Hello, most of you will probably find my problem typical of a teenager or a psychologist, but I will still share it with you and I hope that even the criticism and ridicule will be useful to me. It's about being 35 now, and when I meet a man I like, instead of smiling at him and intriguing him in some way, I either don't look at him at all, or I frown brutally, as if I had just I have seen the most unpleasant person on the planet. Come to think of it, all my ex-boyfriends have had to overcome my initial state of a storm cloud. Look, if I don't like the man, I'm very kind and sociable. I am fully aware of this behavior, but I continue to behave in the same angry and unfriendly way, instead of the exact opposite. I can't explain what the reaction is, it's certainly not intentional and I may really need a psychologist. But it's starting to become a problem for me, because I've been alone for a year and a half, as I mentioned, I'm 35, and if I continue so soon, I won't "catch" a man I like :) and I'll drive away the few I find for interesting. Otherwise I am quite communicative, I have no problem communicating with all kinds of people, incl. strangers, as well as with men when they talk to me. However, did I like it and if I have to take the first step, if it will be a smile, and ... instead the storm cloud appears. If you have any ideas or tips on how to overcome it, I will be very grateful. You know, there aren't many men who are ready to make a heroic effort to win a woman who doesn't look friendly at all :) But it's starting to become a problem for me, because I've been alone for a year and a half, as I mentioned, I'm 35, and if I continue so soon, a man I like won't "catch" :) and I'll drive away the few I find for interesting. Otherwise I am quite communicative, I have no problem communicating with all kinds of people, incl. strangers, as well as with men when they talk to me. However, did I like it and if I have to take the first step, if it will be a smile, and ... instead the storm cloud appears. If you have any ideas or tips on how to overcome it, I will be very grateful.
You know, there aren't many men who are ready to make a heroic effort to win a woman who doesn't look friendly at all :) But it's starting to become a problem for me, because I've been alone for a year and a half, as I mentioned, I'm 35, and if I continue so soon, a man I like won't "catch" :) and I'll drive away the few I find for interesting. Otherwise I am quite communicative, I have no problem communicating with all kinds of people, incl. strangers, as well as with men when they talk to me. However, did I like it and if I have to take the first step, if it will be a smile, and ... instead the storm cloud appears. If you have any ideas or tips on how to overcome it, I will be very grateful. You know, there aren't many men who are ready to make a heroic effort to win a woman who doesn't look friendly at all :) which one I like I will not "catch" :) and I will drive away the few that I find interesting. Otherwise I am quite communicative, I have no problem communicating with all kinds of people, incl. strangers, as well as with men when they talk to me. However, did I like it and if I have to take the first step, if it will be a smile, and ... instead the storm cloud appears. If you have any ideas or tips on how to overcome it, I will be very grateful.
You know, there aren't many men who are ready to make a heroic effort to win a woman who doesn't look friendly at all :) which one I like I will not "catch" :) and I will drive away the few that I find interesting. Otherwise I am quite communicative, I have no problem communicating with all kinds of people, incl. strangers, as well as with men when they talk to me. However, did I like it and if I have to take the first step, if it will be a smile, and ... instead the storm cloud appears. If you have any ideas or tips on how to overcome it, I will be very grateful. You know, there aren't many men who are ready to make a heroic effort to win a woman who doesn't look friendly at all :) However, did I like it and if I have to take the first step, if it will be a smile, and ... instead the storm cloud appears. If you have any ideas or tips on how to overcome it, I will be very grateful. You know, there aren't many men who are ready to make a heroic effort to win a woman who doesn't look friendly at all :) However, did I like it and if I have to take the first step, if it will be a smile, and ... instead the storm cloud appears. If you have any ideas or tips on how to overcome it, I will be very grateful. You know, there aren't many men who are ready to make a heroic effort to win a woman who doesn't look friendly at all :)
Answers 8
practice is the mother when you see a man you like just try to make every effort not to be a storm cloud otherwise there seems to be no 17 *
Hi, I'm the same at 20. The only explanation I give myself is that I took it from my mother - she is the same. And she was a role model for me ... So I also feel that she is worried. And it is a form of great concern. Sometimes I apply 1 trick. I start talking on the phone, then I behave naturally and speak with a smile. And as I walk past the site, I don't look like I've been hit with a wet rag, but I'm quite fresh ... and so on. You can use the same method :). Or invent your own.
Well, don't be crazy to fight for lost causes :) Your behavior is like a schoolgirl's and it's small. Sakun doesn't understand that you like him and doesn't come out "as if you were offering yourself to him". In my opinion, you just have to accept that there is nothing wrong with a woman "giving advances". Then the shyness, resp. the idiotic reaction will disappear. Say to yourself, "Now I will subdue him and a smile will be my most powerful weapon." Reset. It's hard, but you owe it to yourself. Success! Boronia
Hello! I want to tell you that repelling the men you like is a defensive reaction with you. You behave nicely with the others you don't like, don't you, or at least culturally. But they can't hurt you because you don't see them as potential partners. Clarify what you are afraid of, not why you avoid them, but what exactly you are afraid of. This is very difficult and often we cannot determine it ourselves, so we seek professional help. I would help you, but it will take time, you have to tell me all the brighter memories from your childhood, what kind of family you had, how you imagine life in general, etc.
№2 I have the same problem. I found the cause in my bullying, which I saw from my father as a child. But I don't know how to fix it
The author. Thanks to everyone who expressed their attitude. Number 4, thank you for your help. I will write a little about myself if you want to read. And I realize that probably the reason for this is rooted in my childhood - in short, we are 3 children, my sister was defined by my mother as better, and I always had to fight to be good at least in learning, as I am not beautiful, at least I am smart, I have often felt depressed and secondly, less loved, not to mention that my parents did not often express their love in words. Now I generally look pretty good, I have a relatively high IQ, but that doesn't stop me from being "idiotic" with men, as Boronia said. By the way, he gives me very meaningful advice, if only I could put it into practice. But what I'm writing here, for me it is the first step towards overcoming this behavior. If you knew how many opportunities to meet decent men I missed because of that. At the same time, I feel that they are also interested in me, and I do it again. I apologize if I am too circumstantial and thank you all once again.
№4 - Militia / psychologist / - You know, you show typical behavior of the offended child. What you describe about your childhood really contributed to your current behavior. You are angry with the world for everything your parents have done to you. But you have to understand that the people you meet on your way are not from the past, they do not know your story and are not to blame for what happened to you. I'm referring to the men you're talking about. Your reaction when you meet a man you like is clear to me, I didn't understand if he is more aggressive how you react, I guess you run again. You say you've had several relationships, it's important to understand what they were like, how and why they ended. How did you feel after that, whether you keep in touch with these men or never hear about them again. You have to understand that the more you feel pressed against the wall, the years, the pressure of parents, etc., the harder it will be for you to overcome this problem. So my advice is - do not think about anything sideways, focus on men and believe that not everyone will hurt you, that there is someone somewhere who will make you happy. Do not think of eternal happiness and eternal doubts. Each of us goes some way, where thorny, where not so much and learns from his mistakes. If we approached everything with doubt, there would be no profession other than a private detective. / this is a joke /. The advice I recommend to people like you is when a person interesting to you appears and you feel that something can happen between you, try to accept him only as a friend, repeat to yourself that you don't want him, that you can't nothing more happened. Very soon, what you are trying to forbid will prevail. Forbidden is the sweetest. If you manage to force yourself to think this way, soon everything will change and instead of pushing men away, you will start looking for them deliberately, first to prove that you can, then when things fall into place you will look for exactly the right person. I believe you will succeed.
Know that suppressing your feelings, and I'm sure that's exactly what you're doing, is unhealthy to say the least. If I am a doctor now and I tell you that if you do not smile at this person, you will never recover, you will do it, right, we do everything for our health. Don't wait to get sick, just contact and do everything I told you, I know you can !!! that you can, then when things fall into place you will look for the right person. I believe you will succeed. Know that suppressing your feelings, and I'm sure that's exactly what you're doing, is unhealthy to say the least. If I am a doctor now and I tell you that if you do not smile at this person, you will never recover, you will do it, right, we do everything for our health. Don't wait to get sick, just contact and do everything I told you, I know you can !!! that you can, then when things fall into place you will look for the right person. I believe you will succeed. Know that suppressing your feelings, and I'm sure that's exactly what you're doing, is unhealthy to say the least. If I am a doctor now and I tell you that if you do not smile at this person, you will never recover, you will do it, right, we do everything for our health. Don't wait to get sick, just contact and do everything I told you, I know you can !!!
Militsa, thank you very much. You are really very right about how I react and I will try to change my thinking in the direction you give me. It is very accurate of what you said that I suppress my feelings, I have been like that since I was a child, probably some of the reasons are the ones I mentioned. I understand that this hinders me in my relationships with men, and with people in general. My relationships generally ended at my request, after a feeling of "exhaustion", generally speaking. I guess most of the blame is on me. I really want to change that and meet a decent man, because I actually feel that I can give him a lot, but if I don't feel that the person is "right" I don't do it and of course things don't work out. For a start, despite my best efforts, I decided not to turn to the other side when someone intrigued me, and try to smile more. Nice day!