The idea of my story is not to complain, but to hear a side opinion from unknown and impartial listeners. I've been with my boyfriend for a year, but we've known each other for more than 10. There's always been a spark between us, and when things happened, none of our mutual acquaintances were surprised. We are both independent, free from prejudice, we accept our shortcomings and we make efforts to adapt. The problem between us comes from the fact that we live in different countries at the moment (because of work), but we travel a lot and we get together for at least 2 weeks together for a month or two. We write to each other and hear each other every day (tank yu, skype). I've changed a lot since I've been with him. I used to love going out and having fun, I've never had a serious relationship, and he's had a few (which ended in infidelity on the part of women). I know and appreciate what kind of man I have next to me and I try to show him as often as possible, because because of his ex he has bugs - they have gone too far with his trust, they have climbed on his head, etc. and it is understandable. I like to make gestures, show attention, etc., while he is quite frugal and his excuse is always "I'm tired of such things." We are 25 years old, I am a woman and I need attention from time to time. And not from the other, which I always receive without wanting it, but from HIS. I do not live in fear that he will cheat on me, but there are people who are simply not happy with the fact that we are together. We have a common "friend" who I recently found out was pouring water on me. In short - he wants to introduce him to various girls who are interested in him and his remarks of the kind of '' I will not tell anyone "and" blows, do not be angry "are not uncommon. The interest that my friend shows is understandable, everyone wants to start their ego from time to time and make sure that "it's still happening". I became quite suspicious and jealous, which is not typical for me at all, and I realized why - since I've been with him, my behavior is completely different - I've given up a lot of things because I don't think it's right to do them. I like to go out and have fun, meet new people, flirt (within decency, of course!) And when I realized that my husband pretends to eat onions, I became quite dumb - why should I keep behavior after he has not changed his in any way? In order not to think of me as paranoid, I should add here that at the beginning of our relationship he was hiding me. No, that I want to advertise our love secretly and publicly, but to keep you a secret is definitely not very pleasant. I don't know exactly what my problem is. It's hardly him, but I don't know what to do to feel comfortable again when I'm alone. I'm not made for infidelity, only loneliness kills me slowly, I feel empty and I miss the thrill. What should I do with those mutual friends of ours? Is infidelity the way to deal with loneliness or will it bury itself and become even more entangled? What should I do with those mutual friends of ours? Is infidelity the way to deal with loneliness or will it bury itself and become even more entangled? What should I do with those mutual friends of ours? Is infidelity the way to deal with loneliness or will it bury itself and become even more entangled?
Answers 3
Your relationship has no chance because at least one of you is unhappy or thinks he is giving up something in his life to be with the other. When you truly love, you don't even think about these things. Not every long-distance relationship is doomed, but in your story you described the doomed relationship and the beginning of the end very well ... I have had such a relationship for 2 years, but I have never had similar torments. Everyone is different, author, but a relationship that makes you unhappy in the long run has no future.
There are three problems. The distance, the "friend" who pours water and the static behavior of your man. For the distance, anyone can try to disprove me, but I've been in a similar relationship and I know it doesn't work well at all (especially in the long run). It is one thing to live together and be separated for 2-3 days a week and quite another to see each other for a week a month, because that is your job. What if you didn't travel that much? Well, yes, Skype is supposed to be an alternative, but it doesn't have to be the only one, especially for two young people. The person who tries to convince your friend that it is not bad to hit something foreign, in fact, would not be a problem if your friend does not pay attention to him and is not susceptible to such talk. But this is clearly not the case. And here comes the problem - you are restless, you do not trust him, I am convinced. And this is detrimental to your relationship, even if there is no real infidelity. You are not together every day to know what he does when you turn off Skype. And here I do not want you to misunderstand me - if a person decides to break, nothing can stop him, even if you live together and seemingly everything is fine. But you yourself say that you do not get from him the attention you need. What a stupid excuse he is "I'm tired of such things" what an effort it costs him to say something nice to you, to talk to each other, to hug. Everything is to desire. Here comes the problem with its staticity. He's used to it when you're gone, and he drives it like that when you're together. Here you are the person who needs to talk to him and understand why this is happening and whether there is a way to change it. when you turn off skype. And here I do not want you to misunderstand me - if a person decides to break, nothing can stop him, even if you live together and seemingly everything is fine. But you yourself say that you do not get from him the attention you need. What a stupid excuse he is "I'm tired of such things" what an effort it costs him to say something nice to you, to talk to each other, to hug. Everything is to desire. Here comes the problem with its staticity. He's used to it when you're gone, and he drives it like that when you're together. Here you are the person who needs to talk to him and understand why this is happening and whether there is a way to change it. when you turn off skype. And here I do not want you to misunderstand me - if a person decides to break, nothing can stop him, even if you live together and seemingly everything is fine. But you yourself say that you do not get from him the attention you need. What a stupid excuse he is "I'm tired of such things" what an effort it costs him to say something nice to you, to talk to each other, to hug. Everything is to desire. Here comes the problem with its staticity. He's used to it when you're gone, and he drives it like that when you're together. Here you are the person who needs to talk to him and understand why this is happening and whether there is a way to change it. that you don't get the attention you need from him. What a stupid excuse he is "I'm tired of such things" what an effort it costs him to say something nice to you, to talk to each other, to hug. Everything is to desire. Here comes the problem with its staticity. He's used to it when you're gone, and he drives it like that when you're together. Here you are the person who needs to talk to him and understand why this is happening and whether there is a way to change it. that you don't get the attention you need from him. What a stupid excuse he is "I'm tired of such things" what an effort it costs him to say something nice to you, to talk to each other, to hug. Everything is to desire. Here comes the problem with its staticity. He's used to it when you're gone, and he drives it like that when you're together. Here you are the person who needs to talk to him and understand why this is happening and whether there is a way to change it.
From the author Number 1, I have no doubt in our love, we make plans to live together soon, we talk about our common future, I want to have his children, etc. I think I got my man out of trouble, but it's not like that at all - he tells me and shows me that he loves me and holds on to me, but gestures like flowers, compliments, and the most basic are missing, even on holidays. At one point I realized that it was quite humiliating to ask for such attention and just stopped. What should I do with this conversation I read? I don't think it's a good idea to question my man, because it will become clear that I've boiled my nose where I don't care, but I wonder if it's good to talk to this 'friend' of ours? It's not my goal to blackmail him, although I know a lot from my friend about his relationship and the nonsense he did, but I want to let him know I'm not human, with whom to treat so and certainly will not tolerate to interfere in our relationship. What do you think?