Hello! I need advice and since I couldn't find a story like mine, I decided to write it! I am a 21 year old girl and I have not yet found true love. About 3 months ago, of course, I met a boy. He turned out to be a friend of my roommates (I live in a dormitory because I'm a student). Even that day I noticed that there was something strange in his eyes, in the sense that he looked at me as if he already knew me, smiled at me and I was very pleased. It wasn't long before he found me on Facebook and we started writing to each other. We realized that we have a lot in common, for example, we study at the same university, similar specialties, at the same age, the same taste for movies, etc. I was pleased because I saw in him a very good friend. Until my roommates told me he liked me and started explaining to me how good a boy he was, that we would get along, at which point I backed away. I started answering him with 1, 2 words, not paying attention to him when he was in the room, etc. He definitely did not deserve such treatment on my part, because he treats me extremely cavalier. For example: I had complained to him that my laptop was wrong and he immediately offered to reinstall it and clean it. After he did, he said he didn't take care of any other laptop like mine. Naturally, I ignored the comment. Another example is when I had a kidney crisis and he was worried a hell of a lot about whether I was okay, etc. A third example is when I was going to a big event at Arena Armeec. After the event we write about how it went, etc. Since the attacks in Paris had taken place then, he told me that he was ready to leave immediately, if something like that had happened. It was also very nice when we went to the cinema and he paid the taxi and because I had won a double ticket, the cinema was free. He asked to return my gesture sometime, I, of course, said I would think about it. And many more cases when I notice a special attitude. I have recently seen strange behavior on my part. I started to convince myself that he was a good boy, that maybe I should give him a chance ... And it was as if I was starting to like him more than a friend ... But I'm afraid of commitment, I'm afraid I might experience this because I have been lonely for a long time. There was a thought, "Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely!" That's what worries me! I don't know what to do, I don't want to give him empty hopes, I don't want to give myself vain hopes! I ask for advice and I apologize, if there is already such a story! Thanks in advance for your time! Have a nice day!
Answers 12
See if you like a boy or not. This is YOU and only You will decide. Abstain from the opinions of the people around you and see you and the boy and if you like it - why not? Whether HE is the boy, the man in your life, you will understand only if you start a relationship with him, live together and so on, but at the moment you are not at this stage at all. My opinion is that he also likes you and is waiting for a green light from you, so if you like him too, just make an appointment with him at a coffee, cinema or something else, but alone and without the others around you, and whether he will receive or not only time will tell. However, if you do not allow people to you at all, it will never happen. You are wrong if you think that you can only be friends with him. He's obviously looking for more, and if he doesn't, he'll just move on and you'll be left alone to count the flies.
What do you prefer? To try, even without a guarantee, that he will be your great love (but even if it doesn't turn out, it doesn't mean that you won't have a good time and learn a lot about love and life in general) or to ask yourself life, what would have happened if she had given him a chance? I have a maxim in life that applies not only to love, but to everything - it is better to try and not succeed than not to try. Because sometimes it happens. And even if it doesn't, you can gain experience and still benefit from failure. And in business, if you will, so be it. At one time I had just started a relationship with my current wife (not that I had other wives), but I had to go to another city and the dilemma was whether to separate or keep in touch from a distance. And we said to ourselves that we should try, and let what is written happen. E,
God, how congested are you, where did you grow up? Great love is just an expression. There is no great love. There is sex, falling in love or a family partner. Great love cannot be all in one.
If there is hesitation (whether I like him or not) then it is not your great love. These things are felt. It is not said that everyone should meet her. Most people do not meet her, confuse her with liking, then divorce / divorce, quarrels.
From number 2 I apologize for interfering again, but I wanted to say that it is a mistake to approach some expectations or to wait for everything to be perfect in order to do something. It is never perfect in the beginning, and if you expect it to be that way and without any hesitation, you will simply never do anything in your life. Get in the habit of acting. Just start somewhere, even if it is not perfect in the beginning and slowly in the process of action adapt and solve the problems step by step. In this way, much more is achieved than waiting a lifetime for everything to be all right, and only then embarking. Because while you're deciding whether to get involved, people get involved, make mistakes, learn from them, and finally succeed, and you keep hesitating and waiting for someone to know.
4, this feeling of great love does not always come quickly. Sometimes it comes with time. And even if you don't, that doesn't mean you can't give it a try. It is not said that you should have a relationship only with your great love.
Take a risk, try this is life if you don't try and you won't know what it will be like if you try, and you don't like it, it's never too late to leave. Plus, you're wondering, boy, he's not an idiot since he hasn't tried to get you to bed by now, he's definitely not just looking for that. Those who are just looking for sex say it to themselves from the very beginning, they will only tell you about it, because their only goal is to enchant you how sexy you are and to sleep with you, he is not like that. Just don't think so much if you are looking for the perfect and perfect you will never find it there are simply no such people, but if you love a person you do not try to change him you want him as he is even if it is not perfect everything is exactly why conversations to change things and make everything good in a relationship.
Number 2/5 said it very well. I think you think too much. Just try and see what happens. Once you've been out and enjoyed being together, why not try to be more than friends? You don't have to complicate things so much from the beginning and wonder if it's your big love. Time shows these things. Very few people have that "fall in love at first sight", in which even when they meet someone, they know that he is the person and then they do not separate. I don't see what you have to lose.
Number 2 we women are not like you, we put feelings and emotions when we fall in love. Today you can have a girlfriend, but your ex is your mistress ... tomorrow the mistress is a woman and the girlfriend is none, am I right ?! Author, in your words he seems to be a good boy, what good is someone who will act like a simpleton, give him a chance!
True love is built over the years, my girl, it doesn't come from the sky like that and with a whip it hits you, first you fall in love, then you get to know each other, you may not like a character, things can limp in sex, but these are things which only with time are understood. First you take a risk when you want it, then you start trying until you smooth things over in every way, this is what happens if you love each other, etc. if you don't leave and look for others. I don't know what family you are from, but there is always a risk that you will get something and nothing will disappear. My girlfriend liked each other and loved her, she decided to go and live with him, and when she saw what she came back, she couldn't just put up with a different person, the same job with my cousin they wanted to go to them and got their horns out and he can never know what will happen and in an hour or two everyone can talk to you nicely and kindly, but if you have to be under 1 roof for 24 hours become others. Plus, love without sex doesn't exist, you want to find the right one, but you can't heal the prince from the first time with so many frogs. When you try and you don't like it the next time, you will generally know that a person learns while he is alive and you want everything to be clear to you and to know, try, make mistakes in order to learn to judge people as if you just stand and protect yourself. and at 30 you may not have found the right one, there are no perfect ones, you just have to love it as it is. Plus, love without sex doesn't exist, you want to find the right one, but you can't heal the prince from the first time with so many frogs. When you try and you don't like it the next time, you will generally know that a person learns while he is alive and you want everything to be clear to you and to know, try, make mistakes in order to learn to judge people if you just stand and protect yourself. and at 30 you may not have found the right one, there are no perfect ones, you just have to love it as it is. Plus, love without sex doesn't exist, you want to find the right one, but you can't heal the prince from the first time with so many frogs. When you try and you don't like it the next time, you will generally know that a person learns while he is alive and you want everything to be clear to you and to know, try, make mistakes in order to learn to judge people as if you just stand and protect yourself. and at 30 you may not have found the right one, there are no perfect ones, you just have to love it as it is.
Now ... Whether He is or not and whether you are Her or not, you will both find out later if you start a relationship now. And whether to start - leave everything you wrote and answer honestly whether you are physically attracted or not. If so - you have nothing to think about, but if not - then this whole topic is completely unnecessary! ✌ F 28
Author, I completely understand how you feel at the moment. You explained it very well with this: "But I'm afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of experiencing this, because I've been lonely for a long time. There was a thought:" Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely! “That’s what worries me!” I would say, “Be with someone for his own sake, because you want to be right with him, as he is, and not because of other privileges, benefits, complexes, etc. there.” Many people start relationship with someone not because they feel so trapped, sunken, in love, but simply because they do not want to be alone, they want to have someone to take care of them, they want them to say in public "yes, I'm in a relationship", they are afraid to do not turn 40 and still be without a partner, who tends to grow old with them and other various fears of this variety. For me personally, this is pure use. I think that when a person is in love with someone, he does not hesitate, he does not look for another - for a better, busier, richer, more fun, kinder, more appropriate and the various epithets there. in this spirit. In my opinion, love should not be compared to a business deal. Love does not have to be a deal. If you hesitate, as number 4 noted, then something your intuition is trying to tell you. In general, I agree with number 4. It's just that a lot of people nowadays are on a trial-and-error basis, because they haven't had the good fortune to come across the right person for them, neither from the first, nor from the second, nor from the third time, but by adding the causes-fears, which I listed above (it's actually because of fears and uncertainty are the wrong decisions) and it just becomes super burdensome to think about the topic of commitment right .. If you really do not want to be with this boy do not deal with him and stop you give him vain hopes - to do you various services there, etc. So just try it, because you are on the pan now and just confirm after weeks or months that it is not in your heart, at least you will create a more negative attitude towards the next women in his life. But if your intuition tells you that you really like him, you like him, that you have a thrill for him, that he seems much more handsome than all the boys, men around you, then act. Do not worry. The important thing is to clarify your feelings for yourself. Not to listen to the opinions of any people. And if things don't work out between you in the long run, you'll still have a clear conscience that you're in a relationship with him not for benefits, interests, security, or financial aid, or to be "seen by people" there. that you're with gadji already, "and you really had real feelings. You just have to decide for yourself.