Hello and happy holidays to all! I didn't want to write such a story at this time of year, but it happened and I think it's better to get advice from a neutral party. I am a 20-year-old woman, living, studying and developing abroad, but I came home earlier this year in order to do something I had failed at. It's not fatal, but it was hard for me because I came home early and made a lot of effort and sacrifice. I will have the opportunity again, but things get a little more complicated, and I feel broken. That same day I came home crying and my mother was trying to cheer me up. She said that in the evening she kept an envelope for a restaurant with their friends and I was annoyed accordingly, because since I am not in the mood, the best medicine for me is home comfort and rest. She got very angry at my reluctance and started doing scenes, respectively to have peace and be happy she went. Yes, but one can force another to do something, but one cannot tell him how to feel. I was distanced all night and had a hard time finding the strength to smile. When we got home, my mother was angry that it didn't go as she expected, and my father and I started calling out how I could be angry about such things, given that everyone was healthy and I kept a little sad about their deaths. . Not only did these words not make me feel better, but it hurt me even more. Yes, it is true that it is not fatal and I dramatized more, but isn't it expected that someone's relatives support him at a difficult time Time is the only thing that helps, I can't force myself to be happy, I'm sad and these moments are part of everyone's life. I've always been very close to my mother, I told her we did things together, even when I thought it wasn't my fault, I apologized at my father's request "because your mother loves you very much." This time something in me broke, I tried to explain to her and asked her for space and not to overwhelm me with so much advice without wanting it, not to think that she knows better than me what will make me I feel good, and her reaction is always "okay, I'm not taking you anywhere anymore," "I'm not going to talk to you at all," which I think is a way to shift the blame on me. I refused to talk to her, but we have been very distant for some time and I don't look at her the same way and I better avoid her. Please tell, Is it my fault and what could be done to regain our good relationship and not feel so hurt and offended? Thanks in advance!
Answers 10
You ask a question, if not about the Nobel Prize, then at least about 100,000. You don't say what you dramatized. You could be tough and not accept going out with your parents. Once you agreed to be in the company of people, you might not impress people with oatmeal. Your parents could have been more delicate with you, but they obviously thought that the pain was not for dying and that it would distract you. By the way, it's much better to have people around you who are worried and maybe annoying you than to have no one to pay attention to you. If it was the last case, you might have grumbled about how you needed someone to take an interest in your melodramas, rather than sitting alone at home. So nothing bad has happened to you, even to write on the forums on Christmas. Get to grow up if you need to fence your personal space, just show it to your parents. It won't happen all of a sudden, but it will.
See I understand you very well. First, you didn't have to go to the party because you didn't feel like it and you didn't feel well. You went to please them, and even though you did, they blamed you for not being in the mood. If what you've been upset about is unimportant to them, they need to understand that it can be very important to you to really feel bad about it. And they should have supported you and helped you feel better. The other thing - this is painfully familiar to me - when you don't play their whistle, they start to get angry and threaten that they won't do anything for you and invite you, etc. As he told you, they make you feel guilty. All my life I have been manipulated like this, heartburn, breaking, threats have started that there is no one left. It is important in this situation to learn to stand up for yourself and not break down to their demands. Explain to your mother how you feel, don't go where you want to go - if she understands you and respects your opinion - great, and if she starts to get angry you don't care, in the end why do you have to be forever you comply with them, why shouldn't they comply with you. My advice is to keep your opinion and defend it, there may be a lot of resistance at first, especially if they are used to pleasing them forever, but if you continue to do so they will eventually get used to it and will have to admit that you are a person who has different opinions and desires and must take them into account if they want you to have adequate communication. don't go somewhere you go - if he understands you and respects your opinion - great, and if he starts to get angry that you don't care, in the end why do you always have to comply with them, why shouldn't they comply with you. My advice is to keep your opinion and defend it, there may be a lot of resistance at first, especially if they are used to pleasing them forever, but if you continue to do so they will eventually get used to it and will have to admit that you are a person who has different opinions and desires and must take them into account if they want you to have adequate communication. don't go somewhere you go - if he understands you and respects your opinion - great, and if he starts to get angry that you don't care, in the end why do you always have to comply with them, why shouldn't they comply with you. My advice is to keep your opinion and defend it, there may be a lot of resistance at first, especially if they are used to pleasing them forever, but if you continue to do so they will eventually get used to it and will have to admit that you are a person who has different opinions and desires and must take them into account if they want you to have adequate communication.
"Please tell me, is it my fault and what could be done to regain our good relationship and not feel so hurt and offended?" - of course you are still a minor! Of course, why are you early and the events did not develop according to your script, and your mother is quite right that you make an elephant out of a fly. You will understand this later. Your mother very anxiously wants to dispel your bad mood, but as a small child you react that you draw strong conclusions - "I can't stand my mother" !? Your ego has grown a lot, land a little!
You are a very spoiled girl.
They were so behind your back, and you get annoyed and accept things in an absurd way. From the title, I was expecting a mother who beats you up and doesn't care about you, and she took you out to distract yourself. In my opinion, you are one of those people who do not accept failure and the coincidence of circumstances, and the slightest slap in the face throws you off balance and you close and dramatize.
They gave you life and raised you. Be grateful to them! But don't let them stop your development in any way. Their role is over here, because you are much older than them in some respects. But don't be angry with them - they are. Just be yourself and live your life! Happy Holidays! :) Ж30
Hi Mats Merry Christmas :)) See now an interesting story, but here no one knows yours and the character of your parents: P You are a woman mmh, you say you have a quarrel with your mother. You women are very very, very complex creatures! You are guided by feelings, maybe you think, but how much I don't know, that's bad software. On the subject, your parents certainly love you very much. Her night that you quarreled, but very important. Your mother, I guess, is not a cerberus. It just takes time and you'll both get along. I have only one parent for some time, my father, believe me I miss my mother :)))) The closest woman in the family is my grandmother. I'm not out of money, I live well, but everyone has problems, and believe me there are no perfect people. Good night :))
You are already big, and you want your emotions to be shared as a small child. Control yourself and do not impose your emotions, especially the negative ones of others, be it your parents. Spare them, they are old and maybe sick. Your negative emotions can upset and burden them, and this can affect them healthily. Do you realize these things? Or do you think only of yourself? You are already big, deal with your emotions on your own.
Why don't I stay alone abroad? You would save your parents' circus. Your poor parents. You are not a woman, but a 20-year-old child.
Hello, I understand you very well, I am also 20 years old and I have a similar problem with my father. Don't feel guilty, there are people who don't feel or understand others at all. But you don't say what's your problem? What did you suffer from being sad? Something at work, a boyfriend? We need to understand the reason why you were sad, is it worth it or not ... The problem is in both of you, because there is no understanding between you, does she ask what is wrong with you? Please explain more. CT