Hello! I am turning to you because I have no idea how to change my life and my relationship with my parents. They love me very much. Fact. But they worry too much. Basically my mother, my father less often, but my mother's word is a law in his world, because he worries about her happiness ... and it becomes a vicious circle. We live in a village, about 20 km from Sofia, and I have been studying there since the 2nd grade - until now - for the fourth year of medicine. Our people support me, it's not a problem for them - a fact, but I don't see great alternatives - my studies eat up time, and they are both medics and know very well how things are. This prevents me from moving out and being independent. And I really want it to be so. To be able to go out when I judge, to do things at my own discretion (neither I am small, nor the field I have chosen presupposes to be such). I'm not crazy wild party girl - I'm not attracted to this way of life, but I wish at least I knew what it was about. A large part of my colleagues ignore me because I don't go anywhere with them - I always have to go home, I still can't go anywhere with them. It's hard to explain that they won't let me go. The fact is that the buses are up to 10-10 and something, and before that you have to get to them, ie to the outskirts of the city. How about sleeping with a friend? Absurd. My mother is afraid of her and can't sleep all night. You see ... not that he doesn't believe me, he's worried. And I don't know what to do to change it. I feel socially isolated all my life. It has always been like this. Ever since the school years, when the children played in the yard after school, and ours came to pick me up, because they could only at certain hours. I'm sorry. I don't know where I went wrong. It's not like we don't get along on most other issues, I know they love me and it's an even bigger burden on me. How do I change something?
Answers 6
hello, there is only one solution to the problem - so drive it until you graduate - learn a lot so you can realize yourself in a good place. Once you get your diploma - you can find a job and move to a place to live :) I personally do not see another solution ... you have 1-2 years left - you have lost so much - there is no point now because of them to worry about your mother. When you finish, you move to an apartment - she will then understand :)
Stop obeying them, and listen to them. I'm a girl of 14 and I stopped doing what our people tell me in vain, I love them, and I know they love me too, but I just don't want to spend my teenage years at home in front of computer ... one day I will have to tell my children and grandchildren about it ... think for yourself
your parents' love for you has crossed normal boundaries and grown into an obsession. It is not normal for a 23-year-old woman (since she is in her 4th year) not to be able to go out with friends when she decides, to sleep with a friend and do whatever she wants because her mother was worried! that she may worry while you retire! can you stand next to her? these are manipulations and emotional blackmail that you and your father succumb to in order to be good to her. it imposes its understandings on you and controls you under the guise of concern. it is high time for her to understand that you are a separate person, you need social life and contacts. all mothers worry about their children, but all children live separately at some point. there is nothing tragic in this, she just loses control of you and manipulates you with your father.
You are very kind and you do not want to cause suffering to your mother, but it is time to have your own life. What if your mother won't sleep all night? "He won't sleep once or twice, then he'll get used to it."
Thanks to those who have written so far. Obviously, he has to stop blackmailing me, but I don't know exactly how to achieve this ...
Put the facts to them .. You study, you are stable, you did not pass them on, etc. Now put on the scales what you want .. Let your mother judge what weighs more !! In words, darling, only with them !! No nonsense like "stop obeying"! Tell your mother what makes you happy and she will be by your side !! Only with stories and correct actions a result is achieved without side effects! Ales