I'm writing here because no one knows about me ... Nobody knows me either. Ever since I was a child I felt something different in me, but I realized it only a year or two ago. The bad thing is that I don't like what I realized at all. I am disgusted with myself, I have lost all emotionality, I have become a living dead man - I am ruined. Friends and relatives do not see this, because I put on the mask of the clown and the soul of the company, but it gets harder and harder. I always wanted to have a family - a wife, children ... I don't know, over time it hurts me more and more. I don't see the point in living (I'm not going to end my life or anything, I have a strong psyche and I don't think about suicide, but it's just like I'm living someone else's life). I wonder why I, why me, where and with what I did wrong. I never wanted it and I can't accept it. I can't accept ... Well ... I'm leaving the comments to you
Answers 9
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I don't think there's anything wrong with that, just accept yourself and try to share with someone, it's best when the grief is shared! Everything is nice
This was called autohomophobia or something. Sorry dude, but if you want to live in harmony with yourself, you will have to accept yourself as you are. Remember that these feelings are instilled in you by a narrow-minded society. You should not be ashamed that you are gay, but that they are homophobic. You must be proud (pride).
You want a wife and children. How did you decide you were gay, then?
Calm down first. You are neither the first nor the last. Being a game is not a crime. Talk to a psychologist about why and what lies behind this. If you find one of the stories of Ani Vladimirova there was a similar case with a girl, it turned out that it comes from the model of her mother and aunt and the illusion that men are bad and, accordingly, that she must be with a woman. This can help you find yourself. Unfortunately, the Bulgarian society is cruel and your relatives and neighbors will not spare you, but the most important thing is to be happy.
Hey, I don't know how old you are, but I can say that it's getting better over time. I also experience what you and depression and self-hatred are among the first stages in this so-called "awareness" or "maturation." I know how hard it is to pretend that everything is fine and that you can't be 100% yourself and 100% honest, but don't let this "challenge" ruin your whole life. In time, you will learn to accept it because it is part of you and there is no way it can go. The problem with becoming a "living dead" is our conservative society, which tells us from an early age what is good and what is bad, and that being gay, according to them, is something very, very bad and the source of all evil, but this is not the case. Being gay is normal, but to reach this conclusion we must first go through a lot of suffering! Know that you are not alone, and I am like you, and there are hundreds of thousands more after us. Just don't lose hope!
I am 32 years old and I will tell you something. For these years I realized one is more full of gays, more are active. You have no idea how many there are, but they are hidden. Accept yourself and that's it. You can try a family there and lead a double life. You are not to blame for your nature and respect yourself. Good luck
I don't think there's anything shameful about being gay, but I understand you, especially if you grew up in a more conservative family. However, sooner or later you have to accept yourself as you are. Maybe what you want or think you want (I'm referring to a woman and children) won't actually bring you happiness or comfort at all. I think you will wear a mask in front of people again ... And this can't go on forever, or it can, but I don't think it's worth it.
So you realized you were gay? Stop denying it - a person does not choose his orientation, he is just born that way. Society is increasingly accepting them. I am personally a woman, hetero, I am educated, I live in Sofia and I have a nice and highly paid job. I don't have any problems with gays, I even like them a lot and I have two such friends. For me, people who know a lot and are extreme are just terribly limited and I always tell them that if they are not, their children can be. It strikes me that many men who are strongly against gays are actually afraid that they will not go out gay themselves. Real males don't bother them. As for the family and the children - it is told to us by the society that you have to have them in order to be happy. In fact, you can have a family with another man. Children do not, but if you want so much you can take an animal. Children are a temporary phenomenon - you give birth, watch and then fly away and you stay with your partner. That is why it is important to choose someone you love and are happy with, not to do what society expects of you.