Hello. I need to share my story because it weighs a hell of a lot on me. If anyone can give good advice, let him command. I am a 21-year-old girl. In the summer of 2018, I met a man with whom we are professionally connected. He is much older than me and at first I did not look at him in a sexual way at all. In the first week of our acquaintance, he invited me to a meeting, but I refused because I didn't think it was right. However, he was insistent and we agreed. It was just interesting for me to talk to a person like him and I thought we could spend 2 hours in interesting conversations. He came to take me from us, we got in the car, he started letting go of my hands and talking directly about sex. I was very surprised because I did not expect such a thing. I asked where we were going and he told me we were going to him ... I didn't like the idea, but then I was pretty naive, and he is quite a dominant figure. We went to them and had sex. We started seeing each other twice a week. The sex was good and he was the first man I had such a cool time with. We never hugged or talked after sex. It made it clear to me that it was just sex, I was ok at first with that. A month after our relationship began, he told me he had a boyfriend. I asked him why he hadn't told me about her and how he could see me. He shouted at me and even slapped me. I felt terrible because I hadn't expected him to. Then he apologized to me and told me not to interfere because I did not understand the situation. I never raised the topic of it again. All I know is that the two had a long-distance relationship.
I admit that I didn't stop seeing him after I found out about them. However, our meetings decreased to 2-3 times a month. He wanted to see me more often, but I was against it. At the same time, I went out on dates with other men because I was looking for a more serious relationship. I confessed to him that I was seeing others and he was very angry. He wanted to be the only man I slept with, but that couldn't happen because he wasn't my boyfriend and I didn't owe him allegiance. Earlier this year, I decided I couldn't go on like this anymore and I had to end this relationship. He once wrote to me and told me that he had broken up with his boyfriend and wanted me to go to him and stay for the evening. I refused because I didn't want to be someone's replacement. Later I realized that they were constantly breaking up and gathering ... Just when I thought it was all over, I succumbed to the temptation and went to them. This has happened 3 or 4 times this year. After each of our meetings, I felt bad because I wanted to hug him, to be truly intimate with him, and I couldn't. I didn't dare show my feelings for him because I didn't believe he felt the same way about me, and I knew I wouldn't be able to trust him once I knew what he was doing. He often told me that I was his weakness, and when we didn't see each other for a long time, he said that he missed me. I never believed him and told him what he was angry about. We never had an open conversation about our relationship, which bothered me because I wanted to clarify.
We hadn't seen each other for several months, and when we first met, he was glad to see me. He asked me about sex, but when it became clear to him that he would not receive anything from me, he stopped writing to me, and when we saw each other, we only talked about work. In one of those conversations, he had told me that he liked me as a person. I felt he really meant it, which was very strange to me. I have a lot of guilt and for a long time I regretted being intimate with him. Being committed also makes me feel bad. I try to accept my mistake and learn a great lesson from everything. Unfortunately, I still have feelings for him, and I don't even know if they are justified - I don't know him well, I don't know what kind of person he is, how is it possible to love him and dream about him? I want to meet a new person with whom I have a real relationship. I hope my feelings disappear because they bother me. There were times when he treated me very badly because he was stressed by his work and sometimes made fun of me. He later corrected his behavior and there were no such outbursts. Many people will condemn me for my actions and they will be right. But I realized that when you're most sure you're not going to go wrong and do something stupid,
Answers 14
Understand that we are people with emotions and only robots have sex. In the future, do not engage in such meaningless relationships, because you will suffer again. And for this one - just delete it from your life. This is some kind of emotional cripple, to have sex and not to be hugged ... to slap you ... he is dangerous ... this is a person with mental disorders. You tear and throw.
This is your TRAGEDY dear, I am a woman and I tell you directly
"I don't want to be someone's replacement" - well, that's exactly what you are all the time. First, you mess with a committed man, which is dishonest. Second, this man is rubbish because he gets annoyed when you're looking for a serious relationship with another man. is the story of the dog, which both does not eat the bone and does not give it. Third, when you tried to clarify your relationship, he physically encroached. Then it was time to end it. And you ..... on call. For every visit to them for sex you find an excuse - he is a dominant person, I succumbed to the temptation - funny, stupid excuses. And in this case, life is not your fault - he just treated you exactly as you deserved.
You have made a great discovery. I do not want to offend you, but from what I have written I have the impression that you are a frivolous and irresponsible girl. I wonder how one can be so deprived of self-esteem. You let your uncle spin you like a pump, from the first time he saw you as an easy woman and he decided that you were only for sex, not for something more serious. You may be in love with him, but he is not in love with you. Besides, he has played this game more than once and is much more aware than you, there is nothing to interest him so much. You write that you are looking for a relationship, but if you look for it in other men as well, you will not succeed, in my opinion.
If it's true, this story genuinely cheered me up. It shows and proves a lot about the true mechanism of female sexual attraction to men. In order to feel sexually attracted to a man, a woman must be dominated. In addition, it must be constantly subjected to validation and withdrawal, ie the so-called "hot-cold" ratio. Many men make the fundamental mistake of behaving either just very well or just too badly. Women endlessly love the hormone cocktail that floods him when they are constantly "on their toes" and wonder - Does he like me now for anything more than sex ?, But why is he behaving badly with me now ?, Will it change if am I kind and patient enough with him ?, Does he love me? .... this is how women's love feelings are born. When a woman's thoughts begin to be gradually occupied by a man. The second thing is domination - whatever modern feminists say, it is in a woman's nature to feel attracted to a dominant male individual. I'm not talking about violence (although there are many examples of this), but about masculinity, will, strength of character, intransigence, protection of women, etc. When they find such a man, women tend to endure many seemingly unacceptable things. Author, this man will not change. Yes, he only uses you for sex and doesn't see any other future with you. The good thing in this case is that he never gave you any hope for anything more, ie he did not lie to you. These hopes are only in your head. In my opinion, do the same with other women. You decide whether this suits you or you want a nice and pleasant young man,
This story is as real as my morning sex with Jennifer Lopez. Brother.
The topic is long. You need to know where sex comes from and who the creator is and for what purpose it was created. For these things I will leave you to turn to faith in God. Even scientists have stopped that when a woman sleeps with a man, feelings and affection arise in her. While in men the opposite is true - they withdraw and distance themselves. Go to church.
Clearly, he is a psychopath and you are his unsuspecting victim. Psychopaths constantly lie, cheat, do not explain, hurt them, insult them and then apologize, and they are very charming, they confuse your brain and they manipulate, they have a serious relationship and are quite side. They promise to change but have no such intention at all, their goal is total control, they always want something from you and if they don't get it there are accusations, threats, violence, harassment and maybe they will kill you. Run away from them and find someone to help you because they have a mania to chase if you leave them.
I will not condemn you for your act, this is how you felt, this is how you acted. But I'll tell you, this isn't a commodity at all, I just grabbed my head when I read about the slap. He has you for complete rubbish, gram but gram he doesn't care about you. Have dignity and never see him again. Don't be the aforementioned.
comment number 5 is very accurate! Thanks!
Well, I just got mad at you. How can you let some snot make you a rag? !! He slaps you, he has a boyfriend, which shows that he only uses you for fun and a second violin, and you still go to sleep with him. True, we are human, everyone has some physiological needs, but in order to satisfy them you have neglected all normal human relationships, your dignity, your emotions ... Now you have the opportunity to show AT LEAST a little self-esteem and stop any contact with this man, because what you experienced with him is just absurd. M 21
From the Author: Thanks for all the comments, even those that are reprehensible. I appreciate them too, because I am fully aware that my action was very stupid and naive, and when a person shares something like this, there is no way to get applause. I have already stopped contacting him, I have no desire to see him and I do not want to be connected in any way. I analyzed my behavior in recent months and understood why I did so. My relationship with this man was a mistake that I can't erase, but I can learn a lot from it - what boundaries to set for men in their relationship with me and what I need to correct in my relationship with myself. It hurts and I'm ashamed that I let him treat me like that, but I keep going.
Hah, she didn't want sex, she didn't look at him sexually, but he was very dominant and hop - sex. Fuck, why do boys learn to be polite and tolerant when they're little, when it's enough to be dominant and strong and women will sleep with you?
It's like describing a friend of mine. Very charming, erudite, pleasant in company, head of department, enchants women with great gestures, humor, intelligence ... everything. He has his own apartment, supposedly a plot of land, a car, he drinks only expensive whiskey, he pleases himself. He lives his life and does not think of getting engaged (he is 30) but at the same time he spins 3-4 chicks just for sex. He says they are on the list, they have a sex subscription and things like that. Feelings are zero. I don't know if they are aware either, but it suits him perfectly. I even wonder if he is the man in question ...