I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. We have known each other since November and we have been together since the beginning of February. I was with him because I wanted caresses and attention, but I was very stupid with him because I didn't like him. He is a good boy, very understanding. I explained to him how things were and he was very empathetic to me, but he told me that I had crushed him because he had some feelings for me. I feel very bad. I didn't want to make him sad, but I couldn't pretend to love him. Before that I hurt him in a similar way and I have the feeling that he is accumulating a lot. My question is whether to leave it alone or try to maintain a friendship. I want to be friends and he doesn't mind, but I think he needs some time to overcome me or at least to be alone with his feelings and accept them. If I don't write to him, he'll think that I don't care about him, if I write to him he will suffer. I don't know what to do, I feel terribly stupid for doing so, knowing from the beginning that I don't like him more than a friend.
Answers 12
You are stupid because he has no feelings for you, what he feels is affection. If you leave him, you will see that he will forget you and find a boyfriend. Love doesn't come just like that, you know, but there are people who are more sensitive when you tell him the truth, he felt bad, but not overwhelmed.
Write to him, purely friendly, without hesitation. You can't have something with someone and just erase it from your life.
You didn't do very well in the beginning, but you broke up by explaining to him what it was all about. You don't have to be intimate with someone you don't like sexually. Ask him directly how to behave and communicate with him, being adamant that it is not a question of renewing their relationship.
Why do you play with people's feelings? You didn't want caresses, you wanted not to be alone and just to know that when you call this boy he will immediately run up ... you acted quite badly with him, get out of his life and let him find happiness with someone else.
Another proof that love doesn't go away like that, they kill it! Let him suffer it, don't dig into the wound anymore. Having a guilty conscience does not excuse you. What kind of friendship is it when you're looking for caresses?
As someone who has been in the position of your friend, I would tell the author to leave it alone. However, tell him why and what, not to block him without saying a word. He needs to be alone to overcome his obsession with you.
You cannot be friends, you will continue to hope and you will suffer more. Leave him alone, he will suffer, but he will recover faster.
Safe from women who stock up on people and then give back. What friends what 5 levs? !! Who caresses a friend? !! You made fun of the boy very badly. This is not done. You better not call him to pass. If you call you will hurt him even more.
It depends on what position you are both in. People are different. Sometimes another approach is more acceptable. Maybe if you talk long enough and frankly to both of you, things will fall into place and everyone will accept them properly.
Are you looking for caresses? What kind of friendship is this? The man loved you, fell in love with you, thought he had found his soul mate. If you don't love him, don't look for him. It is insulting and humiliating to make a "friend" someone who is in love with you. Don't play with the boy's feelings, tomorrow you will come across a swindler who will mess with you. Then what do you say? Oh, how bad and unfair life is, I love it, but it mocks my feelings. Usually, we end up getting what we do to others. You won't like it, will you? When you do not love him and there is no mutual attraction - leave the man alone. It will be even more nasty and painful to explain to him that you don't love him. Save him the nonsense you didn't say in the beginning. You are selfish. Your pleasure and your comfort are important. You don't care how the other person feels. I bet you gave him hope to entangle him in the beginning, and then, when he fell in love, you scalded his hopes. Leave the boy alone. Your apologies and explanations are not worth the money. Did he treat you very empathetically? And what did he get? Complete emotional stupidity. I'm not insulting you. Google what emotional "stupidity" means. The opposite of empathy. You wanted caresses and attention, but what did you give? Pain and frustration. Don't do that, darling. You give what you want. Mutually. I didn't mean to hurt you. The very fact that you are writing here means that you feel how bad you have done. You can correct your mistake by not writing and stop bothering the boy. This is the best for him. If you sincerely want to help him, to experience the disappointment you caused him - Leave him alone Did he treat you very empathetically? And what did he get? Complete emotional stupidity. I'm not insulting you. Google what emotional "stupidity" means. The opposite of empathy. You wanted caresses and attention, but what did you give? Pain and frustration. Don't do that, darling. You give what you want. Mutually. I didn't mean to hurt you. The very fact that you are writing here means that you feel how bad you have done. You can correct your mistake by not writing and stop bothering the boy. This is the best for him. If you sincerely want to help him, to experience the disappointment you caused him - Leave him alone Did he treat you very empathetically? And what did he get? Complete emotional stupidity. I'm not insulting you. Google what emotional "stupidity" means. The opposite of empathy. You wanted caresses and attention, but what did you give? Pain and frustration. Don't do that, darling. You give what you want. Mutually. I didn't mean to hurt you. The very fact that you are writing here means that you feel how bad you have done. You can correct your mistake by not writing and stop bothering the boy. This is the best for him. If you sincerely want to help him, to experience the disappointment you caused him - Leave him alone You give what you want. Mutually. I didn't mean to hurt you. The very fact that you are writing here means that you feel how bad you have done. You can correct your mistake by not writing and stop bothering the boy. This is the best for him. If you sincerely want to help him, to experience the disappointment you caused him - Leave him alone You give what you want. Mutually. I didn't mean to hurt you. The very fact that you are writing here means that you feel how bad you have done. You can correct your mistake by not writing and stop bothering the boy. This is the best for him. If you sincerely want to help him, to experience the disappointment you caused him - Leave him alone
The tip of 1 is dumb. A person becomes attached to his grandmother or his poodle or his cat. Love can come in a split second. For a moment, like thunder from a clear sky. You say things you don't clearly understand. And how do you know how he feels? Did you look into his heart? I think that 2 does not give good advice. What to write to him? Explain to him why she won't be with him? And will it be very good for him? !! They had something in common, yes. She used it. Comment 3 just killed the fish. So condescending to the author that even touchingly - collegiality is evident. "Well, you messed with the dude, but what happened, you cut him off. You don't have to sleep with him, nothing that you wanted caresses and attention. Call him and set him a thousand conditions, how you enjoy your further communication. But be categorical, then! "I'm seriously surprised for you, the words "caresses and attention", what do they mean ... But when I look at how you think - I do not want to understand how you interpret them. And what's the use of calling him, listing the thousand reasons she won't be with him? And definitely? This is living sadism. But that's what egoists and users do, they don't care how the other person feels. It is important that when they need caresses and attention, they are given, and when they decide that they no longer enjoy it, to start thousands of annexes, conditions, tricks ... and definitely! There is no such thing. Others give good advice because it is right not to look for it anymore. Only with comment 8 something is not OK for me. Dude, obsession and love are not the same thing. The term "obsession" was coined by modern women with mild behavior, who, in order to lead someone by the nose and provide themselves with "personal space" so that they can play with several other partners, have imposed it instead of "in love". If she is a normal woman and boyfriend and looks for her every day, she will say "my boyfriend in love" is looking for me, if she is a muffin who flirts with a few, goes out with a few, someone enjoys her, another less ... she will say " this one is obsessed ”because he is with Blago, and at the moment Drago is calling and so the schedule and comfort are disturbed and most of all -“ Personal space ”. I hope you understand me. Love is not an obsession. Falling in love is not something obsessive and unpleasant. It can be perceived as obsessive if someone does not love you, but pretends to love you. Author, the only right thing you can do is hide. You had the opportunity to be with this nice guy, he doesn't like you, he doesn't attract you - Ok. Overcome your selfishness at least once, if you care about him. You told him the game anyway. Just leave him alone.
A month or so ago, a woman did the same to me. I love her. I love her very much. I don't know if I made a mistake or got scared, because things developed very quickly between us. She asked me not to look for her, she said she didn't want us to have a relationship. This hurt me a lot, but I respected her wish. I didn't want her to feel guilty or guilty. They say that a man must be insistent, almost impudent, in order to win a woman. It is said that women love when a man is insistent and this is the way to love him, to fall in love. I shrank. When he wrote to me that he no longer wanted us to be together, I winced and capitulated. I didn't look for her, I didn't ask for an explanation. I just cringed in pain and did nothing. I have hopes that he will look for me, that he loves me, that he regrets his words. I thought it was a momentary state, she was worried about something, but when she passed she would look for me, he will kiss me and say he is sorry. I'm waiting for the phone to ring, I'm waiting for it to look for me, to smile, to hug me and to say sorry, something caught me, forgive me. I dream for this. I thought he loved me. We said it so gently. I can't believe it all evaporated in day two until we saw each other. I can't believe she told me the sacred words I love you without feeling them, without thinking them. I don't know why that happened. I love her so much. She was very hurt after her last relationship, ruined and devastated. She told me that she was afraid of me, that I would hurt her like her previous partner. She told me that I had talked about love and affection like him. It hurt that she was comparing me to someone who had hurt her, it hurt that she saw in me almost a threat. I calmed her for months, healed her soul with such tenderness. I loved her so much. Maybe he wanted to hurt me before I did. Maybe she thought I would hurt her and disappoint her. How could I? !! I adore her. I wondered why he didn't give himself a chance. I wanted to make her happy. I love her. I'm crazy about her. I do not know. Maybe she met someone else. She didn't want me to take care of her, we heard each other and saw each other whenever she wanted. I was not jealous or annoying. I accepted the oddities and fears and calmly. After cutting me off so sharply and firmly, I hid in my hole. I thought she was seeing other men and choosing the right one. I must have bothered her with my desire for a serious relationship, if she met others I would interfere. She told me that more than a year after she broke up with her ex, she overcame it, but had no contacts, had many problems and had no connections or meetings. Thought, that she has recovered and wants to start with me. I tried very hard to help her, we kept in touch as acquaintances for half a year. We talked for hours. I fell in love with her right away, but I hid it. I just wanted to help her overcome her pain. She liked me too, but she didn't show it very clearly. Finally I invited her to a meeting, I started to reveal my feelings, she responded. I was the happiest man in the world. Everything developed very quickly. She thought it was too fast and she wanted us to go back to the old relationship, just friends. There was no way, I didn't want to. I was in love with her from the beginning. I can't be friends with a woman I love. He tried to end the relationship, but then we quickly resumed it. She hesitated, wondering if I was her man. She was very honest with me. I believed in everything. I was also honest with her. I have never lied or misled her. I'm not jealous, but I think she's seen or been in contact with others. Which woman will admit it. He disappeared and did not pick up or write. When we went out they rang and she didn't pick up and she was tense. I know. Every modern man will say that these are normal things, that there is nothing wrong with a woman going out with many men to choose the one she likes or falls in love with the most. There is no compulsion in love. Nobody likes jealous and annoying people. Maybe she was hesitant in her choice, if there was one. Because honestly I don't know what happened, I don't know why it disappeared. But the desire to be in contact less often made me think. Perhaps a better opportunity had opened up for my insistence to be incompatible with her plans, if there were any. I thought, if she liked someone, he just had to choose and cut off the excess so that there would be no nonsense and unpleasant stories. He didn't give me an explanation. She was almost angry and scared. He cut me off sharply. I must have been an obstacle. She didn't want me to know the reason because it would turn out that she had lied to me all along. In the end, you don't owe me anything, you can't force someone to love you. Yes, it hurt me because I thought he loved me, that he saw his future with me. I don't know why he did that. She may also have been confused and left alone.
If she wasn't ready for a relationship. These are guesses. Only she knows the real reason. I miss him so much. I wait for him to call every day to look for me. I wonder if he remembers me, if I miss him and if he wants to be with me. I wonder if he expects me to do something, if he's sorry he broke up with me. I do not dare to take a step. I'm afraid, that if he's with anyone he'll think I'm a maniac. If she wanted to cut me off so badly, maybe she was with someone else and didn't want to get into stupid explanations. She couldn't tell me I'm leaving you for someone else. She wanted to remove me so that she would be clear to her conscience and not hurt me even more. She told herself, perhaps, it would be better to cut him off without explanation than to tell him that I was leaving him for someone else. I really don't know why that happened. These are just my thoughts and guesses. Whatever the reason, I know one thing, if someone loves taking steps towards a loved one, look for him. If he doesn't look for you and hides, then there is a reason. Whatever it is. Every day I get up and go to bed thinking about her. I'm waiting, but I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I want her so much I love her so much, but the choice is hers. I took many steps towards her, if she loves me she will find me. I am very sad to write all this. I feel so pathetic. He cries like an idiot at home alone. I don't know what to do, at least to calm down. I will never forget her. I miss him so much. I was alone for years, waiting for the special person. I thought it was her. I thought fate had met me to be with her. I'm not a psychic or obsessed. Everything was very good. It just didn't happen, and I'll never know why it didn't happen. I don't blame her. Not angry. I miss. I love her. Let her be happy. Love is something that takes two. Now I will be alone, I'm used to it, it hurts but that's how it should be. If it hurts, then I'm alive. Such are the people, we make choices, we don't always know what we want or what is best for us ... It will pass. Everything passes. It's fresh and it hurts now. I wish happiness to all and to you author. I'm not judging you. Sometimes we don't know we're hurting someone. Sometimes we are cruel, but we have a choice. Always. If you truly love your boy, find him and be his. If you don't love him, get out of his life forever.