After 5 years of relationship, everything ended in one day. I am a woman of 43 and he of 44. A year ago the man with whom I had an affair filled with lies, hiding and deception left me. I later learned that he had an affair with an elderly woman of 62, with whom he reunited shortly afterwards. Suddenly he stopped answering my calls, texting and, apparently under pressure from her. It's been like this for a year now. Our city is small, everyone knows he laughs, his friends do not contact him, and he, in spite of me and them, demonstrates his love and affection for her. Everyone who sees him says that he is enchanted, deceived, and no one sees anything but the old woman and obeys her will. Is it possible that this is love, is it possible that this is magic = everyone says that it is magic. It is not for money that the woman works as a cleaner at half the minimum wage. It is old, wrinkled and ugly. I love this man very much and I cannot endure the pain and humiliation. Please help me.
Answers 13
Hi, in my opinion the way two people treat each other is the most important thing in a relationship. One must be very, very, very careful about how one treats others and especially one's loved ones and be sensitive and receptive to their emotional state. He has to weigh his words very carefully and pay attention to what he says. People are very sensitive to words that they perceive as criticism, insult, underestimation, etc., but also to good attitude, compliments, etc. When things due to lack of restraint in speech, indifference to how our attitude affects of the emotional state and stability of the other reach a "relationship full of lies, hiding and deception" then things are over. When a person gets a good attitude, he becomes strongly attached, on the contrary, when a person is treated badly, he connects the person who causes it with the feeling of pain, because in the mind the emotional and physical pain are the same and his mind activates powerful survival mechanisms that make him move away from the source of pain. In this case, the person who is the source of this pain. If he then finds another who treats him well, he will become very attached.
Apparently he found something in her .... You have no right to interfere in the lives of others .... This is his cross and his choices .... At 43, look ahead, time is running ... Looking for a new friend. ...
Well, obviously the new lover has other qualities, invisible to your eyes .... And now seriously: What are you sitting on shaking? Old or not, ugly or not, cleaner or not, he chose her. You obviously can't change anything in this direction, so look around and find someone if you keep "having someone by your side". Although, for example, I no longer hold (woman 47) and I told myself that if one day she separates from her husband, I will not reunite with another. The meetings will be only for the fun part - a bite, a drink and a tsuni guni - and then everyone at home. So love is kept fresh for a long time:))) At 43, if you are a well-maintained woman, life is in front of you. Don't think so. At 43, life is ahead of you, as long as you want to.
I'm the author. It's not that he liked her, he can't like her, nor that we had scandals. The problem is that he always cheated on me, I understood, but I kept calm and good relations and that's how far I got. I love him very much and I want to get him back, all the more so because everyone says that the old woman does magic and holds him with magic. Is there a way out of the situation, is there a way to get it back. I don't want another I really don't want.
You love not this man, but your hurt EGO - it does not allow you to believe that another can be better and therefore preferred. Do you want this man to come back to you, would you accept him again after what happened? If you want to do magic to him - it's simple! You take a sheet of paper and a pen, sit down and write down why there were all the "lies, hideouts and deceptions" - but be honest, who lied to whom, who hid from whom, who cheated on whom. Correct your behavior, if you do not return this man will be useful in your relationship with the next. In a nutshell, look at yourself, forget about magic and similar nonsense - there is no man (not only a man) who runs away from the good, and from you (without offending me) smelled slightly angry, what friends said, how ugly was the woman who worked half a day as a cleaner, etc. You compare yourself to her - don't you,
Well, if you think that 43 is the first youth ... Leave the man alone - everyone chooses.
You just can't accept that an older woman attracted him that way. 5 years is neither short nor long enough to die of grief over it. So let's be honest. You're angry that a 62-year-old woman gives him what you don't. You'll be fine. Don't blame and judge people. Male 25
Why do you grieve for a relationship full of lies, deception and quarrels? Rejoice, celebrate that you got rid of this garbage. And he even threw himself into another, no matter how old he was, because he imagined he would chase you for forgiveness to hang around your neck and harass you. People make fun of him. You breathe freely. Spring is coming. Enough drama I'm younger, but I've witnessed in a circus how a 25-year-old boy goes to live with a 45-year-old lady with big children, abandoning a 25-year-old beautiful and caring friend Magic or human stupidity, everyone knows and itches. Come on, health and I tell you again - in this case you are not a victim, but a winner
Learn to write competently and stop believing in magic, you are 43 ... You did magic to him, yes, just, as number 7 says, you refuse to accept that he gives him something that you do not.
Thank you number 8. Yes, lies and infidelity were only on his part, I always forgive, and probably should not have. You are very right that I am actually a winner because he gets rid of a toxic relationship, but I love him and I am sad, and he does not deserve to be loved at all. And who would go crazy to live with such a man and such a life full of lies and infidelity - what a decent woman, except this old woman because she has nowhere else to go. Probably this is the reason why he is not with a young woman who suits him .... she is with this old woman because she has nothing to give him, no, she is more like a mother than a wife and mistress.
Thank you number 8. Yes, lies and infidelity were only on his part, I always forgive, and probably should not have. You are very right that I am actually a winner because he gets rid of a toxic relationship, but I love him and I am sad, and he does not deserve to be loved at all. And who would go crazy to live with such a man and such a life full of lies and infidelity - what a decent woman, except this old woman because she has nowhere else to go. Probably this is the reason why he is not with a young woman who suits him .... she is with this old woman because she has nothing to give him, no, she is more like a mother than a wife and mistress.
Author, I would sympathize with you if you didn't use the phrase "the old one" on every third line. The woman's age does not matter in this case. You will also be 62 one day, but unlike her, you will most likely be alone. Better think about why the "old one" has a lover almost 20 years younger than her? On top of that, she is not beautiful, she is not rich and she is not educated. But ... maybe she's just smarter, huh? If you have used such expressions addressed to your husband, it is normal to go somewhere where he receives attention and respect. I am writing from the position of a woman whose husband is 10 years younger than her. He never heard a single insulting word from me while his ex-wife humiliated him in every possible way. Finally, the man just slammed the door behind him and that's how we met. I'm not in your house,
What is this malice people. Why are you attacking the woman, she has shared her grief and pain with you, and instead of supporting her and giving her advice, her attacker said that her grandmother gave him something she did not give him, that she was angry that he chose his grandmother. People, what are we talking about, what kind of morality, this is mean, mean and perverted, Thomas is ashamed, the grandmother probably has children and grandchildren. What can his grandmother give him, what future would he have with her. Look at things realistically, not attack the woman.