Hello, Until now, I always went to the site and read the topics of interest (mostly the Sex and Intimacy section), because I found it interesting and fun, and sometimes really informative. But here came hard days for me. My description - a 27-year-old man, currently graduating in IT in Germany. Visually I am 187 cm, 90 kg, I exercise quite regularly. My parents are above average in financial terms and I have never been deprived of petty luxuries. I have a girlfriend, a really very beautiful woman, without sounding boastful (really quite, quite beautiful, along with many other personal qualities. In general, I have all the apparent prerequisites to feel good and move forward in personal and professional development.
(Where concerns the problem itself) I do not feel well, nor do I develop in any way personally or professionally, nor do I write my dissertation (which I have left to graduate). This is a period that has lasted for 5 months. I stay at home all day, surfing, Facebook, Vbox, and I don't have the incentive, the ambition, or anything to do anything. I have developed a kind of apathy towards the whole world and I do not enjoy life, my girlfriend, the good moments. I am currently in Bulgaria and the same thing continues. I don't go anywhere, and in the cases I go out, I'm really uncomfortable with people and the environment. It's as if I'm looking for some meaning in my life and I still can't find it. Let me note that for the whole period in Germany, mainly my parents supported me, and I worked for extra pocket money. (Only last year I supported myself 100%) Accordingly, now I have no savings. They constantly reproach me for not doing anything, I'm not good for anything, at 27 and without real work experience, I'm just waiting for them. I offered my father, when I finished working in my hometown (and not in Sofia), to do a service for computers and other services, and he told me briefly, "Where did you go to do something like you can't do anything?" and at the same time he expects something to happen to me. I realize that, given my education, it's better to go to Sofia than to my hustle and bustle, but that's not the way. I really want to get out of here and start supporting myself, if I want to be with 400 a month.
But I can't, I'm not doing anything about it, I've fallen into a pit and it's like the devil in me is enjoying everyone opportunities, things and time that I waste. I try to read, spiritual and fiction, and nothing, like a dry sponge poured with water, I do not absorb anything. I recently started thinking about suicide, how easy it would be and how it would get me out of my problems. (ah how many funny problems some will tell each other). I consider myself smart and intelligent, I am still far from thinking about doing this job. However, I am afraid of the fact that this thought did appear, and it is the first step. It is clear that I have a problem with myself. It is clear that the solution to such a problem will not come from one action or one comment. I share here to make it easier for me.
Neither my parents, nor my girlfriend, nor my relatives understands me. They just tell me. that I have to support myself and have a purpose in life. (And I really want these things, but obviously I miss something else) I'll be glad to hear what you think. However, I am afraid of the fact that this thought did appear, and it is the first step. It is clear that I have a problem with myself. It is clear that the solution to such a problem will not come from one action or one comment. I share here to make it easier for me. Neither my parents, nor my girlfriend, nor my relatives understand me. They just tell me. that I have to support myself and have a purpose in life. (And I really want these things, but obviously I miss something else) I'll be glad to hear what you think. However, I am afraid of the fact that this thought did appear, and it is the first step. It is clear that I have a problem with myself. It is clear that the solution to such a problem will not come from one action or one comment. I share here to make it easier for me. Neither my parents, nor my girlfriend, nor my relatives understands me.
They just tell me. that I have to support myself and have a purpose in life. (And I really want these things, but obviously I miss something else) I'll be glad to hear what you think.
Answers 14
The story is really shocking and will open your eyes. Good luck, I hope it helped me, it helped me realize some things.
You miss sharing with someone who UNDERSTANDS you, because I think something weighs on you, nothing comes like that :)
Boldly forward my brother, you will not give up anything! Number 1 has shared with you a wonderful example of the downfalls of life and how you should not give up for a moment!
Dude, I understand you perfectly. I'm in a similar situation, only I don't even have a boyfriend. (I'm a 24-year-old woman) I myself have no desire for anything, so I can't advise you how to get out of the "pit". But the conclusion I draw from your story is that people like us, with a family above the middle class, have artificially high expectations of themselves (parents help a lot). And the very fact that after higher education you have to start from the lowest step in a company, leads to a complete blockage (at least for me). I don't know if your father thinks you're good for nothing, or if his unrealistic expectations have clashed with reality, but his advice not to start your own business right after university is quite reasonable. You need several years of practice in a foreign company to develop business acumen, to know what services are in demand, what problems may arise (with the bureaucracy or with the clients) and most of all to improve your abilities. Success requires time, hard work, patience and perseverance. And as an intelligent person you have to realize that laziness is a sign of oversatisfaction :)
An existential crisis, a brother ... or the "rich people cry too" syndrome. You seem to have absolutely everything, and to the max, but what's the point, right? 6-7 years ago, great events and seminars were held around the country just for people like you, and in general for anyone who wants to take a step forward in their spiritual development. Now they are gone - no interest, people are fighting for their survival and their priorities are different. In a sense, a gypsy from the ghetto would never reach your mental state. There are still professionals who deal, I guess. Sometimes a person needs a very little push to unwind. I can't give you any special advice. Sometimes one just has to go through something and wait for it to pass ...
Hello, you will be safe, people with low financial capabilities also get these conditions. Accept things from their good side - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Cliché, but it's true. You have a great profession from which you can live normally, and over time you can live even more than normal. Just move out and start working in your specialty, repair computers while you work to get customers and in time you can open your own shop and service. Do you have a craft that worries you? Ignore your father, if you believe his words you will certainly not get anywhere. Just get away from him and meet and hear from him as rarely as possible, because he will pull you back with these outpourings of his. And I'm sure you're a capable young man.
What spiritual literature do you read? If you read the correct one, you will realize where your problems come from - from the attachments of the ego. Attachment to the opinion and approval of others, to the understandings of others, to material things. All these things are manifestations of the ego. Maybe read more about Buddhism? Thousands of years ago, they realized that all suffering stems from the attachments of the ego. And try to regain your composure and sanity with a little contemplative / zen meditation. And more sports, of course - running is best. It releases endorphins (known as Runner's high).
Something similar happens to everyone at some stage of life ... From personal experience I tell you - if you have the opportunity, visit a psychologist or psychotherapist, they are the people from whom you will receive understanding and support, they will listen to you and you will forget for a while. for his current condition. Good luck.
On the one hand, your parents are currently programming you to fail with these tales - You are useless. However, provided that you have worked and graduated almost in Germany, which is not easy at all, they should support you for what you have done and give you an incentive to move forward. These tales are not harmless at all - my grandmother and grandfather once repeated the same thing to my father - and he provided that he had the intellect and energy to achieve a lot, and what little he had destroyed him. So step one is to stop listening to your parents and believe in yourself. It may seem ridiculous to some, but such words repeated by loved ones enter a person's subconscious, become a model of behavior and he begins to follow it. Here we already see the first results of this model - you started to relax slowly, to do nothing, and in the end, if this behavior deepens, nothing will really happen. You made the mistake of listening to your father again about computers, it could have been your chance, and once you're drawn to success. I have an acquaintance who made a small company and his father constantly teased him why he didn't start working on something serious for a salary, but was engaged in nonsense that leads to nothing. Well, he listened to him, the company has grown a lot and is now quite a wealthy man. I hope you understand what I want to tell you with these examples - 1 believe in yourself, in no one else if you want to be closest to you, 2- clarify what you really want, 3- act. This is when you want to be independent, start looking for a job, tighten up, do your diploma, do some actions for change and you will get out of this state. The more you do nothing, the more you don't feel like it and your girlfriend will get bored and dump you, because she probably already feels your apathy. In the end, you will probably end up in front of the computer with alcohol in hand, and yours will become even more grumpy than before. So the choice is yours at 27 you are still very young. People in their 40s and 50s start all over again and manage, but the point is to have the desire and motivation and not to sit in the swamp, but to act.
From the author: Thank you all for the encouraging comments. Reflecting on the problem itself, and your opinions, I came to the conclusion that since I have no aspiration and desire for anything, and it should logically follow that I have to do something, for now I will have to force myself to do the things I have to do. let's hope that this way I will realize the things I want. Metaphorically speaking, I will force myself to come out of the pit not because I see any sense, but because I do not see the point of standing in it. Thanks again for your understanding. I will let you know when the results are achieved.
Author, if you have an idea for your own business - START IT! I also had and started and for now it's ok, but it's a little difficult for me because I didn't have any capital and it's still difficult. With you, yours may help you, but in view of how they treat you, they may not help. This is not so important for a certain time, everything will happen, but you have to be persistent and not give up on various problems, because so far I have at least 10 times wanted to give up, but I say I threw so much work and no. I think tighten up and set some small goals, starting with a week. In a week I have to do ... and you set yourself tasks and when you finish them you will see how good you will feel and how far you will go and be confident. Success! After all, you are still young and you should not fall into such states :))
I read Suicide and it's like I see myself. I'm a woman of 25 and I don't think it makes sense anymore. The man I loved so much treated me like a dirty rag and disguised me in front of a bunch of common acquaintances. Author, at least you have yours and they are your support. And all my life I've wandered around the dormitories like a tramp. Horror, I'm very depressed and I don't know if I'll ever go out. Even my friends stabbed me in the back in the nastiest way possible. At least you have a father who underestimates you. I don't even have that. Stay calm. There is much worse than you.
The smart ones suffer more because they think a lot, they understand the world better, but they don't seem to be able to change it. Contrary to others, I will tell you to relax and not care about the negative energy against you. This does not mean not to act on the issue with work and tnt. The longer you stay at home, the more you shut up and get depressed. So even the smallest walk in the fresh air or sports will get you out of the pit. When you can't go out thinking, just do it with your eyes open.
Middle class, above middle class, below middle class, etc. All people are more or less the same. The question is not to complain about how bad you are, what pit you have fallen into, etc. The question is to think and want to get out of there. With grumbling, depression and apathy, this is not achieved. It is achieved by setting a goal that you can pursue at any cost and try to achieve. When you finally manage to do it and see the result of your work and efforts, you automatically set a higher goal, etc. This is how to live fully. Depression is a regressive state of the human psyche that can lead to detrimental effects on the individual and the environment, including alcoholism, drug addiction, irreversible mental changes, sociopathy, self-harm, suicide ... The easiest thing you can do, to lay at least the basics of getting out of this pit is every morning when you get up, to look out the window and say to yourself: "Today will be another wonderful day for me ...". You stop your usual useless activities and start thinking about what you will do during the day. When a new idea comes to you, you do not postpone it for 5 minutes, but immediately start working on the implementation. You do not pay attention to the stories of your loved ones, on the contrary - you try to justify any negative assessment. If that doesn't help, it's a pity you've become a clinical case. When a new idea comes to you, you do not postpone it for 5 minutes, but immediately start working on the implementation. You do not pay attention to the stories of your loved ones, on the contrary - you try to justify any negative assessment. If that doesn't help, it's a pity you've become a clinical case. When a new idea comes to you, you do not postpone it for 5 minutes, but immediately start working on the implementation. You do not pay attention to the stories of your loved ones, on the contrary - you try to justify any negative assessment. If that doesn't help, it's a pity you've become a clinical case.