I am a victim of domestic abuse. I have been living with a man of 12 years, we have 2 children. My husband lives in my home, he does not contribute money to the family, he works, but he also takes threats from me, as well as from his mother. His salary is higher than mine. Every night he has a minimum of 4 brandies, he is 1, 90 and 110 kg tall. It doesn't affect me from now on, I also know his mistress, I hope to meet again and leave him alone so that I can see the light of day. But not. He lives comfortably on his back all these years. More than once I tried to drive him away, he was supposed to leave, but in the evening he was drunk here and you remember that he settled here again by force. My parents are elderly and they can't help me. It presents itself to people as moss on the spot. I want to know if I go with complaints to the police if they would really help to be safe, that the next day they won't give me on the news like the next one killed, which is almost certain to happen. I'm not deluding myself, I clearly realize that things won't work out, but I'm like a maze with no way out. I'm 35, if that matters. I don't think there is a worse case than mine. And a crisis center is not a solution. But still, if anyone can de advice I would be grateful.
Answers 5
It's hard I know ... the police, I don't know how much they can help you. People like him are very dangerous and require serious action against them. If you have a friend, an acquaintance, move in with him, together with the children! You must have the support of several people to help you during this period! You also change jobs, he doesn't have to know where you are and what you do! Children are already a problem in terms of the fact that if he knows where they study or work, he will not meet them and do something to them. You sit down and talk to someone very seriously and consider an action plan. Now, not tomorrow, not another day. You will not see daylight with this man. Separately, knowing the mistress, you can talk to her and ask her to help you (as ridiculous as it sounds). You have to get out.
There is a hotline for women victims of violence, call and ask what to do. I don't know why you think that there is no worse case than yours, there is - it's very scary, but there is always hope. It would be best to get a medical, if he allows himself to be attacked, then a restraining order. This is how things happen, to the perpetrators with categorical actions, otherwise they do not understand. I don't know where you are from, if you are around Stara Zagora looking for help in Samaritans, I guess there are similar associations in other settlements.
Are you married to this man? If you are not married it will be much easier. If you are married - you will have to organize your divorce, file an application immediately, with reasons - aggression, domestic violence and mistress. As far as I understand, you live with your parents, ie in your home and he settles down. In this case, you change all the locks and locks to cut off his access to the house. You collect his luggage and take it out in front of the house. It comes, it starts with the fairs, you immediately call the police. You buy a spray so that you are not completely defenseless. Then you file a complaint with the police against him and ask for a restraining order for you and the children. They will already have a registered case of aggression from him towards you (when he tried to settle down). You approach him firmly - in an attempt to beat you, spray, spray immediately to the police and tell him, that if he doesn't leave you alone and continues to harass you, you'll find a way to clean it up (it's a bluff, but they tie up, believe me, in the right tone you'll take away his fear). That's what I did and I managed to get rid of the freak. Just a ship, you are fighting for your life and that of your children! Keep repeating it to yourself and you will see how strong you are! If God forbid he manages to hit you - immediately medical and court!
Don't you have a few relatives / colleagues / friends to get together and step on this "man". Then you tell him - if you touch or harass me again, the same thing will happen to you. And you file for divorce, after you get divorced you throw him out of your apartment like a dirty dog, you stay with the children. And given his behavior, I hope the court orders you to pay alimony, but has a restraining order to see you and the children.
I don't usually write comments, but I can't help but share my personal experience in order to help you. My mother found herself in such a situation 15 years ago. The police failed to help her. I have personally called the police several times because things got out of hand. I was 13-14 years old. They came to us enough to tame him, and that was it. My mother failed to issue a restraining order then. She and I literally had to go outside to get rid of this man. We broke off contact with absolutely all common acquaintances and relatives so that he could not find us, but the inner fear of not finding us remained until his death. The whole horror started about 3 years before we moved out of their shared apartment. The man (I deliberately don't call him my father) was normal, ordinary and good-natured, but a combination of alcohol, gambling and penury turned him into a real beast, and now looking back I don't know how it all ended in someone's murder. I have personally pondered the question, and if the above had happened at an older age, I would hardly have hesitated to defend my mother and reach out to kill him. I hope your case is much easier and does not affect your children. What I can advise you is to seek help from where you can, but don't go with the flow anymore.