Hello, I am a 28-year-old woman, my husband and I have been together for 4 years, his dream was to live in America, I won a green card during our relationship and accordingly we got married and left together. Throughout our relationship we had "frictions", but we had of course many beautiful moments! Of course, I always had doubts about our marriage, because he married me because of the documents in the first place, so we both didn't seem ready for this marriage, but after we left for the next two years we struggled with emigrant life, looking for work, accommodation, car, we changed the state, everything was so intense and exhausting, the last months we were both depressed, but mostly me, I was very shaken and nostalgic, I gained a lot of weight, I did not want to go out, I was still dissatisfied and sad and grumbling and I still wasn't happy, we still fell in love with him and we quarreled mostly because of his indecision, he was still somewhat dissatisfied with me and became very aggressive when we quarreled over something sleepy, he made me a penny for wanting to get a mask for person for example (it was unnecessary spending money and it made no sense) there we shared the rent and bills and we helped each other, it was not only him, but here comes the hardest part! He really wanted a child! I also want a child, but when we raised the topic I told him that now I do not feel well and I do not know where we are and whether I will get used to it. Well yes but no, a little later both traits were a fact, we went to the doctor, he confirmed the pregnancy, I panicked I wanted to discuss all options with him, he took offense, pressed me and immediately told everyone that I was pregnant we decided to hold on I wanted to go home and see my relatives, because depression, nostalgia and everything had crushed me, he first disagreed, then let me go, but said he had no money and he would go home with me. I went home alone, I went even crazier, I still didn't feel ready and sure of anything and I was more and more scared, he had to get on a truck to support me and the child, I would actually be there quite often, I would also be completely financially dependent and I had thousands of fears, we quarreled with him once or twice again and although I knew how much he wanted this child I finally called him and told him that I had decided to have an abortion, I explained to him that I'm not feeling well and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get through this pregnancy!
He said he didn't like it, but that in the end, if I decided that way, everything would be fine, I told him how we would have, I asked him a million more times if he was ok with my decision, if he was angry with me, he calmed me down, I did it, and then my life turned into a nightmare! He freaked out, I roared a lot (to have an abortion, to make such a difficult decision is not easy) he also roared, then broke up with me, we roared again, but then he shared that I went to bg and I removed the child (without his knowledge in general) to his friends and became angry with me, started sending me videos and photos of him and his nephew, started insulting me, shouting at me. We stopped communicating, then he came back to Bulgaria, went through us, threw things at me, said that everything was a mistake between us and that I was a terrible person, said that he no longer sees me the same way and I don't miss him, again accused me of abortion ,, gathered all the friends there and told them how I most heartlessly removed his child without his consent, then returned to America, when the time came for me to return to our apartment there, he told me that I had no job there at I didn't leave him, he said he hated me and again poured a bunch of accusations on top of me! Now, probably, I will stay in Bulgaria from all the work and without it, and in two words, my life is ruined! I know that I made it myself when I made this decision, I know that I hurt him and that it is not easy for him at all, but I really felt terrible mentally and physically and somehow I believed that he was next to me! Yes, but no ... my husband can't live with me removing him, for him I'm already a murderer and the worst woman in the world! Please, give me advice on how to approach it and do you think everything is lost? He had to follow me and come home with me or I had to just stay there and fight, I don't know, we didn't have to part! I am very confused!
Answers 26
Maybe you're not for each other, just nerves. it is better, in America if you also count pennies. Here, too, motherhood is long.
Good job. Great people, and they do nonsense. At 28, you are no longer a child, you are a big man. At this age, removing a child because you were unsure or not feeling well is unwise. I guess you know the dangers - I don't want any of this to happen to you. I hope that when you are ready, you can get pregnant. Now you have to wait at least a year before a new pregnancy. The body needs to recover. I think you should have taken his wish into account, too, although he turned around a bit at the last minute and it's not exactly like without his permission. But you removed the child too quickly and recklessly, in my opinion. As if to show him something, but at the cost of what ... You're at an ideal age to become a mother, but alas, you took him away. But who knows, it might be better because this child wants a safe home, a secure income, a father who is not absent, a normal mother, not a woman who is not yet aware of herself. Work on your life and hopefully one day you will have a child. The joy is indescribable, believe me!
I think everything is lost. It will hurt you and it will pass in time. You will put a new beginning and hopefully better! It's hard, but you'll both experience it. Yes, you were at the ideal age for a child, but apparently you didn't really feel that person, like your man.
The good thing is that you are still young and your life is not ruined at all. I also think that abortion is murder, but in this situation I fully justify the author. If he is so rude, he will not raise a child properly. Would it be better for the child to watch the scandals of his parents? I don't understand what the author regrets after she found out that with this person her life would turn into hell?
Men do not realize it, but women have more difficult responsibilities. Ah, your husband driving trucks isn't the best job, because that's how families fall apart. You don't live with money, you live with people and love! You may be poor but raise your child in love and understanding, rather than have finances but be unhappy and lonely. I fully support you for the decision, before you start as a child, you need to know what you want and whether you are really ready for this step. Don't blame yourself, you will meet a valuable man.
For God's sake, what is this fashion for "I don't know" even for people close to 30 years old, "I don't know" is written separately, "no" is written separately from each verb !!! And what's the point of wondering what could and couldn't happen after it happened !? After the rain - a hood!
What happened, you can't bring it back. Sooner or later you would break up, for him you were just a means to go to America. The sooner you get your hands on it and start a new life here, the better for you. Find new friends, go out, lead an active life - if you close yourself in the past and your grief, you are done as a person. You will have other connections and children. After winter always comes spring!
You probably don't want to hear it, but I don't think you really did the right thing. And from the side, it really looks like you came home just so you could get rid of the baby. In fact, I do not approve of your decision, although it is entirely yours. I approve of abortion for hundreds of reasons, but somehow I can't understand yours? You could get married, you could change the continent you live on, but you decided you couldn't get through the pregnancy? I'm sorry, but it sounds like a terrible pampering. And I would be terribly offended by you - about the abortion itself, about the mistrust, about the escape. And I would end the relationship.
How come you won't go back there, you're the winner of the green card and you can do him a hell of a misery, if you take it home and get divorced, the man can blow the soup. So tell the dude either he takes you back to the apartment or you inform the authorities and he says goodbye to staying legally.
I haven't read the whole story, but I don't think you got pregnant by accident. My mother didn't want children and my father drilled condoms to be an "accident." I think your friend did the same.
Didn't he get you pregnant on purpose? I think you got rid of a very toxic person and relationship and you don't have to deal with this one at all (I know you won't listen to me now, but in time you might realize it). Focus on building a new life, whether here or in America, as you see fit.
You are crazy ... how can you remove the child without his permission ??? Anyway, how can you get rid of this innocent creature? Well, he'll have dumped you ... he'll find someone smarter than you to give him a child.
To all those who accuse the author of lying down because she decided she could not have a pregnancy: Have any of you been depressed? Do any of you know what it's like to feel constantly drained, mentally and physically, like a used rag? Does it cost you an incredible effort to just get out of bed in the morning? (I had this period while I was going to school, and every morning I was wondering if I should tell my mother that I literally can't take it anymore ... the only reason I found the strength to get up was that I would go crazy with anxiety.) Now imagine a pregnancy and a baby on top of that ... From what the author has described, it sounds to me as if she is depressed (I'm not a doctor, but because I've been through this, my feelings were similar). If so, then is certainly not the time to have a child and she has made the right decision in my opinion.
My ex-wife asked me a long time ago if I minded going to a New Year's party. Her sister, mother and father worked in the same factory and did not go. I told her I didn't mind (as he did about abortion) - it wasn't like that at all. And from there begins the beginning of the end. An abortion is done by a schoolgirl at 15 or 16, by a lover with whom you have no intention of getting things done. And fortunately for the legal one, you are not so impudent to look after another's child. There are a few more cases in which some understanding of the murder may emerge. Tell those who support you exactly how the killing takes place and will they support you again? !! At 28, it is normal to have two children, the eldest being about eight years old. As it was said above - "pampering"! And was it your husband's child, otherwise it's really understandable? I've listened to these excuses for depression. And at least for me, I realized that they really are excuses. Pray that you will be given a chance to have a child again!
"In 2 words, my life is ruined" So you can have an abortion without telling him and what do you want from him? To let you go to him and say hello beautiful I love you very much? Is that it? Well women don't. Understand that very few people stay together after an abortion. I'm a woman and I don't mind abortions, but I don't think it's good for these people to stay together later.
Great, you spit on me because I didn't kiss a man on a date, and you justify the author after an abortion. Well done, especially valuable comments. I want to tell you that you acted like a liar. This is not a toy to throw away. I don't think you love your husband, otherwise you would be in seventh heaven when you see the two dashes. For depression, very bad, but the child would get you out of it and give meaning to your life. People wonder how to get pregnant and fail, years of struggling with in vitro fertilization, and you have abortions. I am sure that now you will catch the first one you meet in Bulgaria and you will get pregnant again. You look like a man with low ambitions and low criteria for a man. Once you had doubts about why you got married. You are just one of those people who, when they cannot achieve more, are satisfied with the little. There was no one else to offer you. Now grab the first one you meet again. Otherwise, if I were in your husband's place, I would cut you off directly if you had an abortion behind my back. If he loves you, it's normal to want a child. You are the one who does not love him and maybe you dream of a handsome man who is a lord in bed, and maybe wealthy, but you are not tied to them.
People, don't judge the author before you realize what situation she was in. On the other side of the world (this is not Europe to catch a low-cost flight and be in Bulgaria in 3 hours), without friends, without relatives, without support, almost entirely financially dependent on her husband, but left alone for days, married for a person who does not love her, but is with her only out of interest (because of the green card), mad with loneliness and nostalgia and, above all, pregnant. Well, how can he not panic and not want to give birth at such a moment ?! Not to mention that some people have not read carefully. Her husband WAS INFORMED that she was going to have an abortion and formally agreed and then got her killed! Well, if that's not disgusting, I don't know what is! And for sharing something so personal with your whole family and all your friends, I will not comment on it! This makes it only a minority! So I just can't judge this woman in this situation. My advice is not to go back to this user at all, but to ask for a divorce, and then we will see him the big bully by deporting him back! And then, dear author, try to forget about this whole nightmare and organize your life, whether in Bulgaria or in the USA (I guess you will choose Bulgaria) you decide. You are young, you have time to meet the right person, to have children and to be happy. that you will choose Bulgaria) you decide. You are young, you have time to meet the right person, to have children and to be happy. that you will choose Bulgaria) you decide. You are young, you have time to meet the right person, to have children and to be happy.
Unfortunately, the whole thing is a consequence of a chronically dysfunctional relationship. When you were not ready for a child, why didn't you use contraceptives? You are not 18, but 28 ... What happened, happened. This was obviously the last straw, look ahead. He apparently refuses to see his own guilt in the incident, and tells him to pass everything on to you. Unfortunately, typical human behavior ...
From what you describe, this man never loved you, you were just comfortable with him. You also talked to him before the abortion and told him what you were going to do, and then he twisted things and lied to everyone that he didn't know. Besides, from the beginning he ignored the way you felt, told everyone without your consent and pressured you to give birth at all. Now you see his real face - with a child there would be no going back and not enough that you would be totally dependent on him and in addition to watch yourself while he travels by truck. Of course, you will not want a child at a time when you are unstable as a couple, quarrel, and you have not yet settled down, nor do you feel at home in a foreign country. No woman wants to give birth in insecurity. Separately, it's cramped - you left as a family, and he made you share the rent and expenses and kept you accountable for basic things - in one family the rent is not divided, in one family everything is common and each of you puts the other in front of you - yours was not a literate man . You broke away. He probably wanted to get you pregnant because he saw that things weren't going well and he wanted to make sure you were tied up and dependent on him. He also grabbed everything you earned and achieved there together - and in the end you managed to leave only thanks to you. There is no excuse for all the mental harassment he subjected you to after the abortion - his behavior is not masculine, but weak. You did the right thing by listening to your inner voice and not staying with it. Yes, it's not easy now - he tried to make you black and set all common acquaintances against you. But you're young,
Number 12 - no, I don't think she will find a smarter one than the author :) Only a stupid woman would give birth to such weak-minded garbage and a mental abuser and would be tied to his nostrils. He hit 6 of the lottery with the author, but due to his own shortcomings he pushed her away and lost her. It's his own fault. Nature knows its job - some men do not deserve to reproduce.
I support you with both hands, be alive and healthy, you are still young in the prime of your life, this jerk is immature and not ready for a serious relationship ... look after your life and be healthy!
You are very cruel to judge when you are not in someone else's shoes. And without that already, what's the point of rubbing salt on her head? She is also the father's baby, but her body is hers, the woman always bears most of the burden with the child, if she does not feel ready, would it be better to give birth to an unhappy child with an unhappy mother. Well, if she doesn't think for herself, there is no one else.
You got away from a very toxic and controlling person, it sounds like a brawler to me. I'm not going to blame you, I ran away from such an individual myself, but we had a child and I started alone, but he just ruined me, took me to court and lost, but the nerves ... you don't have to go through that. I wish you all the best in life. PS. I have the feeling that people do not come to this site to help, but to pour out their accumulated malice. Aren't you ashamed to criticize like that, as if you were sinless?
This is a complete squirrel and if you stay with it you will regret it for life! Run with 200 of it.
You have made the decision and point! What do you care what people say and what they think of you? Find a lawyer, file documents and get a divorce and move on. You can learn something and try to move somewhere in Europe.
The author is a total moron, in my opinion, and now she will be itching. She turned 30 and still doesn't know where she is, many are like her, unfortunately.