Hello! I will tell you briefly what it is about. My mother is a wonderful woman who, like many women, has never met a legal man in her life. She got married young, then I was born and in general she stayed with my father mainly because of me, she forgave him everything, just to grow up with her father. A few years ago, however, he went to work abroad so that we would not miss anything. Thus, the circumstances came together that the distance simply distanced them as a family, and in the last year their separation, which has been a fact for several months, dragged on. After much torment, quarrels, etc., my father simply stopped contacting my mother and she experienced it severely because he acted in a disgusting way and did not even realize what he was doing. She just got tired of it all and experienced it little by little. He hasn't even been in contact with me in 2-3 months, I don't get any money or anything, but I'm a full-time student, I can't work and our expenses just exceed our income. I see that this weighs on my mother, and even more that she was left alone. I am already big, I have a boyfriend and she is afraid that in time I will leave her too, which cannot happen. He is constantly depressed, trying not to understand what he is going through, but it is very clear to me. I'm a hell of a lot worried about falling into some kind of depression hole. I want to find a decent man, to try at least, but she firmly refuses, obviously afraid that the same thing will happen as with my father. I feel powerless to watch my mother suffer and suffer, we are constantly out of money, I count my pennies at the end of the month on the one hand, and on the other she goes nowhere, refuses to find a friend, although she looks great and is liked . I don't know what to do anymore. I talked to her about these things, what I didn't try to do, but she is stuck in this situation and doesn't move. She is living from a job she has been working on for years and has not received a penny more, I said, to find a new job, calmer, higher paid, but she does not want to. Sometimes I feel like we've swapped roles and she's the kid. I'm afraid, I don't know what to do to convince her to do something to progress in her life ... All I want is to see her happy and smiling again, confident and knowing what she wants ... calmer, higher paid, but does not want. Sometimes I feel like we've swapped roles and she's the kid. I'm afraid, I don't know what to do to convince her to do something to progress in her life ... The only thing I want is to see her happy and smiling again, confident and knowing what she wants ... calmer, higher paid, but does not want. Sometimes I feel like we've swapped roles and she's the kid. I'm afraid, I don't know what to do to convince her to do something to progress in her life ... All I want is to see her happy and smiling again, confident and knowing what she wants ...
Answers 10
As banal as it sounds, you can register on a dating site. My mother was in the same way - parting with a man with whom she had a long relationship. But on the internet she found a man with whom she is fine :) Maybe your mother will succeed too? Success!
Number 1 has given you good advice for a dating site. It is really a good idea because one can find one according to its requirements. There are sites that are only looking for sex and those that are looking for a relationship. If you are looking for a man with your mother for a relationship, let him register on the Elmaz site, and only for sex is Gepime
Your mother has been in the depression hole for a long time! And you, apart from giving advice to your mother, what should she do - what did you do yourself? Because it tips, anyone can. / This does not make you a 'mother', but rather a 'child with pretensions to great'. How can your mother come out when you say that you are counting your pennies? What kind of men and nonsense at this stage, as on her head at the moment is - how to spend the month? Seriously, leave your mother alone, because every time you talk to her about a man - she feels even more alone. And misunderstood by you. She has lost her sense of family. You will not understand this at the moment. It has nothing to do with whether she loved your father, etc. It is about the feeling / idea of some wholeness. Although deceitful. I understand that you do it with good intentions, but it doesn't happen that way. Looking for a new job, she? And you? Do you know at the moment how to find a job? Me, try it! Trial just to find out. If you want to be useful to your mother - stop this pressure on her! In theory, she herself knows better what she needs. But life, real life, as you have learned to some extent through your father, is something else. Don't push her for a new job, because you keep telling her 'we don't have money'. And she knows it. But he prefers the safe, especially since you both depend on that salary alone, rather than risk. Who in these circumstances - is a complete irresponsibility to assume. I know you don't want that to happen, but without realizing it, you're hurting your mother a lot more than your father hurt her. Do you know why? Because you don't realize it. Because you do it with the feeling 'supposedly' for her good. COME TO YOUR SENSES! Don't pretend to be the 'mother', because you're just more of a 'child' that way. Hug your mother and just tell her you can handle it. Not when she changes this, this and that, because YOU think it will be better. And accept that your mother is doing everything she can at the moment. For you. Start doing something for her too. Shut up for all your advice. Which you force on her. Give her peace of mind for a moment. Believe me, this is what she needs most right now. And not from a man, from a new job, from the stress of her daughter, who grew up only in words. Who loves her - kills her! I feel sorry for your mother. But twice as much for yourself, because you will understand all this when it is too late! Now - hardly. Youth has the audacity not to understand what is important. And this is the best thing for her. But also the worst. Not when she changes this, this and this, because YOU think it will be better. And accept that your mother is doing everything she can at the moment. For you. Start doing something for her too. Shut up for all your advice. Which you force on her. Give her peace of mind for a moment. Believe me, this is what she needs most right now. And not from a man, from a new job, from the stress of her daughter, who grew up only in words. Who loves her - kills her! I feel sorry for your mother. But twice as much for yourself, because you will understand all this when it is too late! Now - hardly. Youth has the audacity not to understand what is important. And this is the best thing for her. But also the worst. Not when she changes this, this and this, because YOU think it will be better. And accept that your mother is doing everything she can at the moment. For you. Start doing something for her too. Shut up for all your advice. Which you force on her. Give her peace of mind for a moment. Believe me, this is what she needs most right now. And not from a man, from a new job, from the stress of her daughter, who grew up only in words. Who loves her - kills her! I feel sorry for your mother. But twice as much for yourself, because you will understand all this when it is too late! Now - hardly. Youth has the audacity not to understand what is important. And this is the best thing for her. But also the worst. Shut up for all your advice. Which you force on her. Give her peace of mind for a moment. Believe me, this is what she needs most right now. And not from a man, from a new job, from the stress of her daughter, who grew up only in words. Who loves her - kills her! I feel sorry for your mother. But twice as much for yourself, because you will understand all this when it is too late! Now - hardly. Youth has the audacity not to understand what is important. And this is the best thing for her. But also the worst. Shut up for all your advice. Which you force on her. Give her peace of mind for a moment. Believe me, this is what she needs most right now. And not from a man, from a new job, from the stress of her daughter, who grew up only in words. Who loves her - kills her! I feel sorry for your mother. But twice as much for yourself, because you will understand all this when it is too late! Now - hardly. Youth has the audacity not to understand what is important. And this is the best thing for her. But also the worst. And this is the best thing for her. But also the worst. And this is the best thing for her. But the worst.
"and I'm a full-time student, I can't work" !? As a full-time student, are you forbidden to work? As long as you have the desire. If you have a friend, then you spend a lot of time meeting. You can reduce this time, and work a little in the evening, there is also starting work, in a restaurant, for example. There is no shameful work. What you are demonstrating is hypocrisy, you are very concerned, and you are not helping her practically, but only with words that will not change anything.
Oh, how you attack. I asked for advice, and you only gave me criticism. First, my mother and I are each other's best friends. We are not like most mothers and daughters, to have distance and to feel that we are mother and daughter, on the contrary! You did things like that, as if from morning till night and after that, I keep muttering to her and giving her advice. Nonsense! I do it when there are difficult moments, because for me it is support! I don't think I'm hurting her, I even always manage to calm her down and make her look ahead! I am always as supportive as she is of me in all aspects of this word. Second - No, I'm not forbidden to work, I just don't have the time to do it. I study medicine, I go to lectures and exercises from morning till night, I have to study separately all the time, so even part-time work is not possible. Unless you deem it necessary, one person not to get at least some sleep? Third - Yes, I have a friend, but he learns the same, and we do NOT go to meetings. We see each other once a week, sometimes even that is not possible. Fourth - Dating sites? Do you think that nowadays this is a reliable method to meet a decent person? Yes, maybe, but it's a rarity. The internet is full of people pretending to be who they are not! The author
№ 3 has told you the whole truth, albeit a little harshly. I will only add that you do not have to worry about your mother - she does what she is obliged to do - to raise and study you so that you can stand on your own two feet and take on your life, and because her strength is enough just for that, she's not into nonsense. You, on the other hand, obviously have more time and allow yourself to think about nonsense - apparently your mother is a little too worried. She thinks of herself - how to realize herself as quickly as possible and take care of you off her shoulders - that would make her happiest of all. Then she might possibly think for herself. A mother
Author, you probably already understand that there is no point in looking for advice here, people by nature like to give reason, but this advice does not correspond to the reality in which you are placed, apart from the fact that often lacks basic goodwill, just people are angry at neighbor, there is no fear of God or society, of nothing, so even in more elementary situations and communication there is more negativity than a desire for help ... But anyway, this is some of my findings, maybe not 100% true, after all, I am a product of this society :) So how can you help ... First of all, deepen your contact and support of your mother as much as possible, do not interrupt it in any case, regardless of the changes in the environment, from other people, incl. to your friend. Do your best to make the woman proud of you. If it is possible to withdraw from the notorious student loans, with your profession in the future you will not have a problem to return the money, if not in our country, then abroad you will be a valued specialist. There is and will be a hunger for doctors in Bulgaria and the EU. Only in this way can you alleviate your mother's financial burden. In spite of everything, try to restore and maintain contact with your father, let him know that you do not blame him, that your life is his, that you love him, so he will not feel guilty (although he is really guilty). will be happy to help you, incl. and financially, because he hardly wants to lose his child, he's just a jerk. As long as there is no ugly influence of some uruspiya that tries to distance him from you as well. You can't find your mother's husband, but if she has less financial worries and knows you'll always be there for her, she will have more self-confidence and will probably start looking for a partner on her own, or she may not feel the need, so much so, I know such people, they are happy and alone, only with the love of their children. Forcing someone who is not very suitable in your mother's life is not a panacea, do not create the wrong impression that the world is necessarily for two, it is preferable, but not imperative. Be happy :) M, 36
For me it is exactly the same situation without any differences .. A huge resemblance and I fully understand you :(
Abe, do you know what regular training is? The job is almost impossible if you want to do it right. I was a full-time student in Sofia, a difficult specialty and I know what it is.
It may sound harsh, but your mother decided that was the way it was. You are also a child ... and like any normal in my understanding mother does everything for the child. Number 3 is very right ... unfortunately ..