I see that the topic of "children" has been much discussed lately. And it is quite possible that after I became a mother, such things will impress me more. I know there will be nasty comments, but I publish my story to read the opinions of people who will help me and give advice. I start from afar - my mother gave birth quite young - at 15 years old. She got pregnant by accident. She gave birth to several children. Her life has been spent pushing and looking after children and she doesn't know anything else. After my 25th birthday, the issue of children began to creep in, and she began to question and advise. My friend and I used to say that we didn't want to have children because we didn't have enough money, and it was good for us to be just the two of us. At each such comment, the mother panicked and accused us of being selfish. I turned 27 and I had a little desire to become a mother. She began to encourage me, telling me that this was the best time of a woman's life and that nothing else was worth it. My friend was pulling, and she made me leave him and find someone else to start a family with. In short - the time came and he wished, but said that first I have to find a good job, to have a stable income and then. The mother was angry about this and started telling me how the child does not want a lot of money, how he only wants love and that later we will fix our lives and finances, it was important for him to show up. It's good that I didn't listen to her, because after I gave birth I said to myself that if I had left things with work in the background, I would never, ever be able to find a decent job. The housing problem is still on the agenda - it's two-bedroom, but my mother said that it didn't matter, and we could live in two rooms. All my life I grew up without a children's room, I slept on the couch, which is quite difficult for me, my partner and I are now considering options to provide a room for our child. For the money ... we both have salaries below 700, but we manage and it is not true that the child only wants love - the money goes at breakneck speed and is needed, especially as it is now and at 3 months a completely new wardrobe is bought .
The lack of sleep bothers me the most. At first he slept all night, but after 7 months it became a nightmare, so to this day - he wakes up 4-5 times a night and roars, I give milk, falls asleep and in an hour he cries again and looks for me. I take the bedroom between us and wake up again, but overall he is a little calmer - this only happens 2-3 times. From birth, "life" took over and there was no stopping. My back hurts, my hair is falling out, my BMI is 18 ... which is underweight, although I eat entirely high-calorie food, from which a normal person will gain a lot. I was so harassed that sometimes I wonder why I had to have a child, and immediately after that I feel like the most horrible person that I think such things at all. And yet I love this child and want the best for him. I can't be mad at the lady. How is this possible, obviously this love is really strong and nature knows its job. I don't have time for make-up, from time to time a little foundation and lipstick and I leave, hairstyle - never! Even if I do, my child pulls my hair and I tie it high. I am with the child all day, and he is already learning to walk and crawl, grumbles, constantly says "mom, mom" and roars, only in my arms tames. I've been trying to cook for a few days, but it doesn't work. I'm writing this because 10 minutes ago the baby fell asleep, after I write it I will lie down to sleep next to it. If I can fall asleep. My rhythm was terribly disturbed. Sometimes I want to jump off the balcony. But it stops me from losing my mother.
Grandmothers - one does not want to help, they do not have to. She goes on excursions and does not look for us, and the other says - bring him to me, but she lives far away and by the time we get there and back we are tired of the road and the grumbling of the child who rides in a car only if he looks after a child. I think that since my birth I have been accumulating a lot and my balances are simply being lost. I just need advice, please tell me, will it ever get easier, will I be able to get up and go to work when my motherhood is over, or will I be a wreck from now on? I'm scared, like I'm in jail and I want to hide in a corner and just cry, but I can't do that either - because someone will cry in exchange and say "mmmmmmma!". I still hope that as passages it will not weigh on my arms / I weigh 49 kg. / and he won't roar so much that he will get tired and sleep all night ... or at least 5-6 hours without waking up with a break. I sleep 3-4 hours a night with breaks in between. I try, I give him everything, we play during the day, we crawl together, I kiss, I carry in my arms, I sing, I read books, I go for a walk 2 times a day, I buy good food from a private kitchen and I choose it to have good ingredients, he eats from my cooking, when it is appropriate, I change diapers a little, I use good cosmetics, I sleep 2 times a day for 2 hours, there are many moments when I laugh, but I am so harassed and I have no strength that it is difficult for me to I'm glad. Clean, feather, all by yourself. My partner is angry at the roar and the worries, in the evening he wants to drink his beer and is annoyed that he can't stay up until 12 o'clock, and at 9 and 30 o'clock we bathe and put the baby to sleep. At night, when he cries and wakes up, he argues with me, he can sleep, but he is at work the next day. Sometimes he says he wants his old life and accuses me of insisting we have a child.
Answers 25
I can't understand what it means my mother said this, my mother said that, you are not small you have a head on your shoulders. Secondly for the baby - this muttering is extremely strange to me, this is probably the 10th such post you are looking after a small child 30 years ago - no car, no diapers, no 24-hour pharmacies, difficult to find formula. Your husband and he are an absolute idiot, as if this child is only yours. .
Mom says this, mom says that ... YOU ARE ALREADY A MOM. As she wanted grandchildren to take him three days a week to look after him. But she's probably not curled up, is she? Let your friend press his rags, otherwise you take away his rights and wash him. Either you take care of it or you take away his paternity. Parenting should not be just cuddling and family holidays, her. You don't have to buy new clothes, buy used ones or borrow from older babies. With a permanent marker you put a red dot on the label of the clothes from Penka, with a green one from Ganka and so then you know to whom what you have to send. And, yes, as you read in other topics - over time it eases. The first year was the most difficult for me. Gradually relieves. It starts to walk, you don't carry it everywhere, your hands are free. He hits his mouth with the spoon, freeing your hand to eat too. He will switch to common food, you will cook less. Then he will undress and put on his shoes, get dressed, undress, bathe, at the age of 4 he will eat with a knife and fork, he will spread only the sandwich and he will pour his muesli. You don't have to bathe him every day, nothing will happen to him less often. But be sure to brush his teeth, from the first tooth until he starts writing by hand, it's your duty (and his father's). You will save a lot of hanging out at the dentist, and on it - pain. Give his father the task of buying him clothes and shoes, looking for a manger, and recording. He is a father, not your older child. And you stop trying so hard. The child, just like you, sometimes NEEDS not to go for walks and rest at home. In general, look at yourself a little. If you don't feel like it, you just stay home and that's it. Maybe you're overdoing it with your diligence. Imagine, that someone dresses and undresses you for walks, constantly sings to you and makes you play. You will go crazy without a little peace.
I have a child of one year and two months. I watch it completely alone without help, even from my husband. He is almost gone, and if he is at home, he grumbles more than the child all the time. For me, the job is clear - divorce at some point. What I want to tell you is that YES, that's how it is in the beginning, when you are completely alone, but you will succeed. I know that in the beginning the child's rhythm changes constantly, but there will come a time when there will be the same rhythm and you will be able to cope. Go to bed earlier with the child. Go to bed and have lunch with the child. Put it on the chair and eat fruits and vegetables. Put it in the walker and take a bath. I talk all the time so I don't feel alone. When we are outside, I try to be on the playgrounds with a lot of children, because the emotions come in more and it gets easier. My third-month baby does not sleep during the day at all. In the cot with toys. I also don't have time for everything, but that's all I can do. Don't blame yourself. If you think such things, then you really love your child. It's bad if you don't think so. Then you don't care. Get organized so that you have even five minutes for yourself. And remember that if you are not well, the child will be nervous.
Half a year and it will be fine. Put him to sleep with you while you go to bed, not after a few awakenings and he will sleep more peacefully.
Uffff, our men are very ankle-deep! Mine stopped in another room apart from us since the baby was born. Much desired by both. However, since, at the age of your child, he was screaming as the children drank, and mine slept after the night, he drove us both out early in the morning in a nasty wind so as not to disturb him. I have no words for what spoilers we have married. And that we do not sleep at night or during the day and what we do not do constantly, no one sees it. Hmmm, and for the grandmothers who love their grandchildren very much, but only on the phone, I can only say that I am ashamed of their selfishness and without humanity. Yes, they don't have to, but if they cared about their children, the grandson would show. We don't have to do many things, but we do them because we care about our loved ones. And, yes, since the child walks and gets where he wants, it gets a little easier. Of course, he even listens to you often and does what you tell him sometimes, he tries to play, but now his stubbornness grows, there is a bang and hysteria, but I'm not angry with him, he's even funny to me sometimes. Your eyes should still be 10, but especially when you are at home, you can sit on the couch and watch it as it gets to know and study everything around. I don't know if it gets easier over time, I hope so. My baby is 1 year and 9 months old. Motherhood is very exhausting and lonely and I understood it when I gave birth. However, I love very much this man who sleeps next to me! It enriched the lives of many people! It constantly surprises me and makes me smile! but I don't get mad at him, he's even funny to me sometimes. Your eyes should still be 10, but especially when you are at home, you can sit on the couch and watch it as it gets to know and study everything around. I don't know if it gets easier over time, I hope so. My baby is 1 year and 9 months old. Motherhood is very exhausting and lonely and I understood it when I gave birth. However, I love very much this man who sleeps next to me! It enriched the lives of many people! It constantly surprises me and makes me smile! but I don't get mad at him, he's even funny to me sometimes. Your eyes should still be 10, but especially when you are at home, you can sit on the couch and watch it as it gets to know and study everything around. I don't know if it gets easier over time, I hope so. My baby is 1 year and 9 months old. Motherhood is very exhausting and lonely and I understood it when I gave birth. However, I love very much this man who sleeps next to me! It enriched the lives of many people! It constantly surprises me and makes me smile! However, I love very much this man who sleeps next to me! It enriched the lives of many people! It constantly surprises me and makes me smile! However, I love very much this man who sleeps next to me! It enriched the lives of many people! It constantly surprises me and makes me smile!
I have no children, but I had two brothers, in whose upbringing I helped a lot. It was very difficult for my mother, because they have a very small difference (a year and a half) and we literally had two babies, each of whom wants his own. Until the little one got to 5-6, the situation was more or less like yours - despite my help, she had no time for anything, she constantly had to do something. To cook, to clean, to wash, and we lived in a house, so he had to take care of the garden. Separate going to work. Only she knows what happened to her. But children grow up, go to school, things return to normal and you regain some time for yourself. At least that's how I judge my mother - now she has time to go to the hairdresser, to coffee, to watch TV ... things that used to be an exception and had to be planned from afar so that there would be someone to watch the children, to have them cooked and so-called now they are something everyday. It must be very difficult for you, but I think in time things will calm down. Success!
Hello, it will be easier! When he goes to the garden and you have time for yourself, you can try a crib, but it didn't work out with my child, he looked very unhappy and I stopped him after 10 days. Give it to Grandma on Saturday and Sunday, leave her food, clothes, money and rest. Accept help, and try to move things more easily, not perfectly, this burdens you. In the evening I gave yoghurt with "Breakfast" biscuits in a bottle and slept all night. I put it on at 9 p.m. to sleep and then - time for me. To this day he likes to go to bed early, in the morning he gets up alone at home - yes, I sleep. So, now my son is big and it's a pleasure to be together, but I know what you're talking about, I'm squeezing my thumbs to make it easier for you!
I was in this situation, not yours, but your husband's. It's bad, not only do you go into postpartum depression, obviously it catches us. I started going out, that it was very stressful for me, I'm sad now that I left my wife, knowing how difficult it is. Even if you are physically okay to cope, it is simply mentally very stressful that you cannot be without this obligation even for a moment. I will reassure you, if 2 years pass, things are completely different. Even before that, but in terms of sleep and responsibilities, things are really very different. The torture does not last forever. Your hormones will return to normal, your hair will get better, etc. It's worth it, this is the meaning of life, as much as any .... to explain to you how they are "self-sufficient". There will be nothing left of them unless they have contributed with some incredible scientific discovery to the planet, which makes me quite doubtful. Children are the meaning. My advice is to try to talk to your husband, to have some time for yourself to take the child. It's hard, but you have to sometimes. For example, two o'clock in the evening, and you walk. Even if it sounds dumb to you, a walk alone gives new horizons and has a calming effect. Success!
I absolutely always support the decisions of women who do not want to have children! We are different people, our views and needs are different. I believe that your mother encouraged you to give birth not for bad, but simply according to your views. However, which do not correspond to yours, and if you had resisted yours, you would not have this post now. You have allowed side influence from a person who will not be actively involved in the upbringing of your child, and is not obliged to. Look, father's involvement is another matter. And I think that's where the problem is! Because this child, as much as you weren't sure you wanted him, you did it! Both! What happened, but you have created a human being who relies solely on you and needs warmth, caress, peace and devotion. He doesn't care that you're dying for sleep, and his father drinks beer until the middle of the night without engaging him in bathing and sleeping. And the fact that the "father" is missing from these cares is unfortunate for both the baby and you. Babies / young children / not only hear and see, but also feel the emotions of others. He may be looking for you more than "normal" and want to be around you because of that. Otherwise, yes - it will pass for sure. And something else will come. "Small children - small annoyances, big children - big annoyances," people said. Rest assured that you will "evolve" again and adjust to your future routine, all mothers go through this. But the father must also take on the role of such! they also feel the emotions of others. He may be looking for you more than "normal" and want to be around you because of that. Otherwise, yes - it will pass for sure. And something else will come. "Small children - small annoyances, big children - big annoyances," people said. Rest assured that you will "evolve" again and adjust to your future routine, all mothers go through this. But the father must also take on the role of such! they also feel the emotions of others. He may be looking for you more than "normal" and want to be around you because of that. Otherwise, yes - it will pass for sure. And something else will come. "Small children - small annoyances, big children - big annoyances," people said. Rest assured that you will "evolve" again and adjust to your future routine, all mothers go through this. But the father must also take on the role of such!
Hello, my child is now 4. When I read the story to you, I went back and remembered what happened to me. I completely understand you. I also weighed 49 kg. I didn't have time for anything. Not to brush my teeth, not to drink coffee ... And not to talk about hairstyles and make-up. Mine roared, from birth. Non-stop, 24 hours a day. Nobody believes me for that. I felt like I was fainting. I was constantly at the border. I just wanted to get some sleep. That was my biggest dream. The neighbor heard him crying and coming, telling me to go to the terrace and have a coffee, she would watch it. So, I smoked 2-3 cigarettes, one after the other, as if I had never seen one. I calmed down a bit. It was a huge period that seemed endless. The only difference was that my husband supported me and often rocked the baby in his arms at night, right ... despite, that in a few hours he is at work. I really appreciate it and I will always remember it. When he came home from work, he helped with bathing, milk and whatever he could. But the good news is that babies are growing. Little by little, it's getting easier. Don't worry, you can do it without anyone's help! After a while, he will stop waking up at night, and whining and crying will decrease. He will start to play and be more independent. And you will rest. Don't ruin your relationship with your husband. You are both nervous and it is normal. This will pass. And only the love for your child will remain, and this is the greatest gift! Everything we go through is worth it because of them! you will manage without anyone's help! After a while, he will stop waking up at night, and whining and crying will decrease. He will start to play and be more independent. And you will rest. Don't ruin your relationship with your husband. You are both nervous and it is normal. This will pass. And only the love for your child will remain, and this is the greatest gift! Everything we go through is worth it because of them! you will manage without anyone's help! After a while, he will stop waking up at night, and whining and crying will decrease. He will start to play and be more independent. And you will rest. Don't ruin your relationship with your husband. You are both nervous and it is normal. This will pass. And only the love for your child will remain, and this is the greatest gift! Everything we go through is worth it because of them!
It was exactly the same with me. It is very difficult alone. I think grandmothers MUST help. Because when they get sick, they will say that we children are obliged to watch them. I think that in the family everyone should help the other. Our grandmothers also go on excursions. No one helps in a difficult time. And they both made us very happy for a child. Not to mention the grandfathers. They don't even call on the phone. My child went to the nursery and got worse. He became very ill. He is now 3 and for many things like eating, toilet, bathing he manages on his own. I have more time for myself. He goes to the garden and his father looks after him. But so far it has been a terrible ordeal. Same as you. It is impossible and it is obligatory to rest away from the child. And for yours and for his good. And because of the understanding with your husband, it is good that you are rested and fresh. Otherwise you will get pissed. And put him on the rails. This child is not just yours. It is common. And now while he's a baby he wakes up. So it is with everyone. What does it mean to want to drink a beer? My husband once told me that he wanted to rest after work ???? Please, when will I rest? As I am on duty around the clock. This is the situation. It is difficult for many families to quarrel. But you know, grandmothers aren't right not to help. Who wants to say anything, but the grandmother can take it at least once a week for one night. On the other hand, let him go on vacation. It is not good for the child to be with you all the time, because when he goes to the nursery or the garden he will suffer a lot for you, and you will be crowing until then. that he wanted to rest after work ???? Please, when will I rest? As I am on duty around the clock. This is the situation. It is difficult for many families to quarrel. But you know, grandmothers aren't right not to help. Who wants to say anything, but the grandmother can take it at least once a week for one night. On the other hand, let him go on vacation. It is not good for the child to be with you all the time, because when he goes to the nursery or the garden he will suffer a lot for you, and you will be crowing until then. that he wanted to rest after work ???? Please, when will I rest? As I am on duty around the clock. This is the situation. It is difficult for many families to quarrel. But you know, grandmothers aren't right not to help. Who wants to say anything, but the grandmother can take it at least once a week for one night. On the other hand, let him go on vacation. It is not good for the child to be with you all the time, because when he goes to the nursery or the garden he will suffer a lot for you, and you will be crowing until then.
Yes, of course it gets easier. At the age of a year and a half he will sit on a chair, eat alone, sometimes from your food, come to the bathroom when you call him, you can teach him to put his toys away, to undress. He will find it interesting to paint and assemble, he will play alone. And so it will become more and more an independent child. Accept it, that's just the period right now, we're all going through it. Keep calm, because the father's attitude is a mirror of your attitude towards the child. They create a connection much more slowly.
These men want to rest after work, to drink beer. The woman must have cleaned and cooked. When she comes home, your work continues with the child, but no one remembers how difficult it is for a mother, she goes for walks and is home, she receives money, and the husband has to go to work.
I feel for you. I am also a single mother after my husband decided that he did not want a child and did not care for him. I feel like a ruin, I have no one to leave it to for half an hour. It's like I'm just vegetating, I never want to hear about children again. I have not seen it become easier, it becomes harder. Motherhood will expire, you will have to return to work. He will be constantly ill in nurseries and gardens, mine is not used to the garden and stays until noon. I can't go to work, I need money. I don't know why it's so paraded and beaten up, how nice it is to have children. It's not!
Relax! Everything will be fine! You have to be a little stricter with the child, you allow him too much and he has got on your head. He'll be up at night while you breastfeed him! Remember this! The moment you stop, it will stop happening and you will sleep! Trust me! Do everything possible, whatever it is, for the child to sleep in another room! It seems complicated, but it should. He will sleep all night awake. He will call the TV several times and see that he is wasting time and not falling asleep and will stop. Tell him your back hurts and you can't carry it. You take it, carry it for 2 minutes and release it, explaining it to her. For two weeks max, you will reduce the grumbling of wearing by half. Assign her tasks. Eating alone is not a good thing. You give it to her and you say, you start, I just wash and I come to help. Do not put the child to sleep, he has to cope alone. You stand next to her and sing, then you stand without singing, then you move the chair a little further away from the bed, gradually you say that you go to the toilet and come back after 2 minutes, then 5, 10 and finally you stop coming back. Talk to the child like an adult. Ask him to deal with more things only. I am a mother of three wonderful children.
No one can have an old life with a child. It's up to your husband and he takes care of some of it as a parent ... Don't get away with going to work. Put the child in the playpen so you can do some work at home during this time. Catch the grandmothers from time to time to help, and you rest or go out alone. Go somewhere with your husband for a day or two alone to see yourself as people. Unfortunately, when a child is born, everything revolves around him. And having time for yourself remains in the background and luxury, unless you "steal" some time for yourself, there is no one to give it to you. But you are also a human being after all, and at least you have to sleep, rest and see yourself in the mirror. After 3 years it becomes easier and easier to take care of and more independent with each passing year.
Let me add to the previous comment. To make it easier for you, you need to organize your day. Strict schedule for the child - bathing, sleeping, eating - always at the same time. To become a ritual of 4, 5 actions. This way the child is calm, he knows what is coming, he is not stressed by the change of actions and he will start helping you to do everything to show you that he also knows what you are doing. She wants you to be company and to partner. Teach her to be a team. Strict rules, without exceptions and maximum freedom to make decisions on your own, while explaining the consequences of the options. Don't spare her mistakes, that's how she learns and becomes independent. Teach her how to handle herself. Now he will walk and start fighting for a place in the family. Give her a place in every room, including a bathroom and a hallway. This way you will have a tidy house. In the kitchen you give her the lowest cupboard, for her treasures and you put your things, which happen to her and are not dangerous. So she will have no interest in any other cabinet. He will not dig and scatter. So everywhere. With your jewelry - a box for hers. Her place for shoes, accessible to arrange and change if she decides. Children are very smart and capable, you just have to allow yourself to believe it. My daughter is 2, she has been eating alone since she was one year old with a fork and a spoon, she has been dressing herself for months, she talks about everything. We cook and clean together. She arranges her clothes. She goes to the toilet alone, pours out her pot, turns on the water, washes her pot and hands, and packs her pants. And she is incredibly proud of herself. We discuss recipes, he knows by heart how to make a cake. So, on the topic, calm down and get organized, you have your best friend by your side, not your biggest enemy!
The problem with your husband is that you insisted on a child. If he wasn't, after a year or two, when he wanted to, or it happened - he just didn't have anything to justify himself with. So, it irritates him more because he sees that it is not easy, but he was pushed by you when you wanted a child. Only, like most men, he would still grumble and be dissatisfied, most likely :) As for the child - it's normal, a lot of people explained to you before me, I won't repeat that. Just do not excuse yourself with your mother, most parents are so, and did not tell him she did, and a child. You wanted it, and in the end you both did it. The other is normal, tiring, etc., but it's normal :)
Oooh, Miss Number 1, just to tell you that absolutely all adults say that children are not like they used to be! Before, the babies themselves were much calmer, I hear cases of parents leaving them alone in the basket for 2 hours, as they were visiting friends during that time or left the baby in the basket only until the other parent came home. because they both worked in shifts. And yes, it is difficult with a small child, but we are also very nervous, because the word stress is everywhere, we are constantly flooded with bad news, not to mention how nasty and evil most of us have become. And we are nervous before we even have a child, and before it was much calmer and people were more implanted and good!
Well done 18- gorgeous comment!
Your husband was not mentally ready to have a child. You're in a hurry. And there is no one to help you. Grandmothers are not obliged, they raised you with your husband and educated you. Unfortunately, your income is too small to hire a babysitter, even for a few hours. His child grows teeth, so he wakes up often. Mine was like that for up to 2 years. During the day I went to work without sleep, so I know what's wrong with your husband. But during the day the child looked at him differently. I only night and night. It will grow, but you need patience. I didn't look at him with my arms outstretched. Don't feed him at night, he's already big. At first he will roar, but then he will get used to it. Create a regime for him and do not back down from it. Children are calmer when there is order. Let him get used to playing alone, not you being the toy
There is a very true saying: When you have no children, you have no children. When you have children, you have nothing else.
Author: Hello, my darling child was growing up a passenger. He even blew some blood as he killed. Immediately after that he calmed down and now sleeps all night. My dear child. His teeth were bothering him. You made a lot of wrong conclusions for me. My child is wanted and planned, loved and well looked after, I'm just too tired. But I did not expect a full understanding, because this is impossible, because you do not know me and you refract the story through your own prism. Thanks for the kind comments and the courage of the others. Be healthy.
I meant a molar, but I was typing from a phone and I was confused.
Look now, no one has died of parental fatigue. I am a mother, I am waiting for a second in a few months, I know what awaits me again, but if I have learned something from my short experience as a mother, it is the following - AND THIS WILL PASS. And I do not mean only the unpleasant moments, such as lack of sleep, exhaustion, postpartum depression, etc. You do not feel and in front of you no longer sits that toothless and incomprehensible creature, but a grown child who has learned to say "mom" with love in the little voice. And you start to miss the moments when he learned to shave his belly and crawl. Then he will go to school and you will want to be at home and roll on the floor. Insomnia and everything is forgotten ... because it's worth it!