Hello, In short, my story is as follows: We have been married for 20 years to my wife, and we have been together for 23 years. I am 43 years old. and she is 42. We have 2 children aged 18 and 15. 10 years ago I cheated on her and she found out. The infidelity happened because it suddenly cooled. He started going out with friends all the time and even moved to sleep in the children's room. To my question "What's going on? Is there another? "He told me he had no one else and just wanted some freedom. Not a day has passed since then that I have not regretted cheating on my wife. I feel great guilt and shame. Anyway, at the beginning of April, she told me that she couldn't take it anymore, that everything between us was over, that I shouldn't touch her anymore, that I shouldn't kiss and hug her. And this whole thing suddenly after 10 years. And I thought she forgave me. Then he gave me more arguments. How I didn't help at home, I didn't take care of the children, I haven't shown enough love. And the truth is, I'm constantly at work to support them. There are many costs for children. Separately, she was out of work for many years to take care of the children. I worked all the time, tightening my belt. I repaired the apartment we lived in (he is from his parents), paid the bills, provided money for all expenses. Finally, September told me I wanted a divorce. I initially persuaded her to separate, to live for a while, to judge. But she seems determined. I moved out and now roars like a child all night. I miss him terribly. I miss my children too. I do not know what to do. I feel so bad that I can't get out or do anything. I can barely get out of bed to go to work. I was a man like a rock 85kg. I'm 68 now. I can't sleep, I don't feel like eating either when I close my eyes and see only her. I experience it very hard, my eyes are constantly watery, I see no point in anything. I don't want to lose her, but she's unlikely to want us to give ourselves another chance.
Answers 23
Be sure to visit a psychologist
Don't suffer so much ... She's guilty!
After 10 years .... It's a little doubtful, if you haven't been wrong for so long, if she hadn't found a treadmill, that's where things are going. Otherwise, it sucks
Tighten it up! Safe from roaring men here! Even if you chirp, you will not return it! Get a good divorce in Bulgarian - with proof of contribution. During the trial, you will hear such things from her about yourself that you will realize how foolish it is to grieve for a person who has written you off for years, but has had no problem using all the comforts of a secure marriage. Trust me, this will motivate you enough to continue your life. The kids are big and you're not old, just keep going! I will not be surprised if it turns out that she has decided to return your infidelity and has developed a long-term relationship.
Well, she obviously didn't forgive you. She waited for the children to grow up, to help her financially during that time, and not to leave them without a father because of your stupid act. However, seeing over the years that you do not try to correct your mistake (work is not an excuse) and do not pay proper attention to it, and you did not help at home and did not take care of the children, she decided that there is no point in maintaining this lie in which you live. I hope she misses you too and changes her mind. If not, you will have to get used to the situation, the faster, the better. The excuse that she's cold and that's why you cheated on her is the dumbest thing. If it is cold, then if you love it, you will "warm" it again, and not run after other people's pranks (a woman who catches a married man with children is just like that). It's obvious , that she realized what a man she was with these constant excuses. So, a common situation. You crush the women who give birth to your children, wash you, cook for you, etc., with whom you have married and made promises, and then kick you out when they realize. You got what you deserve, just 10 years. later.
For me, the problem is that, like many families, taking too much care of children, turning their backs on their partner and relationships. The mass model of someone sleeping with the children or they with the parents. The other thing is, staying home. Therefore, even 2 hours, the woman must be active. Regarding infidelity, I understand you. Your daily life is in full swing, a woman with only the children at home. Infidelity is not a reason for separation. Reason to rethink the relationship. Unfortunately, in such cases, emotionality prevails. I think you have 2 options. Family consultant. I watched a story by Ani Vladimirova authors option, tighten up, respect them and move forward. She is looking for a new path and a partner. He turned his back on the past.
Dude, your wife's been a long time ago, there's no doubt about that. Our marriage is long over. Look ahead.
She found a tramp, you stop paying, those children are big. You sit down and tell the children that you are no longer a family, let everyone be fine. Tell them the truth that their mother has another man. And you will help them when you have the opportunity. From now on you completely stop the relationship with your wife, you are also my set with two children, if my wife says such a thing to me, I will be engaged to another in a month, but how can you cry for such a woman if she doesn't want you, you find another who will wish you !!!
The topic proves the saying - "ass rubs head" !? For 10 minutes of fun, a lifetime of grief, is it worth it? When women cheat, they think this is normal because their husband did not satisfy them, and when a man seeks something for his soul, he is crucified. They pretend to forgive the women, but internally they are ready to destroy the guilty man. Women do not forgive, it is better for the author to look after his children as before, and they themselves will appreciate their parents.
Rejoice, now you are free, now you will feel real life.
Dude, don't worry - I'm 26 and I don't have a wife or children yet. You fight for children too, one is 18, the other is 15. them
Beauty does not happen by force, your children are already big, why are you harassing yourself, if she wanted to be with you again, she would forgive you and take you home. Apparently she had no feelings at first, you didn't feel her warmth, so you staggered easily. I don't blame anyone, but hypocritical cohabitation always leads to infidelity. Only true, sincere loves are lasting. Don't be so sorry, a lot of women, it may have been for good, calm down, you are still young, you will find another one!
Just because you forgot doesn't mean she is. I totally support the woman! If she had cheated on you, you would have slowed down, no, and you would have done the same. This is not forgotten even after any years of betrayal! Why she was so cool, I don't know, maybe she was depressed, it is possible that she cheated on you and if she is - well, if she is not ... you deserve the current situation! She probably didn't sleep, she didn't eat, she didn't feel as good as you do now. And for the apartment ... it sucks, but in the end it stays for your children, so ... As a piece of advice, don't bother unnecessarily and tighten up, stay in position and don't show her how bad you are, try to talk, but it's best not to beg her if she tells you it's because of this long-standing infidelity - show her that you're really sorry. It would be good to be with another, only then will he be able to really forgive you and start fresh. There's probably something else, too, when she told you she couldn't stand it, think about how you behaved, whether you showed pity, or blamed her for your actions. Being cool is not a reason to make an irreparable mistake! Good luck and I hope you have learned a lesson, do not forget that in case of a problem in the relationship, absolutely always both are to blame!
The same thing happened to me, even without cheating. Accept it as a fact and that's it. We will never get over the pain of lost love and lack of children. You know a woman left is like rust, you can't stop her. I often think of him cuddling like a kitten, and after 11 years don't touch me, etc. Without having huge problems, there were excuses like that I couldn't repair anything, we didn't go out enough and more . Women were spoiled a lot, the ex also thought of looking for a new love, but remember well a woman with a child will only be used, will never be respected and loved as the father of his children!
Tighten up and act like a man, not a woman. Accept the truth - this is the end of your marriage. Divorce as civilized people, without vulgar performances and seirs for neighbors and acquaintances. At least your children should not be ashamed of you. № 10 nicely advises you to blacken your wife in front of the children, but are you ready to tell them what you did with another woman, that is, that their father is no different? Act like sensible people at least in front of them. Otherwise, roaring and picking wounds is of no use. You could find a way to your wife, show her love and attention, even with a flower, a small gift, a candlelight dinner, a love letter to find in your bag ... Instead of fighting for her love, you preferred , to do it for another. So, has infidelity solved your family problems? No, he created more for you. It's late now, broken and glued, still broken. It would have been better if he had played fair then, instead of mouse. In fact, your marriage de facto ended the moment you left the other, now you will end it legally. And now, as a free man, you can go with whomever you want.
You both made mistakes, don't blame yourself! Her mistake is that she left you without attention and love, she did not sleep with you, more or less in infidelity and they are both guilty. If you really think you can't forget it and move on, try all sorts of options. You know her, you know what she loves, you've been together for 23 years, remind her of the moment you fell in love! Everyone makes mistakes once they should have understood you, and she certainly wasn't always sinless. If not, you have to move on, no matter how hard and nasty, time really heals. You will see your children, but if she is really better off without you, you should leave her and move on. Success! F, 21
I don't know if you're still following the topic, but I'll get involved. It has become my habit to write under the topics of women who want to leave their husbands, but out of male solidarity I want to give you some advice. You know I'm a lot younger, but I won't say how much. First, get tight and take a man in your arms. The more you think about this and about her, the more you live in the past. People who live in the past grow old so fast that at one point their whole lives passed without them realizing it. So tighten up, you're 40 and short. Secondly, I personally find it very suspicious that because of an infidelity 10 years ago, your wife is now leaving you. How are you so sure that she hasn't cheated on you once since you've been together? How can you be sure of this thing? She may not have forgiven you, but that is far from the reason I give you a guarantee. What to say, this is how relationships work in general, whether there is infidelity or not. The woman finds security while she is young, but after 10-15 years the hormone hits her again and she wants variety, she wants to fuck other men. Of course, you won't hear this in direct text, but that's part of the truth. You have done absolutely nothing wrong and that is the biggest paradox. To justify the thoughts that torment her or the fact that she wants to abandon her family, she starts blaming you and makes you think that because of you your family is falling apart. Just think how many things you did for them and what she did and think again if she was manipulating you. There is no faith in a woman if I want to break my allegiance to you. You tore your ass off working for the kids, for the apartment, for her, but women are selfish. She doesn't know what she wants, but she wants it here and now, you know that joke. Instead of roaring, turn the plate sharply and show her a face she has never seen in you. Get super cold to her, gather the children and her in one place, for dinner, for example, and explain the whole situation to them. Without scandals, without reproaches to the mother, just explain to them that you will no longer be a family and you will help them, but you are done. And don't even look at her if you're not discussing something. Be super cool with her and share everything you have to share, but then you forget about her. And not for anything else, but because you will see how he will start looking for you constantly. I don't know what you're worried about, kids. I understand that they are too young to want custody, but they are almost adults, so they decide where and with whom they want to be. This is the solution, you stop all support and assistance to her, all conversations and similar nonsense. If she wants to live alone, to live alone, but this is impossible because women are not arranged that way. If there is no man next to him, he will look for you and run to you like a puppy. Only if she has to and only at work, do everything else on her own, which affects her directly. If she doesn't want to be with you, she forgets about everything you can give her. And you are young, what are you roaring about. Girls of 20 are dying to be fucked by men your age and you will see such sex that you will wonder what you have been doing all these years. Abe, whatever we talk about, marriage is a complete fabrication. It just ruins the man. And the theaters that she could no longer stand to play them as much as she wanted. He just wants to be fucked by someone else, if not already. I read the comment on number 16 as if you had explained the connection between my mother and my father. I am a second child and I was born almost to keep the marriage from falling apart. And all my life I watch scandals and the same reproaches. Marriage is complete nonsense, so I have decided not to engage in such nonsense at all.
Number 19 very accurate and valuable comment! From number 10.
Hello. I am the Author. I want to thank you for all the comments. I'm sorry I'm only writing now, but I just wasn't in a position before. Three months have passed since our separation. And things seem to show that it will be final. It has changed dramatically. She got so cold I couldn't recognize her. Ie behaves the way I should behave, as if she read the comments here. I made many attempts to fix things, but nothing came of it. Now I have reduced the contacts to a minimum. However, I haven't stopped the money (it just doesn't give me the heart to do it). But it's high time I did. The bad thing is that the children have changed too. There are cases when they don't pick up my phone, they don't want to see me very, very much, and when we talk or see each other it's quite difficult. But they are still children, I should not be angry with them, because most likely they also have a hard time. I visited a psychologist, but it didn't help me much. He told me that I had depression, that my condition was normal for after the separation, and I decided that I had to deal with this depression on my own. I started training, reading books, trying and going out, but I still can't. I will leave the outings for a later stage. In general, I went with the flow at the moment. I started eating normally. I'm still thinking about her, though. I miss. And I miss my children. But this is life after all. I am to blame and now I will have to bear the consequences. Greetings and thanks again for the comments. In time I will write again. In general, I went with the flow at the moment. I started eating normally. I'm still thinking about her, though. I miss. And I miss my children. But this is life after all. I am to blame and now I will have to bear the consequences. Greetings and thanks again for the comments. I will write again in time. In general, I went with the flow at the moment. I started eating normally. I'm still thinking about her, though. I miss. And I miss my children. But this is life after all. I am to blame and now I will have to bear the consequences. Greetings and thanks again for the comments. I will write again in time.
Now you understand how your wife felt when you cheated on her. It's not easy, is it! But it's different when you have experienced it on your own!
Hello, I am 35, we have been separated for a year and a half, the child is under 10 years old. She's cold to me too, and it's like she's not, she doesn't want anything to do with me, I haven't cheated on her, I've been, I'm not a drunk, I don't gamble, I've been nice to her. It took me a year to shake off the separation, it still hurts, but much less. One tip: really wedge-wedge kills. Find a woman even just for fun, you'll see how it will distract you, I'm not very contactable and I found it from online dating apps.
To all those who accuse the author. I would agree with you if the woman had not lasted 10 years, but decided to end her marriage immediately. But she chose to have a homemaker for 10 years, a provider for the children and whatever else you can think of. Do you remember that during these 10 years there were vacations, excursions, vacations that she went on, these children received care and support from this father. Now she suddenly remembered to look for Mara! As I read the Author, she has already set up the children successfully, probably with the oldest female technique of the married woman - how much she gave of herself and did not receive ... She is duplicitous and useful everywhere ...
Author, I will express a slightly different opinion, but you yourself felt what was happening in the beginning. Your wife started cheating on you long before you even thought about doing it. You were just the perfect husband to take a break from work while she rested and looked for lovers. Your infidelity came to her as a lottery win. You have given her an excuse to do whatever she wants with you, playing the role of a victim. Many women are looking for just such men - hardworking, dedicated and meek, so that they can then play their horse in peace. Men also have such de, not a trademark of women. It sucks what happened to you, but there is a positive side. You got rid of it young. Many people do not feel it all their lives or hide it in themselves and it eats away at them from within. At 43, you can easily start over. Look for a new wife, take care of your children and that's it. After another month you will calm down completely and everything will start to work out. Keep contacts with your ex to a minimum, even if it's best not to have them at all.