Hello! I am 19 years old and I am graduating this year. I am from Burgas and I will study in Plovdiv. And here is my problem: Not only am I very bad at communicating with people, but I also have a very strong fear of them. And I don't know if this fear is justified. I will be a student in Plovdiv from this fall and that is why I have about 5 months to solve this problem at least to some extent. But how? I don't have any friends and everyone outside my family and relatives think I'm crazy. In principle, the situation is aggravated by the following circumstance: I follow a very strict diet, which I'm sure makes me quite different at first glance.
The diet also includes the fact that I drink nothing but water. But of course this is just one of my strange traits. Some of the things I would change but others like the above would not. I think that would be a problem because I'm going to have to stand my ground, to disagree and probably someone will be offended. And I don't know if there is a danger that those offended will beat me. I have the feeling that I am more likely to have this than someone else in my place, because I do not know how to get out of such a situation.
This is just one of my quirks. In terms of other traits, I just can't do anything at this stage. For example, fear and anxiety affect both my expression and my movements, which is also a huge minus. And let me emphasize that this is not inconspicuous - it is quite noticeable. I was thinking of a possible solution: For a start, I can talk to strangers: For example, in public transport, in some shops, etc. (People I probably won't see anymore, because even if I make some inevitable mistakes, they will not have consequences, as would happen if I admit them to acquaintances or those with whom I have to spend a long time. ) to gain some experience. I thought that after a while I would start doing something else on this issue, etc. However, it seems to me that maybe there is a great danger that someone will fight me.
Is this likely to happen to me in these circumstances? Is it really possible for a significant percentage of people to fight me just because I asked them some questions, for example? Is it possible after such a conversation for someone to follow me and beat me in a not so public place? Or start systematically causing me trouble in the future. I feel that some of the things listed (they are a small part of everything I've thought about and aren't really much of a concern, for which I am able to judge) are complete nonsense but nevertheless it seems reasonable to me to act in the safest way. Is this true or not? And is it a good solution in general? Another problem: As you have already seen, I cannot recognize dangerous people and situations.
On the one hand, I've heard that I can't get into a fight unless I myself respond aggressively to a challenge (nagging) or unless I get angry (it's clear to me that this is about 90-95% of cases and not for 100%). But the opposite is heard everywhere (logic tells me that these are speculations of the media, as well as of individuals as the goal is to attract the attention of the other party more effectively) or more precisely many examples of how for some trifle goes directly to a fight or even to the killing of one side in the conflict. This raises doubts in me and that is why I want to read the opinions of others on these issues because I have not seen enough in practice to be categorical. Now we come to another problem, which in this case is not paramount, but it still exists and yet in combination with my lack of experience makes things worse - I do not want to get too close to someone or too many people.
There are many things that I strive for and from which in the long run the idea is for the whole society to benefit. In this regard, at this stage, such "excessive convergence" will be appropriate, but it will take some time and it will no longer be. And maybe I won't have time to work on everything I want to achieve. And will I be able to retreat without getting hurt? I can't say that, so I leave it for you. In any case, this paragraph sounds terribly selfish, and to some extent it is. The only thing that really excites me at the moment is to become stronger, more educated, more powerful, etc. than the others. However, tell me how I could really help and really do something meaningful for society as a whole if I had not fixed myself before?
Correct me if I'm wrong. Last but not least: as I can't judge my surroundings, is there a great danger of getting into the bad company without feeling myself in trouble? As you read this, do you think that there is such an increased danger for me because of my specific features? This may sound really silly, but I just don't know what the real probability is that this will happen. I think I am very careful and cautious, but I can fall victim to some manipulation when I feel it is too late. Whatever scenarios go through my head, I can't even formulate or even remember most of them. And they all seem logical to me and I can't refute any of them.
Maybe that's stupid of me, I don't know. I just need some advice here, accompanied by a detailed opinion on what grounds it was said (the last sentence applies to all paragraphs). Here is my main question in connection with the whole story: How can I judge when there is a danger for me in the given circumstances, are my worries unfounded, is there any way to solve the problem without taking risks? In short, everything revolves around dangers, their avoidance, and/or debunking. The other is set up for clarification. I will be very grateful for all the advice I receive from you. I am also open to any criticism.
Answers 10
Well, you're right, you really have mental problems. Your paranoia is a symptom of this, for example. Seek a psychologist or psychiatrist. I hope you know the difference.
I barely read what was written. Why do you think you will be the center of everyone's attention? Just because you can't get close to people, they will avoid you. Otherwise, it's not good to pick on anyone. Be positive, greet your colleagues, do not grumble or annoy them, do not pretend to be knowledgeable, except when it is not necessary (to take part in an exam, etc.). No one will ask you why you only drink water and not drink juices, beer (or other alcohol) or carbonated drinks ... Just do not force yourself with this and everything will be ok
I will answer you briefly: the only danger for you is in your head. You experience a lot, but only in your mind. I understand you, and I'm an anxious person without any social skills. In your case, however, things go a long way. You look at others as predators just waiting to tear you apart. And they are all people, just like you. Everyone has oddities. You don't have to justify eating or behaving. It's best to look for a psychologist to help you take the path you want to take. (But don't take medication.) Good luck!
And I was afraid to go out. But when I have a problem, I try to face it. I'm afraid of the crowd - then I'll go in the middle of the crowd to see what happens. I will want to run away, but I will not. The first problem that bothers you is that you can insult someone and they will beat you. If you treat people with respect, this is unlikely. Of course, if they occur, you will stand up. Otherwise they will crush you. It can lead to a fight - big deal, don't think so much. If you get there, you'll fight. If they beat you, at least you'll defend yourself. You will not give up, you will stand and stand up. The second way is much easier than the first. Yes, that's the problem, people see your fear and anxiety, they think you're weak - but you will gain strength if, despite your fear, you continue to be in the terrible place. Conversation with strangers - helps very little, better talk to acquaintances. Is this likely to happen to me in these circumstances? "You think too much about these things." Think positive. If someone starts following you - you will defend yourself. And is it a good solution in general? - No - you close it. I can't recognize dangerous people and situations - why can't you, it's easy to recognize when someone is hostile and if it's your size. Yes homicides are less than 1% most likely will not get there. You say I can't communicate with them - and you're worried about getting closer. First learn to communicate normally, without fear, then you will think about interests and rapprochement. Don't think so - you don't play chess. Is there a great danger of getting into bad company without feeling myself in trouble? - You do not know what is right and acceptable for you and if you do not like the company - you will withdraw from it. As you read this, do you think that there is such an increased danger for me because of my specific features? - Your weakness would irritate some more aggressive people - but to look after their work. If something happens, you will show them that you are not so cowardly. You care too much about your physical health - don't think so much. And without but if .... Surely this really sounds terribly stupid, but I just do not know what is the real probability of this happening? - less than 1% means 99% will not happen as you think. I may fall victim to some kind of manipulation - You are a smart boy, you can judge whether what you say is good for you. Whatever scenarios go through my head - yes, that's your problem - you think too much, normal people don't think that much. I just need some advice here, accompanied by a detailed opinion on what grounds it was said - What arguments was a person. I'm telling you it's true - take it for granted. You see how much you think - and you shouldn't. I like it - and I will do so much. This is right thinking. Don't ask why? Because if you don't start thinking like that - you will stay curled up in the shell. And humans are social beings. How can I judge when there is danger for me - So if I raise my voice, come at you, push you, clench your fist and talk through your teeth, you will not recognize that I am aggressive and there is danger. Come on, that's enough. I don't have time for more explanations or editing. I have to pay attention to my girlfriend.
To communicate with people you do not need to look for them in the store or public transport, think of a place where good people gather and the purpose of the name is not to tickle you and they are a little more special in a positive sense I say, like you. For example, charity, people who help others, there is a place to break, not in public transport, any group activities or something else, think in this direction.
Hello! :) From reading I can say that maybe this rejection by society has caused some uncertainty and difficulty in communicating with you. But that naturally passes. For almost a year I was in the same situation as you. I am gay and have received many attacks from my classmates, mostly boys. When I changed schools, I had developed a phobia of boys - strange but true. When a boy approached me, I had the feeling that he was coming to insult me, hit me and so on. I didn't communicate with anyone, I was locked in a protective "cocoon" to protect myself from what had happened to me. For months I stood alone in the last rank, isolated from everyone. I was afraid to communicate with people. But you know What? I decided to get out of the shell and try to be just myself.I found friends for almost a month, with whom we are close to this day. I get understanding from others, even from the boys I was so afraid of, with some we even share and have a well-established friendship. What I want to tell you is that what was in Burgas remains there. You go to a new city (my city :)), without having acquaintances and so on. You start from scratch to build relationships - this is your chance to overcome this, so to speak, fear of people. I guess you'll be in a dorm with your peers. And the university as a whole is different - most of your group will share your interests, after all you are one specialty, and not only, who knows? :) I don't even think that we will need these versions with the public transport, and in general I don't recommend it to you - most of the people you will talk to would think that something is wrong with you and that you should miss each other the most. with some mockery, which will confuse you even more. So the best option is to try to make friends with your colleagues - you are not more than 7-8 people in a group and everyone is noticed in one way or another, it is not like the school to be 20-30 and have outsiders. You can find something in common in everyone, as long as you ask. :) For example, I find a lot in common with you, reading your story. I am even a little angry that the exchange of personal information is not allowed, I would gladly become your friend. I can say that you are a special person, which makes you different from others, and so you will be able to stand out, not to merge with others and go unnoticed, you just have to be yourself! :) I wish you success in this, I strongly hope successfully, an endeavor to overcome your fear of others and get out of the shell. You have no idea what a beautiful city Plovdiv is, you can't help but feel more comfortable, ha-ha. Good luck! :))
Well, what can I tell you, buddy, and I'm in the same situation, only I'm much older than you, because of that fear I lost my job, I came across bad colleagues, then I was fired, I was on probation, since then I got some phobia and fear that it will always be so and for this reason I have refused job offers as if magic had been done to me and wherever I go everyone hates me. I hope things get better with you, go to a psychologist, he is my last hope, because I have reached the bottom and I can not get out of there!
When you stop porn, the fear of paranoia is replaced by self-confidence and confidence. Last six months. Medicines do not help. They will even complicate the situation.
Life is a struggle! Be brave and the courage will thank you !!!
It's like listening to myself. Congratulations, you are 19 ... but you have outgrown your age many times. Don't get attached to the mediocre ones where they tell you that you are a psychiatrist, etc., or they quote you Paulo Coelho or whatever. You are one of the rare cases: an individual who has significantly in-depth analytical thinking, critical thinking and caution. Unfortunately, this comes complete with anxiety and fear. I think I will tell you what you need to improve in yourself: 1. Wisdom - learn what you should and should not pay attention to. Yes, many probabilities are possible for a given situation, BUT with time and experience you will learn to emphasize the most important ones. Human life is not long enough to absorb all the existing information or to experience all possible probabilities. 2. Self-control - I am currently learning. The hardest part of my graduation. To try to control my cravings, respectively my subsequent behavior. 3. Courage, confidence, strength - This is difficult as self-control, I would even say part of it. In order to deal with a problem, you must have these qualities, otherwise you will only bypass or deepen it. 4. Get to know more. I could tell you many things .. So many .. But everything in my head is arranged and formulated for years, and it is difficult for me to write this volume of information in a short word order. I want to ask you for feedback when you read my comment to answer me if you understood me and if I was useful to you. He writes you a girl who struggles with her shortcomings every day, strives for the truth and sees everything in incredible detail. I know you're like that too, and it's a hell of a pity we can't meet. Keep analyzing, asking questions and looking for answers. Sooner or later they come.