Hi I'm a 17 year old girl. My problem is that I start falling in love with a man who is ten years older than me. At first I took everything as a joke. I didn't expect anything more than sex to happen, but I was also sexually attracted to it and wanted it to happen. Things turned out quite differently from my expectations to have sex, but I got to know him and realized that he was a unique person. I had never met a man with such thinking and so open and honest. Our meetings became more frequent and we enjoyed spending time together. It came to sex. But that was not the end of it, on the contrary, he became even closer to me and showed me that I could count on him. He devotes a lot of his time to me and makes me feel special in his company. My question is what can I do, I can't get the thought of him out of my head anymore, and I'm worried that if I tell him that I fall in love with him he will back off. This is the thing I least want to happen. He does not hide the fact that he sees me. Are we going out with his friends and he is behaving in the same kind and close way with me in front of them. I feel very confused, and with each passing day I start to want it more and more. I can't look at things objectively because I'm very emotional. I will be very grateful to anyone who gave me advice on how to proceed. Thank you for your time! I will be very grateful to anyone who gave me advice on how to proceed. Thank you for your time! I will be very grateful to anyone who gave me advice on how to proceed. Thank you for your time!
Answers 7
If he really cares about you, he won't back down after you admit your feelings to him. I also fished with my friend, with a slightly smaller difference than yours, and we already have a few happy years of relationship behind us :) Be careful just not to be deceived ... I wish you much success!
Hello! I'm 19, but just like you, it always happens to me that I'm older, yes, I'm 17, but in writing it seems that you think more maturely, maybe that's why you start falling in love with the man in question. Yes, if we have to be honest, 10 years is not a small amount, especially since you are not an adult yet, but the heart does not ask. If you are nice to this person, if he is nice to you and especially if he does not change his attitude towards you when he is with his friends (this is already a rarity), then what stops you? Try, better, try not to say to yourself later "What if I had tried ..." Don't worry about the years, even forget them, don't think so much about them, the important thing is for you to be nice and happy !! I wish you success, darling!
Keep falling in love. Treat him the way he treats you. Ten years? !! Is he crippled, ugly or rude? !! I have 2-3 familiar families with over 10 years difference. In 2 of them, even the woman is 11 years older. This is absolutely no obstacle. In order to feel good, do not tell about your feelings towards him, but show them. You will soon hear the words from him. These are just words. What matters is how you feel and how you treat each other.
Once he introduced you to his friends, had sex with you and you continue to talk completely normally, I strongly doubt that your feelings will repel him. It would just be really nice if you were, for example, 20 years old. It's not the age difference that's scary, it's that he has a lot more experience than boys your age. A 27-year-old man knows how to impress a schoolgirl, these men are now more mature, more settled, not shaken by hormones and think differently. It is normal to like him and fall in love, he is a man, not a boy and can impress you with attitude or manners. I hope he doesn't take advantage of you, because it will hurt you a lot in such scenarios. By no means do I want my comment to offend you, but this is something you should think seriously about. It will be a little negative now, but I tell you my opinion entirely with good intentions. Such a relationship hides very real risks for you, it is not life and death, but they are all things to think about. Did you ask him what he wanted from you? Such a relationship can lock you in a place that is generally far from you - cohabitation, marriage, child, household, everything within a few years. It's not bad to be young and start a family, but that means you have to give up certain things. When your classmates are partying, you will often have dinner. You will go out again and have a personal life, but this life will be far more settled. It is logical to happen, your friend is 27 years old, sooner or later he will want a more serious step, and you will still be young. If you start studying, you will find yourself in a different environment, with people your age, who is more interesting than who. As they get to know each other and have fun together, you'll be a little distant, because your life will have taken a different direction, even if you are just in a serious relationship with this man. Does your friend look at you like a big child? You never mentioned that he is your friend, but in practice he is exactly like that, you are intimate and you are friends at the same time, this is pure relationship building. Are you sure that he will never underestimate you, because of these 10 years difference and the fact that you are still a student? Is he edifying you? Is he trying to impose his opinion on you, discreetly with persuasion and so on? And what do your parents think about it? Sooner or later, they will find out about it. Are you ready to face them and tell them that you are in love with a man who is 10 years older than you. If you can do that, you may be responsible and mature enough. It is normal for a person to stand behind his actions and his loved ones. If you're sure about it, if you believe him and feel that this is the right person and it is worth overcoming any obstacle because of him, fine. Talk to him, tell him that you enjoy his company. Share your feelings with him and see what comes out. But if you have even the slightest doubt, you'd better wait a while longer to see if his attitude will change and to judge more correctly.
From author to number five: Thanks a lot for the advice. I appreciate it and I am very grateful to you. And about the questions asked. My main problem is that my parents don't like him at all, if I say that they hate him, it still won't be exaggerated. I understand they want the best for me, but my candles with this man for me are a whole new thrill. They have nothing to do with the things I've experienced so far. I would not say that he treats me like a small child or that he underestimates me. He always complies and asks for my opinion and permission before doing anything. I'm worried that it will soon become clear to him, and it may already be that he has feelings for him. And I don't want everything to end and I don't know how to act and how to behave.
It's kind of weird for me to comment on this topic. I'm not 30 yet, but somehow I can understand your parents' worries. The things I wrote to you in the above comment are (probably) the same ones that will make your parents' hair stand on end. That's why I shared it with you frankly, so that you can think and understand the not so pleasant point of view. I'm glad he accepted it normally. I was worried it wouldn't be like that. I remember thinking at the age of 17, it wasn't that long ago. I was more naive then, I was impressed by many things, I thought I was a tough girl, but I was sensitive in nature. It is very easy for me to understand your love, I have also fallen in love and loved. My trick is that I try to notice the negative things, because over time they grow. A difference of 10 years is not so striking, just in your case you are at completely different stages and will still be for the next at least 5 years. I will not tell you to leave it, it is meaningless, you have sunk, you are already in the deep waters, even if you emerge, you will not feel better, you will still be wet. Share your feelings with him, talk to him, listen to his point of view. Someday your parents will understand that you are with him and then you will both be responsible. You enter into this relationship together, you will build a relationship together. The harder it is for you, the harder it will be for him, but in a different way. It is important to know what he thinks and feels. If he breaks your heart, bad for him, he will have lost love, and you will have opened your eyes. Your age sucks, you are neither a child nor an adult. It was just a little inappropriate, but it has already happened. If you were 20, you would be far more confident to stand behind that relationship in front of your parents, to be reassured that you would handle any situation. But, don't despair, it's not so black at all. If it is true love, it will withstand time, other people's stories, dissatisfied parents and whatever else you can think of. It is clear that you want to be with him and you will try. Okay. Do it, I would probably do the same in your place. My only advice is not to rush too much with really big steps. Don't do anything you're not sure about. Think of yourself. As you love him, so love yourself. If you want to learn, study. If you want to have a child, do it. As long as he really holds on to you, as you hold on to him, he will handle it. Do not run away from your own path for this or that love. The point is to have a clear idea of what your desires are, never cheat on yourself. The biggest of all the risks, in my opinion, is that it is possible to do something you are not ready for and then regret, but unfortunately blame the man. From number 5
From the author to number 5/7: Thank you very much for the comprehensive and frank answer made me think a lot and consider all the positive and negative aspects of our flirtation if it later becomes a relationship and family. I am infinitely grateful to you. Because I also realize that I am at a stage in my life in which I have not yet finished building myself as a person and I am very worried about making a big mistake.