Hello! I have been divorced for about a year. I have an 8-year-old son. My son's father and I broke up after a long relationship, which was finally exhausted and we had no desire for intimacy. We are currently on good, I would even say close friendly relations. I am glad about that, because we managed not to hurt and traumatize the child with ugly scenes, despite the separation. The problem is that I can't imagine one day my son living with another man. I can't accept the idea of being a "stepmother". I was raised in a traditional, very close-knit family and obviously on a subconscious level the idea of raising foreign children under one roof is absolutely unacceptable, even disgusting. I admire people who manage to build good families this way, but I'm starting to fear that this is not for me. So where to now? Sometimes (though, that I blame myself for this), I wonder if in time we should just reunite with my son's father. If all the couples are getting cold to each other in a few years anyway, what's the point of breaking up your family and chasing the wild? We are not in love with him and we do not want each other physically, but as friends we are good together, we can rely on each other, we have common memories. But most importantly - it would probably make the child happy. Do you have similar stories to share? Thanks in advance to everyone for the tips! F, 33 but as friends we are good together, we can count on each other, we have common memories. But most importantly - it would probably make the child happy. Do you have similar stories to share? Thanks in advance to everyone for the tips! F, 33 but as friends we are good together, we can count on each other, we have common memories. But most importantly - it would probably make the child happy. Do you have similar stories to share? Thanks in advance to everyone for the tips! F, 33
Answers 15
My advice is to learn to differentiate your life from your child's life, in just a few years, your child will differentiate his life from you and will want to live his own life and be right. It is a great mistake on your part to think that if you sacrifice yourself, the child will be happy, a child is happy only if his mother is happy, and not like you clinging to his life. Anyway, who knows how far the day when your son will want to live with another woman, the years are rolling very fast, then what are you doing?
Find a man who has no children. This is not a problem for men. I know men who live like this. And don't stay with a person you don't love just for the sake of the child. This is stupid.
Why?
Yes, but your husband may not want you to reunite, and while you're wondering WHO, he can find another wife, and he probably does. The question you are asking, you had to ask yourself before the divorce, now the train has passed. As long as you have options for a serious relationship with someone at all / nowadays it is very difficult, I say from experience /, nothing prevents you from just seeing each other without living together. You will still see the extras for the divorced ... even married couples and friends will avoid you ... It's naughty, but ... you're welcome. Divorced woman of 39 years
That's right, there are no people who are happy with such situations. I would go crazy if my mothers hit some trampler so that I could tolerate his children as well.
You're not wrong! Take care of your child, maintain a close relationship with the father, have common experiences, whether you will live together is not so important ... it is important that your child is calm, you too!
Well, it is too early for such thoughts. So, if you meet someone you are comfortable with and see that he understands your child, you can get together. For the former ... I have no advice. I live in such a relationship without a relationship and it is convenient for raising a child, but we sleep in separate rooms and do not care much about each other. But I'm not parting, nor is he. I don't know if it's inertia. We are not happy together, we are not together. How are you without your husband, are you better? What do you think needs to happen to get back together?
Absolutely so, there is no point in chasing the wild as there is a man and a child already. I don't understand anything else, you are not in love, but sex is not just for lovers, but to satisfy the urge, how can you not.
Well ... you probably have to ask your parents? Or do you think that they have been "in love" all their lives and they simply had no problem creating this idyll for you? Otherwise, there is a deep delusion among women that they will find not only a new passion in bed, but also a person to get along with, in addition to being financially secure, to accept their child as their own ... There are a lot of requirements luggage and no one knows what to offer in return ... And yet, you can see the egocentric thinking that you can get everything you decide. Why do you think you will find a "replacement" at all? Why do you think your husband will come back to you? Huge expectations for life lead to this - nothing in the end ...
Well, if you don't want to, stay alone or get together with your child's father and be "happy"
Typical Bulgarian reasoning has crippled several generations. The child is a child, but you have your life too. If you are happy, satisfied, reconsidered your relationship, ok try again, but if it is because of the child do not do it. In fact, people do it "in front of people", the child also suffers. Two people living by force, it occurs to him that this is normal and he repeats your scenario tomorrow. In Bulgaria, in the mass case, the adopted parent is bad, the relations are strained, but are they all like that and does the model not change?
The thing is, she doesn't want to be alone at all, there are only two options for her - to go back to her ex and find a new one. But the request is one thing, the reality is quite another. How do you imagine your ex to accept her again? I can't believe it unless he's a complete fool. Or - hop tomorrow will find a beautiful, rich, decent, and he will ask for her and right on the second day with an engagement ring. Stop watching Diema Family.
And I wouldn't want my child to live with a stepfather. As a child, it was my greatest horror that our people would separate. Author, I think we look alike. Nancy, 28
From the author: Thanks to 1, 6, 7 and 13. For the rest - I do not consider my child a "baggage". It is the most important thing in my life, my greatest joy and always a top priority. I'm not afraid to be alone. If this would bring peace to my child, no problem. I have been working since I was 18, I provide my child with a normal life and alone, I have a good social circle. I don't care at all about whether "someone will take me with luggage." I am interested in whether it is generally possible for a child to grow up calmly and happily with a stepfather or in such a situation the child always pays too high a price. I was hoping for a shared experience rather than common sayings. Regarding the father of my child - we are close friends with him, we have a common worldview, we respect and help each other and he himself told me that he would be happy to get together.
It depends a lot on what kind of person you will come across. It is quite real to have a relationship with a man who will create a wonderful relationship with the child. Well, it is true that they are rarer but not as rare as the white swallow :)