Hello! I don't even know which category to choose for this topic, because I think it can apply to anyone. I find the skill of silence and compromise invaluable, but, alas, I do not seem to possess it to the extent that I need it, so as to build healthy relationships of all kinds. To give an example? Ivan promises me something. I smile, I accept, I am grateful because I want to encourage Ivan. But I know that, for one reason or another, he is unable to keep his word. And yet it deserves a chance, right? Ivan, surprisingly for himself, despite his good intentions and the given word, fails completely. If I criticize him - we all lose, I'd better keep quiet, create a comfortable moment, show what my standards are (soft and gentle, but very clear) and leave him with the unceasing motivation he had to "fix" ,, showing me the best he is capable of. In most cases, nothing will come of this work ... People speak quite lightly and do not always keep their word. The problem is that I can't accept it. I show a solid dose of patience and flexibility, but when it appears on several "fronts" (work, personal life, family) I feel like a squeezed lemon and .... sooner or later I explode. And my outburst is very, very bad ... I don't shout, I don't shout, I don't insult. But my words are like a razor - accurate and measured, and I know they leave a solid negative mark. They can destroy a person, and as a result some things cannot be fixed. Sometimes I get confused ... I don't know if this is "flexibility" or hypocrisy ... Motivation and encouragement, support, only they help. I know it's true again, nonetheless, I burst out criticizing. It's very tiring. I feel drained. The problem is rooted in my father. Unfortunately, it didn't happen to my father. He is successful, moderate, patient, rich, down to earth, smart, tolerant, consistent, disciplined ... But he is also intolerant and lonely. And I'm starting to see how much we look alike ...
That's scary. I don't want his loneliness to be my future, and that's where things go with each passing year. I joke that if my father was a normal average household alcoholic who claims that the problem for every problem is beyond him, I would already have 2 divorces behind me (for example) :) And I'm not. I am 30 years old. I have no marriage, no children. And so as I look .... with these claims of mine ... Shouldn't I just buy 2 cats? I wonder what compromises they make to the women around me ... For example, their husband raised some topic about their cohabitation, they flatly refused, went home from work and he, most brazenly, did what he wanted. The woman in this situation spews fire and brimstone for 1 month, for example, then resigns herself and so they quarrel until the next absolutely disrespectful act of their chosen one. My mind does not fit it .... I if I am .... the luggage and I will not be. I am not addicted, and even if I hypothetically imagine that I am, from now on I will create a plan on how to organize my life in a different way and leave this man. Disrespect for me is unacceptable. Then I will continue to live alone, and this same woman will soon be celebrating 20 years of marriage. For better or for worse. I feel like the men around me are getting tired .... And I'm getting tired. I'm not a kindergarten teacher, but that's exactly how I feel .... I guess that there will be at least one comment in the style: "Well, since your claims are big, stay alone, ma, what are you complaining about ?!". Emmy ... that's a problem too ... I can stay alone. And this is not normal, because I am supposed to start a family. I want to create. In conclusion, I do not know what to ask ... Maybe .... What cats to buy? I am looking for something practical and long-term.
Answers 2
Are you a Taurus? Calm down, you're ok, look for yourself, be in sync. Get a cat, maybe a dog, and whistle!
You don't deal with people who don't keep their word. And another thing, are you aware that Ivan will not keep his promise, because you are dealing with him at all? What is it 'to give him a chance'? They talk a lot about 'giving a chance', you're obviously tied up. This is really a weakness, not a strength. This is a compromise. And for a number of reasons, you have instilled in yourself that you have to start making more compromises to people like this Ivan, so that you are completely filled with negativity, anger, malice, etc., so that Ivan's life is ordered at 6. Now, if you really wanted to start a family, you wouldn't be who you are. People who want a long-term partnership even unknowingly do their best to keep a person close to them. Why do I have the feeling that you want to start a family, because as you put it, 'it's supposed'. .? Otherwise, if your desire is real to become a mother, you can always do in vitro fertilization or adopt. Other than that, these women you're talking about don't think they don't want to grab their luggage too ... They just feel too inadequate to live on their own. For them, their husband appears as a substitute for the parents from a purely domestic, financial nature. And at the first opportunity they will grab this luggage, as long as they find a new man, or win the lottery or something like that. So I don't watch animals. But I do not recommend cats - they are selfish and do not really like, they value time for and with themselves. Maybe that's why they are my favorite animals - we have one nature. Get a dog - they are annoyingly loyal, willing to be obedient and constantly looking for attention, however, they are not very practical to raise and you have to deal with them a lot, but as children they are straight. But if you want a surrogate partner, the solution is definitely a dog, not a cat.