I'm a young girl. As a teenager, I didn't have many fans, but around the age of 18, they took on a whole suria. I always thought I wanted a serious relationship, but the moment the "crowd" of "lovers" appeared, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't believe everyone, I got into some movies. But anyway. This subsided, I was accepted as a student and that's how it works for me. We come to last summer when I met a very good man. My ex-boyfriend now. He is hellishly conscious as a man; a cultured, intelligent, thinking young man. I can talk to him on any topic and I really like his company. It's not incredibly attractive in appearance, but it has a normal appearance, it's by no means ugly or anything like that. We were "friends" for 2-3 months, until we finally got together. Good, but a month passed and I started to get annoyed with everything he did. I was annoyed that we had to hear each other 2-3 times a day; I was annoyed that we had to go out, if not every day, then every other day; I was annoyed that he addressed me with affectionate names such as "sweet," "dear," "sun," and the like; that I was "glued" as we sat in restaurants ... Abeeee everything, he himself began to irritate me as if with every gesture. So we broke up, but since I really value him as a person, a person, a friend, I told him it was because of me, that I didn't obviously want a relationship now, that I wasn't doing my best, and that there was simply no point in continuing. I didn't really think so, I thought he was guilty of his behavior, but I wanted to spare him the blow, because he is not decisive with the girls and I would cost him dearly. 4-5 months passed and I met my current friend. Everything was fine, we went out, chatted, I felt good in his company. I can say about him that he is still a good man, ambitious, serious. He is not perfect, he has his cracks in the past, but at the moment he is a nice and pleasant person.
We became boyfriends, all electricity and wire in the beginning and now a month or so passed and it started to irritate me. I'm starting to get annoyed that he calls me and writes that he always wants to see me, that I have to explain to him why I didn't pick up my phone, why we won't be able to see each other, why I didn't log in to Skype, why -what-what, why, why, why ... I don't like to justify myself so that they don't get angry with me. But now I'm thinking about the current and past relationship. They are similar. Both guys are great but obviously I'm to blame. It's just like I don't want to think about " We need to hear each other every day, either to arrange to go out or to say we won't go out. I have to write to him on Skype when I log in, if he's online, because ... I just have to write to him. I have to tell him why we're not going out today, we can't just go out like that. And some ... it annoys me. However, at the same time, such behavior is acceptable - it is natural to hear from your partner every day, to have a desire to go out, to say why you will not see each other, to make some plans in the near or even distant future. I just don't want to, obviously I don't really want a relationship right now. And these young gentlemen are real gifts from the Gods, really decent types that every lady burnt by love wants to meet. Kind, caring, dedicated, they do everything for their partner (in this case me), you feel safe when you are with them, they are not some clowns ... Exact people. So my question to you is what to do from now on. Obviously, it's better to just end the current relationship. I don't know how to remove this irritation once it's in place. So far so good, I'm wasting my chance with another great person, but I feel okay. Then what to do? Should I strive for personal change? Do I have to look for the mistake in myself or marry it at the age of twenty? Should I wait to see someone just light the fire in me or will this flame come as the relationship progresses when I really relax and realize that my man is kind and dear? Excuse me, you may find these questions dumb, but I feel a little embarrassed, because I really thought until this morning that I wanted a serious relationship, but when I met the right people for such ... what's happening? One big nothing. And it's not their fault, and I find it hard to admit that I'm the wrong note.
Answers 13
Author, it is obvious that you are a very literate, intellectual and educated person and you are very surprised that you have not sought professional help from a psychoanalyst so far. You have a personality disorder. If you are so happy, then live alone. If you ever want to start a family, for example, be sure to treat yourself. Recommended reading - "Neuroses" by Freud, as well as everything you find in psychoanalysis. You can't cure yourself (!!!), but at least you will get a general culture on the subject. If you are satisfied and happy, do not treat yourself. It depends on you, but in this state (you have analyzed yourself correctly) - you are not able to have a healthy relationship, let alone a family. What exactly you have, the doctor will say, but most problems are rooted in early childhood - it is proven. There are scientific approaches to curing people with problems like yours. Up to you, whether you take advantage of them or continue to spin like a hamster on a wheel, starting and breaking with man after man. Good luck
I was in the same situation for almost a year with my friend. At first I was weighed down by his constant attention, he was kind, dedicated, in love, but I was annoyed by it, I didn't know what I wanted. So time passed and things turned around. Now I give everything about his loving attitude towards me at the beginning of our relationship, but of course it can't always be so. This is only the beginning until it impressed me. We are together now and nothing irritates me, except that sometimes he ignores me or I think so. I just miss the moments when he was so irritatingly attached, but when he won me over, things calmed down. You know what I mean, don't you? :)
You want to, but not with these guys, you weren't in love with one, you're not in love with the other. You think about. your connections, you analyze them, but no. you feel them. When you meet the right person you will fall in love and you will. you begin to feel the connection between you. You can even become a slimy "glue"
You don't need any psychoanalyst :) You just haven't met a person you have real feelings for. From what I have written, I have the impression that you were not even in love, but rather simply attracted. I don't see anything abnormal in your behavior. You just haven't matured (I'm not saying immature! Don't get me wrong) for a serious and in-depth relationship. These things that are annoying to you now will happen by themselves. You will need to see the person next to you every day, you yourself will want to hear him constantly, to be together everywhere ... I am impressed by what you wrote that you look at your love relationships a little more calculatedly. You say - he's smart, he's ambitious ... But you don't like his appearance that much. Your knees don't soften when you see it. You don't goose bumps when he touches or kisses you. You don't think about him every moment, you don't miss it painfully when you don't see it for a day .... Of course, you have to decide what kind of person we choose to go out with, but love is so illogical. There is a thrill, there is passion ... This is a strong attraction that has nothing to do with intellect and perspective. Namely, these things I think were missing in your relationships. That's why you got bored quickly. Look for more thrill, emotion and passion. They are the engines that drive a connection.
Author to you> it's just not time for a serious relationship. It is perfectly normal to feel that way; you are neither crazy nor damaged, you are just a little more selfish and you think about yourself, about freedom.
I don't think you just loved those friends of yours. You've built an ideal pattern of behavior that a man should have, and you've started looking for one without considering if you really have any feelings for them. And it happened to me to go out with supposedly perfect in every way, and after a while I started to get annoyed. In the same way, I accused myself of not appreciating decent and cool people. However, I thought about it and saw that things are radically different, and I have to look for people to whom I feel something, not people who are perfect as in a textbook. I advise you not to be guided by any imaginary criteria, but to be open to more and different people, because one of them may be the perfect one for you. Otherwise, if she was really in love and attracted to them, you would look for them yourself and you would not have the patience to see each other. You've just been with the wrong people who seem appropriate but aren't for you personally. Everyone is different and has different needs. For example, a modest girl may like a modest and delicate person, but another who is more freedom-loving will like a more open and rebellious one. That's why I tell you to clarify in the first place who you are, what kind of person you really need, what would make you happy, and then start relationships. From what you wrote, it seems to me that you are more freedom-loving, you like to have your own time, maybe a person like you would be more suitable than someone who wants you to be non-stop together. Or you may want to live, but you think you want a serious relationship, because that's how it should be, and that's why you fail.
And I was like that a few years ago. After a few days, everyone started to annoy me. But not with my current boyfriend. I love him more than anything, I've even become what I've always hated. Until now I was the strange person, but now he is. I wondered if I had a problem, everyone was writing to me so fast. (Of all of them, I had slept with only 2, that sounds like a whore as I described it). It's just that when you meet the person for you, things will be radically different. I wish you from the bottom of my heart to meet him as soon as possible!
Author: Thank you all for your attention and time to respond! At the moment, I really do not intend to turn to a specialist for help, but I will try to find the book, number 1. I do not believe it would hurt me to read it. Next I will decide, I suppose, whether my problematic self-consciousness deserves the attention of a psychoanalyst. :) Number 2, I understand what you want to tell me, but I do not know how to overcome this irritation, really, because every drop of tenderness and attention from my ex-boyfriend (we broke) doubles and triples my annoyance, until my emotions finally do escalated and began to behave like a complete oligophrenic, so stupid that I even begin to hate myself internally. One option is to hide negative emotions, but in such cases, if they break out, the situation becomes ugly. The other is to show them to myself at the moment when I will become the most grumbling creature in this world. For obvious reasons, I don't like both options. Number 4, I mentioned this "data" for young people, because I want to show that they are as if made to order. They are not some rubbish that I am glad I have thrown away from my life, nor is guilt rooted in them. They are decent people, that's what I wanted to emphasize. I agree with your assumptions that I was not in love and I did not love them both. That's right, they were also aware of this fact, which obviously makes some sense. I was with them because at the beginning of our acquaintances they seemed to me (and I can still say that they are) nice people with whom I enjoy communicating, going out, having fun and who definitely did not repel me with the outside. its kind so we can say that, for example, sex doesn't work because I don't want to see their face. In case such a guy likes me and wants to be with me, I didn't see anything wrong with trying and seeing where that would lead us. I have already come to the conclusion that nowhere, but obviously I had to learn twice (hopefully there is no third). Number 6, maybe you're right, I need to discuss the matter a little more in depth. It is logical that this type of people do not match my character after I part with them twice. As far as my selfishness and love of freedom are concerned, you are right, both are inherent in me. I'm convinced that my selfishness goes back to the farthest corner of me when I love, but I obviously didn't care enough for the two young men to ignore this trait of my character. And I can't (and don't want to) stand up for my love of freedom. So obviously I will hope to meet a person with similar understandings to whom I have a more pronounced attraction. :) Thank you! I have time, I will think. Obviously I have something to clarify about myself as a person.
To the author of 1 The book can be downloaded free of charge from the "Reading Book" http://chitanka.info/text/2375-nevrozite "Neuroses Origin and Treatment" I guarantee that if you read it yourself you will find a reason to consult a specialist. The book will not help you otherwise, but it will give you a general culture in the science of "Psychology" and will help you turn to a specialist. Even psychologists turn to colleagues - SELF-TREATMENT IS NOT POSSIBLE. Enjoy reading! Your eyes will be opened to many things, but it is up to you whether you will do something or continue to live as before.
You will do nothing with yourself. Do not force yourself for any things (serious relationship, etc.) just because it is expected of you. If you want, have frivolous relationships, if you want, don't have any. Or if you like a boy again, tell him what you wrote here. In fact, you can tell the current one, see what he will say. It's more honest than just breaking up with him and never understanding why.
I forgot to say: those who call themselves "psychoanalysts" usually do not help anyone. Especially those of the Freudian type. Freud has been denied for 50 years, but in Bulgaria his sect is still popular, like all mystics and strange teachings. There are psychotherapists who help, but you are not there.
Wow .... here every second sends you to a psychotherapist. Kid! . You are completely normal. You're just smarter than the others and you see and feel things faster. Accept that it is too early for you to live with someone for a long time. You still haven't fallen in love to see everything in pink and even if you fall in love, don't be fooled by the nonsense about eternal love. I am also annoyed by those who, if I let them get closer to me, start to become familiar and I am almost their property. Keep in touch (this is a necessity), but keep them at a distance so that you don't get bored quickly and don't get annoyed.
You're just not in love, you love them as friends :) you're young, it's normal to be confused, you'll still be at a crossroads in your life, have fun, once you live ... number 1 get go to a psychiatrist, you need help