desire will pass. He is a man, and if you leave him alone to take care of 100% or at least 60% and up, of the child, he may bend over and give up and dump you. You don't know him, you love him, but if he really loves you too, you would come to terms with the fact that you don't want a child. He just wants to start a family from the beginning. He wants to correct the mistake he made in his last marriage and, I don't know how he chose you, a wife of 3 children ... Better to find a woman without children, or to try to fix his relationship with his ex and return to his real (first) family. :) You better split up. Boy-25
You say I love him, but is that right? You lived very soon after the divorce, I don't know how long, but the love lasts not three months and more than three years. I mean, you get into movies yourself because it's not easy with three kids. Take care of them, they are children! There are two - what's the problem ?! You can check it - say you've had a checkup and you have a problem - and you can't have children anymore. From the reaction you will see if he really cares about you. Apparently this with his child is a fixed idea, and you or anyone else will be just a surrogate mother, so to speak. This is a complex man with a mania to leave his priceless genes everywhere. and are they like that ?!
Most of the "advice" so far is insane and relies on manipulation and lies. It depends on how strong his desire for a child is and whether it is stronger than his attachment to you. Do not lie, do not manipulate, do not dodge.
Up to 15. Insane comment. What does it mean to return to your real family? Didn't they get together because they love each other? At the moment, this is his family and no one has forced him into it. Think before you write. To the author: it's not a pain to die. What matters is what you want. It makes no sense to live for others all your life. It's time to live for yourself. After all, your life is yours.
There are many such selfish men who love no one but themselves :) Ergo love not women but a fertile belly, and then complain that they received nothing more and that their relationships fell apart. Normally, the most valuable relationships between people are created when a man chooses a woman over her child (step-by-step, future, etc.). The most complete and lasting relationships I have in my environment are of such couples. Examples: a woman with two older sons, a man with two daughters, and the woman is 11 years older than the man. They have no children in common, but they raised the man's children because they were younger than hers. They will soon celebrate 10 years of happy marriage. Case # 2: Divorced woman with 2 children, a boy and a girl, now she is 40, her second husband is 10 years younger. They had a very difficult relationship, they separated, they had other partners, but 6-7 years ago they found out, that this is their destiny. They got married in Spain, then returned and have been together ever since and are happy. They tried to have a baby, but she is not very healthy, she is very weak, she has spinal problems and she did not get up. They went through in vitro, which was unsuccessful. And yet they are together and love each other no less. But these are feelings that are not given to everyone. So my advice is: choose a partner, not children. Respect children and let them be the fruit of love, not selfishness.
Well, let's say you give in to racketeering and give birth. And if you set a condition for your children from the first marriage not to live with you? And so condition after condition ... This is anything but love. And I doubt you love him - you confuse passion and falling in love with true love.
Number 15, and what if you find a woman without children, does that automatically mean that she will (should) want children because she is childless? What are these impudent expectations that every woman of childbearing age, but without children, should / should want children? If I knew this man, I would advise him to find a way to attract / win the attention and love of his current children, to spend more time with them, no matter that they live with their mother. He will just have to show more mental effort and creativity ... but no, he wants to fill his emotional paternal need with a tiny child, because it is easier to attract the little ones' attention and win them over to you.
№ 19 ... Child, the fruit of selfishness? You're not serious! Author, in my opinion, he doesn't care about your three children and wants you to have your child together. And for the holidays, he can make them himself, and Filipinos can blow him with palm leaves. So, if you do not decide on a child, forget about the future with this man.
From the author: The advice to lie to him is absurd. We both broke up with our exes because of lies ... I love this man and I understand his desire .. The point is that I don't have time for babies again ... Each of us is selfish more or less, it depends on who and how the situation .. Bl