All my life (about 30 years) I tried to be good to everyone and I tried to make friends, because each of us has positive and unique traits. As always, I am left alone because I am comfortable as a handkerchief and I obviously look weak and soft. How can I surround myself with the right people, ie with those with whom I would grow in life and professionally? How do you sift them so that you can later become friends?
Answers 8
Hello! I had a similar problem. I wanted to be friends with everyone and be there for them when they needed someone. However, I realized that I did not give myself enough time to get to know these people and I hurried to become close. However, this brought a lot of stress and exhaustion into my life. I realized that when I try to get something that can happen on its own, I lose a lot of energy and time. It's one thing to be polite and nice to people, it's another to be friends with absolutely everyone you know. Leave things to the current, focus on something else, and let friendships form naturally. And the fact that you are "alone" and that people "leave" you is not specific because you are soft, and they usually do so. Don't think too much about it. I'm sure if you're lonely and you want to talk to someone and turn to someone,
I trust my instincts first. Then I monitor the other person's behavior and if it is well-intentioned, I allow him closer. I try to understand everyone with their points of view, I do not expect the same, but I am impressed by those who are really kind, helpful and understanding. I am not a "mirror" and I do not get everything back with interest, but rather I get only the good back. I can't say that there are no hypocrites, but I believe in my intuition and I rarely make mistakes about sincerity. I remember completely for myself the bad that I saw, it is the one thing in mind that everyone is talking about. If I have a few in mind for one person, I know for myself that I cannot trust him and do not accept him as a particularly close friend, but as an ordinary acquaintance. This means that I will help him if I think it is right, that I will congratulate him and wish him happy holidays,
Did you feel that he was a traitor-adios! When you finish it like a dog in the fields, you understand that it's useless! And you have to earn your trust! As the saying goes, the bird lands on your shoulder only once!
Such people, who seem to like everyone, actually just don't like themselves and do everything possible to please everyone themselves. This is a lost cause. You can't like everyone, nor can you like everyone. This diligence from the side seems artificial, pretended and downright hypocritical. I personally do not like such "universal" people, it seems to me that they cannot be trusted and that they have no principles. They just change for everyone and are not built personalities. They will tell you that you are always beautiful and you are always right, even when that is not true. Such people neither grow nor help anyone grow. A friend must be able to tell you the truth, just as you must be able to bear it as something constructive, not defensive. Don't try and don't be good to everyone. This way you do not encourage anyone to be good to you. Does it make sense! ? Aren't you good with everyone? This should be a privilege of your loved ones. I understand your good intentions, but I have a person in my environment whom you remind me of and I watch with my own eyes how he tries to please himself and this repulses everyone, I have known him since I was a child and I love him, but still when I meet someone then I have to explain that it just looks like a full snail, otherwise it's cool.
The trick is to stay good, BUT to be strong. This is what distinguishes the alpha male from the others (or the leader we can call him). He is empathetic, kind and good, but also brave, tough and real, he admits when he is wrong and does not run away from problems. Example: You see a girl at the bar and go talk to her. You're being nice, but suddenly she told you, "I'm not interested." Maybe that's what she says, but you get offended and sad and leave her. A man with confidence would continue the conversation "are you pretending to be inaccessible to what" and she will feel your confidence and will take that to like you. Be good, just be strong. Success! (Yes good is good quality your lucky one)
I am a woman and this "do you pretend to be inaccessible" repulses me categorically.
Number 5 if someone tells me in the bar "are you pretending to be inaccessible" after I have reflected it I will call the security immediately. You draw your own conclusions about what you will think. Author, this is something you can't fight. In my teens, I was like you, and it was all because of my low self-esteem and that I was always criticizing myself. As I grew older, I remained low self-esteem, self-critical, helpful, and open to people. Those I called friends came and went from my life, some tried to tell me their stereotype of life, every mind gave me what I should be, and I am what I am. Well now at 32 to tell you I no longer suffer that I have no friends and I am lonely. I do not speak and deal with anyone's claims. Watch your peace and do what gives you pleasure and joy, and if someone asks you for help, don't refuse. Don't run away from yourself even if you feel invaluable
Because I was like you before I did anything for someone, I wait to get to know him and apply the rule of good with shit and I dare say that I am surrounded by few but nice people