Hello. Until recently, I had a girlfriend with whom we were together for about a year and a half. We kept in touch from a distance and rarely saw each other, but through social networks and phone calls we had built a strong connection and trust. I loved her very much and we wanted to continue our life together. She is one year younger than me. When I became a student and moved to study in a city even further away from it, a lot of problems started to appear. Insecurity, jealousy. My new lifestyle and my much more limited free time (my university is difficult) made our communication even more complicated. Her absence weighed heavily on me. We rarely had sex, which at one time drove me crazy, but then I just resigned myself. Our problems escalated constantly, we quarreled over the smallest nonsense, a constant impasse. She was very jealous of me, I couldn't stand it, I couldn't control my tone and hurt her. He started coming to visit more often, and in that I saw the hope that things would get better between us. However, there were still scandals and scenes that only made me more desperate. One day, after a series of serious scandals, it boiled over, I became indifferent, and I told her that I wanted to separate. It was very difficult for me to do that. She asked me if we couldn't fix things, but I said we couldn't. A few days later, we continued to write to each other on a daily basis, albeit more briefly, and we often became emotional. I was still determined to end this because I saw a lot of toxicity and pain in it for both of us. I lied to her that there was another girl in order to push her away and to know that we would not be looking for each other. Even as I said it, I knew I would be very sorry for what I was doing. A few weeks passed and I realized how, despite everything, I love her as much as before and her absence is very painful and throws me into absolute isolation and a sense of helplessness. She began to kill me with cruel jealousy that she might have already found someone else. I wrote to her. She answered me with the same things I did to her. I also told her that in fact there was no other person all the time with the last hope that I could continue with her one day. She did not give me such hope, but the next day she shared a photo of a couple with their pet, which visually reminded us strongly. I feel in an unreal hopelessness, a very destructive behavior manifests itself in me (with a long history over the years) with thoughts of suicide and drugs. I think I made a huge irreparable mistake with a man with whom we built our "ideology" for love and the world.
Answers 3
Immediately go to her city and clarify everything in person, otherwise you can not change anything to hug her kiss and everything will be ok;) success
It's not good to get out of your behavior, is it? And you as one. I was trying to make things right, he sure he couldn't, he didn't want to, and leave him alone. Then he asks me if I wanted to be together again. When I wanted him, why did he cover himself and push me away? But how did the roles turn out, right? It's the same with you. Apparently the girl has come to terms with things, so she treats you the same way you treated her in the beginning. Women fight for the relationship in the first days, weeks, even a month after the separation. But if they encounter a wall and an icy demeanor, they give up. You think of men quite late, and that's why you meet the same attitude. If you really want this person, it will take a lot of effort to trust you again. Here they give up a lot because it seems pointless to them. There are other women, and similar nonsense. The grass elsewhere is greener, and such. But the truth is,
You gave her a very valuable lesson. The people we love can leave, they sometimes do ill-considered things, hurt us, and usually regret it after a while. The girl can swallow what she has done, as long as you love each other and realize what your relationship is like, finding them valuable and unique. Such things happen with first love. It is not something beautiful and beautiful, it is not something we strive for consciously, but it happens and so we grow. The first love flares up suddenly, burns strongly, causes gatherings and divisions. I was in the girl's situation and I forgave. Alas, I forgave 1-2 times, after which it was impossible for me to continue investing in a toxic relationship. I was small, I was in love, I had dreams with that man. I guess it's the same with her, because otherwise he wouldn't try to see you and wouldn't make any effort to keep in touch. She was used to the distance, the problem was that your talk and chat time suddenly dropped and you were more nervous. It's not your fault, we've all gone the way of a freshman and we know it's not easy to get into that rhythm of everyday life. She has not yet reached this point in her life, she does not yet fully understand it, and she has become jealous and anxious. In her eyes, everything had to stay the same, a few miles apart, which hardly sounded tragic to her. This is the reason for the dramatic scenes, for the jealousy, the mistrust and the worries. I guess you understand that yourself. I advise you to try to talk to her, but not on the phone and not in chats. Tell her you want to see each other, go to her city and talk face to face about the problems you had and the feelings after your separation. It does not work online, communication is not complete there. One must see the face of the one against him, see his reactions, hear his voice, and consider whether he can believe him again. Explain to her everything that has gone through your mind and that you still think.
Allow her to analyze you briefly, form an opinion about what happened, and make the decision she thinks is most appropriate. You made a mistake, but that mistake may not be tragic. As long as she forgives, things can be sorted out. As long as you really appreciate it, your relationship can be renewed and more complete. Don't be angry with her if she doesn't believe you the first time, if she pulls away from you and is careful. This is normal, if she doesn't feel these things, then something is not right. He is not afraid of her emotions, of her rude or sad words, he is afraid if she shows no emotion. While a woman is crying or shouting, there is a chance, if she does not tremble, it is too late. To understand, you have to see it, because everyone can write boldly, but live you hear the trembling in your voice and you see the insecurity in your eyes. Believe that whatever happens between you is for the good. After all, even if you hadn't broken up with her, sooner or later this tension between you would have taken its toll, you were just in a hurry, you thought it was right, and you tried to close the page, but then you regretted it. I advise you to reconsider the situation. You had a reason to try to close this page, you had a reason to block your way to this girl, to prevent yourself from being with her again in the future. Out of fear, out of pain, out of nervousness, think why you did it. Think about whether it is a good idea to be with her, whether you are able to fix things and be more dedicated. Answer these questions and it will be easier for you to decide whether you have to fight or overcome the pain and move on. First he clarified with himself, then he arranged a meeting with her and clarified it with her.