Hello! I will try to be as short as possible. We have been committed for almost 3 years. He is 30, I am 27 years old. We have been living together for about 2 years. Our relationship is extremely turbulent. We have parted many times in very ugly ways. The divisions are very short and usually at the first meeting after a few days - the relationship resumes. I can't imagine parting, although even I have suggested it in some cases. The problems are as follows - conflicts are present almost constantly. Thousands of times ordinary conversations have turned into unprecedented scandals. Irrevocable parts of me and my character provoke a violent reaction, which is expressed in insult, silence, rolling of eyes, puffing, etc. When I am silent - bad, because I am silent when I speak - "fool, you better stop talking because you're exposing yourself, I'll turn your head "and so on. You can imagine. He is extremely nervous, tolerates almost nothing that irritates him, reacts sharply and hastily. His work is very busy and he has to be on the laptop almost all day. We don't have much time together, and the time we have is almost always filled with silence or quarrels. Ever since we've been together, over time I've started to get hysterical - I scream, I push him, I slap him, he slaps me too. In general, I do not get into conflicts with anyone and I was generally a calm person. Ever since we've been together, I've been very emotional and crying all the time, even if I'm not home. He says that I am not pleasant to him, that we have nothing to talk about, that we have no common interests, I am lazy, lying, garbage, vicious, I am to blame for all our problems, I am stupid and I do not understand how to deal with people , selfish, with mental problems. At the same time, he is not leaving. He says we are together because it is convenient at the moment and we never comment on a wedding or children. He introduced me to his parents, we are often with them, they like me. I don't share anything with them and I feel that from all the stress of work and our relationship will burst and explode on me. At the same time he cares a lot for me, I know I can always count on him, even when he doesn't talk to me. When he is not angry, he behaves very kindly and makes gestures. He never said that he loved me, although I could tell from the gestures towards me that it was so. He's not cheating on me. I get angry when I want to go out with a friend, I get angry when we don't spend time together and I don't put it first in everything. I don't understand what's going on and my nervous outbursts are starting to take over. I think that I'm to blame for everything and I don't know how to heal our relationship and keep it going. I needed to share, thanks. Most of my relatives are of the opinion that we are not for each other and we should separate. And lastly, he had other relationships in which he was lied to and cheated on. Now he considers even the slightest discrepancy to be a huge lie - for example, "Did you throw that in the fridge?" I say yes, it turns out I'm not and I'm wrong. "Liar, how long will you continue with your nonsense and get on my nerves ?!" That type. I say yes, it turns out I'm not and I'm confused. "Liar, how long will you continue with your nonsense and get on my nerves ?!" That type. I say yes, it turns out I'm not and I'm confused. "Liar, how long will you continue with your nonsense and get on my nerves ?!" That type.
Answers 9
He wants to feel loved, you also want to feel loved, but somewhere between these two positive statements there is a barrier that totally hinders you. You are not your people. I will tell you that love does not look the way your relationship exists. You don't fit in as characters, he has emotional baggage from his exes, you get nervous and that takes precedence over the attitude you give him. Things, at least from my point of view, will not work for you. You may love each other when you refuse to let go, but you don't have a healthy relationship. There are constructive scandals, there are stupid scandals. Your disputes are of the second type. You make an elephant out of a fly, tear it, slap it, take offense, then reunite. From a calm person you have become a ball of nerves. Your relationship would be defined as great love if you were 15 years old, but you are already big people and you need to put more intelligence into the emotional problems you have. I don't know what your husband is like, by description I don't like him at all, but I suppose he may be a great person, he's just not like you. Sometimes two people are perfect, but they influence each other badly and "spoil" each other. End this relationship so that you can save yourself and he can keep it too. You should not be someone's convenience, you should be a priority, a future woman, almost a family. If you have a child, you will put him or her in a psychiatric ward with your type of relationship. That's enough, you've suffered enough. You will suffer for the absence of this man because you have been together long enough, but I think you will suffer twice as much with him. I don't know what your husband is like, by description I don't like him at all, but I suppose he may be a great person, he's just not like you. Sometimes two people are perfect, but they influence each other badly and "spoil" each other. End this relationship so that you can save yourself and he can keep it too. You should not be someone's convenience, you should be a priority, a future woman, almost a family. If you have a child, you will put him or her in a psychiatric ward with your type of relationship. That's enough, you've suffered enough. You will suffer for the absence of this man because you have been together long enough, but I think you will suffer twice as much with him. I don't know what your husband is like, by description I don't like him at all, but I suppose he may be a great person, he's just not like that with you. Sometimes two people are perfect, but they influence each other badly and "spoil" each other. End this relationship so that you can save yourself and he can keep it too. You should not be someone's convenience, you should be a priority, a future woman, almost a family. If you have a child, you will put him or her in a psychiatric ward with your type of relationship. That's enough, you've suffered enough. You will suffer for the absence of this man because you have been together long enough, but I think you will suffer twice as much with him.
Obviously, this man is a psychiatrist. If there is no mental illness, there is some kind of personality disorder, it sounds borderline to me, but it could be a sociopath or something completely different. Be sure to take it to a psychiatrist or break up. He will be diagnosed in a few appointments, and you will be given some sedatives to deal with the stress he is causing you. You don't sound mentally ill to me at all, but hitting him doesn't do you any honor. Obviously you can't stand stress. This is the only way for you to be with this person, for him to heal his aggression. But keep in mind that even if he agrees to an examination, in time he will probably stop taking the pills because of the side effects and the same thing will happen. This is how I lived with my husband, who turned out to be bipolar, and I suspect that he is also a borderline, because he behaves exactly like that between episodes, he stabbed himself. Whatever I tried to help him with, they weren't scandals, I wasn't crazy, they weren't circuses on his part. Finally I took him to a psychiatrist, prescribed him pills while he was taking them, everything was ok. Ever since he stopped them, he was gradually getting worse, until he finally aimed his gun at me and the child. I took my child and ran away ... at night. We are fine now, I will file a lawsuit and request a psychiatric examination, as required by law, to get him to take his pills, because I am not at peace to be alone with the child. Don't let yourself get to my situation, run while it's time! He is already beating you for God's sake! What are you wondering! Search for Angie Atkinson's youtube channel, it helped me a lot personally, look for codependancy in Ross rosenberg's channel, so that you don't choose such a partner again in the future. I wasn't crazy, there were no circuses on his part. Finally I took him to a psychiatrist, prescribed him pills while he was taking them, everything was ok. Ever since he stopped them, he was gradually getting worse, until he finally aimed his gun at me and the child. I took my child and ran away ... at night. We are fine now, I will file a lawsuit and request a psychiatric examination, as required by law, to get him to take his pills, because I am not at peace to be alone with the child. Don't let yourself get to my situation, run while it's time! He is already beating you for God's sake! What are you wondering! Search for Angie Atkinson's youtube channel, it helped me a lot personally, look for codependancy in Ross rosenberg's channel, so that you don't choose such a partner again in the future. I wasn't crazy, there were no circuses on his part. Finally I took him to a psychiatrist, prescribed him pills while he was taking them, everything was ok. Ever since he stopped them, he was gradually getting worse, until he finally aimed his gun at me and the child. I took my child and ran away ... at night. We are fine now, I will file a lawsuit and request a psychiatric examination, as required by law, to get him to take his pills, because I am not at peace to be alone with the child. Don't let yourself get to my situation, run while it's time! He is already beating you for God's sake! What are you wondering! Search for Angie Atkinson's youtube channel, it helped me a lot personally, look for codependancy in Ross rosenberg's channel, so that you don't choose such a partner again in the future. while drinking them everything was ok. Ever since he stopped them, he was gradually getting worse, until he finally aimed his gun at me and the child. I took my child and ran away ... at night. We are fine now, I will file a lawsuit and request a psychiatric examination, as required by law, to get him to take his pills, because I am not at peace to be alone with the child. Don't let yourself get to my situation, run while it's time! He is already beating you for God's sake! What are you wondering! Search for Angie Atkinson's youtube channel, it helped me a lot personally, look for codependancy in Ross rosenberg's channel, so that you don't choose such a partner again in the future. while drinking them everything was ok. Ever since he stopped them, he was gradually getting worse, until he finally aimed his gun at me and the child. I took my child and ran away ... at night. We are fine now, I will file a lawsuit and request a psychiatric examination, as required by law, to get him to take his pills, because I am not at peace to be alone with the child. Don't let yourself get to my situation, run while it's time! He is already beating you for God's sake! What are you wondering! Search for Angie Atkinson's youtube channel, it helped me a lot personally, look for codependancy in Ross rosenberg's channel, so that you don't choose such a partner again in the future. I will file a lawsuit and ask for a psychiatric examination, as required by law, to get him to take his pills, because I am not comfortable staying alone with the child. Don't let yourself get to my situation, run while it's time! He is already beating you for God's sake! What are you wondering! Search for Angie Atkinson's youtube channel, it helped me a lot personally, look for codependancy in Ross rosenberg's channel, so that you don't choose such a partner again in the future. I will file a lawsuit and ask for a psychiatric examination, as required by law, to get him to take his pills, because I am not comfortable staying alone with the child. Don't let yourself get to my situation, run while it's time! He is already beating you for God's sake! What are you wondering! Search for Angie Atkinson's youtube channel, it helped me a lot personally, look for codependancy in Ross rosenberg's channel, so that you don't choose such a partner again in the future.
Honey, He doesn't love you, he's not afraid, and he definitely doesn't understand you. Such connections are called toxic. And it provokes your own toxicity. I speak from experience. This sounds like a complete lack of love. Only in your head does he take care of you and you can count on him. He told the man - it's convenient at the moment. Men are direct and there is usually not much hidden behind their words. It screams toxic. He didn't even say that he loved you for 3 years ... I hope you save yourself in time. And no, you will not change it and it will not love you.
You will ruin your life if you stay with him.
Hello :)! Why are you wasting yourself with this one? This man doesn't deserve you. Where is the respect, the love? How come he has nothing to say to you? There is always something. Does he ask you how you are? Is he interested in you? I think he is selfish. He can't call you that, and you shouldn't have let me hit you at all. I don't know, if it's been 2 years since you've lived together, how it will be in two more. Think about it and ask yourself if this person makes you happy, if you are good in his company, if you feel loved, supported, understood, even if you are comfortable. He's nervous, I understand. I'm nervous too, but I would never say that to my friend, let alone call him a liar or a fool. According to the meme, your parents are right. If they think so, then there really is reason to think so. They watched you and made up their minds. I understand you're used to him and you love him, but think about your future. Is there hope? Will things get better between you? It bothers you mentally, you cry all the time, it's not good for you, you know it yourself. He will not recover and behave differently, rather things will go badly. Run away from it, no matter how hard it is for you, it will pass and you will move forward. Never allow anyone to hit or manipulate you. You don't deserve this. I wish you success !
You are just very different. This one is wrong with the head, probably because of the work. I'll give you a piece of advice - if you're changing for a man, if you're afraid to say something for a man - then it doesn't make sense. Even if you reconcile, he will like each other, a new person, not you.
Is your husband a software designer? Not that the profession is decisive, but I have the feeling that you are talking about my ex-husband, with whom we have not had a relationship for years and you may have met in the meantime. In fact, hardly because you mention that your personal dictator is 30 years old and mine is already chasing 50. Please, author, listen to the opinion of a woman who has been married for 15 years to such a tyrant. I was 28 when I ran into him. We lived as a family for five years and everything you describe brought me to a deep emotional crisis, which later had serious consequences for my health. I left him and went home to my parents. It wasn't long before I met a young man with whom my relationship was beginning to get serious. At that moment, after realizing, the "ex" undertook such a large-scale campaign for my return to him, that he finally convinced me that he had "changed." They weren't bouquets sent in my courier work, they weren't jewelry boxes in my mailbox, they weren't oaths and tears for "the woman of his life, his great love," and so on. I call to myself: he has rethought our relationship, he has realized, everyone makes mistakes. And ... I dumped the right boy and took that I married him. From now on, another 10 years of nightmare follow. The "honeymoon" after the wedding lasts literally a week, in which I behave decently. Then it started again: - you lie all the time - you are irresponsible - I slapped you because it provoked me - we will not have children, I do not want - why my salad is not on the table - you are not up for anything - you are mentally ill - why my pants are not smoothed - cook me a whole pot of kapama - why did you cook so much, visit him - why are you bothering me with this nonsense, talk to a psychoanalyst - your bag is abraded, can you expose yourself like that - did you buy a bag again, do you make a collection I can go on indefinitely, but she understood me, author. The result was a complete mental breakdown, and indeed the psychoanalyst he insisted on helped me a lot. But it helped me break the chains and leave this man. But most of my life was already buried under the stones of his tyranny. I had serious problems in my next relationship because the new nice and wonderful man in my life simply did not understand why I panicked when I forgot something as small as throwing garbage. He took the bag and carried it to the container simply. When he first turned on the washing machine, I turned pale and sick. I expected the familiar: " Are there piles of dirty clothes again? Do I have to think about everything? You are useless. "Etc. You have no idea what trap you have fallen into, author. I beg you from the bottom of my heart: save yourself while there is time. Then it will be very difficult to heal your life. I turned out to be a woman of character I would have recovered for five years, I have a good family, I feel good, but I will never forgive myself for the stupidity of being deceived like a fool by the belief that people can change for the better, and I am a doctor of literature - in fact, romantic notions from the novels about the catharsis of my personality they played a bad joke, unfortunately, life is not literature and miracles do not happen. Then it will be very difficult to heal your life. I turned out to be a woman with character and in maybe five years I recovered, I have a good family, I feel good. But I will never forgive the stupidity of being deceived like a fool by the belief that people can change for the better, and I am a doctor of literature - in fact, it was the romantic notions of the novels about the catharsis of my personality that played a bad joke. Unfortunately, life is not literature and miracles do not happen. Then it will be very difficult to heal your life. I turned out to be a woman with character and in maybe five years I recovered, I have a good family, I feel good. But I will never forgive the stupidity of being deceived like a fool by the belief that people can change for the better, and I am a doctor of literature - in fact, it was the romantic notions of the novels about the catharsis of my personality that played a bad joke. Unfortunately, life is not literature and miracles do not happen.
What are these irrevocable PARTS of YOU and your character that provoke a violent reaction on his part. This is not only about your character but also about PARTS of YOU. If you have crooked teeth, a flat ass or no breasts, this can really be considered an integral part of you. Why do you provoke violent reactions in him. Why are you yelling at him, why are you pushing him and why are you slapping him. Once you have such seizures, you need psychiatric treatment. Don't delay going to a good psychiatrist. I completely agree with his words in your last sentence in quotation marks. "Liar, how long will you continue with your nonsense and get on my nerves?"
These people are sitting in relationships, it's not true. Massively, everyone has caught the misfortune of the raincoat and does not let go and does not let go. "He loves me, but he shouts at me that he is with me, which is convenient for him ..." God, take away your verses. Amy who is looking for him - deserves it. Brother.