I feel like I'm going crazy. How is it possible to love, appreciate and respect my partner, but there is no chemistry, passion, physical attraction between us? We have been together for a long time and live together, but we do not have sex (only orally rarely). We've tried many times, but it doesn't work because we don't want each other enough (but we don't push ourselves away). Even at the last gynecological examination, the doctor told me that I had a mild form of vaginismus. Outside the bedroom, life with him is wonderful. Our relationship is harmonious, we understand each other, we have fun together, we support each other in difficult moments and we look in the same direction. He has all the qualities I look for in a man. That's why we started going out in the first place. Because of the bad experience with other men, with whom, however, I had an incredible attraction, but nothing more, then I decided that it is time to give a chance to someone of value. And I'm not sorry. With him I feel loved, cared for, safe and valued as a person. We talked about it and I know he feels the same way. But this huge lack on a physical level - how could we fill it? We wouldn't be hurt by infidelity, and I can't imagine my life without him if we broke up. We are both 29 years old, if that matters. I guess it all sounds super pointless and confusing, it's really a mess in my head. But if anyone has been in a similar situation, please share how things have developed and what can be done about it. Is a future and a possible family possible in these circumstances in your opinion? Thanks! But this huge lack on a physical level - how could we fill it? We wouldn't be hurt by infidelity, and I can't imagine my life without him if we broke up. We are both 29 years old, if that matters. I guess it all sounds super pointless and confusing, it's really a mess in my head. But if anyone has been in a similar situation, please share how things have developed and what can be done about it. Is a future and a possible family possible in these circumstances in your opinion? Thanks! But this huge lack on a physical level - how could we fill it? We wouldn't be hurt by infidelity, and I can't imagine my life without him if we broke up. We are both 29 years old, if that matters. I guess it all sounds super pointless and confusing, it's really a mess in my head. But if anyone has been in a similar situation, please share how things have developed and what can be done about it. Is a future and a possible family possible in these circumstances in your opinion? Thanks! please share how things have developed and what can be done about it. Is a future and a possible family possible in these circumstances in your opinion? Thanks! please share how things have developed and what can be done about it. Is a future and a possible family possible in these circumstances in your opinion? Thanks!
Answers 15
Except for separation, nothing can be done. A relationship is also built on sex, especially when you are young. This is basic, otherwise you are friends living together. It will get worse, finally you will hate it subconsciously, then - consciously and you will get angry. He may show aggression for the same reason.
That you are 29 if you don't squirm like animals, what's left after 10-15 years?
You have a friend, not a boyfriend. To be a boyfriend, pure and simple must attract you in the first place. And from there begins the knowledge of the good and bad traits, whether it happens or not.
Cuckold. Swing. If you do not want to throw away what you have and at the same time have sexual satisfaction - this is his mother. Either you start playing in a group, or you split up too late and you can't take it anymore. Brother.
Another one that wants both the soul in heaven and x-ya to the end. Your partner is obviously asexual. Either you reconcile and give yourself pleasure with or without toys or you are looking for another with similar qualities, but also able to bully. If you stay with this one, you will cheat on him. And if he learns, and this always comes to light, you will hate yourself and break up again.
1, very, very wrong about everything you said.
How do you get in touch with someone who doesn't have at least a little chemistry ... Wasn't there at least a little at first? Because even if there was nothing in the beginning, you are just friends. The sense of "chemistry" is a signal from the more primary parts of the brain (limbic brain) that the person on the other side has the right DNA, compared to ours, to create a healthy generation.
N. 6 motivate yourself, although what I say happens most often. I am a lawyer and I speak from experience.
I was in a similar situation, only I was the man, we were 7 years together, from the beginning sex was not "Wow" but I had no experience. At the age of 7, the level of sex was 0, I adored her as a person and I still think she is one of the most beautiful women, with a hell of a lot of qualities and visually she is 8, but sex was without any desire, passion, mechanical. I did not feel alive, but when I died I left her, causing great pain to the 2nd. She felt like she was going to die, I couldn't blink for the first 72 hours and I was pretty sad for the next 6 months - but I had cheated on her once and I knew there would be others because I was hypersexual by nature, and then a 27-year-old man. 28. You can try 3s, etc., and "open" the connection if he is that type. If he doesn't approach you visually enough, I suspect you might mean that in the title, This is Game Over and don't waste your time. P. with a purely friendly comment, a man in my group 30-35, if he is successful, supported, etc., can easily go out with women 7-10 years younger. For women it is a different universe, you have very little time to find a hundred and sexy man. All your recruits, or at least those who are good at it, are in a very comfortable position to act chicks in their early 20s. You'll probably have to watch a little older men. Just social dynamics. You will probably have to look at slightly older men. Just social dynamics. You will probably have to look at slightly older men. Just social dynamics.
"Is it possible a future and a possible family in these circumstances in your opinion?" - of course it is possible, until recently most families were created without love and had 10 children. Now the animal has prevailed over reason, and sex has become more important than reason. If you feel comfortable with a person, why should you chase the wild !? I always ask the question - how do lesbians manage to be satisfied, and open-minded people predict that the author will not be happy with a nice person !? Apparently, the open-minded think that single women cannot be satisfied on their own. There are many topics in this forum on how women always reach orgasm when masturbating, and when they are similar to openers, they often feel disgust. Sex requires not only a "hammer", but also masters who know how to use it!
I've been in such a relationship and I don't think it's worth it. We were together for 4 years, at the moment our families are friendly, we kept our relationship. But purely and simply at some point you realize that you are a friend and roommate with your partner. While I was with him, I had insane sympathy for versatile men because I missed sex, but it really didn't work out with him. No matter how much we talked about who liked what and we both tried, it just didn't happen and it was so forced that you were left breathless with terror. Not that any of us wanted anything. After all, you can't have a family without sex. Because someday someone will appear to turn your head. Better to separate and seek your happiness from someone else.
No one gave advice to talk to a specialist. I don't know if you're going to be on the net. I watched an American sexologist on TLS TV. What kind of case did they give and how did they solve problems much more serious than yours. This woman's level was very good. You are a sexologist, physical cause, psychological, emotional, upbringing ...... loads of factors. I just didn't understand why you don't have classic sex. It doesn't work for him or ...? I read about a case where a sexologist had advised to focus on foreplay, but without penetration. At one point, passion prevails and things happen.
If you are not sexually attracted, I do not see who would solve your problem. I was in a similar relationship except that the woman was not attractive, we just did not fit physically. The nut and the bolt were different :) Look for another partner.
Vaginism pots. Do you think this is love when there is no sex? Your love is childish. This is friendship. Congratulations. You can experience the same emotions with a friend. Stop fooling yourself. You are not 50 years old with two children aged 15-20. You are tired of sex. This is not love.
If you stay with him, you will have to make a huge compromise with yourself. With your needs. Do you really want to do it? And do you think you can? How will you feel every time you hear from girlfriends about the great sex they have with their halves? If you separate, you will have to face the unknown future right in the eye. Will you ever meet a more suitable partner? Will you eventually be disappointed in men or will you find your great love? And will you be happy with the great love if you find it? Who knows. Whichever way you go, it will bring happiness, but also the need for compromises. Think about where you want to invest more and what you are willing to do to be happy. First answer what happiness is for you. If it's a full-fledged relationship with quality sex ... the outcome is clear.