Hello people . I am a 21 year old girl. I will drive it briefly, I have had a very serious relationship so far for 3 years and a few shorter ones of 6-7 months. I have a friend for three months now and my problem is that I am obsessed with his ex. This has always been a problem for me. I understand who is the last ex of my current boyfriend and I do not stop watching her. Within a maximum of 3 days I already know the names of parents, relatives, exact address, what car he drives, registration ... everything. And I try to be like them, to do everything like them and at the same time I make them sick. I don't know if I'm crazy, if I haven't grown up yet, but I don't think my condition is normal. My current friend and I have a perfect relationship. He does not talk about his ex, but I do not stop following her on social networks and know everything down to the smallest detail.
Answers 8
Stop! With this you will lose every boy!
Maybe you have a lower self-esteem and you put your ex on a pedestal because you think you're worse than her. I was depressed at one time, too, but he kept talking about her, too, and made me feel bad. I told him and he stopped. Like you, I think all sorts of things, but at least I realized it was stupid. If he wanted to be with her, he would be. If he still loves her, there is nothing you can do about it, no matter how much you follow and study her. So you're hurting yourself, your psyche, and it's because of someone who doesn't sleep for this boy anymore. Try to overcome this mania because it is not healthy.
It's best to focus and use that energy to make your boyfriend happy on your relationship as a whole instead of dealing with unnecessary nonsense. Trying to be like her is a huge mistake, if he wanted something like her, she wouldn't be his ex at the moment ... he chose you for your own sake and not to fill his ex's place, so be yourself a woman is in his past for a reason
There are differences between an obsessive person and an interested person who maintains easy communication with the other person. The same about paranoia - the interest in the person you love with a dose of suspicion - is not paranoia. And so I am with the exes of the men I have shown interest in. I want to know what their exes are, visually and as personalities - it is important for me to look alike (without the bad traits), otherwise I start to doubt that I am not his type or that there is no type, but I like men with constant and built preferences who know what they want. If you don't overdo it, you don't fall into any mania - everything is normal, without doing nasty, I didn't understand that, I admit.
Realized problem - half the way to solve it is passed. You get obsessed with boredom. Fill your time that you have a lot of free time. Do something, study, read, do exercises, plan a business or children. Plan a holiday with your friend. Exercise every morning. Learn to play the flute or drums. You are ready!
You have low self-esteem. You try to understand what his exes are like, to understand what he liked and to try to be like them. You have to build an identity, learn to like yourself the way you are, because in the end he is with you because of you. Develop professionally, gain social skills. This will help you build confidence. You have a serious problem, yes. The good thing is that you are aware of this, ie the first step in solving it is in person. At a later stage, this obsession will poison your relationship. Change while it's time, life is in front of you. Male 21y.o.
It's good that you realize it ... Some people fight like that all their lives - without realizing it, and when they are shot or strangled by their husbands, then they write them down. bg and the men are to blame for everything ...
I understand you very well, because up and down I am like you. This is what I have left from previous relationships, in which I listened a lot about exes, I was even compared to them. This had a very bad effect on my self-esteem, because I was visually comparing myself to them and I thought I was not so beautiful. Well, in a word, a sick brain. This trauma has remained with me until now. My current friend made a single mistake by mockingly commenting on a photo of her at the beginning of our relationship, and it hurt me a lot. Then I started following her on social media, looking at the photos and generally I was just tormented, we quarreled about it because he never talked about her, I did everything and I had a bad influence on my relationship. I just decided one day that I needed to change and stop living in the past and focusing on the present. Try to do the same and get rid of it, you will see how you will be happier and calmer then. Success!