No woman would admit to friends, boyfriend, that she has flaws, so I do it virtually. I need to share, to talk to someone about it, although not face to face. I have a terrible character, and I think I'm a terrible person. I have a serious friend, I'm 24, and he's 2 years older. He is a great man, smiling and positive, and I have been and am the only woman in his life. He makes gestures for me, buys flowers, presents. He has a good profession and education, and his salary is 3 times as much as mine, which is supposedly decent. He neither drinks nor smokes, does not raise his voice, gentle, attentive, good ... And? I constantly make scenes for him. I am beautiful and attractive, without overestimation, but it is so.
As a teenager, and my younger father harassed us, he was an alcoholic, smoked like a chimney, wasted money, and mentally and physically harassed my mother, me, and my sister. I was filled with resentment towards men. Then I came across men looking only for sex, I became even angrier with them.
My last friend before the current one even beat me. 2 years ago I met this boy I am with now. I fell in love, I get an amazing attitude, and what do I do? I feel like doing scenes for him inside. I yell at him for no reason, I accuse him of non-existent infidelity, I know he's innocent, but I just want to fight him. I want to humiliate him, why? I don't know :(. Maybe because I haven't received real love so far, men equal to my father crushed me and now I make it to the good boy because I know that he loves me, he will swallow, he won't respond.
A month ago I had to travel I insisted that he take me by car, even though I knew it wouldn't happen, he was busy, but I wanted to rub it on his nose that he refused. The incident turned into a quarrel in which I grumbled and grumbled, and he, although silent, finally replied that even though he wanted to, he could not always follow my ass. He got up and went out. I went by train and came back by train, waiting for me at the station with flowers. Going down, I saw him (he didn't see me) that he was spotting our friend and helping her to pack her bags, and I was angry that he was dealing with her. Yes, madness, right?
Dumb, idiotic ... things caught up and in the warmth, I went downstairs, took a taxi in us, turned off my phone and left it for 2 hours to wander at the station, he called me, the phone turned off, scared, called you acquaintances in the other city... He came home, saw me, hugged me, kissed me ... then pulled away and said that despite everything he felt, this was my last. Another number like that and you were leaving, he was freaking out in fear ... I know he's right, I know, that I was doing stupid things and that I was trying to get all the accumulated hatred on him, and that he deserved it the least. I think I will confuse more and lose him, but I love him and I don't want that. I haven't talked to him about these problems, I don't know if it's a good idea to share them with him, with friends too - I'm afraid that feeling insecure in me they will want him for themselves, he is already popular among them.
Answers 17
Well ... what I'm going to say about your story I've read is that you definitely don't like this man and you better let him find his happiness with a woman who will appreciate him. You definitely don't deserve it!
You're not well ... plus you don't deserve the boy next to you, I don't know how he tolerates you. Either fix your relationship or leave him and not poison his life. Success!
Oh, darling, I see myself somewhere in this story. I think you behave like that because your numbers pass. At least that's how it is with me. I don't know why I do it. Sometimes even when I'm alone I sit and cry and I feel terrible. Maybe something just doesn't satisfy you completely in this person. Not that he's bad or anything. But I don't think you really love him, but rather convince yourself that you have to love him because he's good, different. Think carefully about whether you are sincere in your feelings in front of him and especially in front of yourself. And the problem may be in the ego. At least that's how it is with me. We both suffer from over-ego, we almost want to occupy the whole world of the person next to us. Judging by the story you told about the train. I have also gone crazy over such things. Little by little I began to control myself, at least not to explode in front of him,
In general, children raised with a bad and irresponsible father have 2 options. To repeat the mistakes of your parents, in your case like your mother, to commit to such a person or to look for his complete opposite. You have found the opposite, but I think you subconsciously want to find someone like your father. It sounds silly, but it is a common psychological fact. This puts a barrier in your mind and prevents you from being happy with this person who wants to make you like that. You just think you love good guys, but you actually want to look bad. A small mistake on the part of your friend, who allowed you to get on his head. The permission is in the first sentences of my post. One wants what one does not have, but one does not think about what is useful for oneself. We women in particular act extremely emotionally in most cases. In my opinion, you should either go to another level with your friend - to live together, a child or something like that, or after a while to separate (in case of a major breakdown in the relationship or possible infidelity, most likely on your part). You choose. The important thing is to try to get to know each other so that you do not regret your choice later.
I seem to envy you nobly and I attribute your reactions to the attitude of men in your childhood subconsciously you now return to the humiliation of your father and other men in your life and yet know that when you love it is right to give love because you will realize it when not God forbid you lose this boy / man / and why should it be so that you show that he truly loves you
You're right: don't talk to friends, and don't share, it's enough here ... and you're smart enough, and you know the answer, you're like that because of your childhood, and you know you're going to lose it ... just don't repeat your mistakes ... and if it is possible ... I doubt it ... it seems to me that in order to be happy you have to cheat on yourself, even if it sounds illogical ... success .... ZARA 36
Let me tell you, I fully understand you, because I have a similar fate with you. I also had some harassment from my father and brother, and I gathered a lot of resentment towards men. Then I met several such individuals, rotten in one word, and the situation deepened. And no matter how hard I try and tell myself that I will behave well with the next one, at one point I don't hold back and start behaving disgustingly. I don't know what to tell you, personally I just haven't seen an example of a decent man and I think that everyone is like that and I start subconsciously even taking revenge on all the men I meet. I don't know, but I'm done with it and decided not to have a relationship because I can't get over it. The last time I met someone who was nice to me, but I started behaving badly again and it was over, and I don't think he deserved it, but he's stronger than me. I don't know what advice to give you, because if you're like me, at some point you explode and you can't control yourself. In addition to making a conscious effort, restrain yourself because decent boys are rare. I advise you to talk to him about your past, since he is good I think he will support you and help you overcome things. Since he didn't leave you after this train incident, I think he cares a lot about you. Tell him. Because a lot of people think you're bad by nature, and that's because you're hurt. If you explain to him, he will look at you differently, otherwise he may soon dump you and then you will only regret and get even angrier. So do not miss this chance, this is my advice and try with this person to overcome the traumas of the past.
Girl, abstract from everything, go to a psychoanalyst, a psychologist and I don't know what to go to. So I lost a love and now that I have learned from my mistakes, I try not to be jealous, not to make scandals with my next love. It all depends on you, but I think you are obsessed with the person next to you and you are obsessed with him. Work on yourself if you don't want to lose it. Help yourself, so that God will help you as they say. Success!
You have no idea how well I know this. I'm the same. The reason for this behavior is to some extent in my parents, because they did not want me to go out and meet boys until I was 17, and the other reason is that I am not used to being liked. It doesn't matter my gender, I'm just not used to being liked, and I do my best not to be liked. It sounds dumb, but I can't control it. If so ... go to a psychologist. Success!
I wrote a comment a while ago, I don't know when it will be published, but now I saw that you were harassed by your father. Honey ... I think you really go to a psychologist, because right now your attitude towards men is like that, because you're SCARED. There is no other reason, this is your fear.
If I talk to him, I know what will happen - he will hug me, calm me down and he will probably look for psychologists more than me. He knows my father bullied me, I don't want him to think I'm crazy, I'm not crazy! I want to shake off and be happy. I know that the very fact that he has not left me is still proof that he loves me and all the gestures-flowers, kind words, gifts, caresses are proof that he cares for me. I'm not looking for other men at all, like my father, rubbish, but you don't know what it's like to be beaten, drunk and beastly, beats 3 women and doesn't spit at all. By the way, my father was a great friend of my ex, who reached out to me and when we broke up, my father hit me. My current boy, when he saw my father, seemed to see blood enemies, from the very first day! I don't know how he understood it just by looking, and then without any other information (about the battles) he said, that my father is not a nice man and does not want to get closer. He was the only one who opposed him, he took me to live with him where I am now. My father called to threaten me and him for at least 3 months in the beginning, I was very scared, I didn't want him to go out either. Once again the shock of a call and threats, my boy went to us, I do not, do not, my father is like that, he said, I am clear. hid in one of the rooms and locked up said my mother, since then he has not harassed me, I have not seen him. I just want to stop doing these tricks, he told me - I don't reflect your fuss (I liked it angry haha), I don't reflect when you shout, but when I worry about you - I reflect. He told me such numbers for the last time, I took his soul. I don't want to lose him, I love him, I give him love, but I don't know where this desire to be both good and bad comes from. I know that if he hadn't loved me for a long time for paying attention to the women who bully and drool over him, most of my girlfriends, of course, knew my problems very well. So maybe I was very angry at that scene of him picking up that guy's luggage, and she was looking at him with a cow's eye and drooling at him ... She yes, but my boy understands this as an act of gentlemanliness, nothing more, and I just react that she was flirting with him. Misunderstood jealousy. and she looks at him with a cow's eye and drools over him ... She does, but my boy understands this as an act of gentlemanliness, nothing more, and I just react to the fact that she flirts with him. Misunderstood jealousy. and she looks at him with a cow's eye and drools over him ... She does, but my boy understands this as an act of gentlemanliness, nothing more, and I just react to the fact that she flirts with him. Misunderstood jealousy.
I understand you very well. I did not have your difficult childhood and I cannot take into account the extent to which the reason for your behavior is in your father. It must have a reflection, I'm not arguing. In my opinion, you are trying to control the situations around you and to show dominance by imposing yourself on your partner and acting out scenes. As I define this state, demons rage inside me and I don't know why. Something inside makes you do it. Believe me, you have to change this in yourself, because everything has its limits and your man will not tolerate forever. Love, love, but they don't make fun of you. True, you like to command men, to turn them on your finger, but this of yours seems out of the ordinary to me. As advice, I can tell you this: put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if he treated you like that, try to look at yourself from the side how you look in a moment when you treat him like an animal (excuse me for the expression), give yourself a clear assessment of how you would react if you see a woman behaving like that with her boyfriend - what would you think, who would you protect. I believe it will help you, a kind of introspection and evaluation, at least for me. Unfortunately, people change very hard, because driving the old way is the easiest. I advise you to imagine your life without him and how you will feel if he leaves you because of your behavior. And one more thing - when you feel that the devil is talking inside you, number up to 10, grit your teeth and shut up. You will see that your unfounded anger will pass in seconds. Think before you say or insult something. After all, life is so short - no one needs these demonstrations. I hope, that I will help you somewhat with my comment. Good luck :)
In my opinion, your behavior is caused by some complex. Because as you describe it, it would be a dream for many women and you understand this very well. You control your emotions, you do everything with a clear mind. Try to control yourself, otherwise you will lose a valuable person, and such people are very rare today .... even if you look for him, he will not return, because he will have already found a girl who appreciates what he has!
Ah girl .. and I made the same mistake some time ago and now I'm 20 years old and I'm alone as a dog .. At first everything was ok with us, then the situation and life itself maybe - nz .. I started to behave bad and more or less to do the things you do. And after a while he dumped me .. He disappeared from my life forever and didn't even try to listen to me .. My advice is - if you love him as much as you want to fight with him and make scenes - you better stop, because otherwise you will end up like me - alone and abandoned, so that no one will congratulate you on your birthday and tell you that he loves you ... T.
You don't love him. That's it. Everything else is unleashed aggression, followed by the fear of losing a really good person. Sadism + hysteria. The past explains, but does not justify the actions of a grown girl. You don't love him enough to exercise self-control. Your relationship is doomed. I'm sorry.
Tell him about these problems, he will understand you because otherwise you will lose him
I understand that your father's attitude has had a bad effect on you, but that's no excuse for being idiotic. Tighten up and fix your behavior, no normal and self-respecting man will tolerate you to treat him like your current boyfriend. You play these fairs because you have complexes and almost in this way you prove to yourself that you are valuable to someone and the quota you do will not abandon you. Yes but no. In a full-fledged relationship there are no humiliations and things are distributed relatively evenly, and of course this does not mean that scales are taken out and who gave how much. You can see for yourself that you are not happy in this relationship, so the best thing you can do (including for the "good boy") is to end it. Then take your time. A lot, a little - as much as you need. Improve yourself personally and start feeling good with yourself, make contacts with more and different people. There will certainly be enough men around who will not only perceive you as a sex doll and generally behave as idiots, but will also be confident and self-respect enough not to allow any naughty performances that they should not have. in a quality relationship. Believe me, with a man on the spot you would feel much better than with the sweetest boy on Earth, who, however, forgot his balls somewhere along the way. where they should not be in a quality relationship. Believe me, with a man on the spot you would feel much better than with the sweetest boy on Earth, who, however, forgot his balls somewhere along the way. where they should not be in a quality relationship. Believe me, with a man on the spot you would feel much better than with the sweetest boy on Earth, who, however, forgot his balls somewhere along the way.