I really want to share what weighs on me ... I know that I will probably remain misunderstood, and maybe defined as a "league" and things like that, but sometimes we don't understand what's wrong with the other person before we find ourselves in the same situation. I've had a friend for a long time. We get along almost perfectly with him - he is very good / I would even say too much /, he always tries to be good, he always helps me and I know that he loves me really much. When we see each other I feel good, he is the person to whom I share absolutely everything - I do not imagine that something important or fun will happen and I will not tell him. With me he is sociable, funny and everything is fine. The problem is that unfortunately we do not have many social contacts. I have several girlfriends, which, however, are rarely seen with him because they have almost nothing in common and in the times when they saw each other I felt how the situation is quite tense and nervous. I go out from time to time with a company from my hometown and I have called him several times with us.
Then I feel very nice, I like to be like that among people, but unfortunately they don't call me often because we are not close friends, we rather call each other from rain to wind to check what is happening with others. And I don't know what to say about his friends ... I don't know if I can call them "friends" at all. The truth is, I think he suffers a lot from his kindness. His friends constantly ignore him, quite often they do not call him when they go out, they do not invite us to the gatherings they hold (except on public holidays). Maybe the problem is that we're both from " that in fact he is sad in such situations and I do not understand why he does not want to talk. Sometimes I blame him (which I know is not right), but I just can't see how passive he is, I want him to do something. I constantly make him enroll in some sport or course, just to make new contacts because I think it will be better for him.
This affects our relationship a lot because I feel bad about the fact that my boyfriend and I don't have company, we don't have anyone to go out with or go on vacation, and sometimes I need to be among other people, as I said. I love social contacts and that's why maybe that's how I experience things. At one point, all this "just the two of them" really came in handy and bored me. We need variety because otherwise, I'm worried that our relationship will end. It also weighs on me that he doesn't take action for almost anything in his life, he leaves everything to chance, I don't see motivation in him for anything, and I think he has huge potential. He is graduating this year, and he doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to try anything / such as a master's degree in another city /. I'm not saying that he should be super oriented from now on in what to do with his life / I myself am not at all /, but I want to see some flame in him, desire, something ... He is just a wonderful person and I am angry that this only shows him in front of me and does not want to do anything to change things.
He is very timid and closed, the problem is that I am not one of the most relaxed people in the world, I do not have high self-esteem / even almost any / and I do not know how to help him and how to get out of this situation. And if we don't, everyone will continue to "crush" us. The truth is that even if I say I have girlfriends, I can't tell them many things, such as this story. I know that I will remain misunderstood because none of them has been in such a situation, they are all constantly somewhere with their friends or their husbands complain about how much they went out. At most, to make a mockery. I will be very happy if I receive any advice on how to break it a bit and how to find an environment in which we can both feel good. Or maybe advice on how to abstract from these things and get used to the fact that we just don't have friends.
At most, to make a mockery. I will be very happy if I receive some advice on how to break it a bit and how to find an environment in which we can both feel good. Or maybe advice on how to abstract from these things and get used to the fact that we just don't have friends. At most, to make a mockery. I will be very happy if I receive any advice on how to break it a bit and how to find an environment in which we can both feel good. Or maybe advice on how to abstract from these things and get used to the fact that we just don't have friends.
Answers 16
Oh, I didn't even read it to the end. It is clear that you think you deserve more and the moment you are given the opportunity, you will dump him for a better party in your opinion, pointing out the above arguments. I feel sorry for the good boy.
Another educator ... He is a great boy, but he did not like pub companies, empty talk in cafes, sports, etc. So she took to break it. To model it and grind it according to its mold. And does it occur to you that this person is not a training dog or a minor? You can break yourself, not the other. If you don't like it - bye and look for what you want. When you love or accept the person as he is, you do not catch up with someone just to not be alone, and then start to re-educate him. This is selfish and a desire to dominate the person. He doesn't impose his habits on you, he lets you go with your companies, why does he have to move to places with people he doesn't like? If his presence is not enough for you, live with your social contacts and let him look for himself.
I would like to ask how old you are and where you are from..I don't know why you are not interesting to people as you say (maybe you don't have common topics with your circle of friends and you should find ones with whom you have) .. to me you look like a very smart and understanding person :) If you try different courses that excite you you will meet people with the same interests ..
I didn't read the story to the end, but it became clear to me what it was all about. Until a few months ago, I was in your place. I did not really try to understand it and I did not put in my simple head that if we love someone and he respects us and responds to us with the same we must accept him with the "flaws". This is just part of his character and obviously here you diverge from interests. It's normal, but if you love it, don't make it a problem, because you will lose it and you will regret it ... :)
Za * bi him, catch up with the mega social with 4674 friends on Facebook, fall asleep alone while he is on another birthday or name day and when he comes home at 3-4 in the morning and lies down next to you to smell of rubbish, you will be happy is that right? Good friends have said a girl in good or bad in the end count on one hand, the really good ones!
Well, I didn't expect such attacks. I'm neither an educator nor do I want to dump him. People, don't you seriously want the person next to you to develop? I want to help because I see that he doesn't feel well the way I wrote above, he's sick, but he's just quite cramped and I don't think he knows how to do it alone. If I see that he enjoys sitting like that, of course I won't drag him anywhere and I wouldn't ask for advice. I'm not a monster. Maybe my understandings are wrong, I don't know. The author
You are still young and naive and you think that slashing up and down enriches you as a person. Or that going out with girlfriends is especially interesting, as if you're doing something other than bragging and complaining. and you are rarely interested in topics that do not directly affect you. As you grow older, you will find that all these activities that you find particularly interesting and important, and in which you try to involve your friend, have been meaningless and fleeting. And the people you are so fond of will disappear from your life with surprising ease.
You say you've had a friend for a long time, but you don't say how long and how old you both are. If you want to get advice, you should give us this information about your age. Only then can we look at your relationship with an understanding eye. And in particular what you do yourself.
Pooh for me! If you don't like it, give it to me. It sounds perfect to me, I don't like going out to discos and cafes either.
I'm more or less like him. He's just more introverted, there's nothing wrong with that, we're different people. Your company comes to him superficially and he gets nervous, while your company makes him too serious and they get nervous again. You take it as a problem, but it feels that way and it's good. You can't ask him to become someone he is not, because YOU consider him a problem. It's not a problem for him at all and he feels good about himself. I'd rather push him away with your demands to pretend to be someone he isn't. As for his friends, I'm pretty sure they didn't invite him, just because he refused them every time and they just accepted him as a person, who doesn't like to go out often. As am I. For example, when I am invited, I usually refuse, unless it is an important holiday or occasion. They know it and they are not angry with me and they do not isolate me. It's just that instead of begging me every time and every time he refuses, they know that it makes sense to invite me only when there really is an occasion and there are no angry ones. You are just different temperaments. Accept it and you. If you want, go out, but don't burden him, because it's burdensome for him to go out even among acquaintances, let alone strangers. Keep in mind that such people, although strange, they are faithful to the grave and will never betray you, they will never hurt you, they find it difficult to admit people, but if they do, they truly love it. Yes, I agree that they are a bit boring, but they have qualities that are difficult to find nowadays, but they are quite valuable when we talk about long-term relationships. That doesn't make them bad, weird and I don't know what, we're just all different. Introverts draw energy from their inner world and many people just burden us. Extroverts, on the other hand, are bored and crazy when they are alone, and among people, they talk, have fun, relax and are charged with emotions and energy - just the opposite of introverts. Just try to find balance and respect your temperaments. Do not try to change, so not only will you not change, but even subconsciously you will become more extreme. On the contrary - support him that he is. He will relax that you like him as he is and may even break off over time after being accepted and felt accepted. If you tease him or want him to change, he will just hate you at some point, or at least create tension between you. PS: and yes, some comments are unnecessarily sharp, but that's because they don't understand things. They accept that yours is a whim, but you're just a different temperament and you need contacts to charge emotionally. It is foolish to make you suppress your nature under the pretext that it is a whim.
Author, antisocial and sociopaths have gathered here, what do you expect them to tell you? They are here 24 hours to spit on someone and frankly say that they do not tolerate people, that they are burdened, complexed, etc. And all the others are crooked, they are all the miracle of nature, the unique, the irreplaceable. And what if they are still cut off on their own and people run away from them like the devil from incense. There is no way a sociopath can understand the normal human need for socialization. You know best if your man is one of these individuals or something is bothering him and that's why he shrank. If he's one of the first, you better save yourself.
Author, you, like many of the topics posted here, obviously expect only agreement with you and do not accept that people think differently. I attribute it to your youth and lack of life experience. The person will develop as and when he wants to, not you. If you want to impose your vision of life on him, you kind of put yourself above him - he doesn't know what to do and how, so you have to tell him. I think this is humiliating for a man. The boy is obviously good and tolerates you, but sometimes he may get tired. Even the best intentions sometimes give bad results - if someone needs help, he will ask for it. Do not measure everything with your yardstick, the person has other understandings and he knows if he is well. In a relationship, not only feelings are important, but also respect. Respect your partner, his thinking, his tastes, if you want to be with him.
Hello again! I really forgot to say the years - I'm 24, he's 25. We've been together for 4 years. Someone had asked what I do - I am currently a third year student and at the same time I am doing an internship. He is graduating this year. We are both not aware of what our professional realization will be, but he seems to be afraid to try anything, he doesn't want to go on an internship, he doesn't want to work for a minimum wage, which I understand, but sometimes he just depresses me a lot. I wonder if if we take a more serious step in our relationship, we will have any future at all. And this with the outings for me is like a vent, a way to unload, to feel good. I'm obviously an extrovert, I really don't like to be alone because I have terrible thoughts. I understand that he is different, I just saw how he doesn't like it, when once again we are not invited somewhere or that something is being done to us in company, and there is no one with, and so maybe I decided that I should seek help and fix this problem. But maybe I should leave it at that. Like you said, if you love a person, you have to accept him. I think from the comments so far №10 most accurately understood the problem. Thanks to everyone for the answers. I don't want you all to agree with me, quite the opposite - that's why I posted a topic here to hear other points of view, but I just didn't expect you to be so sharp. Thanks to everyone for the answers. I don't want you all to agree with me, quite the opposite - that's why I posted a topic here to hear other points of view, but I just didn't expect you to be so sharp. Thanks to everyone for the answers. I don't want you all to agree with me, quite the opposite - that's why I posted a topic here to hear other points of view, but I just didn't expect you to be so sharp.
Hello, author! I am from Varna! I live with my mother, I'm 36! I have a hobby that guarantees me any communication with people! I love going to free concerts and ceremonies organized on different occasions and filming them with my camera! I don't have any companies because they would hardly share what I love! I don't like noisy places, except for the concerts, and I also attend some events in the Art Salon of Radio Varna! And there are only cultured people with whom I can share my impressions of some events, but this does not always happen! And when I'm looking for a woman, I'll want her to be like me - not to like noisy companies and places, but to prefer something different, where there are only original people!
I completely understand you. People are not easy in such a situation. You fight for self-confidence and everything, to feel neglected and rejected by people who are close to you. I don't wish it on anyone.
Modeling the friend / man next to you according to your own understandings and tastes is an extremely stupid ambition of modern Bulgarian emancipated women. This only destroys relationships and families, nothing more. If development is to be pursued, the man must be supported and encouraged in his own inclinations, passions, and ambitions, and not be cooled on the outside. To be motivated and to create emotional comfort, self-confidence.