Hello! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Before him, I also had a long-term relationship, from which I left with a broken heart after several infidelities. When we met, I did not believe that it was possible for such a wonderful person to exist. He is one of those people who are always smiling, happy, loved by everyone ... the soul of the company. From the very beginning, I saw that this was the man for me. We spent hours talking, laughing, he was constantly giving me little surprises like making something himself, taking me somewhere secret, coming to us without telling me, etc. He became the most important person for me. , my closest friend. Over time, things calmed down, there are no more homemade cookies to appear in our country, no more conversations until the early hours, no more impulsiveness and romance between us. We continue to spend a lot of time together, but it's just not the same anymore. I no longer feel any interest from him, except purely physically. At other times we can lie down and be silent, he can play on the phone and that's it. When the topic is raised that there is no more romance between us, usually the answer is to find someone more romantic when I'm not happy. In general, he became lazy towards me, but this is not what bothers me the most. Basically, he never knew how to deal with my feelings. When he was upset about something, he always just looked away without even trying to calm me down, but lately things have become such that he started screaming at me when I was upset, leaving me alone and turning his back on me. Now when she tells him that something is bothering me, she doesn't try to listen to me and talk, she just tells me not to care. The question is, that my greatest sorrow is my relationship with my family. I grew up with only one parent and never received love, parental caress, never heard "I love you" or "I'm proud of you." Usually for me even the holidays have always been a hint that you have to spend money on a gift for me, and I never wanted anything but love. When I feel sad about these things, he usually says to stop talking to my family, to abandon them and other extremes, but in reality I try to blind our relationship and even if I don't see love, to give it. We had a huge debate about that today. I wanted to go and see my mother, and he had to take me, but we lingered and they looked at their watches to see exactly how late we were. He started arguing with me about how I'm just in a hurry, which is not true, I just hate to be late. We got in the car where I tried to explain to him that we had agreed on dinner time and that's why I wanted to leave on time, but it started with nonsense on his part and what hurt me a lot was that he said something like I can't make her love me and I better not try. I collapsed, I was so upset because he knows how much it hurts me to lack parental love, and instead of encouraging my attempts to achieve that, even after years, he tells me not to try. I cried, and he shouted at me not to cry, we were already in front of us and he just said to me "Here, you're already here, that was your goal," he left me in front of the block and left. I don't understand how it is possible for someone to change so much. From a man who gave everything for me, he became so indifferent. It mostly weighs on me how rude he is to me when I'm upset instead of reassuring and supporting me. I no longer feel like my support, like my best friend. I already feel like an obstacle in his life. I feel so tense to be constantly careful what I say, do, etc., so as not to upset him. Not that he gets aggressive when he gets angry, on the contrary, he shuts up and leaves and leaves me alone in ignorance of what I did wrong. Then he returns and waits for me to apologize for his mistakes. And I do it because I don't want to lose it, but I realize that I live with the idea that it will happen as before. I guess he won't look for me now, he never looks for me and he doesn't apologize after we quarreled. I've tried to talk normally when things calm down, but he always knows his and can't change his mind, and hence the attitude. He's just waiting for me to say I was wrong, and things are getting back to normal. I'm tired, I don't want to lose him, but I don't even know how to talk to him normally anymore. What to do? I will be happy for advice.
Answers 9
I think you're an energy vampire. Why someone else needs to be constantly engaged with your feelings. Not that he shouldn't care at all, but that way you always make a sacrifice and burden him. It is normal after 3 years things are not as in the beginning. No one is obliged to create happiness for you if you yourself cannot
Why do you bother him with your family problems at all? !! I have the impression that you are still upset and waiting for reassurance. He has no guilt and does not owe you anything. And rightly so - your mother will not change. How many times did you make him cookies, how many times did you make him laugh? I think your friend is very patient even if he hasn't left yet. Throw away your emotional baggage and finally be the only two, if you can't - let him find the right person. Success!
Dear girl, you have an affair with a narcissistic, selfish type. Read on the net there are many articles. It will not change, it will get worse. Even if you are sure at the moment, she is looking for another women's challenge. Just do something and break up with him. Unfortunately, this behavior does not improve. I say this as a person with many years of life experience and a similar type of contact. Even if you tell him you want a breakup, he'll try to keep you ... people like you are comfortable with them. / until he finds something new /
She told him that it would not happen as before, and you know the answer - throw it away! In the beginning it was a mask, but now it shows its essence and destroys you. There is no support, no love, it doesn't make you feel better or loved, and it breaks you down further. What is this man for you, he crushes you. Set you a condition or enter, in the way, support you, understand and love, stop with this attitude or end. Which is most appropriate because it's obviously like that. There are enough decent, do not waste time with such a person. You had no love, you are hurt and you need support, love, not such an idiot! Tighten up and leave him, you will find the right person for you :) He commands you, trains you and does not bring you happiness, but throw it away, it is unnecessary for you.
blah, blah, "my needs", blah blah, "my feelings", blah blah, "he doesn't pay enough attention to me", "he didn't do what he did, how he did as I wanted and expected". "When I get upset, he doesn't calm me down." I wonder if you get "upset" somewhere far away from him, what are we doing? We fall into a crisis because there is no one to calm us down? Should we hire a psychologist to go to your doctor all day? "I I I" One, but I did not see a single sentence on the topic "what I give him". "Or what I do for him." And you wonder why he's tired of you. You are so focused on yourself that you do not even realize that you have the complex of a princess and he needs an equal partner and has realized that your relationship is one-sided and you are just a consumer. I'll tell you what will happen - he's tired of you and your mercantilism. The moment he meets a mature, independent woman who can handle herself, he will respect her for it. he will see in her face a partner he can count on. A woman who knows how to light the fire in the family hearth instead of always expecting a warm, smoking bath with candles and a bottle of wine, already prepared because she had a "bad day". And the prince, standing in a peaceful position next to the bathtub with a towel in his hand, so that the princess would not get cold when he wanted to get out of the bathtub. who knows how to light the fire in the family hearth instead of always expecting a warm, smoking bath with candles and a bottle of wine, already prepared because she had a "bad day". And the prince, standing in a peaceful position next to the bathtub with a towel in his hand, so that the princess would not get cold when he wanted to get out of the bathtub. who knows how to light the fire in the family hearth instead of always expecting a warm, smoking bath with candles and a bottle of wine, already prepared because she had a "bad day". And the prince, standing in a peaceful position next to the bathtub with a towel in his hand, so that the princess would not get cold when he wanted to get out of the bathtub.
It may sound silly, but it seems to me that this man is a Leo sign - proud and always right. But only the author can say whether this is so. You have to try to talk to him and, no matter how crooked you are at times, not to show him so clearly in front of him. Because just as you want support, so probably he wants it, and as in every quarrel you cry in front of him, as if he is not talking to his girlfriend as an adult, but rather to his daughter, to whom he has to explain the situation. I don't know how old you are both, but he can already think about family and children and your relationship can burden him. It seems that he is the stronger character and since you have been together for 3 years and your relationship is not so strong, it is probably better to take a break from each other.
When a man is at the beginning of a relationship and loves, he tends to give and give love. The woman must be aware that she cannot simply take until she has exhausted everything, and that in order to receive this attitude and in the future she must give herself altruistically to him and to him as well as to her, that is, to forget all selfishness. , to stop being fixed only on oneself and to put him and his problems in the first place. Then both will receive the necessary love and attention from this relationship. ATTENTION! Women - you are not special in a relationship! The relationship is special and if you do not care and do not nourish it, if you take and expect and do not care and do not give - it wears out. Not that your man is the wrong one and you didn't take care of the relationship and let it run out. A man gives, gives, gives emotional support and when he sees, that he does not receive the same thing he likes and the pink diaper disappears and becomes rude, because the woman next to him is selfish and does not respond with the same. With her selfishness and excessive staring at herself and her problems and neglecting the man next to her, a woman can ruin even the most wonderful relationships. She either has to give attention and love, no matter how much she gets, or they both have a common goal to strive for and that brings them closer. A woman should not ask for too much attention for herself if she does not give the same, because it is very obsessive and unrealistic in the long run. A man cannot constantly hold her hand and coo and watch over her and her emotional states, because this means that he plays the role of her constant governess and cannot focus on anything else.
Another hypocrite and insensitive robot ... Get away from him, but don't hope for much better than the majority, there are a lot of women and men like that. You can find a more valuable person, but not in the masses, not in your everyday life, in the city, where various materialists and unprincipled egotists come. Go to places with compassionate people, with values, volunteer groups for different causes 'Timeheroes', self-help groups, I guess that as there are addicts, there are also to deal with emotional trauma, the White Brotherhood, etc. these are places where there are fewer unconscious, lower people and there are more bright souls.
1, 2, 6, 7 - You may not have read the topic at all! She has problems, he doesn't listen to her, he doesn't understand her, he doesn't support her! And you attacked her for being guilty, material, emotional vampires ?? Echo here, we are not talking about cohabitation, but a relationship, a shared life! Shared happiness and unhappiness, support, understanding! Horror! You are the same eternally demanding, grumbling, etc., you don't care about others! No matter how many problems he has, he must be by her side! He is with her - not their neighbor! If not him, who is the pope, should I support her? She doesn't want a car, she doesn't want a house. He is asked to come for dinner - they are waiting for them, and he hangs out and grumbles? In this case, she is guilty, but it is normal to behave disrespectfully in the 21st century, and to support such a stupid attitude! Well done, you're not different and it's good that I don't know you! Fill yourself with people who don't have a mind, but give it away in criticism!