I am 27 years old, my girlfriend is 24. We have been together for 2 years and we live together. We love each other, we are next to each other in everything, everything is perfect without quarrels without third parties, BUT we have problems in sex. By problems I mean: she is a big tree in sex. There is no surprise or thrill. We go to bed, we start doing it, it lies like a stump, I finish, we go through the bathroom and fall asleep. She is not active, and even if she tries to be on top, for example - she does not know what and how to do and there are even moments when when she is on top I like it because she thinks she is doing something - but no. I have to take control again. This has been going on for 2 years now. During sex we change exactly 3 positions because the others did not like her. We talked about the topic, to stop having sex according to a script to try something different, to stop doing it so everyday in home clothes with tousled hair, to try it in a different place - nothing changes. She doesn't even want to learn something new - to show initiative. Unfortunately, thoughts of infidelity have been invading my head for some time. I have never cheated, but the women I have been with, even if they have not been experienced, have always shown some initiative. My ex, with whom sex was unique, has been confusing me for some time. He often suggests to me "to use her for an orgasm". She is not bothered by it in general - she is not alone next to you, she can afford it. I know that if you get there, the work will become very complicated. But I haven't had sex like people in so long that the thought of it happening, even for just one night, drives me crazy. I know that I have two options in front of me - to continue this boring sex for life or to have sex with my ex like people from time to time, but to change the person next to me. I know most of you will say that I am a fool, that I have a person next to me who is faithful to me, loves me madly, but understand me too. Especially for the ladies who will criticize me - imagine that your man lies down during sex and waits for you for 2 years, and you are given the opportunity to "break" your ex from quality sex. That way you will understand me better. What would you do? who will criticize me - imagine that your man lies down during sex and waits for you for 2 years, and you are given the opportunity to ex "break" you from quality sex. That way you will understand me better. What would you do? who will criticize me - imagine that your man goes to bed during sex and waits for you for 2 years, and you are given the opportunity to ex "break" you from quality sex. That way you will understand me better. What would you do?
Answers 30
You are a fool and how. Either leave the girl or stay true to her, but don't cheat on one of his sex. After all, you have hands! And it's very rude to call the woman you love a "tree in sex." She may fall in love with romantic sex, for example, and not pornographic. Did you ask her about her desire? Partners need to talk about this too! Not just one to compromise to please the other. In most cases, men are the big wood to tell you. You should always create an atmosphere and have foreplay, unless your chick is having rough instant sex (obviously not). So that? Julian
Look at it from her point of view, you may not arouse her enough to do what she thinks. Believe me, all women have big fantasies, but you don't know how to ask for them. The problem is not only in it. And as far as infidelity is concerned, of course, it's easier than sitting down and discussing it ...
Go to the former. You will excuse me, but your current girlfriend does not satisfy you, what are you waiting for? You say things are serious (you live together), but it sounds to me like you don't love her that much. Separate and calmly go on an adventure with your ex-girlfriend. Whether for one night or more, you will decide for yourself over time. You'll go crazy if you don't, remember my words. And so I got involved with a girl for almost 2 years. I gave her everything, tried to love her, to make her feel good ... until I got tired of lying to myself and called my ex-girlfriend. Since then, we started seeing each other for sex several nights a month, and recently we went out to the movies, to the theater. I get to know her in a different light and I'm totally crazy about her!
Once you have talked and yet nothing has changed then you will break up with her! Dude, you can't cheat on your girlfriend just because of the super cool sex with your ex, but at the same time you can continue with her because she loves you so much?!?! Either or! We men, not all, some women too, sometimes want to cheat and be with the boyfriend .... It's disgusting, I never understood. From two chairs and finally on the ground. I have always believed that when there is a problem in a relationship, the partners should talk, look for a solution together, make a compromise if necessary. If this is not possible, then you must separate and each in his own way.
If you can smooth things over, talk - great. If not, and if you can compromise on that, do it. If you can't, break up. This infidelity is disgusting and more importantly it is not a solution, but another problem. You neither have children nor are you married so that you have a reason not to separate. If it doesn't satisfy you, break it. If you're going to cheat from now on, what will happen next?
Whatever you do, you will regret it ... If you leave her, you will miss her closeness, and you will appreciate her and look at her with different eyes, because she will be inaccessible to you. (not for anything else;)) If you stay with her, you will destroy her with your infidelity, which she will see, because these things are felt, and you will feel both trapped with her and as a criminal, because you are apocryphal. "Beam" again. It's best that she leaves you and doesn't give you a chance to react. Then you get in touch with a person who will satisfy you only physically, but not on a spiritual and romantic level, in order to make a mental revision. This way you will be able to feel what is more important to you, because if life offers you a woman who is all you need, she will probably lose you, because providence has a sense of humor, you have probably noticed. Those who have a conscience, although not very developed, they always have tragicomic roles in the performance of life. The lumpens without a moral compass are most settled. They have nothing inside to correct them, that's why things are always in their favor ... There is a great tragicomedy all around us.
I had the same problem and we eventually broke up. In my opinion, this is really a big dilemma, because there is simply no real way to tell someone that he is incompetent in bed, because that would ruin even people with healthy nerves. We broke up under another pretext, and I never told her the real reason. From my experience, at least I dare say that some people just aren't really good in bed, they just lack (or are depressed, or don't trust) instinct. Those with experience are a little hot-boiled, at least in my opinion. In other words, you're right about one thing - your girlfriend probably won't get better in bed. The rest is up to you ...
You don't turn her on ...
Don't put up with the situation. And don't wait for her to start a change. She likes the status quo, how will I change it? Be more aggressive. Do not agree that sex is not scripted, but act. As a last resort, tell her she can't go on like this and offer an open relationship. But don't get into a movie with infidelity, it's mean and complications can be very unpleasant. Grandpa Torbalan
Nonsense .. if you loved the girl you wouldn't think about sex with her .. For you she is a scale where sex prevails over love .. and it's a fact .. as soon as the thought of infidelity comes to you .. then it gradually tilts .. I don't know what is your girl .. but I would never leave mine (if I had one) for such nonsense .. I love the company ..
Sometimes, author, I have no desire for sex. But nothing. On the other hand, my friend has been thinking about the night in question all day and is very curled up. I go home, I think I'm not happy, I'm tired. Finally, in the evening we have amazing sex, not thanks to me, but thanks to the fact that he gave me the right mood. He plays more when he sees that I don't have much desire. When you really manage to excite a person to the point that he wants to do everything himself, as if you have won the battle. In these evenings he starts, at the beginning he is more active than me, but when my mood comes I return the service twice. I guess it's normal, because the opposite happens. I don't know if you tried it, if you ever made it end before the act itself, and I can't guarantee that you'll get what you expect, but it's worth seeing what happens.
I do not agree with the above comments accusing the author. The man said they had talked about it already and nothing was changing, don't you read? !! A woman, being a tree, is a tree, no one will enjoy it. I doubt that's the problem. Author, anyway, if things continue this way, your relationship will fall apart someday. Of course. You even waited a long time. 2 years is too much time ... It is unlikely to change. Such a relationship has no future for me .. And if you cheat, you will sometimes miss somehow, even involuntarily, and she will understand. There is no such thing as hidden infidelity. It's best to just break ...
I'm 29g and I don't blame you. I will not write to you to try to predispose her, because during all this time you can't help but try many times. But don't cheat on her, break up with her. I do this when I don't like something. It is simply not possible for everyone to fit in. I just don't understand how you have been with her for 2 years now, there are women and men like you - I just can't and I don't understand you, as aliens you are to me. Or maybe I'm not a dugout;) And in general in Bulgaria the masses usually always blame women for this and that, so calm down.
When sex doesn't work for a long time, nothing works for a long time. Where did I go 20 years ago and I took mine as yours, so now it's anointed ...
If you don't like sex, split up. Why would you lie to her? She may also find a man to have sex with because there is a discrepancy between you. Don't lie to her, separate and you both have a chance to find suitable partners.
Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. You enter the motive for the former tramp yourself. If you introduce yourself in her position, let her go to catch up with the thrill "with a former sex athlete, how will you feel? There are men, such as the famous don Juan, the poet Pushkin at the time, are most aroused by cold women, finally managing to inflame them. He even described it in one of his poems. Obviously something is missing in your approach to it. Sex can be rough and repulsive if it is not permeated with human emotions and tenderness, but The same problem is discussed in the film "The Last Woman" with Depardieu and Ornella Muti. In my opinion, a woman's sex takes place mainly in the soul and not with the body.
I think your girlfriend is worried about her lack of experience and incompetence, and on top of that she feels your dissatisfaction and instead of relaxing, it "tightens" her even more. Not that she doesn't like the other poses, but she feels insecure. And you are such an opener that you know a lot, and you can't make a woman relax with you in 2 years. You're very good, yeah. I am convinced of one thing - you are inflicting mental trauma on her. I hope he can overcome them and feel the pleasure of sex. With you or another! F29
And one more thing I want to tell you. I've been to a "tree" with some men, and others have told me that they haven't had better sex in the last few years. (And I'm not talking about being a tree in the beginning and then gaining experience.) Why? F29
Well, in my opinion, a relationship becomes serious when people get along in SEX and then as friends and people. Where did you look? !! If sex is not good in the beginning, it just stays that way. Remember how you are! Advice? Separate and find a woman who fits you in bed. But it won't happen right away, you know. What you want - to have a relationship for security and sex outside is, to put it mildly, dishonest and stupid. And - a temporary solution. F 45
On the other hand, she may lack self-confidence and worry about her body, for example. Why don't you start complimenting her to make her feel beautiful, wanted ... Tickle her ego a little. In my opinion, even the largest tree will light up brightly, seeing how much they want it. :)
From the Author: I read a lot of things and because a lot of people didn't understand me correctly, I will take care to answer most things: 1. I like how my girlfriend looks. For me she is beautiful and sweet and has a nice body and not a day goes by without paying attention to it and telling us, even though we have been together for 2 years. 2. I arouse her enough, it seems that she gets nice orgasms almost every time. And we don't have a problem with that - a little caress and it becomes a "puddle" ... 3. I try to be predisposed enough, like when we are tired and we don't feel like it - I don't insist. 4. I have never said that it is a "tree" and I have never in any way violated my dignity. Even if sometimes she does something, but in fact it doesn't work, she is silent and we change the position, for example, so that she doesn't feel bad. 5. Sex may not be the most important thing, but it can't be without it. I didn't say she had to be a goddess and a fury, but she doesn't even want to try, learn or show initiative. 6. We talked about diversity. As a result, we took a clitoral stimulator (vibrator) at her request. We used it several times and now it collects dust .... she didn't like it. She is obviously like that. Judging by the fact that she NEVER masturbated even as a child. This is not very normal for me. That tells me a lot ... Now in sex. He lies down and waits at the ready without showing any activity. I wanted to try squirt - she doesn't like it. I like to caress her clit in positions that are comfortable for me while we do it - she pulls my hand ... she didn't like it. I decided one day to tie her hands to make it more interesting ... she doesn't like it .... I wanted to have sex outside - we went to a place where no one was alive and it was a hell of a nice summer day - all the time I was muttering that someone was going to see us ... and there was no one, and the place was not dangerous to say scary ... There is no trembling, no surprise ... nothing. Only sex in 2-3 positions, one orgasm in a hurry and that's it. We talked about how it was before and she says that in other relationships she did it at most once a week, and I did it a lot because we did it in 2 times about a week. She also claims that her orgasms are the best with me and that it was very difficult for her to reach orgasm before. Many people attacked me for wanting my ex. Well, sex with her was really fun, it was magic. I loved the way she did everything special. There were no restraints, she allowed me to do practically everything for her, to try what I want, to experiment, not only did she give me, for example, to caress her clit, but she also did it herself and got 2-3 orgasms alone while I was in it and it drove me crazy .. She constantly sent me some sex things , she told me when she was aroused, but you understood me. From my current girlfriend I have never heard "I'm excited, let's have sex" .... with my ex It was like a series without end, from which you just want to watch and watch and watch. And the current one with my girlfriend is more like the Titanic - you've watched it 100 times and it's interesting but you know what happens in the end ... I know that my girlfriend is a great person and that in every respect she is number 1 ... except sex. I feel guilty even without cheating, because since I wrote this story for a few days now I've been going to bed with my girlfriend with fantasies in my head about another, I dream of another and have sex in my head with another. I'm going crazy ....
"I didn't say she had to be a goddess and a fury, but she doesn't even want to try, learn or show initiative." Author, people have different sexualities. Some are super sexy, others like your girlfriend don't even want to. It's a matter of hormones, nature, etc. You can't demand anything from her by force. Even if she wants to, if she doesn't come from inside, she can't give it to you. So stop pressuring her in any way or let's not press her, but demand something from her that doesn't come to her. I wrote it to you above and I will write it to you. There are no culprits here, we are just different. So if you can compromise, do it. If you do not separate, because that way you will only torment each other and no matter how much you like in other respects, it will always weigh on you. But cheating is not a solution and it is disgusting. And she is not guilty of anything, that you have a different sexuality and you have no right to hurt her. So either-or. Either you resign yourself and stop squeezing her, or you break up. There is no middle ground. But such as infidelity killed them from the head. Nothing good will come of it. You will lose confidence and everything. And most importantly, you will punish her for something she is not guilty of. And if you have a conscience then you will hate yourself. And if she finds out at all, will you be able to look her in the eye and tell her "you can't satisfy me and that's why I'm rolling with other women behind your back and I kissed you with the same mouth I kissed others and I'm made them cunilungus "Realize. But such as infidelity killed them from the head. Nothing good will come of it. You will lose confidence and everything. And most importantly, you will punish her for something she is not guilty of. And if you have a conscience then you will hate yourself. And if she finds out at all, will you be able to look her in the eye and tell her "you can't satisfy me and that's why I'm rolling with other women behind your back and I kissed you with the same mouth I kissed others and I'm made them cunilungus "Realize. But such as infidelity killed them from the head. Nothing good will come of it. You will lose confidence and everything. And most importantly, you will punish her for something she is not guilty of. And if you have a conscience then you will hate yourself. And if she finds out at all, will you be able to look her in the eye and tell her "you can't satisfy me and that's why I'm rolling with other women behind your back and I kissed you with the same mouth I kissed others and I'm made them cunilungus "Realize.
This girl, according to your description, is very decent ... You better leave her before you cheat, so that she doesn't hate you, that if you want to get together she won't touch you. I write this from personal experience. My ex-squirrel felt it, but I swallowed so much bile because of his infidelities that ... Do whatever you want, have sex with whoever you want, your life and body are only yours, but take care of the girl, it's a pearl, a jewel. Such women should be treated as treasures, because the lame and the crippled are "miserable" and miserable at the expense of some idiot. If you hurt her, she will wither, her beauty will fade ... I mean the inner one. ;)
Well, author, it's more than clear that you don't fit in with sex. As someone said above, "there is no culprit here", you just have a different sexuality and that will not change in the future. This is not learned. Separate on time, do not waste your time because your dissatisfaction will grow more and more, and your girlfriend will begin to feel pressured and harassed by you every time you discuss this problem. I am a 32 year old woman and I had the same situation with my boyfriend, who was not sexual at all. And I lost a few years in this relationship until it dawned on me that he was just like that and there would be no change. My advice is: split up on time!
Your girlfriend will not change. It's boring for me. If one day she wants to have children, she will probably go to the doctor to fertilize her, because she is bored. Once you have written this topic and you are thinking about other women, then it is over between you. You are friends, roommates who do not get along sexually. Or maybe she's not in love with you anymore and she's forced to please you. However, for a young man once a week is super insufficient. Everyone will tease her when the man has to beg her for sex. In my opinion, separate and do not bother.
Cheat. I found myself in the same situation, but not with an ex but with a colleague. You just have to be careful not to get feelings, and the other thing is to cheat on a married woman. If the woman you're cheating on is single, you have a good chance of getting in a lot of trouble.
You can't change the girl, and you don't have to. You will struggle for another 3 years and you will separate. However, you will have lost 5 years of your youth. As long as, of course, a baby does not appear, then you will be "tied" and sex will come less often than Christmas. From experience. Separation is a terrible end, but it is better than endless horror.
Well, author, that's how my husband and I got together. What you describe in your girlfriend's address, I heard from my husband about his ex-wife. Even in a more drastic version, but they still had 10 years of marriage, and you are only in the second year. The problem started almost immediately and only got worse over time. He claims that his ex-wife did not even allow him to kiss her on the lips. He lies down like a fish, spreads his legs and looks at the ceiling. She gets an orgasm (or imitates) only if he stimulates her with his hand. And yes - she can't be touched on the clitoris, she can't be kissed on the breasts, on the neck either, and the most interesting thing is that they have never made oral love in their whole life together - the chick didn't love. Well, yes, but my husband loves me! He also loves other things! And hugging loves, and kissing loves and so on. It was even worse for me - my fiancé had not had sex with me for 12 years. None! Not good, not mediocre, not bad, just none. And so one fine day my current husband and I woke up as lovers. We didn't hide for long. We both divorced and now we live happily. But we never forget that it is the lack of full-fledged sex that pushed us towards each other, so we pay special attention to this part of our life together, not to mention extreme attention: nothing is forbidden in bed, everything is interesting to try, there is no taboos, no restraints and the more, the more, as Winnie the Pooh said. Unfortunately, I will support those views expressed above that this relationship is doomed. You will only lose valuable time in which everyone can look for their true partner. It will not get better, it will get worse. But for now you are still in the romantic period and that is why you close your eyes to the mutual intimate dissimilarity. In a few more years, your relationship will be disastrous. Friendship and intellectual communication will not save you, believe me.
Hello author. I think your wife is Asexual. Search the net and you will see what I am talking about.
* The other commenters understood you very correctly, but you are a hypocrite and selfish. You want to have 2 at once, one for sex and the other just to be together as a couple, but you have to make a choice. * What debt do you have to your current girlfriend? You are not married, you have no children, you have no feelings ... The easiest thing is to leave it to me, what are you wondering about, no one from here can help you. You've been together for 2 years and you're complaining like you've been for 12 years, you haven't talked to her enough, why didn't you tell her that if she continues you have the potential for infidelity? Why didn't he tell her everything in plain text, and not with kind words? Eh, eh and that was my man - tt, tt. -Maryan