Hello! I have had a problem for a long time that I can't share with anyone, but now I need to get rid of it ... If anyone can give me advice on how to proceed, I will be very grateful! I have been married for about a year (and we have been together for 4 years). My husband and I live well, we love each other and everything is normal (there are good moments, there are problems). But (of course there is a BUT) I've been in love with a co-worker for almost two years now (I can't even believe I'm saying that!). From the beginning, everything was normal (although I liked him the first day I saw him) - we talked to him quite calmly. After a while we started joking, we became friends, I can even say that I was one of his "favorite" friends at work. He is sociable in general, but I still think he has a special relationship with me. Whenever he passes me, he teases me, remembers everything I told him, always winks at me and repeats my name. Although he has a girlfriend for many years. At first I thought he was just nice to me, but over time, my feelings deepened. I think about him very often, I even dream about him many times already. I have not shared these feelings with anyone, all this deep inside. I have never even hinted to my colleague that I like him - I try to treat him like everyone else so as not to betray myself, but it is very difficult for me, I tremble when he is next to me ...
I started to avoid him, I don't go to lunch with him anymore, nor do I go out for a coffee break if he's there. I'm trying my best to get it out of my head because I know we have no future ... He looks happy in the pictures with his girlfriend, and my husband insists we have a child now. I am very confused. I had no idea I could sink as a student ... but it happened. And I don't want it! I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him or break up. It hurts me that I'm not entirely his, that my thoughts aren't just on him. He is a good and serious person (even too serious and maybe that's why I fell in love with my colleague - he hangs out with me as a classmate, and this thrill is not with my husband). Please help me - how can I forget it when we find ourselves at work every day! He is a good and serious person (even too serious and maybe that's why I fell in love with my colleague - he hangs out with me as a classmate, and this thrill is not with my husband). Please help me - how can I forget it when we find ourselves at work every day! He is a good and serious person (even too serious and maybe that's why I fell in love with my colleague - he hangs out with me as a classmate, and this thrill is not with my husband). Please help me - how can I forget it when we find ourselves at work every day!
Answers 23
You sank because it is the forbidden fruit. Make a comparison of who is better on a fox. What impressed you with one and what impressed the other and see who is worth more, if your husband is good, if not. You still do not have children, the boy is not married a divorce and you are with the love of your life. Think hard, in both cases I'm serious.
All your attention and thoughts will be on your husband. You know that nothing will happen to your colleague. When a person falls in love, the metabolism in his head changes, so to speak. Your colleague is just a sight that speeds up your metabolism. Maybe if you analyze things technically like that, you'll forget it.
Make a child with your husband. You will not see him, and your husband will be happy, and you will most likely be too.
Oh, girl, isn't your family a gamble !? !! This is a huge responsibility. Be smarter and get the kid's feelings out of your head. If you "slip" now, know that there will be no going back, and one day your husband will no longer be with you and you will bitterly regret your mistake!
I am the author - Thanks for the advice! Number 1 - I have made a similar sheet in my mind many times. My husband undoubtedly leads with a lot of points. BUT, the heart can not be commanded, unfortunately :( Number 2 - I constantly try to force myself not to think about it, to accept that it is only temporary and frivolous. And I succeed. But once I see it, it starts again from the beginning ... I don't know what's wrong with me Number 3 - the option for the child - and I think that's the best thing right now But I'm afraid that after a year of going back to work they won't show up again these feelings :( Isn't falling in love supposed to pass, but when will it happen to me ?!
Two years? If she had found it, you would be tired by now and there would be no more problems. Yes, the heart cannot be commanded, and that is why the impulses are - to be experienced, not to be swept under the rug. If you stop the impulse now, it will appear in time in an even more severe form, and this will be repeated until it becomes so strong that it takes your head away and you can in no way oppose it. These things are far beyond reason and the advice with the comparison sheet is ridiculous. Perhaps the most adequate advice, which is still subject to some control by reason, was given by №3.
And can't you have platonic love with a colleague? Does everything always have to be consumed?
№4 - I understand that marriage is a big responsibility. Did I want that to happen? !! №7 - it is platonic love (if it is love at all). I'm not talking about consumption! On the contrary, I just want to get rid of the feeling, not nurture it. I have principles and I would not cheat on my husband! That's why it's hard for me to have any feelings (which I DON'T WANT) towards another person ... If it depended on reason - I would have dealt with the problem a long time ago ...
Quit your job. That way you will forget this person. Once things get this far, if you really love your husband do it. Among men, there are types who take down all women, be cheerful, playful, playful, it's just their second vocation. He treats you probably because he noticed you were giving in. Just think he thinks you are frivolous and windy. He flirts with you, and you answer him, these games can sometimes be destructive. If you love your husband, give him your whole heart, unreservedly, when he is with you, this is your man. The other is a crocodile who plays his games where they let him. No, he has no feelings for you. This is his mask. Believe me!
To quit my job ... Well, it's not very easy to find another one in a small town ... Any other ideas? The author
I will tell you my case, similar to yours. I am 28 (male) my colleague is 30, we have been working together for 6 years and we have been in love for about 2 years (at least I am not sure about her) She has been in a relationship for about 8 years with a boy I know personally and she knows my girlfriend (we work together :). My friend last year doubted that there was something between us, she saw how we looked at each other and she asked me and I just said that we respect each other a lot :) but she knows that I lie and she knows that we both like each other very much (she sees it in her eyes, how he looks at me) and naturally jealous of her. I don't want to marry her, I just don't know why I like her, she's not very beautiful or smart, but I want her. I keep thinking about her when she's close to me, I invite her to talk a few times, she doesn't want (what to say to her friend) sometimes she avoids me, and that irritates me and I start avoiding her too, if I write, she answers me, but she does not write to me. Sometimes I think that he treats everyone like that, he treats everyone well, he smiles at everyone and walks after everyone (like a little puppy), he makes different faces (not only me but everyone) and only I am in love :). I want to talk to her outdoors (although I've said I like her and she's told me she likes me too, but I'm not sure if she was honest or just said so) I don't know if I can hold back if I have such an opportunity not to kiss her (although I did, too, of course she turned and I kissed her cheek, maybe that's why she doesn't want us to be together alone outside of work, at work there is no problem we can talk, but I don't want to I'm talking about both of them at work, and I said that because she insisted we talk if I wanted to, but at work) but at least I will be relieved that I shared that I not only like her but that I am in love with her. If we can remain friends (not that we are not now) but we will be more open to each other (I don't know if this is a good idea) Or the other if he agrees to go out with me, he will certainly have sex (he will not be able to resist me) :) Which completely suits me and will make it easier for me, from then on I don't know what can happen :) I think we need a conversation, speak openly. Tell him you like him but you don't want sex (if you don't want to) he will be relieved and he will understand you. Or do it, one life is lived :) write to me how it is! ) Which completely suits me and will make it easier for me, from then on I don't know what can happen :) I think we need a conversation, speak openly. Tell him you like him but you don't want sex (if you don't want to) he will be relieved and he will understand you. Or do it, one life is lived :) write to me how it is! ) Which completely suits me and will make it easier for me, from then on I don't know what can happen :) I think we need a conversation, speak openly. Tell him you like him but you don't want sex (if you don't want to) he will be relieved and he will understand you. Or do it, one life is lived :) write to me how it is!
It's like reading about myself, I'm in the same situation, with the difference that I wasn't married when I met him, but I never found the courage to ask him. To this day, I can't forget it, I have to pretend to be indifferent, but when I see it, everything in me turns upside down. Eh, if I could turn back time. Now that I think about it, I was very blind. I've missed so many opportunities, can I be so stupid? They say eyes that cannot be seen are forgotten, but obviously not, and I never forgot it. There are many unspoken and unexperienced things left between us. Now that it's impossible to be together, I think even more about him - what could it be. Maybe it's all just in my head I'll never understand? And I don't know what to do, it's very difficult and I have to see it every day. I don't think he's indifferent either, and he follows me with his eyes, and with each passing day it becomes more and more difficult. I may idealize it, but do I know what life will bring us? Let time show.
Author, what happened?
I am in the same situation. He is my first love ... real ... unique ... It was all for me ... I trusted him until one day he just came to the meeting and broke off the relationship with me. The years went by and I just got married. I respect my husband and somehow I lived an empty life in the name of the children ... One day he looked for me. I hesitated for a long time whether to believe him. that he always loved me .... etc. He told me that he did not live well with his wife, that they were about to divorce and I believed like a fool ... I always loved him and from that moment he was the air and the sun for me ... At one of the meetings I saw how bored he left, and I wanted him to be honest. Just tell me what I am for him ... he is silent all the time. Then I kept looking for him in the hope that I had gone astray, yet he gave me other hopes. I was dying slowly .... I was mentally empty, suffocating, at the thought of losing him ... And I accidentally realized that during this time he was happy with his wife, whom he supposedly hated, at sea. This killed me and I became a puddle where everyone could wash their dirty shoes .... I cried like a child .... Although I can't and you know, I'm just slowly dying .. What can I do? Even if I meet him in non-existence, I will still love him ... Help ....
Will anyone advise me how to forget it? Maybe the mistake is in me, because when I love, I love completely, .. and this love probably makes him bitter, and I wanted to live the time we forgot to love, to be real .... Am I wrong? I also don't live well with my husband, we don't even consume our marriage ... he shared the same. I don't know where I went wrong, I know that he is a breath for me and I'm just not the previous one without him ... please give me advice !!!
Dear lovers, there is no better feeling than butterflies in the belly, than what will be tomorrow, than the whole mystery of curiosity and everything human, love in general! I have always followed my heart, I have broken taboos, I have found the "path to happiness" several times. I could not accept that I would not experience the feeling of shared love. I did not allow a scenario in which I would obediently stand and endure, or wait for the other to do something. That is why I have abandoned professions, cities, friends - I have even crossed out myself, in the name of SHARED LOVE. The other thing I can share with you is that I have never played on two fronts - this is unfair to myself, a delusion. So far, everything sounds like a fairy tale and so it was ... but in most cases only for a few weeks, at best months. But what happens after " that seeing a person for a few hours a day is radically different from living with him, sharing your daily routine and all your habits. Disagreements about this can be fatal and cause communication between you to be ruined and you to be extremely nervous. Quarrels and scandals begin. The battle of the ego begins - who will dominate and impose the rules in the house ... No matter how much you have broadened your horizons, there are just people who will always irritate you. One day the glass overflows and everything is ruined again. 3. Do not rule out the possibility of not fitting into sex, for whatever reason. This passes in the first meetings, but after a while it turns into a catastrophe and ends in separation. Be sure to consider that some people have perverted thoughts and fetishes that if you can't give them, they will look out of touch sooner or later! 4. Let's assume that things are going well - love is shared, sex is great, you live mostly in understanding. But, the partner can't be monogamous, and you don't accept that? Also a foreboding end. 5. Health, children, financial situation ... for some people these things are also important. There is no guarantee that your "unrequited" love can provide them, or you to him / her. I stop here with the enumeration. Of course, there is an option in which everything is fine and you can experience old times as a happy family - a rare combination that few people reach for a number of reasons. So, dear lovers ... I do not advise you to stop following your heart, but I have given you examples that I have experienced. I have already realized that loving someone does not guarantee a happy life. It must be built separately. One thing I know for sure - if things don't happen naturally, mutually, without drama, then there is a reason for that! Be careful, look closely. Sometimes passion prevails. If you can't help it, give in, be brave, but don't ruin your lives and relationships because of "untested" emotions. Dream, but also be realistic. If you are over 30, do not allow yourself the luxury of restarting your life. Not that you will not succeed, but it is simply not worth the price you will pay with your body and mind and with the nerves that you will waste during this time, respectively your health. Open your door wide. If love comes in and decides to stay - great! In all other cases, just live your life. And do something good for someone from time to time ... so there is a reason for that! Be careful, look closely. Sometimes passion prevails. If you can't help it, give in, be brave, but don't ruin your lives and relationships because of "untested" emotions. Dream, but also be realistic. If you are over 30, do not allow yourself the luxury of restarting your life. Not that you will not succeed, but it is simply not worth the price you will pay with your body and mind and with the nerves that you will waste during this time, respectively your health. Open your door wide. If love comes in and decides to stay - great! In all other cases, just live your life. And do something good for someone from time to time ... so there is a reason for that! Be careful, look closely. Sometimes passion prevails. If you can't help it, give in, be brave, but don't ruin your lives and relationships because of "untested" emotions. Dream, but also be realistic. If you are over 30, do not allow yourself the luxury of restarting your life. Not that you will not succeed, but it is simply not worth the price you will pay with your body and mind and with the nerves that you will waste during this time, respectively your health. Open your door wide. If love comes in and decides to stay - great! In all other cases, just live your life. And do something good for someone from time to time ... but don't ruin your lives and relationships because of "unverified" emotions. Dream, but also be realistic. If you are over 30, do not allow yourself the luxury of restarting your life. Not that you will not succeed, but it is simply not worth the price you will pay with your body and mind and with the nerves that you will waste during this time, respectively your health. Open your door wide. If love comes in and decides to stay - great! In all other cases, just live your life. And do something good for someone from time to time ... but don't ruin your lives and relationships because of "unverified" emotions. Dream, but also be realistic. If you are over 30, do not allow yourself the luxury of restarting your life. Not that you will not succeed, but it is simply not worth the price you will pay with your body and mind and with the nerves that you will waste during this time, respectively your health. Open your door wide. If love comes in and decides to stay - great! In all other cases, just live your life. And do something good for someone from time to time ... Open your door wide. If love comes in and decides to stay - great! In all other cases, just live your life. And do something good for someone from time to time ... Open your door wide. If love comes in and decides to stay - great! In all other cases, just live your life. And do something good for someone from time to time ...
Honestly, another topic for people with problematic marriage, who are at a low evolutionary level. Author, calm your animal passions, everything is chemistry in your brain. To be happy with another, you must first be happy with yourself. There is no way they can't catch you or your colleagues don't understand, that is, to humiliate your husband ... Burn your mind for one emotion so as not to turn your life upside down.
post number 16 must be nailed at the beginning of "Love and Infidelity" as permanent! very well said! Unfortunately, it is not enough to love someone to live happily ever after, many more things are needed such as common interests, goals, understandings, similar intellectual, cultural, financial, etc. position helps a lot and many other small details, which, however, can turn the car if missing. and for people like the author, "follow your heart" is an excuse for all the nonsense one can do ... to the question "how to forget it": try to realize if it's love, a good memory, a hurt ego, a dream on the unattainable or something else. keep the good memory, but accept that it is impossible to achieve. not everything in life is possible, you just can't have everything whatever you want. even if you can, it's not clear if it's worth it. as they say, be careful what you wish for, because it can come true ... G43
Love knocks on my door, now ... my door is in love!
Hello, I am the author. Indeed, the comment of Number 16 deserves to be on the main page :) Very wise and true! Thanks for all the comments, even the malicious ones (everyone has the right to an opinion) .. I will tell you how things are today: My husband and I already have a 1-year-old child. I quit my job and we moved to another city. I would never hurt or humiliate my husband intentionally! That's why no one but me knew about my love for that man. I haven't seen him for more than 2 years. My husband and I live very well, we understand each other, we love each other, he is also a very good father. We have everything, we are happy! BUT, in spite of everything ... time does not pass and I dream of the other person, ... and these are such deep and strong dreams that even after I wake up, I wonder if it was not true! And then for days I don't know what to do, what to think. It's like I've really seen this man. I don't know why I dream about it ... I don't think about it at all, for months I don't even think about it ... and yet it appears in my dreams !!! I do not want it! I really don't want to dream about it, nor do I want to think about it, but why does it happen ??? Here, I listened to all reasonable advice, I did everything to erase it from my mind! But obviously it doesn't work ... And isn't it true "Far from the eyes, far from the heart" ??? Yes but no. Maybe really this is not my love, but just LONGING, subconscious striving for unrequited and impossible love! I can't understand what it is, nor can I describe it .. If any of you can, let me order ..... and yet it appears in my dreams !!! I do not want it! I really don't want to dream about it, nor do I want to think about it, but why does it happen ??? Here, I listened to all reasonable advice, I did everything to erase it from my mind! But obviously it doesn't work ... And isn't it true "Far from the eyes, far from the heart" ??? Yes but no. Maybe really this is not my love, but just LONGING, subconscious striving for unrequited and impossible love! I can't understand what it is, nor can I describe it .. If any of you can, let me order ..... and yet it appears in my dreams !!! I do not want it! I really don't want to dream about it, nor do I want to think about it, but why does it happen ??? Here, I listened to all reasonable advice, I did everything to erase it from my mind! But obviously it doesn't work ... And isn't it true "Far from the eyes, far from the heart" ??? Yes but no. Maybe really this is not my love, but just LONGING, subconscious striving for unrequited and impossible love! I can't understand what it is, nor can I describe it .. If any of you can, let me order ..... but not. Maybe really this is not my love, but just LONGING, subconscious striving for unrequited and impossible love! I can't understand what it is, nor can I describe it .. If any of you can, let me order ..... but not. Maybe really this is not my love, but just LONGING, subconscious striving for unrequited and impossible love! I can't understand what it is, nor can I describe it .. If any of you can, let me order .....
Is there anyone else in this situation? Will I ever forget it? More than 6 years have passed and he is still in my thoughts. I don't see it at all, but I can't forget it. The conversations and our looks with him are constantly revolving in my mind ... I don't know what he is like now, I still see him the same as before .... He probably hasn't felt anything for me for a long time, and I keep building and I ask what would have happened if I had chosen him !? The author
Author, excuse me, but you are a hopeless case. As far as I understand, you haven't even had sex with him, and you can't forget him for so many years. And if she had sex, I just can't see you. to your child and to your harmonious marriage - this is a privilege denied to many. A colleague has long since forgotten you and does not remember you. Do you know how many "colleagues" he fucked after you? Erase forever from your head the memory of this official Don Juan and be grateful that you showed common sense in time not to become one of his pieces. Official flirtations and loves - this is an illusion, but if your husband understands and kicks you - then you will see how he survives alone and watching a child alone in this harsh life. Be smart!
You have a good husband and child, and maybe one more? You are no longer a student and it is time to stop thinking like a teenager in love. This man hardly remembers you after more than 6 years. And when you met he was in a relationship. He is probably already married and has children. Just focus on your family and get rid of those romance dreams. I have had such unfulfilled love affairs, and just like you, I have wondered what it would be like if ... But in the present there is no "if", there is here and now. I am already married, expecting my first child and thinking about the future, not the past. You have to do the same.