Hi, I need help because I'm starting to feel super angry and I'm starting to want to take drugs. It so happened that my father went abroad when I was in 5th grade. I hadn't seen him since he left, I didn't see him until the 10th grade. Then I became more closed and anxious (5th grade), I lost all self-confidence and so on to this day. In general, I grew up poor, with almost no parental love from any child. My mother was trembling so that she could feed me and my brother, and the idyll in the family was gone. Somewhere in 9th-10th grade, my father reappeared, he was in prison because he was caught smuggling people. He is now in England and has found another. I went to live with him, and he constantly reproached me for everything, for my behavior, for my attitude towards him and his wife. And his is not at all ... like people.
She is slimy and capricious, and he constantly pleases her. You can't imagine how angry I am with him at the moment ... When I was in England I was in one place and when I decided to return to Bulgaria because I couldn't stand his wife, the money I had earned was spent (because of his wife) and now I am without money, on the verge of despair. Because my father is a digger and I'm darker and this is a big complex for me. Wherever I go to ask for a job they bring me back, and I think it's just because I'm darker. In a cafe I saw that they were looking for people, when I went and asked, they told me that they were no longer looking, which is not the case, the ad is still sitting. I talked to one person to start working in Sofia (I hope at least it will happen there), because I study and there is no one to pay my fees, no one to rely on. Now my father turns to me and says, "Take care of yourself, I can barely manage to recover, I have no self-confidence. (Which hinders me a lot) I want to go to a psychologist, but because I don't have the financial means, I decided to share it here, because I need to share, and I have no one to share it with. I have thoughts of reaching for drugs, I don't know why. The only good thing is that I study programming and after a while, when I started working, I will not live in misery and deprivation. I really need help because I can't do it alone, anxiety pulls me back. I want to get rid of it and be able to communicate with people normally, without complexes and dizziness. I do not know why. The only good thing is that I study programming and after a while, when I started working, I will not live in misery and deprivation. I really need help because I can't do it alone, anxiety pulls me back. I want to get rid of it and be able to communicate with people normally, without complexes and dizziness.
I do not know why. The only good thing is that I study programming and after a while, when I started working, I will not live in misery and deprivation. I really need help because I can't do it alone, anxiety pulls me back. I want to get rid of it and be able to communicate with people normally, without complexes and dizziness.
Answers 8
A psychologist will definitely help.
Abe, don't crush your father's face a little, to see how he will respect you. The reason may be 'give me my money back'. If you can.
To tell you the truth, I think that in your situation it is better not to deal with your father and to take care of yourself. This means that for the next 3-4 years you will be on the brink of poverty and struggling to survive, but at least you will not live with irritants and accumulate more anger in yourself. You live on little money. Bad, but you live. You compromise with pleasures, from time to time you drive her to bread and lyutenitsa, but you neither die of hunger nor stay on the street. You work, you study, you grit your teeth, but in the end the effort is worth it, because you have seen for yourself that you are persistent, responsible, hardworking and smart enough. Not to mention that you get a job in the specialty, a good salary and other benefits. You are alive with irritants around you, but you do not live at all. You work hard every day, which includes the accumulation of emotions such as anger and sadness. It's worse. I'm telling you from experience. As a result, years later you have a bunch of nervous problems, purely psychological problems, and no positive things to make you proud of yourself and your patience in particular. For some things it's worth the effort, and for others it doesn't make a gram. Your father will neither give you money nor help you emotionally. This man wrote it off. You went to him, you worked hard and his wife squandered your money. Your money that you made yourself. His attitude makes you angry, it's normal and I would be angry. Get him out of your life, forget about him and you will see for yourself that things will go abruptly. It is better for him not to be around and for you to support yourself and to manage, than to have a father who drinks your nerves and makes you unstable, but from time to time he sponsors. Do not give up. Look for a job, they will always hire you somewhere. I do not think, it's because of your skin. I have friends who are darker but study and work. Your luck was like that. No one has a guarantee that they will find a job easily, it is usually time consuming and difficult. Anyone who has been looking for a job for months will tell you that they are completely desperate before finally signing an employment contract. Things like that happen, it's a part of life. Draw ahead, don't give up, the results will come.
I just want to add that you may not be returned for being a little dark-skinned. I'm white as a popcorn and I'm a very nice girl, but I'm closed and annoying like you and they didn't want me anywhere with active ads. Now I work remotely for people we've never seen (it's great). It's wonderful that you study programming, you will fix your life, don't give up. As for your father, he failed as a father, and perhaps as a man at all. He is a person unfortunately, whether you listen to number 2 or not. Some parents are a good example, others are a terrible warning. Your anger is a normal reaction, so is the thought of drugs, but let only a thought remain. I would not send you to a psychologist, for me you are a healthy young man, smart, purposeful and a good future awaits you. I like the crumpling of your father's face as a thought, but I don't know if you can do it, I couldn't. You can instead blame him for being more civilized, as the great Freud said. You can swear at him whenever he gets in your way, you can swear at anyone who mentions him. This is how I deal with anger towards both my parents. More precisely, I don't curse them, but I feed them a lot, as you do here. I was told to start playing sports so that I wouldn't be so angry, but I don't like sports.
I always swear not to enter this site, but I always find a topic that becomes interesting to me and is close to me. I'm a few years older than you, but I've been angry with my father for a long time. Well, I've never watched his drunken outbursts, because he's never been drunk in front of me in so long. However, he traveled a lot. I was in the first grade when I started traveling outside Bulgaria for 20 years. He drove thousands of miles. So I both had a father and he wasn't home all the time. It didn't impress me over the years until I recently realized how disastrous it really was. A father who for some reason is not close to his son and is not directly involved in the upbringing, this can really be a serious problem for a young man. My mother raised me all these years. And because she didn't have a man by her side all the time, you remember what's going on. Everything in her head makes it happen to me. If she's not happy about something, she blames it on me. There is no man and you are the male part of the family, which takes away all her moods. The result of not having a father close to me all the time was that I became an extremely complex young man who was constantly seeking the approval of others. Indecisive, cowardly, difficult to make decisions. It cost me a lot of effort to change. As I worked on myself, I felt very angry with him, even though we heard from each other regularly, he never realized that I really had a problem. So I understand you. I would advise you to start working on yourself in any way. Write down on a piece of paper all the things you think you can and should improve in yourself. I'm talking about social qualities. Stop contacting him. This, just because he's your father doesn't mean you have to poison your life by constantly thinking about the things he told you. The psychologist is not a bad idea. I was also there for a while, but I still couldn't tell her exactly what my problem was. And I'm impatient, going to a psychologist requires patience until you get results. And I decided it wasn't for me. I decided to deal with myself, I know how to analyze each situation and delve into the problems, which helped me get to the causes of them. The truth is that boys who grow up without fathers next to them become very cowardly and insecure men. Your task is to start working on yourself. Abstain from all these years and do not go back. The important thing is to focus on yourself now. You are extremely young, you have a lot of time ahead of you. In a few years you can become a whole new person, as I did. I still remember how my mother, to tell me, underwent a very big metamorphosis. It was just that I suddenly turned from a timid and shy person into a radical opposite. However, I still have work to do. For example, I don't like women and I'm sure this is also a problem related to my father's lack. But we don't have to blame them forever. After all, they are people too, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their own life and no one owes us. Just because they gave birth to us doesn't mean they have to be enslaved to all our whims. You're really big now and you have to take care of yourself. Life is really nasty and at the same time very good, but no one owes us. You find a job, you move out to live alone and you start working on yourself and the things you want to achieve. It was just that I suddenly turned from a timid and shy person into a radical opposite. However, I still have work to do. For example, I don't like women and I'm sure this is also a problem related to my father's lack. But we don't have to blame them forever. After all, they are people too, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their own life and no one owes us. Just because they gave birth to us doesn't mean they have to be enslaved to all our whims. You're really big now and you have to take care of yourself. Life is really nasty and at the same time very good, but no one owes us. You find a job, you move out to live alone and you start working on yourself and the things you want to achieve. It was just that I suddenly turned from a timid and shy person into a radical opposite. However, I still have work to do. For example, I don't like women and I'm sure this is also a problem related to my father's lack. But we don't have to blame them forever. After all, they are people too, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their own life and no one owes us. Just because they gave birth to us doesn't mean they have to be enslaved to all our whims. You're really big now and you have to take care of yourself. Life is really nasty and at the same time very good, but no one owes us. You find a job, you move out to live alone and you start working on yourself and the things you want to achieve. But we don't have to blame them forever. After all, they are people too, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their own life and no one owes us. Just because they gave birth to us doesn't mean they have to be enslaved to all our whims. You're really big now and you have to take care of yourself. Life is really nasty and at the same time very good, but no one owes us. You find a job, you move out to live alone and you start working on yourself and the things you want to achieve. But we don't have to blame them forever. After all, they are people too, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their own life and no one owes us. Just because they gave birth to us doesn't mean they have to be enslaved to all our whims. You're really big now and you have to take care of yourself. Life is really nasty and at the same time very good, but no one owes us. You find a job, you move out to live alone and you start working on yourself and the things you want to achieve.
You have to forget this biological father of yours, he didn't raise you anyway. It's like he died for you, don't keep in touch with him and that's it. Channel this anger into something useful for you - study, sports, jogging, reading books, become a volunteer for the Red Cross, if you want, an environmental organization, do something at all and do not think about it. You can apply to the rector for rescheduling of fees, ask for social assistance, go part-time, generally look for a job actively and a way to continue, rely only on yourself, fight to succeed. And forget about drugs, it does not solve problems, but creates them. Be strong! Success!
Boy - your problem is that you rely on someone else to make you happy. Nobody owes you. When you realize these simple truths, your anger will disappear by itself. Forgive this person and erase him from your life, just forget about him. Accept that this was a test you had to go through. The money took pity on them - they make money. For work - start anything to pay your bills (for example McDonald's) and develop in your free time. Be kind to people and stop having prejudices about your skin color. Even from your post I can judge that you radiate low self-esteem and anxiety about your appearance, that's why potential employers perceive you negatively. It is up to you to be a valuable person. And now for the drugs - reaching for them you become a slave. Becoming a slave will not get rid of anger and aggression - you will just blunt them, but they will return with greater force at the most inopportune time. This is provided you stay alive. If you want this to be your life, it is your personal choice.
I knew a man who was in the same situation. The father's figure is gone, but so is the mother's. There was a period when the friend in question was working on himself, I helped a lot because he had potential. His thought of drugs was not just a thought, however. It became his daily routine. In a few years it became a terrible sight and his priority was money. There was a girl next to him at the time, and she tried to help, and she refused to leave him, but eventually she got tired. We found him a job, he stole or did not go at all, he did not stay at work for more than 2 months. So I finally kicked him off the ship. You need a lot of work on your own to get out of this. You will succeed, even if you have to be a little miserable, but then you will live well in the long run. And in the future you will know what kind of father you will NOT be. Extract positivism from the situations you find yourself in, no matter how difficult they are. I think that's how you'll save yourself.