Hello! 25 year old girl I am. I have a friend with whom I have been for 4 years. We live together. We're getting on well. But somehow the flame goes out. We are now more like roommates. Intimacy - fast sex every 3-4 days. He shows no desire, does nothing to ignite the flame. We're not going anywhere. I have feelings for him ... However, I feel lack and emptiness. I'm already thinking about children (even if some people think it's too early for me) My questions are ... Is there a chance to light a fire or do I hope in vain I don't think it's right to start a family with someone with whom things aren't going well. Do I want a lot? (not from work from home to work from home) Should I stay in this relationship or is it better to end it until it's too late?
Answers 14
Hello! My ex-girlfriend was the same, but she got cold much earlier. Her words were "Love exists for 2-3 years, from then on it is only respect" with which I do not agree - a gram. Love, in my opinion, exists as long as two people, sane, devoted people with a warm soul, want to keep the flame and neither of them relaxes, but works and thinks in this direction, to make gestures, to behave carefully, to enjoy his partner and everything else of this type. In short, as your man relaxes, it will get worse. I will neglect your attempts to light the flame, it will be the same until you finally pray for a little attention and hear "You still want a lot" :) This happened to me. This happens when you have a relationship with a cold person who does not know how to show his love or does not even try. Few people really want love to build something from there. This is about respect ... I have respect for my neighbor and my neighbor. Will I have a family or will we be roommates ??? I hope I was of help to you. 30 M Bs
You are already accusing him of not doing anything to "ignite the flame"! You are not saying that you have any serious problems, different goals (do you have any at all?) Different ideas for the future! And for the "flame" you also do not say what and whether you do anything at all. Maybe he thinks about the same things and that you do nothing to change that, incl. and boredom / grayness in your daily life. And what's stopping you from organizing a weekend together somewhere, buying two plastic cups and a bottle of cheap champagne and putting it even on the roof of the block to stare at the stars and drink your huggy example, for example? And to prepare delicacies to eat served on you? To buy tickets for a movie / concert in advance and to "surprise" him - put in front of a fait accompli and have a good time. To give him a massage that will end great for him, and then for you. To invite him through actions to do the same / similar things. Tell me, what are you doing? Men also need pampering, surprises, compliments if you will. This is not the time for a baby right now. Everyone would accept it as "tying" at such a moment. The child should be created with desire, love and a positive attitude towards the child himself, and not as a motive that strengthens your relationship.
You have to find a way to ignite the flame yourself. It does not support itself, the routine extinguishes it. Of course, there must be a desire on both sides. If you have no desire or your attempts are unsuccessful - it's time to part.
It is not too early for children at all, it is in these years that a family is formed, then problems arise due to the declining fertility. After all, the biological clock is running :) If you do not think that your partner is not stable for a family, you do not need
Според мен последният въпрос от поста ти е в същност и отговора - ти вече си излязла от тази връзка. Иначе това, което описваш е един напълно нормален живот, живеете заедно, разбирате се, правите относително редовно секс. Сигурен съм, че и това, което казваш "от работа вкъщи от вкъщи на работа" не е точно така, със сигурност имате общи приятели, със сигурност имате поводи да седнете за по едно питие навън, въпросът е ако той не е много инициативен ти да поемеш инициативата. Намери си поводи ти да почерпиш, било за рожден ден, било за имен, било за годишнина, било без повод. Номер 2 ти е дал/а доста варианти за раздвижване на кръвта в тялото на семейството, не чакай някой друг да ти прави кефа, направи си го сама и покани другия да участва в играта!
Love is like a flame - now it ignites, now it goes out. And in order not to go out, it must be maintained. It has been with me for 25 years now, but there have been periods in which it has been like the flickering of coals. And to ignite again, a conscious effort is needed. Unfortunately, a conscious effort on both. Otherwise, if only one loves, it does not happen.
You are not a girl, you are a woman! If you don't want to work from home and from work to work, then you are not ready for children yet! Then there will be 100 topics from you how unhappy you are. You didn't make a living at all! No marriages and children for at least another two or three years, you will roar a lot! If you feel exhausted now, run! Marriage and children will not strengthen your relationship! Get married when you are hopelessly in love, not dying of boredom and despair! I am writing this post most sincerely, sweet girl / unconscious woman!
Don't do that! If there is one thing I have learned in this life, it is that love must be EASY. I apologize for the capital letters, but I wanted to emphasize the word. Yes, it should be easy. If it is difficult, it is not love. I don't believe that the author has to stage almost theatrical performances and dress up for the lead role in order to arouse the thrill of her friend. I do not believe that anyone is to blame for the situation at all. Love goes away sometimes and we should not be angry with it. Life is coming. I also have a relationship for 4 years. Well, we don't even comment on such nonsense as getting on the roof, having a midnight picnic in the woods or setting fire to a car without a road and direction with two sandwiches and a Coca-Cola on the way and dawning on the Bulgarian coast. We just do it. Often. Spontaneity, the desire for adventure, curiosity about the world, the inseparable friendship between the two and the burning physical passion for each other - this is my formula. Every couple has their way, of course. But isn't there that sly flame in his eyes that suggests, "Delicacy or mischief?" I had such a marriage, I know what I'm talking about.
It's different for everyone, depending on how generous his soul is :) Or maybe according to how much love the one above gave him. For me, love is as simple as breathing - needed to live and completely effortless. But even when you test it, you have no doubts or fears, it just lives in you, I haven't tested it yet :), but probably to the last.
It lasts until we get bored or until a person finds something better. This is not math! My love is 1 year 6 months 22 days 3 hours 4 minutes and 22 seconds :)))))) Boredom depends on the value system,
I completely agree with 9, especially in the EASY part - it is not by chance that the people have said "beauty cannot be achieved by force". If you're going to push yourself, if you're going to pretend to be a clown, sooner or later you like it. But let's not forget that 9 is still at the beginning of a conscious euphoria, the passion has not yet passed, the curiosity is there, she has not yet found everything in her partner, but probably her partner is also good. Things, more or less, are a matter of personal choice, and the transition from personal to collective choice does not always happen or is not as easy as it seems from the side. I have been in a relationship for 9 years, the first 5 were wandering, adjusting and adapting - the environment in which we grew up is different, the value system is built differently, goals, aspirations, ideals are different. I'm a difficult character, she's a difficult character, Let's see who will prevail now - it is not a matter of overcoming, it is a matter of consensus, but it is also a matter of great patience and faith in the good inherent in each of us. Most bachelors and maidens do not believe that something good can happen to them, they are in eternal hesitation, eternal search, they never deepen, never seek - they think they deserve the full bucket, they just want to take - they have already given. Obviously your relationship is in crisis, but I do not advise you to rush with any capital conclusions, much less to try somewhere outside - believe me outside is no different, but you have the option to continue the search and after 2 years to release the same topic, after 2 more again. Now I'm contradicting myself, the connection should be EASY, but that doesn't mean without any effort, and number 9 (probably) already has this,
If it is true love .. it can last forever .. but it also depends on you .. that is .. whether you will change .. and with it your ideals .. but always a part of what you were before will remain and in the present and the future .. that "true self" that remains from to .. and just like in your future partners the analogue of this particle will be present .. so do you love someone .. if he keeps it in himself .. will you love him forever! ;) Vates (Mithridates)
Nowadays everything is interests. The faster a person gets to this, the less stupid he will be and he will not suffer. Love is for the family, only love for the family. Nowadays there is no friendship either. I do not sleep on ... for the comments about my statement. I am real and without hypocrisy. Hypocrites both in love and in friendship.
I'm 10. In the last comments you confuse "simple" and "easy". I think love is simple because it doesn't take anything to live. There is a person there who annoys you, with whom you have quarreled many times, but this does not change the great tenderness and care you feel for him, and it is practically impossible to imagine your life without him. So much for the simplicity of love. That is, love lives its own life, according to its own laws. It is related to the need for a close person, for a home, for children with him, but it is not identical. It's just that you two are enough. This is the simplicity and fullness of love. I have experienced it and seen it in other people. Otherwise for the easy - I can not comment. Most emotional, passionate relationships are not easy. Maybe I'm not an expert either, because I have no affinity for easy relationships,