Hello. I'm 19, in university, a boy, without many friends. I want to go to discos, have a good time, go out with girls, but I don't have the confidence to take the first step. Because I've been to a disco before and I'm very wooden, I can't relax at all, I constantly think about what others will say to each other, if I dance badly, or I just always think about what others will think of me. The same goes for alcohol, even alcohol doesn't relax me. For several days I have been thinking about trying cigarettes or weed, something that will make me relax a little, because I can't continue to be such a tree anymore .... When I was younger and when you were I thought about my future, I imagined myself as a cool guy, with friends going out with girls, I imagined my life as cool, but as if I made my own life like that. I became crazy instead of cool / normal, I even let go of my stomach from inaction: D. So I ask for advice on what to do. I don't want my university years to be spent playing laptops and learning. I want to live my life, to go to parties, not in a few years, when it's too late to regret it and it haunts me all my life. It's really hard for me, because I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because I don't discuss such things with my family, and if I tell this to acquaintances (because I don't consider them friends) I don't know how they will react and what they will they think. In general, almost all of my family are baked, those who went to parties a lot, got drunk, had a good time when they were my age (I know, because for example, when I was little they took me to cafes and bars and so-called it is about cousins, etc.). I'm the only one of the kind of catwalker who has become a kind of traffic jam and this irritates me a lot.
Answers 3
Author, don't take it so seriously. I was the same as you. At school and university, I suffered from a lack of self-confidence because we didn't have money and I didn't have the means that the others had. I wasn't super closed and isolated, but I wasn't one of the formed groups, although I really wanted to. In my attempts to become "busier" in my last year of school, I started drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. Very stupid decision, but I also did it to relax, because in company I became super stiff. This did not help me, however, ie I did not become more mobile. The only thing that happened was that I smoked for a few years and gave up quite hard. I had self-confidence inside, but it bothered me that I just didn't have the opportunity to be like the others - to go to sea with them, to go out all the time, to drive a car (albeit my father's), etc. I started university just like you with high expectations for parties and a lot of fun, but the reality turned out to be different. For 4 years I never managed to case roommates. Besides, I couldn't make friends with anyone in the group. One part was just users and adjusters, and the other thought only of drinking and nothing else. No meaningful conversation could take place with them. So, during the 1st to 3rd year, I had never been to a disco. I didn't even know where some of them were (I studied in Varna). Things didn't get better until the 4th, simply because I worked at sea in the summer and met normal people. At the beginning of my studies, the lack of friends and the tension from the university made me very depressed. I even thought I was going crazy. Only God saved me from her! Gradually, in my sophomore year, I calmed down and things started to fall into place. I emphasized learning, as I said above, and I started working. After graduating, I already knew what I wanted and set goals, which I followed closely. Success was not long in coming, and God helped me achieve even more than I wanted. Now I have no problems with my self-esteem. People around me even consider me a terrible nerd. My advice is also to emphasize learning. Look around for people around you who really want to grow, not those who just came to spend mom and dad's money. Once you dive into the quagmire of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes - getting out is very difficult. Not to mention that my classmate ruined his whole life because of the grass. He developed a mental illness from which he is still unable to recover.
"How to become a man of me" and if by that you mean to become "cool, popular, the girls to look for you, to get drunk" ... there is something very wrong in you or rather immature. You are 19 and you think like a 12-13 year old. I'm not saying all this badly. But, how can you consider yourself "congested", because you are not "walking" and various pickles are not looking for you, more precisely, they do not stick to you. You've become "crazy," and you think that those who went to "a lot of parties, got drunk, made a good living" are "cool / normal." Man, the mass stereotype has brainwashed you !! When I was your age, I suffered for a long time and thought I was missing something, but now I see that it is not. You don't miss anything, but unfortunately you will find out later. Learn, develop, upgrade, remember - there is nothing more valuable than that. Your problem is that you are smart, intelligent, but you try to live up to the expectations of others.
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