When God created me, it was Friday at five past five and he forgot to put a small particle, which was obviously very important. People's opinion has always been important to me and I have always tried to live by the norms - to do what is expected of me, not to embarrass myself and my family, to be a good boy. I tried my best to build a good image, constantly filled with worries, fears, my demons hovering around me, which gradually ate me from within. I'm a good man now, at least I've made the facade look good. It's empty inside. Everything I experienced, people I met, they took away from me, and they gave me so little. A little, I need so little to be well, a little warmth, a little compassion. I had promised myself that if a woman gave me a hand, I would stay with her and support her forever. I am a liar and a fool. When it happened to me, I acted like a coward, I couldn't handle it and I failed, but maybe that's better for her. I continued, but got nowhere. Over time, I began to isolate myself from people, from the world, from everything. The less you communicate, the less likely you are to be hurt. Clear, simple, clean, at least that's what you think. Nothing is so simple. Gradually I stopped being interested in what was happening in the world - I don't read or watch news, they just didn't matter anymore. The less I was interested, I shared, the more people's opinion began to become less important, which was good. But their opinion became unimportant, and then they didn't matter anymore. It was like rubbing with an eraser, but instead of a sheet, I rubbed myself, what made me human. How am I at the moment - a neighbor died - I was not surprised, I did not feel sorry, nothing. When my mother said she expected me to moan and moan, but I didn't feel anything and I couldn't even hide, I just said that I felt more worried about my dog, which was sick, than about the dead woman. I told the truth, I didn't even have the strength to lie like people. It's getting harder and harder for me to hide what I've become, it's getting harder and harder for me to play my part as a person. The truth is that I hate people for what they have done to me and for what I have done as part of them. I hate them because they are greedy, selfish, I hate them because they have what I don't have and with such a light hand they throw it in the dust, and then they find it again - love. That's why I hate them, they find her, over and over again, and I keep failing. Your happiness makes me hate you, and I don't want to be like that, but I'm just missing something, a piece, which just doesn't allow me to deal with life as a normal person. I apologize for what was written to those who read it, but I just had to write it. Why I wrote it and I can't answer myself.
Answers 3
Hello, from what I have written, I understand that you are very wounded and disappointed. Find the cause of this and heal the wound. Yes, life is unfair, but that doesn't mean you have to give up living it. You're obviously to blame for disappointing the girl. What happened, happened. Look ahead. Fix what you don't like about yourself. We do not depend on others and their opinions, live for yourself and fight. You are affected, that's why you feel that way. Get together and work on your thoughts, on your soul, and even if you want on your physical condition. Act, things will get better. He doesn't judge people, there are all kinds of people, nowadays it is difficult to find real ones, but they are. You will see that the street will be lit by the sun, just don't give up. Late and strength. FIGHT FOR! Greetings. :)
Man I understand you completely. It is very difficult to lag behind others.
I will correct you because you write well and competently, but in many places you have missed the commas that I know you know, namely before - that and because. You write well, but I don't believe you, I don't believe you don't read, you speak too well for a person who doesn't read. I don't believe you hate either. Hatred is something that very few people are able to feel, most of them experience the so-called personal dissatisfaction that accumulates in them and fills them with bad feelings, which they express in some way so as not to keep them inside. Some do it by slandering, others by shouting, others by feeling sorry for themselves, but they do not have hatred. Hatred means being capable of murder, it's as bad as feeling, and most people have a conscience that keeps us from being so extreme. You are just disappointed in yourself and your life, you do not hate, you are depressed. Instead of feeding your demons, go out in nature and read the books of Deunov, of Eleazar. Some religious ones will rise, but it is not religion but spirituality that ennobles. And action, doing something that will make someone happy, you should feel good when you see kindness in people, and it manifests when we are good to them. We are a mirror of the world.