It will probably be one of the next stories of a loser on this site, but I'm still wondering if the situation can improve, so I decided to release this topic. I will try to be brief as I tell my story. Ever since I was a child at school I was the most stupid (or one of the most stupid). At home, my father kept telling me that nothing would happen to me. I have no explanation for why I was so crazy - whether because of my father's talk or just a gene. It so happened that I caught a girlfriend very early - when I was 19 and then I was with her for many years and I did not have to think about taking down women, but this moment in my life came about a year ago. I am now about 35 years old. During this time, at least in my work, things were going well. I work in the IT field and at least in terms of salary I am fine, but I never rose to a managerial position. What impresses me is that obviously self-confidence does not come from a person's material condition, but from character. For example - I have seen a rubber man who is younger than me, who lives with his parents and drives a 20+ year old harassed car, but is so self-confident that I can not talk to him. On the other hand, I take enough not to worry about food, bills and some basic things, I drive a new car, I already have a paid apartment in the capital, recently I have a motorcycle - all things that many people I know they can only dream. Basically, it's all about my self-esteem. I liked that I was modest and not as arrogant as some other people, but when it came to looking for a mate, it turned out that self-confidence and confidence are very important.
Answers 10
Yes, I know, myself! In fact, the key is to love yourself as you are.
From the author: Okay - love yourself, but how to love yourself when, for example, you see that no one likes you, no one wants to hear what you have to say, etc. things normal for shrunken people with low self-esteem?
Here is another female opinion;): Plus, what number 2 should be added and one should stop putting any other person on a pedestal, no matter how successful he is and how much better he looks. Everyone has some flaws / flaws. You have correctly understood that self-confidence does not come from money. (I even dare to say that the opposite is true :), is to want a mind, in the sense that now some 'opponent' of self-confidence may get annoyed and start explaining that naked self-confidence just does not work, so I do work to explain - not to happen, but without it also does not happen) Otherwise, yes, parents are always to blame for such psychological things, especially because a person perceives himself, because they are responsible for childhood, and childhood is super key for everyone man, because then the foundations of man's character are laid.
This does not seem to me like a lack of self-confidence, but like a dilemma for commitment at all. That's where your insecurity comes from. Otherwise, I am a supporter of the thesis that self-confidence comes with money, because they remove many boundaries, which allows for the expression of personality, and not only in the acquisition of unnecessary, luxurious pampering. The self-confidence of the rubber man is also because of the money, although it cannot be compared to your material condition. He is happy with his 20-year-old crumb, his home and his salary. Only people who have been left with no or meager money and no security for tomorrow, but have tens of thousands, can feel the meaning of the phrase "Self-confidence comes with money". Number 4 is not one of them, she is still a young idealist. Number 2 also speaks to clichés and her comment needs serious correction. Almost all people love themselves, so they satisfy their daily needs - physiological and mental. The problem here is not to love yourself, but to like yourself. It is inherent in people to strive for more, for better, for improvement and development. When a person does not like himself, he has the opportunity to make some changes to what he does not like in himself - whether vision, whether intellectual level or mental state. In most cases, laziness is the main factor in doing nothing to please at least a little more. You are not stupid, you should be good with logic once you work in IT, analyze what you do not like in yourself and what ways (reasonable) for change you can do. Then make it clear to yourself if you are really looking for a commitment, and if so, if it is real or too idealistic and impossible. Once you become clear with yourself, your confidence will come. You have your self-confidence ... at least as long as you have money. :) If I had the opportunity, I would observe or participate with interest in your self-analyzes, but it can't happen unless you publish them here. Success!
You ask if there is a way to become like "normal" people ... Well, first let's start with the fact that there are no "normal" people and "abnormal" people. This binary thinking is a problem typical of many people in the IT field (and I'm there). In general, most people in IT have good logical thinking, but are stupid in life. They are stupid because they take excellent money for our standard, but they don't use it at all. They walk with rags for BGN 20-30, with sneakers for BGN 50, drive cars for 20 years. I understand them because I was too. I come from a very poor family, where first-hand clothes were bought once at high altitude, and everyone else was bought second-hand, or some richer families gave us presents. My parents imposed many restrictions so that I would not spend. You can't buy this, you can't buy that. So years later, such people become repressed in life and keep family models until we gain awareness. This rubber man you're talking about must have grown up in a family where the father was a leader and behaved heavily. He sat at the table and told the woman to pour brandy, for example (or something like that). That's why he's a rubber man, but that's also why he has "self-confidence". In your family they must have limited you, and there are probably some other unpleasant dynamics, like mine, so you have become an introvert who, however, manages to understand complex systems to make good money. You're just as immature as most people in IT, and you don't use your money to invest in yourself, have fun, and raise your status. I don't even know what my colleagues do with their money. As a fellow IT, who has taken to rising and gaining self-confidence, I tell you that you should buy and do things that make you happy, and not obey family models, because with us most of them are oppressive. You go to a mall and go around a few t-shirt shops, for example. But really cool, to have fun. Not to think "I'll look good in the office with this polo shirt, I'll look like a real Mormon programmer." No. You have to have the attitude "I want a T-shirt with which the chicks can notice me and I like it. When I wear it I like it, I feel happy with all the work and by squatting in the mirror I look good with it". Hey, that's thinking, not just about clothes, but about many other things. You are IT, you have money, use it to make fun. When the chicks see that you're having fun and giving yourself away, they will want to be a part of your life. Women like generous men. For example, you buy a watch. Years ago I enjoyed a watch for 1000 BGN. exactly. But with a bass call, a lot of money is that (actually less than half a salary, provided I don't buy a watch every month, right ...). And I didn't take it. I bought one for BGN 180. I wore it, but somehow ... I didn't like it. A year later one day I got up and went and got my watch for 1000 BGN (it was still that much). It's super cool, I'm still wearing it. I put it on and I know it's strong. With sapphire glass, I hit him and he's fine. I have received compliments for him from both sexes. Super cool watch. So: see what gives you pleasure and if possible do it / own it. This will automatically raise your self-esteem, because you will follow your own desires,
From the author: Thanks for the advice! Just to mention that I have a serious girlfriend at the moment and things are going well. I just mentioned that over the years, my lack of self-confidence has been a problem in finding a partner. Also, it has never happened to me that a woman somewhere likes me and starts to fall off, which also pushes my self-esteem down. Otherwise I try to please myself. Especially with the clothes I'm a little quarrelsome, but otherwise I spend a lot of money on cars, travel, phones and all sorts of other nonsense. I'm already shaken by the family trait of clinging to everything. Maybe what I mentioned that no woman has pressured me weighs the most on me. It's as if I'm extremely unattractive to the opposite sex and I don't understand why. I attribute it to low self-esteem and that's why I asked what are the ways to fix it.
Author, well, you can be genetically ugly. And do you think it's fair to your current girlfriend to dream of having different women? I wish her to find a real person, because you are Smotlio in the full sense of the word.
from 6 to the author: I don't know why you have this desire for women to be pressured, but I guess it's because you've seen someone being pressured somewhere, you're complicated by it and you want to be pressured as well. And the thing is, women push very few men, but that doesn't mean they don't like others. It's just that most women aren't active, at least at first, and are waiting for the man to act.
Author, after your speech (number 7) I recommend you to ask your girlfriend directly. She will give it the best advice!
From the author to number 8: I don't know if I even dream of getting women off me, but I would be happy if it happens not for anything else, but because I will know that I am a liked person. In this case, I like my girlfriend and I will not go to deal with any other woman, nor would I cheat on her. The topic was about my resentment and I don't know what it has to do with my girlfriend. And I'm sure she's happy with me, she makes me happy, she gives me a lot of positive emotions, and when I look at how most people and other women live, I think I give her a lot more than the average.