Lately, I have started to think about this problem more and more often and I realized that there is not a single person with whom I enjoy meeting and talking. I don't have any friends. I haven't been out with anyone in years, not even for a coffee, except for rare family occasions or occasional outings with my brother. It bothers me because having friends is very important. When a person spends most of his time alone, he only begins to think many things one-sidedly, and finally begins to convince himself, very often in the wrong direction. It is important to have friendships, acquaintances, contacts for many reasons. Learning different points of view (correct or not), you receive trusted information, opinions about yourself. Looking back, I think that this behavior and condition is rooted a long time ago, back in high school. By seventh grade, I had a lot of friends from different companies. Subsequently, I moved to study in another city, in a profiled class. As I realized much later, it was artificially created and without exaggeration I can say that I was almost the only person who was interested in the specialty and had goals to develop professionally in this direction. Besides, I was the only student from another city, and now I think that my other classmates looked at me as a stranger because they had enough local friends and, I guess, they didn't see the point in developing a relationship with me. There were other factors. In those years, chalga entered and became the fashion of mass taste. I had little money at my disposal, which led to the fact that I had an unsightly appearance and almost no opportunities for cafes and discos. For these reasons, my contacts with peers were only in the classroom. Then there was no internet, smartphones. Little by little, I got used to being alone and gradually and imperceptibly perceived loneliness as something normal. No one invited me for any reason, and I did not have the courage or initiative to do the same. Then this was transferred to the university. Accustomed to being alone from the previous few years, I stood alone and did not start dating anyone. I instinctively declined the few invitations to me. In general, almost none of my fellow students wanted to be in the company of an inconspicuous young man from a small town in the countryside, it was not prestigious. After the first one or two semesters, groups of friends formed, from then on I graduated almost entirely on my own. Now I realize that in these places and in those years I had to be more active in communication. To go through friendships, love relationships. For me in this regard, however, these periods passed impersonally and to no avail. I lacked self-confidence and this led to a hidden fear of communication. I was embarrassed by my modest appearance. By nature I am more or less introverted, straightforward, honest. In many cases, I'm too outspoken, which sometimes seems clumsy in people's eyes, or it just makes them lose the respect they may have had so far, or they consider me a person who reveals himself too easily and naively and can be manipulated. Over time, these reactions of people and my inability to change, made me reserved, suspicious and passive about new acquaintances. I never wanted to fit into a particular company. I don't understand how to be interesting to another person, no matter a woman or a man, because I don't enjoy almost anything on my own. In a broader analysis, I can point out that nothing makes me happy and nothing saddens me. My life is calm, but also monotonous. I have no hobbies and I do not pursue professional goals. I have been used to my work for a long time, the projects come and go automatically. Now, from my position of more conscious analysis, I understand that many of my problems, failures and lack of serious direction are rooted in my inability to make contacts. I have always missed an environment of acquaintances, friends and contacts. I always find myself in an environment where I am not quite in place. An environment in which I have no desire to develop and achieve goals. So it was at school, then at university, and in my subsequent work. That way I can't gain confidence. Because having self-confidence means doing something that makes sense. All this affected my love life, which I really do not have and have not had. I have never been the object of special attention, I missed the rare cases that opened before me due to incompetence and fear of failure. I experienced various disappointments or, more precisely, unrequited loves, from which I lost all sense that it was possible to have a relationship with a girl. It's hard to have a girl next to you if you don't have a friendly environment. It is clear that girls and women do not like loners. I wish I had a better social life, to have friends, boyfriend. But even if a girl takes an interest in me, how do I explain the emptiness from so many years to now? To invent everything, to lie? In my opinion, he will find his way quickly. I have never been to discos, to house parties, to the seas. Just a big nothing in my social life. Of course, I went on trips abroad, for example, but in almost all cases alone. Outside a specific social environment, it is very difficult to make new contacts. I go out, I go to social events, I go to the gym. But everywhere people go with their company, with friends, with partners. To them, I am a lone stranger, a lone stranger, and, understandably, no one wants to deal with one after having other close people. Sometimes I wonder if my life has developed this way, because of my inner qualities, or I have built those qualities because of external factors that have influenced me so far. Maybe in the end the truth is a mixture of both. It's hard for me to develop a conversation, I don't understand how to get closer, I "sniff" with a person. My acquaintances are superficial and in some "critical" situations I understand that my close people are loyal and closer to another person. Honestly, I don't know how I can change anything significant, now that I'm 30 years old. I hope that the confession made does not sound too negative or confusing. I am not severely depressed by all this, but I understand more and more that I need a change to a socially active life. But I don't know how it can be based on the past so far. I will be happy for opinions and advice. however, I understand more and more clearly that I need a change to a socially active life. But I don't know how it can be based on the past so far. I will be happy for opinions and advice. however, I understand more and more clearly that I need a change to a socially active life. But I don't know how it can be based on the past so far. I will be happy for opinions and advice.
Answers 6
Very sincere confession. Unfortunately, the problem is very deep and I don't think it can be solved with anonymous advice. I would recommend you, if you have the financial means, to visit a psychologist and share with him what you share here.
As I read you, it's as if I wrote it with the difference that I'm 42 and it's too late for me to change, but you still have a chance, don't miss it, as number 1 wrote, visit a psychologist and fix your life. Success!
Stop looking at the past, that's your problem. I know you wanted things to develop differently in it, but you can't change it, unlike your current situation. Almost all people imagine a life full of friends, many parties, many boyfriends, many pleasant moments and thrills in youth, and then the perfect partner, accompanied by marriage, a beautiful home and children. However, life is not a fairy tale and everyone carries their cross for the choices they have made. Before, you couldn't make contacts for a number of reasons, think about them. And what if you were from a small town or you were anxious, and maybe you were afraid of being hurt? You didn't let others do it, but you hurt yourself with your caution. Just accept that you weren't ready for such contacts then, now you're asking yourself these questions, maybe it's time to acquire social skills. Don't talk about it as if it's something bad, it's your destiny, your essence so far, don't look at it with contempt, accept it. This is the first step in the change you want to make. Love yourself with your whole life past, it has led you to the person you are today, wanting more than life. You will get used to social skills with slow steps. Read more literature on this, consult a psychologist on the subject, apply everything learned in real life. I wish you success. You will get used to social skills with slow steps. Read more literature on this, consult a psychologist on the subject, apply everything learned in real life. I wish you success. You will get used to social skills with slow steps. Read more literature on this, consult a psychologist on the subject, apply everything learned in real life. I wish you success.
You don't need any tricks, you see what most of them are - everyone has caught brandy, vodka and drinks, takes drugs, you are rarely lucky not to get involved with those for whom getting drunk and taking drugs is the most important thing - at parties and everywhere elsewhere, where some of them come, I don't know where you are, they carry drugs, they get drunk, they sniff, they drink amphetamines - did you want to be a part of these bastards? I don't think I was that lucky either - it's not true that nothing will happen at once - it's happening and how! It's just that our society totally degrades - especially the students! Not everyone, but most trade in drugs because they are drug addicts - it takes a strong will to get rid of this scourge of drugs! And you complain - I have no one! And you have a mother and a father, don't you, what are you complaining about? Find a boyfriend, to have yourself, not to care that you're just you-I'm like you, I don't like bad things, and how much does it cost someone to put drugs in your jacket that you don't know about, the police came, check - go prove that the drugs are not yours and go prove that someone put them in your jacket without you knowing - he he will get rid of the prison, and you will take it instead! Burn your mind while it's time - if you are caught with drugs, you will not see freedom soon! It's just that we humans are set up to lose something, only then do we appreciate it - to lose your freedom permanently! No, I'm not scaring you, I'm just warning you what might happen to you if you're not careful! There is a maxim that I came up with "Better alone, but free"! You just don't know when the kitten will step on, so you better be careful with the trust first - for example, I find it very difficult to trust, so do you! Not everyone can be your friend! the police came, make a check - go prove that the drugs are not yours and go prove that someone put it in your jacket without you knowing - he will get rid of the prison, and you will take it instead! Burn your mind while it's time - if you are caught with drugs, you will not see freedom soon! It's just that we humans are set up to lose something, only then do we appreciate it - to lose your freedom permanently! No, I'm not scaring you, I'm just warning you what might happen to you if you're not careful! There is a maxim that I came up with "Better alone, but free"! You just don't know when the kitten will step on, so you better be careful with the trust first - for example, I find it very difficult to trust, so do you! Not everyone can be your friend! the police came, make a check - go prove that the drugs are not yours and go prove that someone put it in your jacket without you knowing - he will get rid of the prison, and you will take it instead! Burn your mind while it's time - if you are caught with drugs, you will not see freedom soon! It's just that we humans are set up to lose something, only then do we appreciate it - to lose your freedom permanently! No, I'm not scaring you, I'm just warning you what might happen to you if you're not careful! There is a maxim that I came up with "Better alone, but free"! You just don't know when the kitten will step on you, so you better be careful with the trust first - for example, I find it very difficult to trust, so do you! Not everyone can be your friend! without understanding - he will get rid of the prison, and you will take him instead! Burn your mind while it's time - if you are caught with drugs, you will not see freedom soon! It's just that we humans are set up to lose something, only then do we appreciate it - to lose your freedom permanently! No, I'm not scaring you, I'm just warning you what might happen to you if you're not careful! There is a maxim that I came up with "Better alone, but free"! You just don't know when you will step on the kitten, so you better be careful with the trust first - for example, I find it very difficult to trust, so do you! Not everyone can be your friend! without understanding - he will get rid of the prison, and you will take him instead! Burn your mind while it's time - if you are caught with drugs, you will not see freedom soon! It's just that we humans are set up to lose something, only then do we appreciate it - to lose your freedom permanently! No, I'm not scaring you, I'm just warning you what might happen to you if you're not careful! There is a maxim that I came up with "Better alone, but free"! You just don't know when you will step on the kitten, so you better be careful with the trust first - for example, I find it very difficult to trust, so do you! Not everyone can be your friend! only then do we appreciate it - like losing your freedom permanently! No, I'm not scaring you, I'm just warning you what might happen to you if you're not careful! There is a maxim that I came up with "Better alone, but free"! You just don't know when the kitten will step on you, so you better be careful with the trust first - for example, I find it very difficult to trust, so do you! Not everyone can be your friend! only then do we appreciate it - like losing your freedom permanently! No, I'm not scaring you, I'm just warning you what might happen to you if you're not careful! There is a maxim that I came up with "Better alone, but free"! You just don't know when the kitten will step on, so you better be careful with the trust first - for example, I find it very difficult to trust, so do you! Not everyone can be your friend!
I'm a woman, just like you over 30. I've never liked and never felt the need to move with companies because people who love companies are not the type of people I like. I hate empty talk, shouting, drinking and herd behavior, not to mention that I despise them. I have my own desires and I can't agree with anyone telling us where to go and what to do and for everyone to follow him like sheep, because that's usually how companies "work". At the same time I am sociable, I can meet everyone if necessary, because I am not afraid of what he will think of me and I can talk about many different topics. I have girlfriends, but it doesn't stop me from going out alone, going to the movies alone, sitting in a restaurant alone - I think about my things and watch people. It's just that my nature is like that - I'm an individualist and I don't need a lot of people around me to feel good. And with my closest and dearest people I feel best. I'm sure we're not the only ones, there are many other people who are ok with their own company, but because nowadays it's heresy not to be in the center of the party, no one shares about their "lonely" lifestyle, about not to think of him as a loser and an outsider. You can't go with companies because it doesn't come from inside you, it just doesn't happen. And even if you manage to integrate into a company, you will never feel in your place. You can work on communication and so find friends, but "pieces", one, two, three, with whom to see and talk about your things. For me, the key to free acquaintance and communication is not to care what the person in front of you thinks about you, but you care too much. And you don't care because you don't like yourself. This is the thing you have to deal with. Work on the things you don't like about yourself and then both communication and friends will come.
Ooooh, I'm dying to sit down for coffee alone. And I don't need companies at all. Such gossips, no, thank you. I even found out that when I invite a friend to coffee, they only use me financially and that's it. Don't worry, but if you have the opportunity, look for a solution in the mountains. These days I went to a forest, such majesty, such charm,… what companies, God, go to the mountains!