Hello. Usually I'm the one who writes comments and gives advice but now it's different. I'm a 30-year-old boy, I look good, I'm smart, I have a job I like, I manage everything on my own, but it's very difficult for me to fight with myself. My story is much longer but I will try to be as short as possible. I fell in love with a girl 2 years ago. She was still living with her ex-boyfriend, with whom she had been in a relationship for 6 months. She was staying with him and had her own room. Everything was real, mutual and very beautiful until we slept for the first time. Then she told me her biggest secret. She was raped at the age of 15 (she is now 28) and is sharing it with someone for the first time. I was shocked, angry ... I generally went crazy, cried and since then the problems started. I read a lot about it. The consequences are sometimes irreversible, but I am a fat capricorn head and had to try. For the first time I loved so much ... I could see that it was the same on her part. People who have experienced this thing have almost no power over their lives. Where she lived she was manipulated and she simply did not have the strength to fight back. He wanted to be with me, but circumstances did not allow it. He couldn't make his own decision and a number of other things. This infuriated me. It didn't take me long to gather it and I got it on her. I think at that point I lost her forever, but I didn't give up. I started going to a psychologist and passing on the things I was learning. I let her drink most of her life from me until she got to her feet and got along with the boy she was with. Now I think she's fine but I'm not. I do not regret what I did. I wanted it. All the time we were together, she never asked me for anything. I did it voluntarily because I love her, but my mistake was that I hoped. We no longer keep in touch. I was left alone as I was before. I hadn't had sex in almost a year. Now I call myself prostitutes, I drink, I have no goals, I don't care. I can't go back to reality and quite often I have obsessive thoughts that fill my heart with hatred for it. It's easiest to hate someone, but it won't help me. I try to accept everything and it's a hell of a lot harder to get things in my head. I know that only I can help myself, and I do not have the strength. There is nothing to motivate me. It's hard for me and I wanted to share with you. I can't go back to reality and quite often I have obsessive thoughts that fill my heart with hatred for it. It's easiest to hate someone, but it won't help me. I try to accept everything and it's really hard to put some things in my head. I know that only I can help myself, and I do not have the strength. There is nothing to motivate me. It's hard for me and I wanted to share with you. I can't go back to reality and quite often I have obsessive thoughts that fill my heart with hatred for it. It's easiest to hate someone, but it won't help me. I try to accept everything and it's really hard to put some things in my head. I know that only I can help myself, and I do not have the strength. There is nothing to motivate me. It's hard for me and I wanted to share with you.
Answers 15
So, you say that you are smart, intelligent and what not, and then you describe that you almost beat her, just because you were weak in front of yourself, in front of your fears and in front of your desires. From what has been written, it turns out that you are not smart at all, you are not intelligent at all, not to mention the incident in which you meet a committed girl, expecting that because of you she will be surpassed. The truth is that you have an ego, which is good to have, but not the grandiosity you have, to think very smart, and to catch hitting a woman, to go to psychologists, expecting someone else to solve your problems. I can say that you fit in with her, she had a dramatic story with some kind of rape, but she was not honest and thanked her friend who sheltered her and God knows what else he did for her. Instead of being grateful that someone thinks of her, she catches up with you and teases you with a bunch of excuses and lies that you get attached to. In general, work on yourself. Only then will you be able to control yourself and make judgments about some women.
Forget her. Look ahead and don't give up on life. Be careful with prostitutes not to get any disease. Otherwise, keep looking for a decent woman, this time for variety with character. XII-XXI
Where is she now, at least there is contact, albeit small? At least you have something in common, I have something in common. I told my girlfriend that I loved her in the eyes. On the one hand, I do not regret it, but on the other hand, it is not independent. There are family problems, always depressed, etc. The bad thing is that she has some emotional problem (I guess a victim of domestic violence rape) and no matter how much I try to cheer her up, she says something and .... the atmosphere collapses, then I get sad. I try to tell her I'm by her side, if she wants to share something, to say ... it doesn't matter. Here ego and pride also play a big role. I love her, I still love her, but she rejects me, she rejects love in general. It's awful, I don't know what to do anymore, because she is also my colleague and we are together all day, the others around us also see that there are sparks. When I explained to her and told her everything, then she told me that there was no love, friendship was important. She just wanted a friendship, even though I was the best friend she ever had and I was very nice. Probably bad things happened to her, I hope she unties her tongue and starts sharing and trusting me because I like her very much.
Hello! Now you are confused - it is evident in the way you presented things in your post, but in time everything will become clear to you. To me, things sound like this, you helped her out of the hole she's in, she thanked you with sex, then she went her own way - you can't stop her, and don't try if she's not a heartless bitch will remember you well for a lifetime, if she's a bitch it's not worth crying about. And last but not least - you are no longer a boy, but a man, it's time to find a worthy person as a companion in life, to have a family (not necessarily a marriage), children, etc. - I wish you it from the heart!
I understand from what has been written above that you are talking about a relationship that is old but has not been forgotten. You loved and they loved you. You also say that everything is meaningless to you, but after writing here, you obviously have a problem that you realize. So take matters into your own hands and don't waste your best years. Or you may really meet someone else. Your ex-girlfriend decided to be honest with you and told you her secret, and you radically changed your attitude towards her. She was just being honest. Keep going. Thirty years is a very good age for family and work. I do not want to judge you, no one has this right, and what can anyone blame you for. Find a suitable hobby that will make you happy and hopefully the dream woman will also appear.
Hello, I did not understand what happened. Why did you split? Does she know that you have shared these things with other people (psychologist for example?). This is very bad and it is a kind of betrayal (infidelity) - she trusted you ...
To me, you are a great person who deserves respect and love, but in order to receive them from others, you must first learn to respect yourself and love yourself. You loved her very much, you helped her. Now it's time to help yourself. It is time to realize that alcohol and paid caresses do not help you, but only prolong the agony. To continue after such an ordeal is like learning to live again, but a life in which you are self-sufficient. Don't blame yourself, don't blame her, in this case it all comes down to fate. Accept that we are all human, we are all wrong. Do not regret the past, think about how to build your future.
You are a good person ... you are obvious, but take yourself in hand and learn to endure the slaps of life with your head held high. You will find the girl who deserves you, do not crush your self-confidence and goals. Life goes on, it's not worth "erasing" for a woman. There is always another and it can be the right person. Fate .. what to do !?
From the author: To No. 1 thanks for the criticism. You are right about most things. I want to defend myself and say that I have never touched a woman in my life. Thank you all!
Dude, I had a very, very similar experience with a girl who was raped. I wonder if there is a way to conduct personal online correspondence through this site. It took me a lot longer, so I think I can share my experience to help.
The best revenge is to become happy. For starters with effort, without drinking, with clear water. Find free time activities. It works. Thus you will be charged with positive energy and Your man will come (but the real one). You need energy. Get it, don't spray it indiscriminately.
And to add, life presents us with its provocations to test our strength ...
And who cares about your nonsense? And the author?
Life goes on. Nor is she the last woman in the world. Take matters into your own hands and make more social contacts. I know that times are hard, but always believe inwardly that happiness will come to you too. It's just that you're not ready to open your heart after the pain. You are too young to despair.
What you have done is amazing! Be proud of yourself! I want to thank you on behalf of all the girls who have gone this way ... You are one of the few who understood what it is about. I myself was 14, I experienced it alone, I made 2 suicide attempts - both almost successful ... I should be grateful that they saved me, but alas I am not .. Since then 10 years have passed, I accepted what happened , I resigned myself, I was not guilty .. Despite everything I can't live normally and I think I will never be able to. Nightmares and memories remain .. The fact that they took my dignity is the biggest pain, it does not come back .. I do not know where you went and how you managed to fix something like that, I fought a lot. Both psychiatrists and drugs didn't help. If you can explain a little more in another topic, I think that it could help many women in the same situation. Regarding the girl in question, don't be sorry, one day you will surely get the happiness you deserve! :)