Hello, I haven't written on forums so far, but obviously there is a first time for everything. I have a problem with sharing, and especially with sharing with my closest people. The situation is a bit ridiculous, but I guess everyone, when they have a case to solve in their life, seems the most complicated. So to the problem. I had a 3-year relationship, which was my most valuable relationship, but a year ago we broke up due to a number of misunderstandings and uncertainty on my part and his. Apart from having a relationship, we were also very good friends, and we even still hear and see each other as friends. Sometimes I have the feeling that we have never separated. Until we were together, I did not introduce him to my parents, to my brother, in a word, to the family. In general, I am not in favor of meeting parents, or at least not in the beginning. I've never done it, which I realize is not very normal. I'm still 28 years old, but that's how I felt more non-committal, and without expectations from the others. Although he introduced me to almost all of his relatives. The other reason I didn't do it is because I've been hiding something about myself for as long as I can remember, something I don't talk about with almost anyone, let alone anyone. Now for the first time I will share it in a forum lol. I am a Bulgarian of Roma origin and I never knew how to talk about it. In principle, I should not take it as something important that determines my life, but obviously it is once I get here, and I do not want to. Once, while we were still together, he saw a picture of my brother on Facebook, and asked me directly if I was of Roma ethnicity. I was in shock at the time because no one had asked me until then, and I did not know what to answer him. And guess what I did - I denied ... at that moment I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed because I denied it. It has remained so to this day. There are still feelings between us and he himself told me that he could not imagine being with another woman, but remembering how foolish I was to deny it. These are things that should not be hidden, let alone denied, I understand. But it is difficult for me to talk about it, and it is because he is one of my closest people. I'm not asking for advice, I just needed to share it for the first time, albeit in this form. I'm only interested in what you look like from the side, and what you would do in such a situation. that he could not imagine being with another woman, but remembering how foolish I had been to deny it. These are things that should not be hidden, let alone denied, I understand. But it is difficult for me to talk about it, and it is because he is one of my closest people. I'm not asking for advice, I just needed to share it for the first time, albeit in this form. I'm only interested in what you look like from the side, and what you would do in such a situation. that he could not imagine being with another woman, but remembering how foolish I had been to deny it. These are things that should not be hidden, let alone denied, I understand. But it is difficult for me to talk about it, and it is because he is one of my closest people. I'm not asking for advice, I just needed to share it for the first time, albeit in this form. I'm only interested in what you look like from the side, and what you would do in such a situation.
Answers 17
If you wanted something really serious with this person and if he wanted it, I would definitely admit to him, firstly, that it will always weigh on me that I'm lying to him, secondly, that if you have a family one day and he later finds out he will hardly he likes it, neither do you, am I right? Do you love someone and especially he to respond with the same NEVER hides, keeps silent or lies, after all this is your partner in life !!
In this case, tell the truth so you don't have to lie ...
I don't excuse you for lying to him, but otherwise I completely understand you. Everyone is ashamed of something in their life. The bad thing is that you can't hide forever. Look, try - you neither killed nor stole, no one chooses in what family to be born.If he truly loves you-he will swallow everything, and greater sins than that-in fact what a sin-so you have done nothing.Do you drop-just this was not your man, but you are young, you will find the man for yourself. We have all been abandoned and lied to, believe me
Instilled fear and shame of childhood. People struggle with such things. One of the steps to becoming a stronger person is to overcome them. We must first realize our fears, what they are, where exactly they come from, then see if they are real or imaginary, and finally make the right, bold decisions and acquire new habits that will help us make decisions. Shame on the ethnic group :) normal. One of the main pillars on which Bulgarian politics is based is the opposition of ethnic groups. You can be afraid if there are thieves, murderers, more aggressive people in your family and it is normal not to want to present them to your friends. If there are no such things, it will be easier for you to overcome the shame. Otherwise you will need courage, but you still have to do it. After all, you represent yourself, not other bad people. No one should bear someone else's fault.
I would tell him the truth, such things are not kept secret, however, if the person cares about you and you, there should be no secrets between you.
What ethnicity should not matter to a person if he truly loves you. If he loves you, he will accept you as you are. Ps: It is never too late to tell him that you are of Roma origin! People have said .. better late than never .. or find out for yourself. Good luck :)
Everyone has things that are hard to say. It has happened to me so much to be afraid of confession that I invent a whole speech and repeat it dozens of times in my mind. Then I go to the person I want to share with and the words get stuck in my throat, as if I'm losing my ability to speak. Not that I hid anything striking, but the more a person thinks, the harder it is for him to say the thing. It's easy, but if you don't care. I usually close my eyes, count to 3 and say it briefly, clearly and directly. It becomes easier for me, the explanations after that do not bother me, difficult words are rarely more than a sentence. I share with you to give you an option for action. You go to your friend, count to 3 and say it directly: I am of Roma origin, I lied to you years ago and I'm sorry, I'm ashamed. Then let whatever happens. You have to learn to tell the truth about your origins,
Tell him, don't lie to him, he will decide whether to be with you or not. I personally would not stay in such a relationship, no matter how much you judge me. I am a Bulgarian and I want to keep the blood in the veins of my children like that, our nation has interfered beyond recognition, soon there will be none. And such important details are said at the beginning, not to wait for the boy to fall in love and rely on it to be with you! You definitely acted mean to him.
Hey 8 :-D You will be the purest Bulgarian. Descendant of the Dulo family. Do a genetic test to get rid of your simplicity. Who knows what kind of Mongolian cattle breeder you are
It is good to say. My friend is also not a pure Bulgarian, she is my friend's ex. He left her because he understood that and could not fall in love with her. She has never talked to anyone about it openly, it does not seem to her. They don't live like that, they don't know gypsies, but they are still of this origin. These things need to be said. I knew it, my friend made me leave her 100 times for that, but we've been together for 1 year now and I can't, I like her. My mother accepted it OK, my grandmother and father do not know, I dare not tell them. I'm 27, she's 22. At times when I'm arguing, I'm rude and I say that I compromise with the fact that she is a gypsy and with myself, but I'm wrong
Hey 10 Your comment shows what ethnicity you are from, I'm not a racist, but you should get together with people like yourself, and not try to become Bulgarian and dilute our blood. There are many of yours, so you have a choice.
Thank you for the comments, they will definitely be useful to me :)
This confession, which sooner or later you will have to make, will show you the truth about your relationship. I wouldn't put it off. I am in a mixed marriage, despite everything and everyone.
10, go mate with them, don't look for Bulgarians You spit a lot on your spittoon, but in reality it's not like that
Hey 12 and 8: D I don't know what it looks like, these are your fantasies. I have a great-great-grandfather who died in the second Balkan war under the Bulgarian flag. My grandfather's brother barely escaped among the horses from a machine gun shooting at the Drina River in World War II again in a Bulgarian division. :) They may be Romanians, although there is no such ethnic group or Greeks or: D do I know them. Go ahead with your research and write here to brag. :) don't eat GMOs so as not to contaminate your pure Bulgarian genes inherited from the first Bulgarian - Bulgarian grandfather.
11, since the girl is OK and the family and also, you have nothing to worry about. Although there are families that are not from the minority and yet are not from the most literate, but still people of all kinds. In the end, you will live with her and not with her family. If you have enough life and health to have children, you will raise them as you both would like, and not according to the expectations of others. (You don't have to tell everyone.) People, otherwise in my case, of course, I'll tell him I didn't think I had a serious relationship with someone and he didn't know everything about me, it's ridiculous. I'm not ashamed of myself nor is there anything from my family. It's all in our head. But I am of the opinion that it is not necessary, as they say, to beat the beat and tell the story, for the simple reason that our society is not yet ripe for it. It is not ripe to see that there is a part of the minorities who have nothing to do with the gypsies who beg steal and live in a way that I also do not accept. Sometimes I look at them and say to myself that they are a hopeless case, but I hope that one day this will change. Anyway, I will learn to talk about it with the person next to me. After all, it doesn't define what kind of person I am. Our qualities do not come from the ethnic group, but from the upbringing :)
People were right when they said it - every frog should know its goal. I personally would be in a relationship with a person from another ethnic group, but nothing more, for children, family NO. There are few Bulgarians that can support me. Now, if you are from a mixed marriage, things are different, a lot depends on whether the person would fit into the situation, whether he is not a racist, etc. Such relationships are very complicated and especially if there are children they end up suffering and they will acquire this feeling. of inferiority, which is very unpleasant. However, in such cases, children are most important. Personally for your case, tell him as soon as possible, that's right. If this fact does not bother him, you will be satisfied and you will swallow this lump that is stuck in you.