Hello. I am an 18 year old boy and I want to tell you about my father. My Father is a drunkard and whenever he is drunk he brings his problems on me, I am always to blame. When he goes out somewhere and starts to get nervous, he makes scandals. When I come home he starts asking me where I've been, who I've been with, what I've done, he wants to know everything and I'm an adult and it's not normal for my father to ask me so I'm very annoyed with him, he always makes up for my shortcomings in order to he insulted and hurt me, I don't know if he did it on purpose, but I'm tired of him already. He harasses everyone at home, he is not a father to me, as long as he doesn't contribute anything at home, but he also harasses us all. Thanks to my mother we are not hungry, etc. In fact, my mother does not drink, but along with him and she begins to become vicious and also makes my shortcomings in order to insult and hurt me, my father only tries to have alcohol and cigarettes and he doesn't have to go to work from time to time, they don't pay him and he constantly quarrels with my mother, I'm tired of this life. I ask the editors of the site to publish my story.
Answers 11
You don't have a bad father, you have bad parents. As a person who comes from such a family, I guarantee you that there is only one way out for you - GET OUT OF THERE. 2 weeks after I got my high school diploma, I broke down and I'm not sorry. Any other advice is superfluous - you can never change these people.
Become a student, move out of the house.
Save money and as soon as you get your diploma, run away from them, go to study and work in another city or country, and now you can catch something for an hour after school, my classmate was delivering pizzas in his free time and earning money, another classmate also worked in your free time, so you can be independent of them and get out easier! Even if you sign up to study, you can safely say that you are an orphan and you will be exempted from the semester fee. For now, I would advise you to come home just to eat or sleep, and the rest of the time study either with friends or in the school library, so you will spend less time in the poisonous environment at home!
Are you graduating from school this year? Orient yourself to moving out, finding a job. Maybe you can move in with your grandparents? I know such cases. You will both help yourself and you will not be so busy with rent and you will be able to study.
Comment 1 is insane. You can't run away from your kind. One day you will be sorry, but it will be too late. And for you how to say? Well, try to talk to your father while he's sober, but without raising your voice or blaming him. Tell him that drinking is not the solution to problems, because I'm sure he does it because of problems, and if you live on your mother's back, he feels somehow affected that if you see he can't contribute anything to family budget. It's just that his male pride is hurt by eating his wife's bread. And it won't be bad to talk to your mother when she's calm. To tell her that you love her as much as he does, but what is happening is not right. That it is not fair for you to endure the blows of both, but in both conversations be tactful, do not raise your voice and do not reproach. I tell you this from personal experience, because my family was like that.
You seem very annoyed, but he pays your bills, it's okay that you're an adult, eh? As they say - The blood is paid at the rate. If you don't like it - move out! But he didn't like it, he was "annoyed"!
Once he's raised you, he's not that bad. And the reasons you point out are not from a bad father in general. If he asks you questions, then he is interested in you, if he scolds you, then he hurts for you. He may not show love because he pretends to be a man and the older generation of men do not find it masculine to show love to your child. I have even heard phrases that a father can caress and kiss his child only when the child is asleep, so that he does not understand how much his father loves him. He probably wants you to start working, to become independent, and he gets annoyed when he realizes that, for example, you are "messing around" with friends on the streets and in cafes. Probably his way of making you human is that he understands and humiliates you. Some beat, others insult, others praise too much, etc. different people, different characters, different ways to achieve the goal. In general, there are rarely 18-year-old boys who are fans of their fathers. Even women urge their husbands to be bad so that their children are afraid of him and perform. It is an old folk psychology that a child should be afraid of his father. You probably grew up in such an environment. But one day when you become a father, when you have to give your salary to provide heat, food, bed, clothes, teaching aids, computer, internet, cable, lessons, medicines when he is sick and for many more. many other things and depriving yourself to have for the child, then you will understand how difficult it is to raise a child. So good, bad, if he raised you, then he's not that bad. that the child must be afraid of his father. You probably grew up in such an environment. But one day when you become a father, when you have to give your salary to provide heat, food, bed, clothes, teaching aids, computer, internet, cable, lessons, medicines when he is sick and for many more. many other things and depriving yourself to have for the child, then you will understand how difficult it is to raise a child. So good, bad, if he raised you, then he's not that bad. that the child must be afraid of his father. You probably grew up in such an environment. But one day when you become a father, when you have to give your salary to provide heat, food, bed, clothes, teaching aids, computer, internet, cable, lessons, medicines when he is sick and for many more. many other things and depriving yourself to have for the child, then you will understand how difficult it is to raise a child. So good, bad, if he raised you, then he's not that bad.
Oh yes, number 6, how come not everyone with an alcoholic in the family remembered that it was enough to just tell him as a sober man that alcohol is not a solution ... Yes, that will certainly change things. And according to you, the father will readily accept wise advice and insights about the life of his 18-year-old son, will learn and correct himself - on which planet do you live? Author, the sooner you start working or studying and get out of there, the better. Your mother has surrendered and there is no strength for change anymore, and it is no wonder that she has stood, because of the wisdom spread in our dear homeland "she suffers for the sake of the children, so that they are not without a father". However, you can still do something. No one, no one has the right to crush you mentally this way.
Definitely most of the commenters don't know what it's like to live with an alcoholic. Getting away from such a parent is not a sin, but a salvation. And sober, and drunk, and after he told you that he loves you, and then that you are to blame for all the misfortunes in the world, you can not convince a drunkard that there is a problem with alcohol. For what thanks for feeding him and giving him shelter, isn't that why we make children to raise them with love, without expecting anything in return, you get respect if you did well and gave your best, not as you are poisoning your child with your alcoholic brain.
who hasn't had a problem like yours can't help you. Number 6 you write nonsense. I agree with the people who advise you to move out of them and find a job or go to grandparents and they help you and so, my father is an alcoholic I do not tell this ugly story but one thing I will tell you about your father will be worse off with this drinking but it won't be better, get out somehow and go study if you have the opportunity
I will repeat those who wrote before me: GET OUT OF THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I left when I was 18, started working the same year and rented out, which I never regretted. I worked, paid for my rent, food and bills, and was at ease. I said to myself: to fight, to fight, whatever state they do - they do it. I will not be their scapegoat here and suffer for them. That is - there is no other salvation.