How To Divide Them?

Hello everyone! A lot has happened lately and I don't know what to do anymore, that's why I'm writing here, relying on your advice to help. It's about my 16-year-old daughter's 19-year-old boyfriend. I understand that three years is not a big difference, but still, he is an adult, a big man to some extent, and she is still a child of 16 years. But that's not the problem, it's what it is and how it affects my daughter.

My husband died, my eldest son lives abroad and I take care of her alone. Before I started dating this boy, I had absolutely no problems with her. I don't mind having a boyfriend and I've never interfered in her love life, but now I just can't stay away.

The boyfriend's problems started when one day I was called to school due to bad behavior, absences, and low grades. When I went I saw her in the schoolyard, the boy was sitting on one of the benches, and she was sitting on it. They were kissing, and he was diligently squeezing my daughter's ass. When I interrupted them, she started being rude to me, asking me how I could expose her like that. I took her hand and pulled her, and he got up and yelled at me not to pull her. We quarreled and he pushed me, telling me not to touch her. The guards came and told him to leave the school building because he was not a student there, and he came out cursing both of us, and my daughter asked me how I could afford to talk to him like that.

After this incident, I asked a little about him and since we live in a small town and everyone knows everyone, I learned a lot of worrying things about him. He did not finish high school, was expelled in the 11th grade and his parents did not enroll him in another school. An acquaintance of mine from the police told me that he had spent many nights in the district since he was 16. When he was 18 he was convicted of beating, but the only punishment he received was to pay compensation. I also found out that he was involved in weed, but I don't know if he still does. His family has written him off, he lives alone and his relatives are not looking for him.

I decided to talk about it with my daughter. I told her everything I had learned about him, and it turned out that she already knew all this. She knows very well what kind of product this boy is, but she refuses to part with him, so I decided to punish her not to go out and she naturally raised a scandal. Despite the punishment, however, as soon as I go to work, she goes out and goes directly to him. Sometimes he doesn't go home at all, and when he does remember to come, it's late at night. He gets into his car boldly even when he has apparently consumed alcohol.

I'm sure that if she continues to be with this boy, my daughter will fail just like him, so I have to separate them, but I don't know how to do it.

Answers 12

jesandora answered · July 20, 2020

You also take all the devices in access to the Internet and social networks, download a good fight and send it against the will and in the countryside to knead a cow's cake to see if he will come to his senses and dump this failed guy! How will the little bitch keep such a cheeky tone because of some squirrel? If you let her do what she wants, she will realize only when he starts attacking her, or worse, she will become a drug addict next to him.

krisskissme answered · July 20, 2020

I know it will hurt, but all you can do is let her break her head, she'll oppose you to everything else, or she'll find a way to be with him.

giocinto answered · July 20, 2020

I guess you read about the case of Aytos, the girl killed by her drugged friend. Seek child protection and be referred to work with a psychologist both. Another option is to ask your son to return shortly. She needs authority, and as far as I can see, this role is currently occupied by her boyfriend. Talk to her, don't argue, because it will take you further away. Try to understand what he gives her as feelings, emotions or something material. Try to engage her time, for example, language courses, sports, some activities. Is there an opportunity to help somewhere, volunteering? When did your husband die, how did she experience it, did she experience it at all? It is obvious that she is rebelling, find out what the rebellion is against in order to deal with the problem.

kellys89 answered · July 20, 2020

That's not the way. Your daughter must realize and RECEIVE her lesson on her own. To realize. You want to forcibly break up with her. Because they are sitting on the bench and pushing each other, you may not like it as a mother, but it is normal and typical for this generation. Having sex at 16 is ok. Getting in his car drunk is probably a good idea to talk about the consequences. Understand that until your daughter realizes them herself, there is nothing you can do. On the contrary, you push her directly into it. Let him see his bad side and sober up.

kollontaiqt answered · July 20, 2020

Look at destinies at the crossroads, there have been several such cases. There was also a case of an ambitious mother who eventually pushed her son away. Your focus is wrong, how to separate them. Not for your daughter to understand what is right and what is wrong, but how you separate them. And the next thing you will not like. You want to live her life and you control her. But you should have raised her by now and let her know what is right and what is wrong. Did anyone talk to her about the consequences if someone was drunk behind the wheel?

kikihart answered · July 21, 2020

He does not interfere in her life, even if she is wrong, because she never learns from her mistakes and learns the lessons she needs to learn. Otherwise she will hate you and subconsciously always connect with such men to "experience" this wild "love". Instead, she let her scald and give up on the boy herself. You pretend to support their relationship, don't stop it, because obviously you can't. Thus, with your permission, part of this forbidden thrill will die. Your daughter will understand that you were right about everything and in the future, she may listen more to your words. Never interfere in the lives of your children!

aaanicehardd answered · July 21, 2020

In my opinion, the best solution is to let her do what she wants. Once she finds out what kind of product this boy really is, she will come to you on her own and apologize to you. There is no point in trying to do something against her will, because believe me you will not achieve anything. She let her know for herself what kind of person she was dealing with.

talkwithann answered · July 21, 2020

Unfortunately, by shouting, punishing and threatening, you will not achieve anything, most deliberately to make her run away to him, so, no matter how hard it is for you, let her do what she wants and squeeze your thumbs to realize quickly. Sooner or later he will do something that she thinks will not be right and then he will enlighten her about what type she is involved with. And then she will return to you on her own and apologize for her behavior. Yes, unfortunately there is a risk in the meantime that she herself will suffer, get into trouble, etc., but if you have given her a good upbringing, no matter how much she is in love, she will understand what kind of person she has caught up with. No matter how much a girl is in love, she's still unlikely to be happy if she knows her boyfriend is selling drugs or the police are looking for him for stealing a car or something, right? So just arm yourself with patience and wait for him to blow himself up. It is guaranteed to happen. Well, I don't know if it will be in two days or next month, but since it's basically the case, there's no way she can't do something that will make your daughter think. The only thing he has to insist on is if he sleeps with him, he should always take precautions, because that's something that can't be fixed like that. Otherwise ... it's only a matter of time before she sees his real face and then she'll break up with him on her own, without you having to be the "bad one".

hanna_foxxy answered · July 22, 2020

It is too late, she has already failed, she is unlikely to follow the right path of life. Is it your boyfriend's fault that your daughter is sitting on his lap at school? I think she misses the first seven years of upbringing, the problem is not in the boy, but in your daughter!

sluttybunny96 answered · July 22, 2020

Those who say that you will not achieve anything with punishments, prohibitions and shouts are right. Sit in private and talk calmly about men. Explain to her that this man is a problematic person who tends to become even more problematic. Explain to her that over time, the aggression she has demonstrated at school will reappear for all sorts of things. Tell her that in time he will begin to command her, to control her, to make her obedient and not to contradict him for anything. Say as many such things as possible in this spirit. However, tell her all this in a calm and well-meaning tone, a confident tone, and in no case muttering, muttering, snorting. Finally, tell her that you let her go out with him, hug her and ask her to think about what you said.

bendover1293 answered · July 22, 2020

Of course you have to take action! All this "let her learn her lesson" is nonsense. If he was 20, it 's really good to break his own head, but at 16, it' s a child! Threats and restrictions will not work. My advice is to take the opposite tactic: get closer to the young person, this is a way to keep him under control. Praise him and not her. Make gestures for him and not for her. This will arouse her criticism and will begin to see in him a competitor for your attention. And once she perceives it as a competitor, her desire to surpass it will appear. This desire will provoke her to look for his weaknesses. As far as I understand the guy has a lot of them and it will not be difficult to find them. It is also good to place these two pigeons in different social situations, in which the fact that Romeo is without education and culture is especially clear. At the age of 16, a girl gained her experience mainly through comparisons. Think like a director and create scenes in which she has someone to compare him to and the comparison is not in his favor. If none of this helps, a strong fight can do the trick. Our pickle is 14 years old and already stumbles on boys, but my husband keeps it even too short. He would just grind her if he found her pushing at school with someone.

nickyplus answered · July 23, 2020

'Our pickle' - wow, 12, do you realize how disgusting people are the parents who express themselves in this way for their own children? Otherwise, your logic really pleased me, I am an objective person and that is why I admit it, even though I was very disgusted by the last part of your speech. And this with paint is guaranteed not to have a positive effect. Yes, the one who beats will be relieved of his anger. And no, it's not good to 'break your head' at 20, or 30, or 50, or ever.

How To Divide Them?

Answers 12

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