Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl .. I decided to seek advice here about a very big problem for me ... It's terribly stupid, but I really need help .. My problem is that I absolutely always judge people by their appearance without turning around attention to character. I don't think I'm beautiful and I don't have self-confidence, but I always go out with guys who are "BEAUTIFUL". I've already suffered several times because I chose such guys and now I find myself in a very complicated situation. I can say with a clear conscience that he looked like a magazine model, my friends told me that he was very handsome and we understood each other a lot, but we broke up because he hurt me a lot. I spent all summer alone, literally no boy paid attention to me and I was depressed, I drank, smoked and didn't go out much in our country, but in the end I met a guy who was nice to me and I went out with him without knowing what he looked like because he didn't have any pictures in his profile and so on .. we went out a few times (I don't know if out of pity or just because I was depressed, that no one wants me) but then I told him that I no longer wanted to see each other, only because he was overweight and did not look like my ex. I was very sorry that I hurt him like that and now you probably think of me as a monster, but I can't change and I hate myself .. After him I started dating another guy, who is also not nice and handsome, but I thought that I will be forced to change when I am with him .. And so we have been together for 1 month and instead of changing every day I cry and look at photos with my exes or see them live and I feel terrible that he is not like them ..
Answers 11
Don't be so superficial about men. I have such girlfriends who always choose what guys to go out with and then wonder why they are alone. Learn to judge people by their words, deeds and characters. Such men, who think of themselves as great beauties and have self-confidence only because they go to the gym, are not men at all, but mother's sons who think only of their appearance and with whom to sleep. I have always been of the opinion that no matter how handsome a man is, no matter how rich he is - if he doesn't have a mind, don't praise him! (The same goes for women). You'd think he was handsome, looking like a magazine model, having good sex, etc., but don't you remember that you have to say something to this person? Look for a man who will make you happy, will make you happy, support, share, love. There is nothing better than knowing that you have someone to share everything with.
I don't see what the problem is with dating handsome people while you fall in love. If you fall in love with someone, even if he is not the type of handsome man you fall in love with, he will be the most beautiful in the world for you. Apparently you haven't been in love with any of these before. And no matter how wonderful it is for the current boy to behave with you, if you don't feel ok, there is nothing to torment and whine about. Separate before he becomes more attached and is with a girl who will like him as he is. Otherwise, I think that your problem is not that you fall in love only with handsome men, and so you kill your complexes for me. . You have to like yourself. No one and nothing from outside will give you what is inside you. It is not a question of a vision of yours or of others, but of a feeling of inferiority. You have to "work" inside the problem, and not to look outside for violent change. When you torment yourself with someone you don't like, you will only feel even worse. Usually such men either pay beautiful girls or the evil "muffins" were the like, a kind, the grapes are sour. The difference is that as a woman you will neither pay for a handsome man, nor will you spit in the corners, you can have them :). And if you can have beauties, it means that you are a beauty yourself. Young, beautiful boys can have a lot of girls, as soon as they stop at you, it means that you are like that, they will hardly "sacrifice" for more ugly ones. And that one of them hurt you ... look now, the uglier ones will hurt you more, just because they are complex. When settling with a pretty girl, they often think that she will raise their "price" to have more and start behaving like crazy on the streets and to roll after every beauty in the style of "did you see what was coming to me, do you want, I'm sure God, see what a beauty she is to me great, "my" python is 10 cm ", etc. Well, as long as you drool. You have the opportunity to be with beautiful people, you want to be with beautiful people - what's the problem? !! And I like only handsome people (according to my perceptions) - 185-190 tall, about 90-100 kg of muscles, a total of 6 square meters of spread area, dark hair, light eyes - wolf type :). I don't even notice the others. And I did not get a long and happy relationship with the first. But I have good memories with men that you can lick from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Now I have such a constant, we have been together for several years, in love and happy. There is no force to change to please ... who? !! To the boys who have nothing to do with your idea of a desired man? !! They will be ok, you will be "poisoned", come on. And better alone than badly accompanied.
When you get tired of being hurt and used by "beauties", you will come to your senses, until then you will be like that. And you're not alone, nowadays most girls look at appearance and muscles, not character and behavior. And they all come to their senses when they realize how lonely they are and how various "bad boys" have tossed them like rags.
Very interesting topic! Don't pay attention to the attacks you will receive. I am older than you and I have a lot of useful experience that I can share with you. Because I am also attractive and I had a large selection of men, which I selected by many criteria. I'll tell you something - if you choose an ugly boy, poor and fat, THERE IS NO WARRANTY that he will come out right! The only guarantee is that he will be willing to keep more compromises because he has no choice. I have come across all kinds of people and I have always been disappointed - no matter the appearance, money, etc. For this I will tell you one thing - choose a boy at your level, according to your appearance. I don't know what you look like, but it's normal if you're beautiful to want a nice boy. However, it will be a pleasure for him to watch you every day and it should be pleasant for you, not torture. For the money - the boy should always be at your level, or better. But by no means worse, because then you will be the man in the couple, and he will be complexed by it. There is no need to feel guilty that you want the best for yourself. That must be so! Why did this fat boy want to catch up with you and not some fat mustache? Because he wants the best for himself, why should you feel guilty? The fact that you went out with a person without a photo in your profile is the biggest mistake and doesn't do it anymore. What if it's a psychic or a rapist ?? This is hellishly unreasonable on your part. Before you meet someone, not only check a photo, but also hear on Skype to see if it matches the photo. Tell someone you know who you're dating so you don't get in trouble. I've met people with photos and they didn't respond much to the photos,
Listen to number 2. I couldn't have said it better.
Thank you for the comments :)
You must be some kind of scoundrel (muffin), don't listen to what Preslava and Galena are shouting at you, that you have to fall for badly cracked thighs, but go with someone shy, and fuck the thrill, love is tenderness, not some crazy thrill!
Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. Don't chew here, but look for someone like you, don't look at the girls who, if they can with split thighs, won't squat on anything else. And that someone takes care of his body only means "a healthy spirit in a healthy body", while others sniff snot and mutter. Author, you enjoy cool guys, now is your time. When you fall in love, whatever, but to take down the bar, because it doesn't come out to others ... I beg you.
Number 8, because of these "cool guys" the author will roar and sit on Jenna's fat. I, like the author, accept her as a sexual object, I respect girls who draw, read, write, etc., I want such as a boyfriend, not some muffins that have fun on the chalga and go to chalgoteki.
Haha, let's get started. This is what I meant by the author, for some you will have a muffin just because you like good people. Nowhere did you say what you study, what hobbies you have, but n 7 included you in the category "muffins, chalgarki". I am translating his statement into simple Bulgarian: "I don't have a chance, because she has such a great choice. that is why you will NEVER lower the bar for anyone's sake. Always ask for the best. Because such complexes will make your life miserable because of your own fears. And maybe he is good and everything else that needs to be both ugly and without everything else.
If you meet someone who looks like a slightly more human version of Shrek, but everything else in him (except looks) will be so captivating, crazy, amazing, wonderful, that after two seconds spent with him, you're in seventh heaven, loves you endlessly, respects you and supports you, would you keep him? If the answer is yes - then there is nothing to change in yourself. If it's "no" - rethink the situation - do not sell your eternal happiness with the man of your dreams because it does not look like a model from magazines. If you are really happy with a person, you will swallow his appearance.