Hello, dear readers! This is not the first time I have shared a story here - you have helped me so far, I hope I will receive valuable advice and guidance now. I'm jealous of his ex. Probably a typical story, but no matter how much material I read on the subject, I can't beat this jealousy. I haven't even seen her, even though we lived in the same city. Their relationship was short but dynamic - the first serious one of my friend, probably her. She broke up with him. We have been together for almost two years now - we love each other, we value each other, we support each other, but ... his empty complexes. I doubt myself, not him. I don't feel good enough and that makes me sad, lost ... He told me about her - she was the "dream girl" - with exactly the hair she likes; the ideal weight according to his ideas; nice voice; they graduated from one school (in different years, they did not meet there); they even had common business dreams. I have nothing to do with this image - my hair is brittle to straight, and he likes curly hair; I'm below the norm and he constantly tells me that I have to upload (and out of stress I just download), I don't have good diction, I wasn't a math fakir at school (and they graduated from math high school), at least general business ideas direction) we have ...
I constantly compare myself with her. I check her social networks 3 times a day. I searched the internet for information about her. I even check driving schools to see if she took a driver's license ... because he and she taught her to drive ... I found pictures of them on his laptop and even kept a few to compare how non-photogenic I am and how much he is smiling in the photos ... I used to be jealous of my ex, but now ... completely killed ... a few of his harmless comments in which he shared how she was more than me ... and I was completely ruined. "She studied more.", "We discussed more topics with her because she discussed better.", She, she, she ... She did everything better. I don't even know why I'm comparing myself to something I obviously can't beat, no matter how hard I try. I already curl my hair ... I eat more ... I try to speak better ... I read techniques for a full dialogue ... and yet the shadow of the former kills all the light in me. I want this jealousy that eats away at me to disappear ... To drive away the painful envy ... and to defeat the complexes that are destroying me ... I really ask for help ... We discussed more topics with her because she discussed better. ", she, she, she ... She did everything better. I don't even know why I compare myself to something I obviously can't surpass, no matter how hard I try. I'm already curling my hair ...
I'm eating more. .. I try to speak better ... I read techniques for a full dialogue ... and yet the shadow of the former kills all the light in me I want this jealousy that eats away at me to disappear ... To drive away the painful envy .. and to defeat the complexes that are destroying me ... I really ask for help ... We discussed more topics with her because she discussed better. ", she, she, she ... She did everything better. I don't even know why I compare myself to something I obviously can't surpass, no matter how hard I try. I'm already curling my hair ... I'm eating more. .. I try to speak better ... I read techniques for a full dialogue ... and yet the shadow of the former kills all the light in me I want this jealousy that eats away at me to disappear ... To drive away the painful envy .. and to defeat the complexes that are destroying me ... I really ask for help ... I read techniques for a full dialogue ... and yet the shadow of the former kills every light in me. I want this jealousy that eats away at me to disappear ... To drive away the painful envy ... and to defeat the complexes that are destroying me ... I really ask for help ... I read techniques for a full dialogue ... and yet the shadow of the former kills every light in me. I want this jealousy that eats away at me to disappear ... To drive away the painful envy ... and to defeat the complexes that are destroying me ... I really ask for help ...
Answers 14
At the beginning of the topic I had an opinion about you, but at the end I was left with completely different impressions. Girl, how often does your friend compare you to his ex? Are you completely sure that the problem is rooted in your complexes and not in his behavior? It would be foolish to be jealous of an ex who is really a shadow, but it is perfectly understandable to be jealous when you are compared to her and as if the spotlight still shines on her. I want to tell you that my friend's exes have nothing to do with me, but they are similar to each other. All blond, with straight hair, light eyes and sports-related hobbies. Well, I'm a big fan of art, my hair is brown and broken, my eyes are dark. And I've never felt less wanted than his ex. I've never had a reason to feel this disgusting way. In a different world, if he talked about an ex and described her as an ideal, I would probably drop your topic. It is important to note that I have not bothered with things that are beyond my control for a long time, but any woman in love would feel bad if she was placed in the shadow of her ex. The longer you hide in its shadow, the more you will look like a shadow yourself. There is no way for a woman to feel insufficient and depressed and at the same time to shine. Have you ever thought that it is possible that the problem is not in you, but in the fact that he still has feelings for her and is trying to find her in your face? You will never be like her. You can dye your hair to its color, start curling, eating well, and training, even if you learn all the empty math ... but you won't be. And that's not a bad thing at all. Your charm is in something else and you should be appreciated for who you are. It is not at all advisable to put up with comparisons and be reproached for not looking like someone. You are not bad. You're not stupid. But you fell in love and I'm afraid you blinded your sanity.
I think the problem is not in you. Rather, he has apparently not yet forgotten her more or less and is looking for her in you, or trying to "turn" you into her. I think all men know how much they hate to compare women, especially with exes.
Nothing good will come out of your relationship, it is very harmful for you and always will be. This is certainly not your man. And no, you don't have to change for anyone, you don't have to compare yourself to anyone, because for the one who really loves you, you are the perfect woman! Your friend is either very stupid or a scoundrel and kills some of his own complexes! Please see and get rid of this poisonous connection. I was in such and I did almost everything to be perfect and late after years of harassment, I realized that for the right person I am perfect in all my imperfection!
Break up with this man. You depersonalize yourself in your quest to be what he wants. Come to think of it, you don't love him, for you this relationship has become a race. How many surface-pounds, hair, eyes ... business? !! Stupidity. It kills its complexes on you, it will ruin you mentally if you don't end it
God, girl, why are you hurting yourself like that? This is not even jealousy, these are just complexes, here jealousy is almost non-existent. He does a very good job constantly comparing you to her. No woman should be compared to another woman, you just don't deserve it, you, me and everyone else. He just hasn't forgotten her, all the more so because she's his first serious one, and she broke up with him. Be yourself, if you have to ok change something, it's not bad to change the things you don't like yourself, but to change for her sake, please .... Obviously you love him very much, we become very naive when we love someone, but love more yourself and in the end if he doesn't stop comparing you to her, just tell him you don't like it. It's like you're starting to compare him to other men for his looks, etc. I'm sorry to say, but in a relationship he controls this one, who loves less than the other. I don't know, this is my personal opinion, but I still tell you to love yourself more !!!
Are you crazy? Being so perfect, why is she his ex and not his wife. Curly hair is bad. Few men like it. And being weak is great, they struggle to starve, you complain that you are weak. Do you see one? That nowadays everyone in the videos is weak is a standard for sex appeal. How can you follow her ... This is psychopathic. And you really have complexes. If he finds out. He'll think you're crazy. Enough with the nonsense.
Go to a psychologist, not because of what you are doing now, but about how your misconceptions and behavior will have consequences for your children. You have a problem, it is not normal, even if there is something good in your relationship you kill it. To this "perfect" girl who has nothing to do with you, who is not looking for your boyfriend, and has no intentions and you are not interested and you are making a series of it. Your problem is much deeper.
I do not support the idea of sharing with a friend how much another woman surpasses her. Manifestation of super disrespect for your personality. Well, I'd tell him to go try it, and you'll find someone who appreciates you.
Do not compete on the field where you are not strong, assess your own strengths, sometimes even weakness can be an advantage. Turn defects into effects. Maybe its advantages tore it apart.
Leave it or stop because you will ruin yourself
And I've only heard about the former, things that Stephen King or someone else in the horror genre would write. But praises are not preferable either. Horror! Your ex-girlfriend doesn't care about your boyfriend, she may even be glad she got rid of it. She left him, which means his ego must be hurt, and even spit on her, not sigh at her. She may be very beautiful, good, but she is in the past. He may think with nostalgia because he was younger then, and it was his first serious relationship. But he should not talk about it in front of you, or compare you in any way. That's how he instills complexes in you, and he's made you so obsessed with this woman. It's his fault, not yours. If he started a relationship with you some time ago to get over it, this may be the reason. There is an unexperienced love left for him, because it was short, and there is always one thing that would be if. That's why maybe he remembers so much, because he didn't experience it, they reached a certain stage and end, whether from youth, stupidity, pride, dissimilarity of characters, etc. Sometimes short relationships are the most painful, because just when everything is on well, and there's more to build on, and you're splitting up. And your boyfriend has a gap left. But it's entirely his fault, not some girl's long overdue. He doesn't care about your feelings, but keeps comparing you. He doesn't hate her, he hates him. Unconsciously, he probably does, but he has to stop. The ex may have been a really cool person, or he may be exaggerating because he loved her. Otherwise, don't you become an ex, and then who will I tell these things to? Your boyfriend is just hellishly reckless and selfish, and obviously doesn't respect you. The problem is not in the previous girl, but in him. Every person who creates complexes for you, whether consciously or not, is a kind of abuser.
My ex was the same! I wouldn't even be surprised if she wrote this about her current boyfriend! So my ex had put a picture of my ex on the wallpaper to see how she surpassed her and kept telling me, "She's prettier than me, why are you with me and not staying with her" She was crazy about tying up and as I said I would not be surprised if the author is herself!
A little calmer now that he calls himself a psychiatrist ... sit down and talk to him to stop blabbering on about his ex. In our family, the former is a forbidden topic. My ex, my current boyfriend and his ex were in the same company, we know each other very well. In the beginning, I also compared myself to the movie, but one very important thing I realized in this life, whatever you do will not impress a person if he has no feelings. And you, whatever you do, will never be his ex. So just be what you are, if he really has feelings, he will be with you, if not better to take the road. In the beginning, I also compared my ex and my current boyfriend, but I never shared it with him. Big mistake, people are not the same ...
A man who compares you to his ex is an absolute fool! To go to her or to stop blabbering on about her.