Hello to all writers and readers! You may find my story too strange or pretentious, but that's how I see my life now. I will soon be 29 years old, a woman in a so-called "serious" relationship. We have been together for almost a year or more, we have been living together for about 10 months. It is my first cohabitation and it is starting to weigh on me. It used to be heavy for a long time, now it makes me very uncomfortable. Consider me a league, considering my age, but it is very difficult to do everything in one family. Maybe some of you will say that I am to blame because the responsibilities have to be shared. I thought so too, but to date my accounts are crooked. Everything is very difficult. daily duties and problems at work, commitments outside it. That at home again only me is waiting. we don't have children yet, we talked about it, but I'm not ready, in general, with the idea of being officially a wife and especially a mother. To raise someone and take full responsibility for his being, and to separate his father separately. I don't want to be mean, I love my boyfriend, but I'm having a hard time with everything. I want to turn to the dear reader and ask: For God's sake, people ... How are you doing?
Answers 17
How am I doing ? Well very easy. From the very beginning of our cohabitation, I told my husband (then we were just boyfriends) that I was not the maid at home. We usually shop together. Cleaning - we have hired a woman who comes once a week / I hate cleaning and he doesn't have time /. Cooking - my mother cooks in the winter, the rest of the time I cook something quickly or more often I buy cooked food. We have been driving like this for 25 years. In the beginning there was no money for a cleaner and he cleaned, I rarely, only in the role of assistant. But I was cooking. If you do not set clear rules from now on, you will be a servant for the rest of your life. Answer the question, do you want such a life for you? I would never live with a man who has no basic respect for me and leaves me to rot at home from work.
If he doesn't help at home, you can quit your job and become a housewife and mother. If you have to work on an equal footing with him, he also has to take on half of the homework. A woman cannot have a successful career, be a good housewife and mother, there is no way. Talk seriously about the topic and choose the best option for you.
Malay, can you imagine having 1-2-3-4 children on your head? !! How did people cope at one time, earning their own bread in the fields? Ori, sei, chaff, reap, thresh, grind, carry, knead ... With the rocker and the water mints at the fountain at the end of the village. Cook, wash, bathe, feed a 9-member family? Probably the day was 48 hours, and more ...
I don't clean and cook for my friend. I do it for myself, even if I lived alone, I would still clean, wash and cook. I don't see a huge difference, as long as he doesn't throw his dirty clothes on the ground and scatter them. He did it in the beginning, then I explained to him that I was not his mother to walk after him and he got to know the laundry basket, started packing his dishes and throwing away his packages. I don't oblige him to help, but I annoy him if he interferes. Otherwise, housework does not weigh on me, it is a part of life that does not take much time a day. Why bother for 2-3 hours of work on vacation? It's like sitting down and thinking about how much energy I'm going to waste while taking a bath ... it's a must and it's not a pain to die. Just as I take care of my body without weighing it down, I do the same with my home. And my home is my castle, I want to feel good in every room, and for this purpose it is desirable not to step on 3 cm of dust. It will be harder with children now, but I guess they will be much nicer to me than my friend and I won't be very angry with them. However, they will be small, have to play and it is normal to get dirty. Once people live in a property, it is normal for it not to be sterile and not perfect all the time. Don't get too obsessed. It should be clean, but every apartment is sometimes not in a brilliant way, this is normal, it happens. Try not to think that you are doing the housework for your friend, you would do it anyway. You can talk to him, get involved with 2-3 things to make it easier for you. However, they will be small, have to play and it is normal to get dirty. Once people live in a property, it is normal for it not to be sterile and not perfect all the time. Don't get too obsessed. It should be clean, but every apartment is sometimes not in a brilliant way, this is normal, it happens. Try not to think that you are doing the housework for your friend, you would do it anyway. You can talk to him, get involved with 2-3 things to make it easier for you. However, they will be small, have to play and it is normal to get dirty. Once people live in a property, it is normal for it not to be sterile and not perfect all the time. Don't get too obsessed. It should be clean, but every apartment is sometimes not in a brilliant way, this is normal, it happens. Try not to think that you are doing the housework for your friend, you would do it anyway. You can talk to him, get involved with 2-3 things to make it easier for you.
You just talk to your friend, tell him what annoys you and what you want. If he is aware, he will understand you and correct himself. If he doesn't, you try with scandals several times and if it doesn't work, you beat his jester. I don't understand women like you - they are enslaved to someone, but they are young and can live their lives ... you are not good to tolerate. If only you lived there ... Everyone has rights and obligations. Once upon a time, when people lived in the countryside, there was a lot of hard physical work and the man did it, and the woman did the lighter housework and looked after the children, as she was in the fields. But nowadays, when people live in a city and do not cut wood or carry coal or work with agricultural machinery, the function of the man in this area becomes meaningless and needs to be adapted to the new conditions. The woman nowadays works and earns almost the same salary as the man, the bills are shared between the two, hence the obligations at home. From where to where he will lie on the couch while you snuggle. But that impudence ...
We sit alone, what is cool? You like to talk, you like to be silent. Voices are heard, the lamp is lit - there is no one to create worries. :) Otherwise seriously ... if you don't have personal plans, even without a connection, there will be people to burden you, because you have time, don't you ... Think of how you want to spend your day and write it down as a daily program. Homework is secondary, and there are already robots.
People come together to support each other, to help each other and so to make it easier for them, not to carry someone on their back and make it heavier. If it's hard for you without a child, I don't know with a child ... Why do you go back to everything at home after you go to work? If you don't go I understand, but right?
Both the question and the answer are contained in your text: The question: "For God's sake, people ... How are you doing?" The answer: "because the responsibilities must be shared." G45
A matter of organization! Make a plan and act more agile, what the hell is wrong? !!! If you are not ready for a family and a child, and you write that it is difficult for you now ... well, stay single, it will be easy for you!
For starters, I can't do it alone. Not because I can't, but because I don't want to, and I don't find it right. From the very beginning of all my relationships, I have shown my partners that I do not tolerate such distractions - by "beginning" you mean before we lived together. I have girlfriends who have no problem taking care of their household without the help of their partner, but it is not right for me. At home we share the responsibilities - of course, if he does not feel well, is busy or something like that, I cancel it. The opposite is also true. For a long time, the woman is not the person whose only task is to run the household and take care of the children. After you both work, you are both expected to wash dishes, cook, etc. At least that's how I see things. :) Talk to him, tell him that it irritates you, you get tired and you don't feel well. Just tell him that.
Does he love you if he lets you do everything? You caught a villager that his mother told him deserved more rest than you. I would not deal with such Plasmodium. At home we do everything together to have free time together. What age do you live in?
Unfortunately, your situation is quite common nowadays. The woman is expected to work on an equal footing with the man, to make money, to run the household and to look after the children, but this overload is not right in itself. As I see it, you have 2 options: 1. You both set aside money and buy a robot vacuum cleaner, washing machine with dryer, dishwasher, etc. In short - you make the most of robotic innovations in the household. You share the rest of the work. 2. You are silent, you do everything hoping that your husband will understand the subtle hint, but this will not happen because it is convenient for him to be taken care of. There is nothing to lie about, we would all be comfortable with someone running around our ass and doing everything for us. The point is that no one, regardless of gender, should learn this, it is not fair to the partner. The family is one team, in which everyone must take on responsibilities equally. If one is lazy, the other is not obliged to carry him on his back. This is already turning from teamwork into parasitism, and no one likes parasites. So do your homework, take this conversation seriously and think about what you want from the other person: a partner or a parasite.
Up to 3 With current scientific advances, you can earn much more than the levels that your grandmother's great-grandfather earned. Somehow, though, I don't see a huge influx.
And let me ask number 1 - as a foreign woman cleans your dirt, and your mother cooks, who comes to "help" you by going to the toilet in great need? Or at least you manage there alone? Not for anything else, but tell me if we have to come and help you there, not to "rot" from work there. Safe from such aristocrats who have been ridiculed by someone else ... for 25 years ...
How are we doing? We shop (almost) always together. He is the only one who carries water and throws garbage. We alternately load the dishwasher and the washing machine - everyone puts the dirty dishes directly in the dishwasher (it took time to get used to them, they first piled up in the sink as usual). Stretching - which happened on the spot when the washing machine was ready; the dispenser distributes, who first opens the machine and sees that it is full of clean utensils. He doesn't like to vacuum, he only does it if he spills or breaks something on the floor, so I usually vacuum, he also never thinks of wiping the dust - so it automatically goes to me. I also export 70% of my cooking - I like to cook and I don't mind, but if I'm tired or I don't feel like cooking today, he always responds willingly and does it, I have to admit that he cooks quite well. In the morning he usually makes the bed and ventilates the rooms. Our bathroom is a problem - usually no one wants to clean it and it happens every time after discussions - everyone washes the bath before using it, he usually cleans the shower cabin, the toilet bowl and the sink - me. The distribution of washed and dried clothes - everyone puts their own, do not iron. I must say that when we got together, because he lived alone, he was used to doing a lot more than housework without thinking - but he pampered himself from living together and started to leave a lot of things when he saw that if he didn't do it, then someone else will do it. At the moment (after 9 years) we have reached a kind of equilibrium situation in which everyone knows their obligations, and what is unpleasant for both of us we try to do together so that no one feels overwhelmed.
Did anyone read the comments so far? The first one, her mother was cooking, a woman / servant / was cleaning! Shouldn't your father point your husband's chin between his legs? !! The other didn't interest her. Everyone to clean. Just to ask; Is this your idea of family and family life? Man and woman come together under one roof to create a generation. To help each other in the nasty life. I never read understanding, support, help. Who instilled in your minds that for two toes of flesh between the feet, men should worship you and carry you in their arms? Yes! Dumb, pointless and disgusting series have nothing else to teach you. Who will clean you up after you eat? Is your husband? Or run the washing machine that you are afraid of electricity? Better to go to the maternity ward to give birth to him! You shout everywhere that the woman has not been the weaker sex for a long time, and then the servants, restaurants and mom! If anyone has not understood, life in this hole called Bulgaria is disgusting and difficult. If the man goes to work, then the woman must bring her salary home. If one sweeps, the other will wipe. And I want to shout that I can barely, but no one can hear me. I tear my gut. I'm looking after my child. And I follow my wife's ass! What happened to the WOMAN as a person? !! Where did you degenerate? !! If you do not have a clear attitude to family life, it is clearly not for you!
To number 16. From 1. You got something wrong. No one is to blame for you not earning anything. Of course, in this situation you will help at home. This is your home, not just your wife's. We have a business with my husband. We also support our parents. I had to fidget at home with all the workload. The author's problem is that only she maintains the house and her boyfriend skates. From where to where, after she works too? If he does not want to help at home, get a helper - a cleaner or whatever he decides.