How A Little Boy Became What He Is

I will do something like an introduction. Maybe some of you will get tired of reading and give up, but I ask anyone who is excited about my story, which I will tell to write a comment, to say what he thinks about me and how he defines me as a person. Because personally I don't know what I really am! From now on, I apologize if I made mistakes in my story and I sincerely pray to be apologized. To make it easier for readers, I will use non-real names (I will also compile it as in a book) and I will ask the moderators if they approve the topic and have read it all to give me a comment, because you have read a lot of stories and I will be very happy if help me too! I will start from the beginning. He has just become a fifth-grader and enters the room where the new page of his life begins. Everyone sat in their desks. I (the fifth grader) sat with a classmate from primary school. His name was Ivan. As the new class teacher greeted us warmly, I saw an astonishingly beautiful girl in the front row. Something like love at first sight. The moment I saw her, my stomach melted with happiness. Thoughts immediately began in which we were closer than we were at that moment. After I graduated, my parents separated. This reflects on me the most. At least that's what I think, because I think smoking at 12 is a factor!

If you feel where I'm fighting. A year later, when I was already a sixth-grader after a week's absence due to illness, I realized that the class had failed in English and that there was no more arbitrariness and we were all sitting by the number. After that I realized that the girl I fell in love with was called Iliana and she was number 16 and my best friend Ivan, who was number 15, sat on the same bench. I envied my best friend for being able to stand close to her for 40 minutes on some days of the week. And this for a whole year. So I decided to start a conversation with her and remembered that I had not had one with her before. And I shrank even more. I had become a seventh grader and my thoughts were already occupied by my upcoming graduation, which would decide how my life would go on. The tension was too great and then I tried grass for the first time. And I liked it a lot, and I thought I stopped caring about everything. But one day in our class on Inf. A very well-known lady came in and said that there would be a trip to Rila. And then I saw how intrigued Iliana was. I knew the face perfectly, because like any boy in puberty, he was overwhelmed by thoughts of his dream. And I spent a lot of hours staring at her face. Then I realized that I cared about her. And I decided to go, and there were boys in my class who would go too. The second term of the year was in the middle and I was already communicating freely with every girl in my class in the form of teasing and teasing. But it was different for Iliana and her best friends. Their names were Berna, Victoria and Magdalena. I have known Magdalena for a long time. Since the 1st grade.

THIS IS WHERE THE ESSENTIAL PART BEGINS! Over time, my thoughts were occupied by the upcoming graduation. I did everything to get smarter. And finally I managed and I had pretty good results comparing the test exams. I had thought long and hard about deciding where to continue my studies. And I decided to stay in the same school. But I realized that Iliana and her friends had decided the same. And at the last minute, I told my mother I was going to change my class and came up with a bunch of reasons. But the class was much more difficult than the one I refused. And I knew I was going to have problems, and in the end, the reason was good enough, and she was Iliana. The strange thing was that when we went on the trip to Rila I did not think about Iliana. Then there was another girl (her name was Gizem) who was sitting in front of me on the bus and she was very nice to me. I would say too much. I made her laugh easily, we talked all the way to Rila, which was 1 p.m. When we arrived, the boys and I loaded our luggage into our room and helped some girls I knew. The next day we did a lift tour, on the way back we rode in pairs and one of the girls we helped told me that he had feelings for me. I was numb, glad that someone liked me. And the day after the trip he told me you had a boyfriend. The strange thing is that she thought the worst. But on the evening of the same day we wrote to her and she understood who I really was. She told me I was uniquely good with her. And I just hadn't done anything. In 8th grade, smoking weed became a very familiar and pleasant feeling for me. Which Iliana understood and you could say that she scolded me ... I didn't expect her to care about me. And so it became a very good friendship and somehow I realized and realized that my feelings had become stronger. And I realized that she loves my good friend Georgi, that was his name, we were from the same class. Me, Iliana and Georgi. Gradually I became Iliana's best friend. Georgi and I also became close (we smoked weed together). I realized that over time she would fall even more in love with him, and he was annoyed by her presence. But she put up with her, she was still a pretty good friend of mine. She had decided to confess her feelings to him. And I knew he would hurt her. So I chose to quarrel with her and so they would have no reason to be together. We didn't talk about it for a year, I didn't know how to blunt the urge to hug her. Then alcohol came into my life 14/15 years old I learned to drink hard and smoke about 7 grams a week of weed with my friends. I became a 9th grader. My best friend became Magdalena. I don't know how he succeeded, but he managed to reconcile Iliana and me. But my feelings for Iliana were completely gone. For the simple reason that I thought I hated her. And somehow it happened. After the parties started in the middle of winter, the feeling of weed and alcohol was not enough for me. So I took my first ecstasy pill, then tried amphetamine. And here I am at the end of 9th grade, I was not overwhelmed by these feelings. And just then I wondered if it was worth it. And I remembered, that because of a love for a girl I went through so many things. And at the moment I don't even have a memory of those feelings. And I remembered that without love it is impossible. And after all, it makes sense to create a family, children, family. But when there was love, my world was beautiful in the midst of all the problems. And now I drink, smoke and snort from time to time. QUESTION 2 It is for those who have read from the part with the excursion in seventh grade. So far, everything I've been experiencing has been falling apart. But recently I struck up a conversation with Gizem again and it became clear that we were both on the same trip, again. Only she didn't pour me some nasty truth and I didn't have to make sacrifices. So my question is how to deal with it. I don't want to fall in love again and again to be impossible love. And the girl is still super nice to me.