Hello! I want to share about the problem in my relationship. I have been in a relationship with a man for a year, I love him very much, he is the most beautiful and noble man I have ever met, I feel like a princess with him, as they say, not everything can be good. Sex is terribly lame. He doesn't seem to be interested in my desires, what I like, how he would give me pleasure, he hardly touches me in intimate places, I tried to show him with gestures, but he doesn't understand, I can't tell him directly, about oral love not to mention, he says he didn't do it and they didn't do it to him and he doesn't take it for granted. I know he wants me, he gets aroused at least on my part, but for him sex is just penetration and nothing more, I don't know how to change things or maybe I have to accept that it will be so? Let me mention that I am 30 and he is 36.
Answers 16
You will not spend long together! The grayness in your sex is a catalyst to separate ....
He accepts you as just an object of his sexual satisfaction! Show him that you are also strong and have your desires and rights, and if he fails, offer an open relationship - to be able to have sex with whom you want or not want sex when he wants and so to think that there may be another and will quickly begin to fulfill your desires!
Look now. There is no perfect happiness, and if you pursue it, you will only deceive yourself. If it's not sex, it's going to be a relationship, if it's not sex, it's going to be different. If you think you can compromise, do it, if not, at least don't fool him. Just so it doesn't happen, be with him now, and then cheat on him. Keep in mind that sexual dissatisfaction for years can drive you crazy. Judge if it's worth the sacrifice, but don't do carpet work. And why can't you talk to him directly about it? A relationship is built with openness. I learned that from my marriage. If everyone tells themselves that they don't want to talk openly, in the end they both start living in their own worlds and Dugi doesn't suspect anything at all. It is better to tell yourself openly and decide what to do than to alienate yourself and hide. This will not lead to anything good.
I didn't think to cheat, I don't see the point in that, if I did, I wouldn't be looking for advice on how to change things. It's hard for me to talk because he avoids such topics, starts looking elsewhere or changes the topic, as if he's worried about talking about where I know ...
5, I did not say that you think you are cheating. But in the future, this is exactly what may happen. Think about it - for example, in 10 years, how you will feel after this dissatisfaction accumulates over time and becomes unbearable. And especially if an attractive man expresses his interest in you at such a time, it will be quite difficult for any normal person to resist. And after another 10 years? And after another 20 for example? You can't be dissatisfied all your life and squeeze the strain. Even if you squeeze, you will know at what price. My thought was to realize whether such a sacrifice is worth it from now on, and not then post factum to feel dissatisfied or forced to cheat all my life.
Look now ... let's be honest !!! For this one year, how did you show him that you wanted a love game? When you have a lot of sex, how did you tell him that you want him to color you! Does he know when you are ovulating and when exactly you are hot so that you can relax in front of him with your thighs open, forget about something else and enjoy his kisses. When, where and under what circumstances you hinted to him that you wanted oral love from him. And let's be clear - at which meeting did you happen to ask for cunnilingus for the first time. Explain to me how you did it?
Number 6 told you that very accurately! Unfortunately, over the years it accumulates and begins to weigh a lot. Quarrels and irritation ensue. It is stupid, but without a quality intimate life you do not get many harmonious families. A woman with a great man and an unsatisfactory sex life writes to you.
Tell him something. There are men who do not understand from hints.
Take the initiative in sex and be dominant. Fuck it the way you want, just see what it's all about ... I don't know if it will help, but give it a try. If you behave more passionately and ardently, he may "ignite". Show him that you are not just a hole, but your whole body with a soul in him and that they also need to be pampered. And he's 36 ashamed to talk about sex ... very immature.
To number 7 I didn't tell him directly about oral love, I can't tell him I want you to do this, it was a question, sometimes I delicately direct the topic there to find out what he thinks, but the way he reacts I understand that it's not positive . I'm not in a hurry with my desires, I'm just starting to miss this thing, this year we are in a period of getting to know each other, but I think we have got to know each other well enough for something new. But in general, judging by the reactions and words, I understand that he doesn't like it. I gestured for him to touch him, but he didn't seem to understand me at all.
In the modern world it is very difficult to find a person who does not make French love ... he does not know how much he loses: D
I will say that such fungi are caught from oral love that you will never think about practicing it again! So drive without it!
If you can't tell him directly, your relationship is doomed. I'm sorry to have to tell you, but it's true. If you tell him and he does not respond to your wishes, your relationship is doomed again. Some of the commenters are right when they say that without good sex a relationship has no future. My advice is to sit down and talk openly with him about what you need. If he accepts it wonderfully, if not then the decision remains in you. I can't imagine how a 36-year-old man has never made oral love like that and considers it abnormal. Does he think he will insult you like that and talk about it like that? It just doesn't sound real what you wrote. M34
I am in such a situation. I have been thinking for a long time whether to compromise or not. I chose him. Rarely, really rarely is there a spiritual partner - we completely complement each other, except for oral love. We talked, but he doesn't want to - at first I did to him, but then I stopped. I learned to enjoy sex without oral sex. I have not cheated on him for almost 20 years and may God protect me from temptations. Our sex is good, just without French. We change places, poses, the man tries. Watching my girlfriends' husbands treat them, I'm glad I didn't choose sex over relationships. What is the point of passionate sex 1-2 times a week if you will then be rude, selfish or jealous of me? A matter of priorities.
No, you can't lose your love because of a stupid communication problem. You just think you showed him something. You are not! We understand men only from clear and precise instructions without hints and ambiguities. Tell him clearly - you will not score until you are sure it is wet. You check like this ... To get wet, you have to do this, this and even this! You women have no idea why we imagine that we are tied to your nervous system. We are not! You will get everything you want as long as you show clearly and unambiguously what it is.
Come on, I understand about the oral ... but at least with your fingers to satisfy you, or to try to rub his cock in your clit, for example. Apparently your husband is not very inventive ... But it is much more important to have love between you, and as some have already written - a spiritual connection. Sex, no matter how good, at one point gets tired and becomes routine. What, you're going to try all the Kamasutra poses and then? If you have found your soulmate (I know there are some), even at the age of 70 you will feel good in the company of this person. Everything else is nonsense!