My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, we live together and we are both students. But in the last half year, when I have to cook something, I mostly buy products. We hardly go out on dates - sometimes he invites us for coffee, but my expenses for it seem to be more than his. If we go to another city - I bear the costs. Yes, even if it's a mercartilism and I work in the summer, my parents give me money for me, not to take care of my friend. I also look good, I know there are men who would give more in our relationship. I don't feel good that way. I don't want to feel like his mother, to cook for him, to clean for him and, on top of everything, to pay for it? !! How do I talk to him?
Answers 24
You don't need gifts / care, and the man you live with should share the cost (of food) with you, since you're both students. I understand that he was a student, you were a business lady - you will feed him, but it is not correct for one to feed the other, given that they are both students - gender does not matter. My advice is to talk DIRECTLY with him. Keep food receipts and ask for half the money the same night or shop together. A man eats a lot more than a woman, but OK, let's not get petty, but 50% MUST cover and also 100% of the cost of things that only he eats and drinks - for example, he loves Nutella and eats 1 jar a day, you you hate nutella - he buys this thing. Unfortunately, if you don't tell yourself now that it's bothering you, he won't change. My sister is with such a man. As students, she even begged for more money than ours at the end of the month to feed him. He paid 50% of the rent and bills, but he didn't pay a penny for food and everyone paid in restaurants / cafes. It is humiliating for many Bulgarian women to beg almost for money for food. In the traditional Bulgarian family, it seems that men are more responsible for the big things - rent, mortgage to pay, car, and women pay for food, various bills, but in general - the cost of women is not less. Yes, but children do not see that their fathers pay the mortgage / rent to the whole family and grow up in a family where the mothers are responsible for the food. They don't even remember that the cost of food in our country is 40% of the total cost, but simply for them the products go into the refrigerator themselves. This is a typical Bulgarian phenomenon, by the way. In most other cultures, including in our neighboring countries such as Greece, Serbia, Turkey, men feed the family. LITERALLY. We have raised generations of Bulgarian men who pretend to be matchmakers and big males, but really rely on the woman's income. And no, it won't change even after you finish both jobs. He will most likely take 20-30% more as a man and will still hide for food and other household expenses. Tell yourself now what is bothering you and impose strict rules or you will suffer. At the moment, you almost visit your parents to feed the other's son. It is not fair As a man, he will most likely take 20-30% more and will still hide for food and other household expenses. Tell yourself now what is bothering you and impose strict rules or you will suffer. At the moment, you almost visit your parents to feed the other's son. It is not fair He will most likely take 20-30% more as a man and will still hide for food and other household expenses. Tell yourself now what is bothering you and impose strict rules or you will suffer. At the moment, you almost visit your parents to feed the other's son. It is not fair
Well - with the mouth, directly. People don't read minds. I don't know why many women think the whole world knows what's going on in your head.
It may be too late to re-educate the man as you wish, but there is a way to spend your money on you. You go to the store and buy what your soul wants just for you. You sit down, eat when you get home, and if the mother's son wants to eat, he goes and buys or at least helps with the money.
The conversation must be direct. Before that, as a man who had this conversation, I have to tell you to consider whether it really is so and you give more. I tell you this because my ex-girlfriend and I had such a conversation, and let me tell you, I realized then how much she didn't understand who was paying when. Because you are talking about the journey, I will give you an example. She puts BGN 40 petrol in my car. She thinks she has given a lot. The previous day I had given BGN 250 for repairs and because of that I didn't have petrol, and it was used right there. Regarding the division of accounts, also look at whether this is true. Another case was that we buy a store BGN 40 account, we share it. During the week we dug up various small things here and there that I paid for and another BGN 60 had been collected, paid only by me. Then we go to restaurants, she pays 3 times I 2 times. In her eyes, she had paid more. 3 * BGN 20 and I had paid 70 50. We were like that for years, I didn't mind paying more, but then I realized that she didn't even notice, she let me evaluate what I was doing. Assess your situation and act. It may be totally different from my situation, but judge well before you have the conversation because I didn't want to look at it afterwards.
It's a mistake to live together before you get married ... Tell him to give money for food ...
I think he remembers, but it's easier for him to hide his coins .... It's very clear who he wants to eat to shop. For example, tell him to go shopping now, or if he wants to give money .... Even coffee, if he doesn't buy you, things are not good .... An acquaintance was like that, but her friend worked .. You have to want it, otherwise he won't think for himself .... These are mommy boys ....
Why don't you start spitting out the garbage now that they can barely stand it? !! And if the story had been written by a man, you would have broken up to call her a whore and a materialist (especially those complexes who go down like that) and dump her for using it!
I went out for a few months with a man who didn't get me a coffee. We go out to a restaurant. Out of courtesy, I pull out my purse to pay for my car, and he doesn't open a word to take it. It's super non-cavalier! I understand that we ate egati sofra to share the bill, and that - coffee and car ... When he came to us, I always served him with something - sweets, juice, wine ... When I went to her, even he doesn't remember asking me if I want a glass of water. And this is a man who lives in his own home and earns above average income ... I lost it because it is extremely disrespectful. I do not want expensive jewelry and gifts, but elementary cavalry. So is yours - tell him directly!
Our job was like that - my salary for rent, water, electricity, telephones. He stayed to pay for the internet and the TV and the consumables in "his atilia" and gave me for food as in advance what we decided what would be cooked and I calculated how much it would cost. He gave me exactly a penny as much as I calculated it would cost. Once he did not give more that I could like something and buy something. He didn't ask me once if I needed anything. One winter my boots came off, I told him I had glued them, etc. so that he would remember that I had to buy new ones. There is no brother after the 3rd gluing and when he felt sorry for his mother and bought me boots and gave them to me and scolded him jokingly, he called me "what he didn't say". The job is not there to say, but to show care for the person. Many times I saved the money for public transport and I went on foot in order to buy it, depending on whether there will be a toothache, whether a mild cold to take something to make him feel better. And he is nothing to me ... Then I am selfish
He must be saving money. And you feed him. Talk to him directly, calmly, with facts. And tell him to buy food and that you will not buy it again. Be firm. If you get used to it sooner or later, you will break up. And start collecting money.
Change the man simply! These never get better! Even if he has money, he will spend it for himself - for fishing rods, for skiing or cycling. So make your decision with yours!
Everyone here is talking nonsense. Don't you see that the author is a spoiled child, who is used to getting everything. "I think I pay more", "mostly I buy the food" ... For me it means that he also gives money, just his expenses are lower and therefore he gives less. If he doesn't feel like eating too much food, and she wants it, should he take it from her? And it's obvious (as in the title) that she wants it. He wants to pamper her, just as her father pampers her. Maybe because she is beautiful ... Still .... The disease of modern times - fathers and boys say to the girl: "Male, how beautiful you are, let me treat you to something ... "And then, when she turns 40, she starts rummaging through the garbage cans, because then it's really clear what kind of bubble she lived in. "If we go to another city - I'll cover the costs" .... Of course you. Does he have to pay you yours? Author, every one of your sentences is full of it. Especially the part that you are beautiful and for some invisible reason men are obliged to give you for that. I hate women like you. ---- My girlfriend and I are now going to Southeast Asia on vacation for two months. In our relationship, I pay for food and restaurants, but when it comes to fun, we split it in two. She pays for the ticket, the hotels and you. I pay for the food because I still study and work as a waitress only occasionally. However, he had been saving money for a whole year so that we could share the cost of the trip now. A mutual "friend" of ours, with a mindset like yours, told her the other day (I wasn't a witness and better) "don't be naive, women are disadvantaged and men have to pay us.
Well, it's very likely that you came across a baked tarikat. I know one who has always been supported by his girlfriends. He is currently married to a girl from a fairly wealthy family with a business in England. Guess if he's doing something. However, to get advice, give a few more details, such as who pays the rent and supplies, who buys food for home? You say that when you cook, you usually buy the products, but the rest of the time what you eat. It is generally normal to share the costs, because you are both students. If so and the boy is literate and loves you, don't make the mistake of abandoning him. You will almost certainly regret it. It is full of beautiful girls outside and mathematically not everyone can have a rich man. All the girls I know who have been looking for a wealthy partner are bitterly sorry. For some, the candidates were still not rich enough. However, the 30s have already been transferred, but in the circles in which they move, everyone knows what it is about and no one wants to deal with them. Others clung to their mother's boys, whom their parents withstood not 100 but 1000%, just to save them the slightest effort. Logically, a person who has not given any effort until the age of 25-6, even for 30 years, cannot start serious work from then on. In the meantime, the help of the parents has dried up and it turns out that the bills were quite crooked, but it's too late - children have been born and things are complicated. Others chose the easiest option - they found the so-called "uncle-coin". They lived for several years until they were replaced by fresh additions and woke up on their own in their 30s. Not that their time is up, but even with them, their whole environment knows what it is all about and serious men avoid them. There are only various counters. So consider things carefully before making a decision.
How to talk to him? Directly! And if there is no change (unless there are some extreme difficulties) - a joke! Although at this stage you can immediately lose it. Why? Because if there are no opportunities, he can work or at least thank you and help you physically in the household. Ž
12 I don't think he doesn't eat cooked, but drives on bread, it's just more profitable for him. She doesn't have to feed him.
It is a great pride for your wife or your girlfriend to be deprived for a whole year ... My mother always taught my brother "The bill. Do you go out with a woman and the bill is paid". Gifts are given as gifts - you can go home with a rose torn from the garden in front of the block, but the very fact that you saw a flower and thought of it is important. And if you don't want to help your girlfriend now, then what's left of having a family. Of course you don't have to. This is an attitude. And choosing a woman who deserves the rose from the garden or the holiday - according to the possibilities. And yes - try, dear girl, but do not wait for miracles. Just ask yourself - if you have a daughter and she is with such a man, what advice would you give her. If you have a son, is this the pattern of behavior you expect ... And no, I'm not waiting for something ready. I buy tickets for theater and concerts, I make surprises and I always have money - just in case.
Number 12, you're wrong about the author. It is very dumb and humiliating when the man next to you does not remember and looks at his ass only. It and you look at your ass. The woman next to you has proven that she is not a materialist or various other epithets. what would have happened to you if he had paid her share. Wouldn't her smile and the fact that you were happy for her happiness make you happier than watching her tremble and deprive herself of this rest as it costs you nothing but the movement of your scaly ass. I'm shocked by today's men. I am a woman, I am independent, if we have decided to go on vacation and the man does not have the means to pay, but there is a desire not to accept, I will bear the costs. Because I'm napping and I don't want to harm him and weigh him down, but for a fart like you to watch me struggle on condition, that he had the opportunity and invited me, I would make a joke of him and I would spend my money on something more useful than wasting days of my life with such a person without a drop of feelings. If I were a man in your place, instead of bragging about the simplicity I did, I would tell my girlfriend to spend her money on something else she wanted, and the trip was a gift. Or in this case, if it's too late, I would buy a gift. Aman from and I don't know what anymore
Number 12, you're wrong about the author. It is very dumb and humiliating when the man next to you does not remember and looks at his ass only. It and you look at your ass. The woman next to you has proven that she is not a materialist or various other epithets. what would have happened to you if he had paid her share. Wouldn't her smile and the fact that you were happy for her happiness make you happier than watching her tremble and deprive herself of this rest as it costs you nothing but the movement of your scaly ass. I'm shocked by today's men. I am a woman, I am independent, if we have decided to go on vacation and the man does not have the means to pay, but there is a desire not to accept, I will bear the costs. Because I'm napping and I don't want to harm him and weigh him down, but for a fart like you to watch me struggle on condition, that he had the opportunity and invited me, I would make a joke of him and I would spend my money on something more useful than wasting days of my life with such a person without a drop of feelings. If I were a man in your place, instead of bragging about the simplicity I did, I would tell my girlfriend to spend her money on something else she wanted, and the trip was a gift. Or in this case, if it's too late, I would buy a gift. Aman from and I don't know what anymore
Abe, some men have bent over lately, you don't care. However, if they divide the costs in two, they can. But next to me is full of families and cohabiting couples, in which the woman works and earns, and the man - healthy, straight and tough - sits at home and looks after the child or cat, as it is available. And on the topic of the Author - my advice is to dump this handsome man until you give birth to a child. Whether you speak or not, nothing will change. In general, I am quite liberal and I can forgive a man many things, but the manifestations of pettiness and stinginess - never.
My partner and I have a common budget. No mine, no yours. Everything is ours. So we think it's right. El ~
Disgusting behavior. Instead of him giving to you, you give to him, and he is supposed to be a man and a family will endure. Men have become great women ... And number 12, I have no words for him. His girlfriend will be deprived, so as not to scatter a lev on her, horror. Such men, women next to themselves do not deserve.
№11 says "change man". It's like running to the trunk and replacing a flat tire. I am disgusted by the comments on this topic and the like, given for gifts, coins, etc. The truth is that we are in a cultural transformation and some men feel where the wind is blowing. So, author, don't be surprised, really talk to him and when you feed him well, tell him to be the place, that he is obliged to shop, to carry the bags, to pay the bills and with a loan he can throw you on a trip to some exotic place. And you with your, I emphasize YOUR, money you will do whatever you want. Have you thought about pooling your money? This is normal for a common household.
Well, author, you are absolutely right - at the same age you are in a similar situation, you work in the summer to help yourself financially: you are absolutely not obliged to serve and support him, nor to pay for the "honor" of being with him. Your parents don't have to put up with it either, I don't know how uncomfortable it is. Apparently he's either a curtain or he just likes it and that's how things suit him. And don't forget that it's not crazy who eats the pie - as you do it yourself, so be it. If you think you deserve more, then act on it!
The author dropped the topic and disappeared. It was never clear what she didn't like, that she was paying his expenses (if she was right) or that he wasn't covering hers either. If the latter, there is no point in further comment.