Hello! Maybe I've been following the site from the beginning and for the first time I will obviously have to write here. In short for me because I think it will be helpful to understand the whole picture. I live in London, England. Perhaps one of the most unfriendly cities in the world. The chance of falling for normal people is probably approximately equal to hitting a large amount of money from the lottery. You could say that I am an extremely difficult character. I am very proud and find it extremely difficult to let people in. I need a lot of time to perceive someone and usually when this happens they have already shown their horns and I realize that it is not worth it. I don't like to talk about my problems or at least I find it very difficult, I also don't like to show that I have them. I experience everything, alone inside and I try not to disturb others. But unfortunately, I also have a limit and when I get very close, I disconnect from the world, I don't even hear and perceive what I am being told. And that's how I think I'm hurting, insulting people who are really napping about me. I also think that everyone needs personal space and I don't like to be intrusive. And I am often asked why I split. I had a lot of friends when I came to England, mostly with problems. In the beginning, I helped most of them not to stay on the street. My job was expensive, but temporary. Then, when it was over, I had to go to London, but there my luck left me temporarily. I worked for a company for two months that decided not to pay me and I was left with one foot on the street. I had a roommate who was trying to impress my girlfriend and told me about my problems. Whereupon they decided together that they will buy me a ticket to Bulgaria without asking me because I can't get up .. If one of my closest people refuses to leave, he told me - take the ticket and go to Bulgaria to be fucked. fuck you're not here. I ended all relationships with everyone, even those who checked me from time to time to see if I was alive. I bet everything valuable in a pawn shop just so I wouldn't stay on the street. I decided that I would no longer deal with anyone and would only look at how to develop. I found a low-paid job and there I met an amazing family, Bulgarians. There was room with them and I changed my accommodation. In the beginning, our relationship was - hello - rent money - bye. Quite normal for England. It so happened that we started working together for a few months. I got to know them as people, I liked them a lot, and little by little they earned my respect, which had never happened before. Subsequently, my landlady and I stayed alone at work together and became very close friends. Later, these people made me feel part of the family. They did an awful lot for me. They believed me and until then no one had done it. I even started to like the holidays around them. Even when I suffered, a serious accident at work was still with me and I heard some of the strongest words I have ever heard - remember that you are not alone. And so until 2-3 weeks ago. I received bad news from Bulgaria. I shut myself in, I ignored the world for a while. I did not tell anyone what happened, although it was obvious that there was a problem. They tried to talk to me, but without speaking on my part. I'm just so engrossed in my problems. I felt that at times my landlady did not like it after trying to talk to me. When it all subsided and I began to recover, I began to feel as if I had killed someone. Although I was silent the whole time. And I already notice some change after that. When I go to see them, I feel like a stranger, which makes me keep quite a distance. I do not know what to do. I want to keep them as friends. I am asking for advice. I am open to constructive criticism, don't feel sorry for me :)
Answers 9
Well, just share with them, as you did here. They want it, and you push them away. This is how people get closer, sharing. Or you may feel better if you talk to them. It's so simple...
If you care about these people, swallow your habits, sit down, talk to them and explain everything to them as you wrote it here, telling them that they are important to you and you do not want your relationship to change because they are valuable to you and they made you believe in people again. They will understand you and appreciate your honesty. Success!
Abe found her a wife and don't deal with other people's families. I just don't understand what you're worried about? Watch your life, don't hang on to someone else like a trailer.
Nothing so bad has happened between you. You just have a sense of guilt, and you have nothing to do with it. I guess you feel guilty in front of them, that you have isolated yourself and not trusted yourself in a difficult moment for you. They may feel only your distancing and for this and the corresponding reaction. Just talk to them, explain to them that you needed to experience what it was like on your own and maybe not to burden them. I have also been living abroad for many years. I know how difficult it is and what an exception it is to come across decent Bulgarians. They are now you ... almost a family. That's how you feel about them, and that's why you're sick of what's happening. Talk to them and thank them for everything they have given you as emotion and security during that time. And you are obviously "their boy" for them, so to speak. They will understand you, nothing so serious has happened.
yours is not pride, but temerutschina. there is nothing proud of this suddenly and for no apparent reason to start behaving withdrawn and refusing to communicate with people who were close to you and helped you. no one makes you talk about your problems since Adam and Eve, but you can just tell them that you have problems and for a while you prefer to distance yourself and that's it. It's not complicated, is it? and can you imagine how they felt? you are not proud, but selfish. you just didn't care how others felt, and when things were over and you felt alone, you were uncomfortable again because of you, not because of them. other than trying to explain the situation to them, I see no other way. I don't know if you will fix things, but you can try.
And I'm in another country. I had a very close friend with whom we were together almost every day for a year. I lived in a dormitory, then she was in an apartment. It happened to me that I stayed to sleep with her. I usually helped her at the end of the month, because she couldn't keep track of her expenses at the end, and it happened that she didn't even have food. Eventually, little by little, he began to back away. 2-3 months I always organized outings, I always took the initiative, I always ask her if there is a need for something. I tried to talk to her. I didn't get any logical explanation ... things fell apart. Sometimes a "sorry, I'm going through a difficult time." Can mean a lot, even if you don't explain what specifically happened.
And I'm in another country. I had a very close friend with whom we were together almost every day for a year
Sit down and say, people I had such problems, it happened ... just nothing personal, but I'm like that. Sorry. And we are abroad, who does what, we always try to be people first, we help, but you know help is something very much a country, because there are people who do not deserve it. And so we started cutting them. You live abroad and you don't know the language and we still have a lot to learn, but we are getting better, we are constantly translating something for someone or accompanying me. To whom I said until now, come, I will give them textbooks, I will help you, there are no people willing to study. Otherwise, intrigue and nonsense hurt, envy too. Try to keep in touch with people, with a normal frequency of contacts and keeping a short distance, things will be ok.
Tell them briefly what happened in BG - about the troubles. Tell them you didn't want to burden them with unpleasant things. Tell them that you have dared to be alone with yourself while you make sense of the bad news. Something like that. And tell them that you value them as friends and people.