Hello. I have a problem that torments me and that I would like to share, hoping that someone will help me and give me advice. I look pretty good, but I'm out of luck with men. So far, among other things, I have always chosen them in appearance - to be representative and charming to suit me. In the last few years, however, I have had several connections with the so-called "handsome" and the only thing I got from them was a dose of humiliation and broken nerves. Then I realized that I was obviously not doing well with men and would have to be left alone. However, it happened that I became close to a man who had also suffered a lot and from acquaintances and explanations of how we both do not want to get engaged again, we fell in love with each other before we even kissed. Everything happened imperceptibly and unexpectedly for both of them. It's like student love, and we are both old enough - I am 32, he is 35. Everything would be very good if there were no serious obstacles that make me think and put brakes and boundaries on our relationship. 1. He smokes a lot. This worries and irritates me. 2. He has a university education, but works as a bachelor for more money and has no thoughts for development. 3. It doesn't look good. He is a metalhead, his hair is long and tousled, and his appearance is a little brutal. This is what worries me the most. We do not approach each other externally at all. Sometimes I look and don't believe how I can fall in love with such a person, but the fact is that it makes me terribly happy. He is kind and gentle, terribly attentive. I was not afraid that there were still such men. However, I am worried about people's stories. An acquaintance saw me once with him and then called me to ask who he was and said he looked awful. I don't know why people react like that, I like it, there is some radiance and a lot of masculinity in it. I am also worried about the reaction of my parents, they are very conservative and they are very interested in the opinion of others. The first thing if they see it is to ask "what will people say" or "how are we going to show it to people" .... I know I'm "old" and I have to decide for myself, but I don't want to worry them, I want to are happy. But I could never provide them with the "prince" they would like to see me next to - the handsome man in the position. I love this man. He gives me a lot, I do not want to break this relationship, but at the same time I am not happy with this relationship, because of the factors I listed ... I am constantly on thorns and one day I want to be with him, the second I want to escape ... I'm sorry if I caused some people to laugh, but that's ... Everyone with their problems. I hope people who have had or have a similar problem will write to me and tell me how they overcame it. Thank you in advance.
Answers 44
What can I tell you ... Don't think about what people will say, but what you like and enjoy. But I can't deny the fact that appearance also matters. Also that more or less, human opinion matters. Try to achieve balance, because without balance it is difficult to live ... :) Good luck! :)
You're stupid jokes. The boy is cool with a good soul what you doze off what people thought. I don't think you'll meet a better boy than that.
You should not be interested in the opinion of others or your parents. At first they will be sullen, but when they see that you are happy with him, you will also accept him. Don't lose hope, once you love him, go ahead.
I can't give advice on how to overcome this problem. He is connected to you. Either you accept the person next to you as he is or you do not accept him. What do you like about it? This, I think, is not entirely true of human tales or human opinion. This is unlikely to be the main problem. Rather, you are divided because there are things you accept, there are things you reject unconditionally. Obviously, you have to judge for yourself what prevails. From what I read, I understand that at first you are afraid that you will not meet a suitable man if you lose this one. In my opinion, this is a delusion - you can always meet the right man, as long as fate is favorable. More important is whether you are ready to be with this man for a long time. You yourself say that if you enjoy being with him one day, you want to run away on the second day. To me, this is a sign that the moment will come, in which you will not want to be with him at all. If you like it and are in love, as you claim, you won't care at all what people think. If this matters, I think it means that you do not accept it as it is and will hope to change it. THIS JUST CAN'T HAPPEN. I had a similar feeling with a friend of mine, and in an instant I realized that I was somehow ashamed of him and saw some things in the same way as people. THE PROBLEM FOR ME WAS NOT WHAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY, BUT THAT I THOUGHT AS PEOPLE. I rejected the same things that people disapproved of, I was annoyed when I saw that my friend was forgiving or annoying to people, and I inadvertently wanted not to be part of that shame. And he was trying to make things like me. He doesn't know how, but he wants my approval. At one point I realized that everything irritates me, that I am somehow annoyed and uninterested and too many things started to happen that I do not approve of. Then I made the decision to separate and I do not regret it at all. The relationship with this man had begun to become a heavy burden for me. I preferred freedom and decided that I would be for a long time with a person who accepted me unconditionally and who accepted me unconditionally, a person with whom I could say everything to myself, a person with whom I could remain silent, without the silence being painful for both of us. Just a person whose presence is part of my life. I understand that you get attention and respect from him, but the lack of motivation, aspirations and a circle of communication at one point can be painful for a relationship - without friends and without an environment. In general, look deep inside yourself and try to understand if you have the strength to endure all this. You will have the disapproval of your friends - in the sense that you do not fit in as a company, the disapproval of your parents. You are left alone because this friend of yours will not want to communicate with people who feel that they do not like him. You do not have similar understandings and interests. Then what comes - the argument, jealousy, misunderstandings and resentment. Well, at least you always have a choice - you decide what to choose.
Are you crazy? Do you know how many women dream of meeting a man like the one you met and they are slightly ugly. Let me ask you if I don't care about people's opinion anymore if you're with a handsome man, but he's some kind of bully and drunkard, for example. Hold on to the boy, you will waste your life out of prejudice!
Number 4, the problem is not that people don't like it as a behavior. On the contrary, he treats everyone well and everyone accepts him. I know that my friends will accept it, but I am ashamed that they may say behind my back that I went with an ugly man. And for parents - they are unlikely to accept it. I'm sure there. I am not annoyed by his behavior towards me, I am not annoyed by how he behaves in company, on the contrary. But when we walk hand in hand on the street, I keep thinking about what people are thinking when they look at us together. I have a gentle face and I look 10 years younger than I am, he is tall, slender, but he looks a little old and has some brutal appearance. It's not just because of his long hair, or because of the way he dresses ... That's his face. This both makes him terribly masculine and scares people ...
Hello I myself 185 tall with dark blue eyes black hair with a perfect physique my girlfriend is plump for many people would say unattractive even ugly but every night she is waiting for me with a smile and greets me with a kiss no matter how wrong I can make me to feel good think about it the vision is up to time but the person next to you forever if it irritates you stimulate him and he will change it may be the man of your life.
Wrong approach to the question. There is no doubt that this will not be long between you. More importantly, you're wrong, with the analysis that you love him. You're just in love for some understandable reason ... and as you know then the senses are confused. What turns love into love is, roughly and simply, "harmony." In turn, an important part of harmony are the "little" things that are not really small at all. If you are in love and you truly love him, you will press him to yourself in your sleep, it will not be a day I want, but a day I do not want. Simply put, you have no dilemma, you do NOT love it. I'm a man and I'm looking again. I'm tired of my love putting women to sleep in my life. I'm tired of trying to choose for you (because you act like you're a commodity) both to be sexy and to have a heart and a soul, and to radiate that thing in your eyes that shows that you know what love is and at the same time hide, why I work when I want to drive a car or not to make mutual friends too quickly. Unfortunately the whole circus so I can fall in love before you fell in love under the influence of real money or curiosity. Until it is clear, I loved and then torment. I take care of myself with love and that makes me happy, but you get on my head. In your question ....... do not underestimate the effect of money and appearance. The big financial difference prompts one, especially if the man is worse with money, soon the whole range of jealousy complexes, etc. Appearance ... is what love if you choose your body lotion in the evening, and he or she smells like cigarette hair. Smell of an ashtray. Beautiful ...... and how relative it is for a woman is relative, but for God's sake I can't love a woman who doesn't have a nice body, to fall asleep tangled in her legs goosebumps ... this is fucking pleasure (I smile as I write it) So how to love something that hangs there is no sport and energy in its movement and with your eyes closed you do not know what is in front and what is behind. I love to be in love, but beautiful warnings do not dry up in my warnings, as people and men fall asleep in their problems, then they get on my head, then something breaks in me, and then we are snot and tears style "but how I allowed it, I didn't want to, I made a mistake, my life is over "" I hate ", give me another chance" as if the chances are given, not taken, and anyway if I want to bring you back I will wait for you to give me permission and I will not dig the world. to accept the mercantile relationships that are spreading everywhere ..uff I still have to find my love, and where to look for you ..
Hello from me too! I am also of the opinion that your problem is purely psychological and is built by yourself. You say he's a metalhead and he's brutal, and I'm beautiful. Okay. Well, who told you that I, for example, who like men "metallic and brutal" when I see you together will not exclaim: "What does this cool guy do with this Barbie". Purely hypothetical ... My idea is that appearance is not a reflection of man anyway. And if you think that you are not for each other just because you are visually different - then believe me, this is limited in thinking and very likely in the future will really hinder your relationship. If you overcome your own prejudices, it is very likely that you will realize the fact that if you really love him and there is understanding between you, then there is no meaning "what people will say". Second (I think I started them not quite in a row, but please forgive me) smokes a lot and has no motivation to develop. I put them under a common denominator, because in this case it is a matter of learning to make mutual compromises. Smoking is undoubtedly a vice that is very irritating and incomprehensible, especially for non-smokers, but also a vice that with good motivation can be limited and even eradicated (I am convinced of the latter - as a former smoker I know for sure). So in general we came up with the idea to motivate the "half" to change something in yourself. This is certainly not the case with the categorical statement "Change!". It requires patience and understanding. I am convinced that there are things in your character that also do not they like it and that's perfectly normal - people are people because they're different. If you're the person next to him, who helps and understands him and who offers him a desire for development, why should he not think about different perspectives in his life? !!! Why not look at things from a different angle and through your eyes? !! Think about it, darling. Everything is inside the person and the desire for change (healthy, educational or visual) is inside him and can be unleashed only with a little effort ... And one more thing - do not want to change only one in a relationship - it is very important !!
What I will tell you happened 1 hour ago. I was out on a proper Friday night. This acquaintance of mine and I danced all night in a disco where everyone from my university goes. It's a bit like YOU dancing and at the beginning I was sick of what my acquaintances would say when they saw me like that, but it was stupid even if it went through my mind. I was happy with the man who didn't let the smile leave my face even for a minute for the whole night, so if there was anything my / my real acquaintances would say it would be, "Look how happy she is with him! Well done," and not "This one why didn't do us a favor and get off the dance floor." Stop thinking about people and give a little to yourself. There are no perfect people, even in fairy tales ...
From 8: People forget this nonsense that life is a compromise. If you consider someone and want to change them and help them, then you just do it, you don't call it a compromise. Compromise is doing something you don't want to do by force. You should NEVER force yourself. Read the most important SHE HAS DAYS IN WHICH SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM ..... attva with metal and cigarettes is an attempt to analyze WHY she doesn't want to. I wasted time MOTIVATING people as number 9 says .... so I could hear one day. Abe, why are you always with women to make people like that ??? IF you give a whistle, will you take the most suitable tree in the forest or will you "motivate" the first bush? People have a responsibility.
From 9: Believe me 8 - IT ALWAYS MAKES SENSE. The responsibility is to fly like a leaf from the wind, and you to be the wind. I can do it - I may not be a hurricane, just a breeze, but I feel good, responsible and real. They helped me understand my own mistakes, motivated me to change - and I did. The important thing is not to gossip and analyze, but to look for the real thing, and in this story it is very deeply hidden and only the author knows exactly where. I told her and I repeat - if the dilemma "what will people say" is on the agenda - then there is no love here. There is pretense, obscurantism, and the gratification of a momentary whim - and that's not real. And yes 8 you're right - "from every tree whistle does not work." Shouldn't we then look for the right one, even at the risk of coming across a bush? !!
from 8 to 9: I agree with you. Just pay attention to one thing. You give yourself as an example. Now tell me, do you consider yourself ordinary? Do you smell like cigarettes or perfume? You sound like a strong woman, the author doesn't (I'm sure she's a momentary weakness). And again, the problem is not what people will say. The problem is that there is no definition and no feeling of love. Should we look, and you tell me, when we come across a bush, should we ennoble it? Or move on.
of 8: Stop here is the answer. If you are in love, can you say that the person you love is ugly ?? No way - done! :)
From 9 to 8: Shake hands. And I hope that the girl who resigned managed to draw some conclusions from this small dispute of ours ...
Author: Hello and thanks for the feedback. Yesterday we were at a gathering together and I was amazed by the amount of alcohol he drank. So somehow smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day was left in the background ... I can't say that he was drunk, he spoke in a connected way, but I can't accept drinking so much as normal. Otherwise, he would shake my hand all night, say he loved me, and would do anything to keep me. And I don't know what will happen with this drinking and smoking ... Number 9, I don't mind being a metalhead. I love such music. I like men who dress like that, I do it myself sometimes, but not every day. The problem is different. Once a mutual acquaintance said about him that he looked like a failed guy digging in the buckets ... This happened after we had already started a relationship. And then my friend who had seen us together said it looked awful. It just ruins me. It's true that maybe I don't like him. But I can't understand why at the thought of telling him not to meet, my heart shrinks and I cry, otherwise I feel a terrible fear that I'm wrong, that he is a person who is not for me ... For the first time such a thing happens. Otherwise, I love to be touched and kissed ... It's amazing. Hardly anyone can help me more than myself ... But thank you very much for the advice and opinions. They were useful to me. But thank you very much for the advice and opinions. They were useful to me. But thank you very much for the advice and opinions. They were useful to me.
Why can't you tell him you want to end the relationship? I think it's because you still don't realize that's what you want. You still enjoy it, but you get tired of being together for a long time. And also because you feel sorry for him. When will you do it? Maybe when it becomes terribly good for you, when you are a little scared or when you realize that your path with it is hopeless ....
Author: Number 17, the reason I want to end the relationship is not because I'm tired of being with him. When we're together, I don't part with him. But when we are with other people I worry and I can't relax :(. I don't feel sorry for him the way you understand him. I feel sorry for him, today I cried half the day ... I won't be able to changes and so I can not be with him, because I can not break.He is absorbed in cigarettes and alcohol, and I do not smoke and almost do not drink.I am afraid, for example, if things get worse, whether I will be able to have a child from him because he may not be able to do .... And many other fears ...
Abe, I can't understand "girls" like you! You are young, but not your first youth, so from now on you will choose less, you will choose more. Don't let people define your life, because tomorrow when you are alone they will not be with you. Trust your feelings and be strong!
But, girl! He drank, smoked, was metal, had hair .... Do you love him? Or are such men not worthy of love? Let me tell you, in my 46 years of life I have had many cool boyfriends, some like pictures. A handsome man can bring you so much humiliation and nonsense, I have no idea how to explain it to you! Come to think of it, my husband is ugly now, but I always rely on him, he cut his long hair after a year, and most importantly - always, but he was always a man in place! Write, think, read our messages, but in the end think carefully - do you love him, is what he gives you valuable? If you break up with him out of human shame, in only 1-2 weeks you will bite out of anger, I guarantee you that, without knowing you. This one next to you is a 100% man, I hope you understand him, and let the beautiful Liglians be raised by their mothers.
You are a big league. That's why you're not married yet. Should your man become super famous? all the pickles to be thrown at his neck and only then to accept him. If you don't like his way of life, I recommend you catch a 21-year-old virgin and teach him how to dress, how to undress, what to eat, how to shit, how to fuck you. But this work makes them public and if they don't like it, look for another one, because you are the eternal beauty, where she needs at least BGN 200 a week to paint her eyebrows. GS1
What do you care who says what and what he thinks? Do you live for people or for yourself ?! Do what is good for you and what makes you feel good and not sleep at all, what people will say! Life is one and live it to the fullest! Good luck chick!
Comment 21 is great. Good for you!!! I hope the author thinks about it.
Ee 21 you're here again :) heheh - To the author of the topic: Beauty is a relative concept based on almost morally built with the media and other moral values. I'm happy when someone, whether it's metal or a skater, is. These are real people, my dear, welcome a little in my daily life full of shiny people to disgust. It is a pity that you cannot rely on such a person financially. , I don't know how old you are. Beauty is a transient phenomenon, if your mind doesn't cut like a razor you become part of the gray people .. I.
I completely agree with number 9 :)
When I read your confession, it immediately became clear to me why "you are not doing well" with men, and as long as you continue to think this way, nothing will change ... stop being interested in "what people will say" and rediscover yourself because time flies! ps It is clear that you will not change your parents at this age, but stop listening to their words 100%. Success!
Listen, there is no ugly man, there are only those who no one has seen their inner beauty.
Listen darling, I have a very handsome man, but what a disappointment I got every second woman when she sees him bites her lips, not that she's ugly, but I admit that he's a lot more, so keep it and you won't have any problems like mine. Good luck.
Author: I have been reading and re-reading your opinions and advice for more than a month. I did not think, but indulged in feelings. I am so happy with this man that I can't imagine how I will live without him. I don't care about ours, I don't care that he's not handsome ... But that's ugly how I made him up. I don't look ugly at all, especially after a happy one - a big dose of kisses :). It's just different. He reduced his cigarettes from 2 boxes to one, and I think in time he will reduce them even more. And drinking decreased .... More importantly, I really realized that I love him. Thanks to everyone who wrote to me and helped me.
Hello darling, whether this man is for you or you can not determine only yourself. If you are influenced by people's opinions, you better leave it. It is not important for a man to be beautiful, but to have a beautiful soul. And you, as you describe it, seem so. But you yourself are not so confident in your love and whether your choice is right. So it all depends solely on you from MEL
Even though you are not that "old", you still think and write as such. Something seems to have struck you at dawn to be married, not to truly love and be loved. I don't believe you did the right thing about this, you don't deserve this man's love and respect. And in the end, this is not something you can't discuss with him, if you are still uncomfortable telling him straight you can say it veiled and joking, if he sticks to you he will change his style a bit, he will cut at least, and without that he has not been puberty for a long time and needs to look good, like a man of years. All other "problems" I refuse to comment on and characterize in any other way than as "tales of an old screaming girl." Behave like a normal person, if you don't hold on to him for what he is, you don't love him at all, if you are ashamed of him, well, you are in this relationship only so that you are not alone, not to describe to you the nonsense about your parents, and the very style and way of writing as a mentality of an old girl. Accept him as he is and discuss the little things that worry you (he will change them, it's about appearance), and if not - let him find a real partner like him, he didn't need you, don't waste his time ...
Up to 31 by the author: LELEEEEEE (O-O) ... Don't complain ... and an old girl took me out right away. Bre. If you were so smart or intelligent, you would know that such a concept does not exist. My great-grandmother got married when she was 13, so at 14 I am an old girl. Anyway. Unfortunately, I lost a lot of time for him, I just wasted his life, because now we agree to live together .... It turned out that he needed me, I'm sorry I disappointed you. And I don't want to touch her hair. By burying my hands in it, the world disappears for me. However, it is not easy to find a 35-year-old man with nice hair, most of them are bald. From fairy tales you can guess what happened. I wish everyone such love ... And I wish myself not to be another farce and not to end .....
If you are crazy, you don't care about the opinion of others, it doesn't matter.
Mohamm, it's the same with me, and my boyfriend has a great character, but he's a little ugly and if one day I'm happy to be with him then the next day I want to run away .... I'm the same case ... you have to send me a picture to compare your friend, is mine more ugly or yours: D
You found him as such a person and you accepted him inwardly completely because you want to be non-standard, to escape from the stereotyped views of your parents ... you call them "conservative" - ok. and you obviously did it. And as for beauty - besides this beauty that everyone sees and admires or envies, there is another beauty that is only in our eyes, addressed to a loved one ... this beauty that only we see , is also called love, sometimes even love (which is even more valuable than love). you say - he is ugly ... maybe it would be good to say - "I fell in love with a man who is not approved by my social environment" - right? !!!
Mine is nice in my eyes, it doesn't fit in someone else's, but this problem has long been forgotten. 34, we have been together for several years and I look better and better. Both internally and externally. I don't know where my eyes were then. 35, I agree. Author
I'm glad that you finally came to your senses :) I, many years ago / I'm your age / thought "what is Gargamel looking at me" to someone like your lover, and then ... oh - he became a huge love for me, which .. even after the breakup, even after 10 years of marriage to a wonderful man I could not forget. So that...
The most difficult decisions are made when the mind and heart are in complete opposition!
A famous phrase reads: "Everything we look at with love is actually beautiful." The appearance of a person is not the most important thing, the soul and intellect are much more valuable. Don't be superficial, look deeper into people. There you will find their true nature. The rest of the things are insignificant and transient.
Not being beautiful is not an obstacle, since you both love each other. He loves you, he is kind, he is gentle, you love him, he makes you happy ... I don't see any problem. Don't be interested in people's opinion. And not to like him .. what? Everyone has the right to an opinion. I also love a boy who is not considered very nice, but I am not interested in others - for me he is the most beautiful man on earth.
absolutely correct number 39! I am already convinced of that. Thanks to 3 girls :), for which I thank them very much. I have to share with them (especially 1 of them) :)
If you love this man and are happy with him, you don't care about anyone or anything at all. The most important thing is that you are happy with him and you love each other. And you're old enough to be 32 and it's high time you started a family. And don't worry about people's opinion.
for a man the most important thing is what he believes in - it is a real man no matter what he looks like. so he can refuse to stop smoking because of you if he really loves you. these are harmful habits that he has acquired due to his way of life - they are not part of his personality. Show him that you believe in him and he can start to develop - because the biggest stimulus in his life could be you. He can get a haircut to train - to get in shape and still be the same person but better because of you. I became better because of the woman I love - although I always looked good but I had other problems with myself. And she didn't even tell me what was going on - I realized that I had to be better for her to be brave and strong to help and protect her. to always put her first despite my huge innate ego - to forget my selfishness to be able to give my life for her because I love her more than myself and believe in her and if necessary I would die for her to live because everything I believe in lives in it. I hope this will help you and give a chance to a real man to be the support you need.
I'm not sure that your feelings for him are sincere ... when a person loves someone, he does not notice the shortcomings ... why should you care about the opinion of others !? If this person makes you happy and you are happy with him, nothing else should matter ... appearance is not the most important! The important thing is what a person is like from the inside, while appearance is just a delusion! In no case be influenced by people's opinion and do not miss this person for anything in the world, because you may regret it! :)