Hello. I'm a girl of 18. I guess you understand from the title the reason I write here. A month ago, my father was hospitalized. The reason - complications of pneumonia. He was kept there for 10 days, after which he was discharged. A week ago, he was hospitalized again, operated on, and it became clear that it was not pneumonia at all. There is a huge tumor in the lung, all its organs are damaged by the scattering. They cut out the tumor as much as possible, but it is clear to all of us that there is not much left. We are just waiting for him to be discharged so that he can be with his family in his last moments. My mother and I have been separated for a long time, for the last 3 years he has been living with his girlfriend, who is unable to take care of him after the operation. From what I realized, it was as if my life had turned into a terrible nightmare, a hell I couldn't get out of, and worst of all, I couldn't change anything. No one can stop death. I love my father a hell of a lot. If I can give him my life, my liver, all the years I have left on this earth, I will do it right away. Because this is the man who never condemned me for anything, deprived himself so that I would have it. He supported me in everything and did not want anything in return. We could talk for hours about movies, books, events. And now I remember him calling me and worrying, and I didn't pick up. How as a child he dried my hair for hours, and I ran away and told him to leave me alone. I would give anything to be 6 again and run to hug him when he comes back from work. Let's read together again, have dinner every night, hold my hand while I sleep, because I'm afraid of the dark. I can't stop thinking about what's coming, I can't imagine life without my father. I don't want to imagine that someday I will want to call him, but he will never pick up. I'm scared. I'm very scared. I have a weight on my heart and I know it will weigh a lot more. I cry all the time, I have no desire for anything. I just want God to be merciful and give me a chance to hug him and tell him how much I love him, to be with him to the last. Thank you if you got here. Please tell me, how does a person experience the loss?
I know he doesn't experience it, but how does he live with it? I want to be strong because I know he's scared and it hurts, I don't want him to see me like that. I even went to a psychologist. I will be happy to read any advice and stories. I just want God to be merciful and give me a chance to hug him and tell him how much I love him, to be with him to the last. Thank you if you got here. Please tell me, how does a person experience the loss? I know he doesn't experience it, but how does he live with it? I want to be strong because I know he's scared and it hurts, I don't want him to see me like that. I even went to a psychologist. I will be happy to read any advice and stories. I just want God to be merciful and give me a chance to hug him and tell him how much I love him, to be with him to the last. Thank you if you got here. Please tell me, how does a person experience the loss? I know he doesn't experience it, but how does he live with it? I want to be strong because I know he's scared and it hurts, I don't want him to see me like that. I even went to a psychologist. I will be happy to read any advice and stories.
Answers 10
Be sure to visit a psychologist and do not think so. You need professional help and not some poignant stories to tell you here
When you see flowers in the garden, which one do you want to pluck first? The most beautiful! So does God - he takes good people with him. Whatever I tell you will be meaningless, for a parent it hurts the most. A year ago I lost my mother, and I was only 19. My whole world collapsed, but I shook myself and said to myself that she wants to see me happy and successful, so I did .... Darling, the only thing I would do she advised you to be by his side until the end, no matter what! Hold his hand firmly and know that he will be your father anywhere in spirit .... I wish you strength.
Not at all, darling ... Time, VERY time, years ... it just goes by, or at least dulls to a tolerable degree. But you know ... we humans are not what we think we are ... We are multidimensional beings. What you perceive as "death" is just a transition. Energy is not lost, it is only transformed from one species to another, matter is not lost, nor is consciousness lost. Now you probably think that your father will be taken away unfairly, but there is a reason for everything in this world ... which you can not accept and curse now, but believe me - there is a reason. No one really dies ... just change the environment, the shell, and keep going ...
We managed, but those around us withdrew and now we are alone against everyone ... They think that we will become criminally exposed, because everyone who lost one parent, then went astray ...
My father also died when I was your age. The belief that he was in a better place helped me. On the night of his death, I dreamed of him. I felt he was around me. In the first 9 months after his death, many good things happened to me, strange as it may sound, as if he was watching over me.
Hello, I sympathize with you for what is happening. My father passed away almost 10 months ago and I still don't think I've heard of him. In my case, everything happened within minutes, it was very shocking and I'm sad that I couldn't say goodbye. The only thing that helps me is to focus on my love for him, not on his physical absence. Do everything you can think possible to make him feel as good as possible. Guilt after that is something very painful. But he also takes care of himself, because he certainly doesn't want you to fall asleep because of what's happening. I wish you a lot of strength in this difficult time. And to know that although the lack remains in the soul, there will still be good moments, you will laugh again, you will rejoice again. I hope that in time the pain will fade and that only the love for the one who has left will remain.
There is nothing worse than death. Whatever I say will be small. God bless you, darling!
Loss is "unpleasant" and cannot be easy, because there can be no love without suffering, ie. if the loss of the parent was easy and painless, there would be no love for him (good emotions). However, in order to deal with it, one must have some framework and vision for the world and for the Universe in general, to think more philosophically, they are only 2 options. Option A If one assumes that nothing exists beyond our physical universe, then both his and the deaths of all other people are the same. There will be no afterlife and we will all die forever, all that we are is some combination of atoms in our brain that in theory can be copied, ie. we are nothing unique. Then there is not much meaning in life and death, the consolation is that at least we will all disappear forever, so whether you bury your father or he bury you (if he outlived you) is equally bad. By this logic, we all have to suffer every day because our loved ones will die forever, no matter in what order (ie you have to deal with the idea that you will have children and they will die, for example, even if not you are alive to see it). Option B If one assumes that God exists, and when we die, our non-physical soul separates from our nervous system and continues to exist forever in an immaterial underworld, then it is easy. We will all exist forever, and when you die you will join other souls and the game continues (probably with another type of activity). Then birth and death here are just a temporary ordeal, and it is rather difficult for souls to be born in a limiting body and without a memory of the afterlife, and it is a holiday to die and return to the afterlife (where our notions of time, space, temperature, famine, disease, etc. do not apply). The bad thing about Option B is that if God exists, then he has hidden it and there is no way to understand it directly (otherwise our world will become meaningless). You may come close to "evidence" if you are involved in religion and more spiritual activities (if Option B is the truth), but you must be convinced of this (not just because of the temporary shock of losing a loved one). .
Over time, you get used to the thought. My mother died with me, she is not accepted, but there is nothing to be done. It's hard, just try to think that now the person is not struggling, nothing hurts him anymore, except that he is not next to you.
It is hard and everyone is alone in their suffering. Use the time you have actively. Tell him what you have to tell him, do for him what you can. Be by his side. These memories will warm you little by little. Thank him for everything you can think of. Tell him you'll never, ever forget him. That you will tell your children about it. Take photos and videos. This helps. To be able to hear his voice again, to see him. He can also write something about you, about you, about the generations. Tell him that you will be all right, because he has taught you to live right. And that your love for him will never end. That's right, actually. They are not leaving for us. They are still in us and, paradoxically, we miss them. But for us they are not gone, they are in us, we feel them, we hear them, we dream them, we cry them. It's very difficult at first, then comes a time when you can talk about it without tears. Everyone has some rituals that help them. Some weed graves, I play his favorite music or look at pictures. Now (after 4 years) I want to talk to his friends, to tell me about him. In general, I try to prolong his presence in my life. The important thing is not to give up, to live, to live for them. They don't want us to squat and move on in time. It hurts a lot, really. Honestly, our children are a great comfort and a motorbike to move forward. And in them we also see those who were before them. Courage, child. It is not a shame to grieve. Now (after 4 years) I want to talk to his friends, to tell me about him. In general, I try to prolong his presence in my life. The important thing is not to give up, to live, to live for them. They don't want us to squat and move on in time. It hurts a lot, really. Honestly, our children are a great comfort and a motorbike to move forward. And in them we also see those who were before them. Courage, child. It is not a shame to grieve. Now (after 4 years) I want to talk to his friends, to tell me about him. In general, I try to prolong his presence in my life. The important thing is not to give up, to live, to live for them. They don't want us to squat and move on in time. It hurts a lot, really. Honestly, our children are a great comfort and a motorbike to move forward. And in them we also see those who were before them. Courage, child. It is not a shame to grieve.